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Termyn8or -> RE: Fall Classes for Men (8/16/2006 12:56:55 PM)
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I regret to inform you that I will not be attending your classes, which I am sure are quite informative, but I have solved most of these problems.
I will recuse myself from Class 1 because you don't put ice cubes in beer.
I don't need Class 2 since 1995 when the house was remodeled. There is a shelf next to the toilet with several rolls sitting on top. It is easily reachable and the army/navy size 72 roll bag sits directly to your right. Every three months the empty rolls are promptly removed, whether it's needed or not.
Could I enroll in Class 3 only ? A pissing contest sounds like fun.
I can skip Class 4 because there is no laundry hamper here.
I doubt I have the prerequisites for Class 5, just what are dishes ? Closest thing I have is a real metal fork. I don't want it to levitate anywhere. It is fine how it is, but sometimes when I am too forceful I get to eat the styrafoam thing containing my salad. If that qualifies as dishes, why on Earth would I want them to put themselves in the sink ?
Class 6 wouldn't do me much good, my remotes are hopelessly lost. Even the universals, bought to save the original remotes, have been lost. If I had any kids here I could just yell for them, they would be the remote. Problem solved.
Class 7 might help, if it weren't on Monday. By Monday when the debris from the party has been shoveled up, many guests need to buy new glasses or articles of clothing. Basically you can't find what is not there. We give up. The mastercard can handle it. I find it really shitty that an optician won't make a new pair of glasses based on a 7 year old prescription. I liked my vision that way, everybody looked better.
For me, Class 8 might not be right for me. I've found that leather items easily replace flowers.
I'll test out of Class 9, as I never get lost. If it appears so, I am simply exploring.
I'll take Class 10, but it won't be in my car.
I'd like to participate in the curricula of Class 11. We Men can then do a nice video to teach our Women to cook like Mom. And if you're talking about the picking up of dirty clothes, I do it all the time, on wash day.
If Class 12 is held at Lowe's, Home Depot or an auto parts store, I would gladly participate.
Class 13, well I guess that's a bad number for me. For years now, my family doesn't do special days. Any day can be special, and gifts are given in a totally impromptu way. So you give up the calendar, but if your Bday is in August, you got your gift in April when I got my income tax check. Also anytime I happen to see something you would like. If I happen to work alot of overtime, just change your Bday to my next payday. As for those special vacations, well holidays all come when I get laid off. I actually have someone (a family member) who would be willing to take my checks, cash them and pay the bills to keep my house going, so we can be gone for months. They will even fill out my forms to keep the checks coming. The vacation is over when I need to make a personal appearance at the unemployment office. Until then we are free.
I can also test out of Class 14. Originally Men and Women didn't have this problem. Women handled the stoving, or whatever they do there, while Men would handle the grilling, at the grill. But then someone invented winter, so I have learned quite a bit of stoving techniques. It was a simple decision to do so, living in Ohio I got sick of waiting until May for my food.
So I would be happy to come to some of these classes, but it is obvious that I am beyond some of them. I think I could be of help though, I could teach some of the other guys some of my advanced stoving techniques. I have discovered some really cool aspects of stoving, one is the broiler. In most homes this is an upside down grill. I love the thing, and am very adept at it's use. The main problem with this is that you need some spacers to get the meat close enough to the flame. After all, if it didn't catch fire at least once, it is not properly seared. I can stove on the top and the bottom at the same time (does that make me a switch ?), that is I can make the meat in the bottom and a side dish on the top as well, like burritos, meatballs, possibly some sausage links. Goes great with the steak.
You might consider this an extra credit thing, an extracurricular activity, but I would like to do a presentation on fire control, hopefully AFTER the stoving lesson. No matter how tempting it appears not to, you MUST use a pan when you stove on the topside. An addendum to the course will be how to disable smoke detectors. Who was ever stupid enough to put those things in a k, I know the word, it starts with a K and it's the room that you stove in, because the stove is there. There are other strange devices there, but my course will hopefully make the guys less afraid of them. Not that we ever touch them, oh no. Electrical safety is part of the course, if it wasn't hot or making noise when you walked into the stovingroom unplug it. Anything moving, humming or is hot, just stay away from it. Prerequisite for this course will be knowing what a refrigerator and sink are. There will be an entrance exam, but with hints.
For example, the refrigerator is where some like to keep beer, and if anyone sees you pee in the sink there is alot of yelling. Some guys need help in this area.
T
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