RE: One sub girl`s frustration.

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RE: One sub girl`s frustration. - 1/2/2005 12:57:53 AM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
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Thank you all for your posts. It was most informative. I do, i think, belive so to that a submissive or a slave need his or her own intrests and peronality to function in a realtionship. It is just that is am so werry new to this, and i often feel like i am a tiny person, in a big field whit no idea if i am to go left or right, it can be frustrating.

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RE: One sub girl`s frustration. - 1/2/2005 1:23:57 AM

domtimothy46176

Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
Status: offline

I think sometimes people get impatient and that often they feel unnecessary pressure to make immediate decisions. You have your entire life in which to explore with what feels right for yourself and your relationship. My advice: Relax and let it grow naturally. keep the lines of communication open with your master and listen to your heart. Know yourself and be true to who you are, the rest will flow naturally from that foundation.
Timothy

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RE: One sub girl`s frustration. - 1/2/2005 1:33:57 AM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
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That is good advise domtimothy46176 thank you.

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RE: One sub girl`s frustration. - 1/3/2005 9:17:25 AM

fullokinks

Posts: 12
Joined: 12/29/2004
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Nella,

Never take advice from somebody who professes to know what BDSM is all about. That's the surest sign of ignorance. BDSM is something very personal, just like your affinity for the occult, the only person who understands it is you. The joy of BDSM is in the exploring, especially if you have a partner that is willing to explore with you. In the end we all find our own way. Good luck finding yours!

Paul

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RE: One sub girl`s frustration. - 1/6/2005 8:50:40 AM

taewakan

Posts: 4
Joined: 1/6/2005
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Before The Harlem Globetrotters got into the entertainment business, they had a guiding principle - First we win. Then we play.

Maybe you need to talk to your partner/dom about the idea of taking care of business first - household chores are part of taking care of business in my book, but that is a personal choice. If the two of you can come to an agreement on a division of labor in this area then there really is no problem.

But it sounds like you do not really want a 24/7 dom/sub relationship - and there is nothing wrong with this.
I find it is useful to have designated play times. There is nothing wrong with an 8/7 dom-sub relationship - you play for the 8 hours he is home and the rest of the time is yours (as an example.) You may find that this allows you to focus more efficiently on the things that happen outside the playtime.

It has been suggested that most anger and misunderstandings come from unfulfilled expectations. If expectations are clearly stated and agreed upon, then relationships tend to proceed more smoothly... and there would be no question about whether or not you are not doing housework because you were busy or because you were looking for a reason to be disciplined.
The idea of a bad sub should not be an issue - inexperienced does not mean bad. It is okay to experiment and to discuss and change your expectations. Indeed, it is a necessary part of the learning process.

On a curious note, I have a slightly more than passing interest in the occult. Two things -
First, are you interested in exploring the sub side of the occult arts? Second, has your dom shown any interest in exploring the dom-sub side of any occult paths - like god-goddess play?

_____________________________

Patience is the art of timing

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