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An unseasoned master. - 12/31/2004 9:33:08 AM   
MrSneeks


Posts: 13
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Florida
Status: offline 		My question is this.......can/should an inexperienced master still have a slave/submissive? Is it plausible that a beginning dom and beginning sub/slave develop together? Would that not be the ideal situation? Lastly, if a dom must be experienced to have a sub/slave at point is the dom established as being "ready"?

sneeks

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RE: An unseasoned master. - 12/31/2004 10:27:04 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Were'nt we all born at some time? Did we have the knowledge of the world at our fingertips at birth?
We all have to start somewhere. It is our individual choice on how much we learn. Why would'nt it be the same with the lifestyle?
Are there not new submissives out there as well as new dominants?
Do we not live our entire lives with more experienced mentors through out life?

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RE: An unseasoned master. - 12/31/2004 10:34:15 AM   
MrSneeks


Posts: 13
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Florida
Status: offline 		So then I guess I ask.....is it frowned upon for an inexperienced dom to pursue a sub/slave?

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RE: An unseasoned master. - 12/31/2004 10:45:21 AM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline 		Not at all. As long as you're honest about your level of experience with any prospective partners, why shouldn't you pursue such a relationship?

Go get 'em, Tiger!

~stef

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RE: An unseasoned master. - 12/31/2004 10:47:21 AM   
PerhapsitsFate


Posts: 42
Joined: 11/30/2004
Status: offline 		I can't imagine why it would be, if all the cards were on the table from the get-go. The only thing I can see being a problem would be if you were to meet a more experienced submissive, and she tried to teach you things, and it could lead to Topping from the bottom, which might not be what you want. I say do what feels right to you and whoever you pursue... Good luck!!
~fate~

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RE: An unseasoned master. - 12/31/2004 10:50:26 AM   
MrSneeks


Posts: 13
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Florida
Status: offline 		Your advice is duly noted. Thank you all for your responses.

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RE: An unseasoned master. - 12/31/2004 10:52:14 AM   
merrymasochist


Posts: 156
Joined: 9/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

is it frowned upon for an inexperienced dom to pursue a sub/slave?


i wouldn't think so as long as You are honest about Your inexperience... as sub4hire accurately pointed out, none of us are born with the knowledge and we all have to start somewhere...

sincerely,
merry

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RE: An unseasoned master. - 12/31/2004 11:13:59 AM   
Moleculor


Posts: 189
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: merrymasochist

quote:

is it frowned upon for an inexperienced dom to pursue a sub/slave?


i wouldn't think so as long as You are honest about Your inexperience... as sub4hire accurately pointed out, none of us are born with the knowledge and we all have to start somewhere...

sincerely,
merry


I was born with enough knowledge to control the planets and stars themselves. I simply choose not to use it.

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RE: An unseasoned master. - 12/31/2004 11:16:14 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

The only thing I can see being a problem would be if you were to meet a more experienced submissive, and she tried to teach you things, and it could lead to Topping from the bottom, which might not be what you want.


I don't even see this as a problem. Through my envolvement within the community I've mentored doms and subs alike. I'm not one to go out looking for a mentoring job. Those type's well....I really cannot see them as mentors.
Anyway, I can't see your own submissive as mentoring you. Because as Perhaps spoke, it would end up topping from the bottom. I would'nt just assume no submissive can mentor you though. Many are very knowledeable in what it is we do.
Just be honest as other's have already said. No one can fault you for being honest. You're putting all of your cards on the table. They can either be interested or respectfully decline interest. At least that way you can stand tall and say you did everything you could.

Also get involved with munch groups. Let the host's know beforehand you are new. Looking to learn, and network. Many do this with me on a monthly basis. It helps them adapt much quicker. I also know they are new. Know of some of their intersts. So, when there is opportunity to play or learn. I can pull them up and match them with someone.

(in reply to PerhapsitsFate)
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RE: An unseasoned master. - 12/31/2004 11:23:19 AM   
MrSneeks


Posts: 13
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Florida
Status: offline
quote:

'm not one to go out looking for a mentoring job. Those type's well....I really cannot see them as mentors.
Anyway, I can't see your own submissive as mentoring you. Because as Perhaps spoke, it would end up topping from the bottom. I would'nt just assume no submissive can mentor you though.


I think I may have been misunderstood. I am inexperienced however I do not seek a sub/slave for mentoring. I was more thinking of being mentored by dom/mastery. I've always felt the best and quicket way to learn would be through experience and guidance from one with prior experience. I figured this may be best achieved with a seasoned dom/master as a mentor.

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RE: An unseasoned master. - 12/31/2004 12:31:38 PM   
sarbonn


Posts: 203
Joined: 3/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

So then I guess I ask.....is it frowned upon for an inexperienced dom to pursue a sub/slave?


I can't see how it would be. I'm a lifestyle submissive male (to dominant women). But I honestly believe that if I really wanted to and felt it was the right thing to do, I could become a dominant male due to the experience of being a submissive for as long as I have. I understand a lot of the emotions and the thought process that goes into submission, so with some experience under my belt as a Dom, I'm pretty sure it would end up being a very successful relationship with a female sub.

But I'm not a dominant, so I choose not to do so. I've only been dominant once in a relationship, and that is because my partner was another submissive who manipulated me into dominating her (no, I don't hold it against her...we're still very good friends). It was awkward for me, but it was definitely enjoyable by her. So, in the end, I guess you could say I was really being submissive to her by giving her what brought her pleasure, if that makes any sense.

But I think that if I had started out as an inexperienced Dom, as long as I understood that I wasn't going to be an expert overnight, and my partner understood that as well, I really don't see a lot of problems. The ones that concern me are the ones that pretend to be much more experienced than they are and do all sorts of posturing ahead of time. If being that kind of person was what was required to be a dominant, I could never do it, even if I was inclined to do so.

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...teach a man to fish, he steals your fishing hole and then charges you for the fish.

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RE: An unseasoned master. - 12/31/2004 12:32:11 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I understood what you were saying. I merely added doms and subs can be wonderful mentors. Some doms are mentored by more experienced submissives.
To me a mentor does not go around advertising their services. A mentor is someone I notice all on my own who has a certain set of abilities I would like to have myself.
Perhaps I like the way they swing a flogger. I'm going to go up to them and ask them to teach me.
Not just blindly assume someone advertising themselves as being what they claim. If they truly were why would they be advertising in the first place?

Go to munches and find someone you respect. Then ask them...a mentor is whoever you choose. They don't choose you.

I hope that helped to clarify a bit.

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RE: An unseasoned master. - 12/31/2004 12:41:21 PM   
sarbonn


Posts: 203
Joined: 3/23/2004
Status: offline 		I once lived as a live-in at a house of domination, and I remember an incident where one of the mistresses asked me if I could teach her a whipping technique (that resembled a martial arts technique), so I had 5 of the Dommes there learning from me how to do a rapid speed double whip move. There was never any question about whether or not I was the submissive there (I do believe I was the only naked one there as that was my clothing most of the time, even when my owner was doing a session, as she was on this day).

Anyway, there was one male dom that worked there, and he threw a royal fit. I mean ROYAL. Under NO circumstances should a submissive be teaching whipping techniques to dominants, especially some of them who were actually well known in the industry. He felt ONLY he should be able to teach anyone of them whipping techniques because of his manly years of domination. (he had no idea how to do the technique I was teaching them, by the way) He and I never really got along, come to think of it.

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Give a man a fish, he eats for a day...
...teach a man to fish, he steals your fishing hole and then charges you for the fish.

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RE: An unseasoned master. - 12/31/2004 7:45:47 PM   
harmony3709


Posts: 292
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline 		I would more likely be concerned with having a Dom who was new/inexperienced and was not seeking out instructions and/or mentoring by someone more experienced, not necessarily formally, but at the very least someone to check on technique, safety issues, etc. (mainly referring to play here). I think I would be comfortable with a new Dom if I attended a club or a munch with him (even a private play party) and saw firsthand that he was actively learning and seeking out those who could instruct, and not just going to tie me up and pull out a single tail and start wailing away without knowing anything about it. At least in my opinion, there is nothing wrong with stating you are not experienced (as already stated, we are all new at some point), I would be more interested in knowing how you plan to gain that experience.

harmony

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RE: An unseasoned master. - 1/1/2005 6:32:18 AM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrSneeks

So then I guess I ask.....is it frowned upon for an inexperienced dom to pursue a sub/slave?



No I don't think so at all. I gained some wonderful insight into not just BDSM, but Myself as well, when first exploring kink. Initially I discovered B&D after a friend mentioned her involvement and soon I too followed but had no idea what I was (Dom or sub). ..you have an idea at least ;) I had just gotten in a relationship with a kink minded guy so we got to do lots of things kinky, and he was a switch so I got to taste both sides.

I toyed with the idea for a while that I was a switch too, but nah, overtime it became more apparent, despite My calling him Master, I was the one in charge of this relationship. Ultimately it burned us both out, we parted ways and I decided to go with My head and grow into the dominant being I have become.

Sometimes flying by the seat of My pants I'd do a scene or have a discussion and just instinctively *get it* and be on top of the world, other times I would sit back and think fark that was random (good and bad) and learn from each experience.

Jasmyn





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RE: An unseasoned master. - 1/1/2005 7:48:56 AM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline
quote:

I think I may have been misunderstood. I am inexperienced however I do not seek a sub/slave for mentoring. I was more thinking of being mentored by dom/mastery. I've always felt the best and quicket way to learn would be through experience and guidance from one with prior experience. I figured this may be best achieved with a seasoned dom/master as a mentor.


M.Sneeks-

My personal advice for gaining experiance would be to get out there and meet some people, see what they do, and what appeals to you. You might be able to work the door or volenteer at a local club (I hate paying to go stag to a club, myself), and you should certainly find a munch group in your area, and become known yourself.

Once you have a grasp of your local scene, find a couple who's style appeals to you, and offer to serve as 'caddy' for the top. This will get you close to the action, likely give you an oppurtunity to try some techniques yourself, and make you stand out from the guys who just stand around and watch with tool bags in tow...

Stay warm,
Lawrence

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RE: An unseasoned master. - 1/1/2005 6:09:40 PM   
Moleculor


Posts: 189
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline 		It's not frowned on, but good luck in defeating the eternal chicken-egg paradox.

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RE: An unseasoned master. - 1/1/2005 9:02:04 PM   
nikitasweet


Posts: 4
Joined: 12/30/2004
Status: offline 		umm.... I dont know,I am not sure about other's experiences but i know for my self as a novice sub I would not want an inexperienced Dom.After I acquired some experience his chances would be even less,I am cheeky by nature and any hint of weakness or inexperience may cause me to lose respect for my Dom,I dont want to learn with a Dom I want to him to show me the ropes(and hopefully tie me up with them too).and i would want him to be beyond question at least in my mind.

Just my humble opinion i am sure some subs may have no preference

(in reply to Moleculor)
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RE: An unseasoned master. - 1/2/2005 12:46:10 PM   
MrSneeks


Posts: 13
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Florida
Status: offline 		I'm seeing that I am truly at the beinning....the starting block.......I now see as with most things in life there's no manual or 'Guide for Dummies'. I'm going to take the step......the red pill.......use my gut and best judgement and away I go

Thank you for your responses.......

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"Think"

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Profile   Post #: 19
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