Mavis -> "blocked out scene" or inaccurate memory? (8/22/2006 11:19:43 AM)
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Has anyone ever experienced a scene, then somehow forgotten the details to such an extent that you don't even remember liking it? (until reminded) This is most strange. i was expressing a bit of dissatisfaction over not getting "any" hard needs met during this last visit. i was being honest enough to voice that i was feeling nothing/ noBody could better fulfil my soft needs, and the M/s is perfect, but i was feeling the desire to explore more BDSM acts, things i hadn't done, the physical things that drove me to look into BDSM in the first place. i said i was frustrated because i still want to experience things like hand spanking, possibly bondage, feeling truly powerless in a scene.. and while i didn't think it was proper for a slave to FEEL this way, i surely did, and i wanted some of the things i assumed to be in the exchange. Basically, i was whining "what about MY needs", which is way out of character for me. When He reminded me about a scene, i actually said "well, that wasn't really a BDSM scene, that was practicing Your hobby, i just bottomed." OMg.. where did this selfish bitch come from?? As W/we talked, it was clear He was remembering a different scene than i was at first, but slowly, His reminders toggled my memory. There WAS hand spanking. There was mental bondage, as i was instructed to hold a certain position, and was rewarded for doing so, "punished" when i did not. There was Authority and PE when He said You don't like that do you?" and i said "No, but it's Yours to do with as You wish Master". i had forgotten ALL of those things, and those were the very things i was complaining about missing! Once reminded, the memories flooded back and i felt like such an idiot.. and an ingrate for not even remembering what He so carefully planned exactly to meet those hard needs. He took it well and suggested possibly i blocked some of it because of the scene being at my home club in front of friends that had never seen me scene before, or that sub space had a hand in clouding my congnitives. Anyone ever been with a sub that did this, or have you ever done it yourself? i know i will not ever assume i know exactly what happened until W/we debrief again! But i might feel better about it if i know i'm not the first or the last to experience it. Thank Y/you to any that repond.
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