How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom?

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom?

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How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 5:21:53 PM

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I am not looking for one, but for some reason today, I started thinking about just how male Dominants decide "what kind" of Dominant they are...and what kind they are not.

Is this a conscious choice, and how is it made?
Does it just sort of evolve for people, I wonder?

If you're a male Dominant (female Dommes, and submissives and slaves, feel free to weigh in here too) - how did you decide to be (or not) - a "Daddy Dom"?

What is your idea of a Daddy Dom?
Do you consider this an arbitrary label?

Are there things you think they do, or some part of the dynamic that you don't want to do, if you're not a Daddy Dom?

Do you think people who are not currently Daddy Doms can ever become good Daddy Doms? (provided they want to do that, of course).

I am just wondering about this today, I guess. Not sure why.
Thanks for any replies.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/17/2006 5:30:27 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 5:29:40 PM

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I'm not a "Daddy Dom" but I do think of my submissive as "my little girl."

(in reply to SusanofO)

RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 5:31:46 PM

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popeye: I sort of understand that, but can you expound a bit?
I mean no disrespect, but that sounds a teensy but one-sided, but sort of charming in that she could always feel - what? Nurtured? Protected? But still be able to act like an adult grown-up most of the time? What do you mean, exactly, is what I am wondering....thanks.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/17/2006 5:34:17 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to popeye1250)

RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 5:41:44 PM

crouchingtigress

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Hi Susan

i am prolly a mom dom, and when i was a sub i gravitated to daddies. i just think it is a level of playfulness and intimacy that transcends the some times all too serious role of master and slave. The power is still clearly defined and each person has their role, but daddy's delight in taking a more parental role which could be anything from making the sub eat her spinach to getting a spanking to wearing diapers...all different levels of the same energetic connection...

some folks may shy away from this because of its incestuous overtones but that would be like shying away from Benji because of the bestiality over tones...lol.

daddies and mommies care for their lil babies, they are entrusted to make the right decisions and to allow the baby to grow yet in a carefully measured way, this can be so healing for the sub, esp if they were cheated out of good parental guidance growing up or if they have intimacy issues or trust issues to work on.

the daddy space is a safe place, a place where you can be a child, imagine, and play and be totally silly.... and that is a great place to learn things, to heal parts of yourself and to grow.

did you know there are studies that show that in fear situations you actually stop listening? did you know that when angry you can not formulate thoughts as well as when you are not?

all of this is common sense but now being backed up by science.....so it makes sense to have a safe and fun place to be with your lover to communicate and play...and that is daddy space....a wonderful space to feel safe and play.

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(in reply to SusanofO)

RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 5:43:47 PM

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Susan, yes, that she would be nurtered, protected, guided, but still be her own person as regards, having her own friends, career, hobbies etc.
But, she would be "mine", like I would feel very "protective" of her as "my little girl" and like a little girl I'd want to keep her healthy, happy, and satisfied.
I don't mean in the "Daddy Dom" sense where she would walk around the house acting like a pre-pubesant 8 year old girl and talking like a child.
Yes, of course she'd be an adult but at the same time she'd be, "my little girl."

(in reply to SusanofO)

RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 5:45:27 PM

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I always love your answers, crouching tigress. And I was beginning to wonder if anyone was going to post a response.

Love the remark about incestuous overtones possibly surrounding Daddy Doms being akin to liking benji equating somehow w/appreciating bestiality - LOL!

Personally, I've never equated Daddy Doms or sometimes wanting one, to anything incestuous at all - just more nurturing and safe, somehow. Not sure if I'd want it all the time, but it sure sounds nice in many ways.
Thanks for answering.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 5:48:12 PM

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popeye: Thanks for the answer. I guess I equate some of what you refer to more as "ageplay", which I do separate from a girl-Daddy Dom dynamic to some degree, although I am sure some do not.

Which is why I am wondering how exactly people define the term "Daddy Dom" - it seems to be "up in the air"(like just about everyhting else in the bdsm terminology world), LOL.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/17/2006 5:54:10 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to popeye1250)

RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 5:48:26 PM

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Susan... I have a big Daddy streak for a few reasons... No kids of my own is one (and no, I am into sex with kids, gak!!!), so there is the enjoyment for nurturing -- then again, I am also a big fan of all animals, domestic or wild... And now, to quote myself from my manual for subs (let's see if it makes sense to you, or any other sub...)

DOM, or Daddy, or Master? DDOM! sub or slave? s-s!
I have heard it said that a DOM throws away a sub-slave when he is done with her, but a Master just puts her back in her cage. If that’s true, I am neither… I must be a Daddy DOM Master: a DDOM! Yes, I want to use my s-s for fun and pleasure -– but I also wouldn’t have her if I didn’t care about and for her, including the pleasure of her company and personal growth.

Who’s your Daddy?
I also admit to enjoying the role of Daddy. Yeah, I have nurturing tendencies, all that stuff, don’t tell anyone (or I’ll do worse than whip you, I’ll make you listen to the bushie-boy speeches for hours)… But who and what is a Daddy? There is more to it than all the fun, sexual fantasy Role Play and Scening –- a Daddy is there when you need him. Is something or someone bugging you? Tell Daddy all about it, and he’ll get the insecticide. Feel sad for some or even no reason? Go to Daddy and let him cheer you up. Feel sick or under the weather? Let Daddy tuck you in and take care of you. Got a question about anything, be it for school, work or at-large? Ask Daddy; if he doesn’t know, he’ll help you find an answer. Do you feel out sorts, can’t figure out why, jumpy in your own skin -- and just want to be held tight? That’s what Daddy is for! And of course: share the happy times and feelings too! You get the idea…
Having said the above, a Daddy is also there to give you structure and purpose, not just a shoulder to lean on: to lay down the law. He sets Rules for you, and certain modes of behavior –- comportment, manners, dressing, mental and physical training, among others. He gives you Rituals that you can look to as consistent guideposts, as support systems you can count on. And of course, Daddy also administer Discipline, whether you deserve it because of acts of omission or commission; or lack of focus and attention; or as a Ritual designed to keep you on your toes, so to speak.
All of this is to develop and/or strengthen you as a sub-slave. And as a committed s-s it’s your duty to follow your Daddy’s instructions and commands obediently and to the best of your abilities –- indeed, it should be in your nature to embrace them! As well, you should accept and embrace your punishments as opportunities to prove, and improve, yourself and as yet another way to show Daddy your trust, your respect and your love. Make him proud of you!
There are also those times when you have been perfectly good and at your best –- and you still seek the flight into subspace, the release brought by bondage and pain, the utter freedom of helplessness… And that’s when you can go to your Daddy, knowing He will take you there safely, without lasting harm and with your well being in mind…

(in reply to SusanofO)

RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 5:49:09 PM

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Well Susan.,

I can say it was never decided, it is just the way things flowed. Part of me has always taken care of people and certain women have alwasy been drawn to the stong, nuturing, protective side. I have always been confortable being called Daddy. Part of our interaction also includes age play, her little girl had involved herself in everything we do. It is just the way things worked, it was confortable and felt right.

As far as anything else you might want to know about it please feel free to email me on the other side, there is only so much Iam wiling to say out in the open. You could send me an emial anyway there is another topic yo posted on that I might have some intersting points to relay to you.

I hope things are going well for you and the stalker guy is not a problem.

K

(in reply to SusanofO)

RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 5:51:22 PM

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ScorpioXXX: That response of yours was a great read! And a detailed definition - I really appreciated reading it. Thanks!

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to SCORPIOXXX)

RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 5:53:23 PM

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Playful One: Thanks for the reply. I have nothing against ageplay at all; I don't know much about it, so I might e-mail you on the other side.

My stalker appears to be leaving me alone - all week. Which isn't what I expected, so I am thrilled with that. Thanks for asking.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to PlayfulOne)

RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 5:57:00 PM

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Susan, it's not really "age play" it's more of a making her feel "safe" kind of thing in conjunction with her being submissive to me.
For example I might say "Come with me little girl" as I lead her into the bedroom to be tied and spanked.
I think all submissive women have that deep need within them to be "protected" and made to feel "safe" when they're with their Dominant.
"Age play" for me would be more like schoolgirl/ professor or that type of scene.
I just like to hold my sub in my arms and call her; "my little girl."

(in reply to SusanofO)

RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 5:58:07 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

What is your idea of a Daddy Dom?
Do you consider this an arbitrary label?

Are there things you think they do, or some part of the dynamic that you don't want to do, if you're not a Daddy Dom?

Do you think people who are not currently Daddy Doms can ever become good Daddy Doms? (provided they want to do that, of course).

I have never attempted to find a Daddy Dom. I simply have a profound need to satisfy the child within and seek someone that understands this dynamic and possesses an identical desire to guide and love in a manner that is more parental and carnally inspired. For me it isn't roleplay but merely who I am. Ideally the individual would be patient and affectionate and able to provide some measure of security and direction. A key component for me is consistency and self control. Daddy has to appreciate the delicate nature of his little girl and her zeal to bring pleasure to him in the ways he determines. I typically do not involve her in my D/s relations and usually keep this aspect separate from that. However, I'm not opposed to merging the two.

I sincerely believe this has to be a part of you in some way. Much like D/s is internally inspired the same holds true for the Daddy/little girl lifestyle. I suppose someone could roleplay it for a time. But if you're seeking something unique that moves beyond the physical and touches the place within you that is innocent and vulnerable too, I would suggest that you'd be better suited with a partner that shares the love and respect you have for Daddy. It should be noted that Daddy is whomever you both decide that he will be. I don't think it is a one size fits all label. As you grow and develop as a pair, so will the manifestation and exploration of the bond you share as well.

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to SusanofO)

RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 6:01:03 PM

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There is, in some dominants (male and female), a need and desire to not only control his/her submissive, but to lead them toward the fulfillment of their potential … as a parent would a child.

I’m a “daddy” to my submissive because my satisfaction comes not only from play, or from rigorous discipline, or from having my needs met through her submission – though it comes from all of those things, too – but I am also excited to see Littlepita complete agenda items that she had suspended/delayed/ignored for many years … things like finishing high school, going to college, medical/nutritional/fitness habits, and so on. It is a dream of hers, for example, to own her own business; I will find nearly as much joy in her opening, and eventual success, as she will.

I see it as a part of my dominance that I will serve as guide, mentor, teacher, and father as she undertakes each step. The victories or failures will be both of ours.

Sure, it’s a project. What is satisfying in it? I am respected, obeyed. As daddy, the fruits of my dominance are not only my sexual and private satisfaction – as they are when she obeys in simple matters like dress or spanking and flogger play – but in the completion of her dreams – it’s not exhibitionism but it IS public.

She calls me “Daddy.” I call her “pita” (pain in the ass, for those who think of bread), or “little one,” or “Little gurl.”

The question everyone has, of course, is if the attraction is actually “incest play.” For some, I suppose it is. For us, I don’t think so … though obviously a Freudian shrink would be rolling his eyes. For me, I think it adds tenderness to my dominance. And it most assuredly adds passion to my discipline! Remember your dad when he was pissed? I don’t try to recreate it, but the energy, believe me, is there.

No, I don’t think it’s a role that is chosen by design, anymore than dominance was “chosen” in my case. For me it’s just the reverse – I was chosen by how I am made. I am glad to have the role and the sense of purpose, and I don’t want those who are skeptical to think of this as all tenderness and mushy do-gooder romanticism. I have inside of me a hard edge that she has to absorb and deal with when it needs exercise, and we each have sexual energy that a parent could never express in a healthy SSC manner.

I hope this answers the question clearly enough.

_____________________________

The greater part of what my neighbors call good I believe in my soul to be bad, and if I repent of anything, it is very likely to be my good behavior. What demon possessed me that I behaved so well? -- Thoreau

(in reply to SusanofO)

RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 6:02:01 PM

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How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom?

That's easy. Do not allow a sub to call you Daddy.

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I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to SusanofO)

RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 6:02:32 PM

Arpig

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I have 3 unmentionables & fancy myself a bit of a dom...does that meake me a Daddy-Dom?

All foolishness aside, just what constitutes a "Daddy-Dom"?

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RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 6:04:48 PM

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Susan: glad you agree with my Daddy theme... I just sent you mail with some Age Play scenes -- they are like novellas and waaaay too long to paste here (15 pages +): enjoy!

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RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 6:12:05 PM

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porcelaine,

You are correct avout theur being no one size fits all. The aspects can change for an individual from one relationship to another. Much of it has to do with comfort level.

K

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RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 6:12:12 PM

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Arpig, I've never had "unmentionables" but many, many people have told me that I'd have made a great father.
With my nephew and neice I'd put them in the back of my pickup truck with a cap on it and teach them about "physics.".
I'd take off with them in the back and then hit the brakes real hard and they'd go tumbling ass over tea kettle then I'd speed up and they'd go flying backwards!
They LOVED it and called it a "Hell Ride!" lol
"Uncle Tommy, take us for a Hell Ride!"
My sister used to call me "Uncle Buck."

(in reply to Arpig)

RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 6:16:34 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Susan, yes, that she would be nurtered, protected, guided, but still be her own person as regards, having her own friends, career, hobbies etc.
But, she would be "mine", like I would feel very "protective" of her as "my little girl" and like a little girl I'd want to keep her healthy, happy, and satisfied.
I don't mean in the "Daddy Dom" sense where she would walk around the house acting like a pre-pubesant 8 year old girl and talking like a child.
Yes, of course she'd be an adult but at the same time she'd be, "my little girl."

To me, that's exactly what a Daddy Dom is, Popeye. He nurtures, protects, and guides his "little girl". To me, one doesn't need to engage in ageplay to be a Daddy Dom, just as one doesn't need to engage in age play to be someone's "little girl". Heck, she doesn't even need to be little (but that's a different topic well beaten in other threads).

indigo

(in reply to popeye1250)

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