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Battle within my self! - 8/24/2006 2:07:04 PM

Switchinpain

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Joined: 8/24/2006
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I have this strong need to be used by my Master, I crave his attentions like nothing else. It seems however since our relationship has grown older my Master has lost his desire for subbing me. I hate to beg, I am not supposed to beg. He says I do everything right, but I still do not get any session time. He is pleased and excited to have sessions with others but does not show me any desire in that manner. We are close otherwise and I top as he desires. I do enjoy topping and it has it's thrills and excitement. I do miss the pleasure of submitting to him and feeling his excitement as our session progresses.
I just have this need and desire to be taken and used by him..... I have had thoughts of being bad just so I could get attetion I crave. My loylaty to my Master will not allow me to manipulate him this way, and I would not wants his attentions that way. I miss the session time of serving my Master and the excitement that would grow between us .. (sparks ohh .. wonderful sparks) .. how can I get it back? I do not like to ask for rewards, I serve him because I love him and want to make him happy, not for rewards. Am I so wrong for having needs and desires of my own? I do not seek another Master and being a top is losing it's appeal because my desire to be in the sub's place leaves me wanting sometimes. Has anyone out there ever experienced such as me?

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RE: Battle within my self! - 8/24/2006 2:12:08 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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You and he need to have a serious talk. "I have been feeling neglected lately because we do not play very often. It hurts my feelings when you make playing with others a priority and we do not get to share more experiences together. Is there something specific you think you are missing or that you would need from me in this way?"

That gets the ball rolling. Then you keep going and figure out exactly where each of you stands on this, don't blame, don't gush, just talk. Figure out if there are specific triggers that are or are not being pushed. It may be just a case of being lazy with you when other fresh meat is more tantilizing and less available. It may be that his energy never goes to that place in connection with you anymore. This discussion should take an hour or more.

Making a schedule, BTW, is not the end of the world. Suggesting that you make play dates with eachother twice a month for you to sub and him to actively dominate you might be a good idea to focus you both, give you both relief and something to anticipate.

This might not solve the problem though, if the energy isn't there, then it really sucks, but better to know now than get to the point of nagging and feeling constantly insecure.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Switchinpain)

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RE: Battle within my self! - 8/24/2006 2:15:52 PM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
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Great advice again, LA!

"I" messages are always good. Don't start sentences to him with "You...." Start with statements about yourself...like LA suggested. "I feel..." "I need/want/wish..." "What can I do to...."

Good luck,
beverly

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: Battle within my self! - 8/24/2006 2:31:34 PM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Switchinpain

I have had thoughts of being bad just so I could get attetion I crave. My loylaty to my Master will not allow me to manipulate him this way, and I would not wants his attentions that way. I miss the session time of serving my Master and the excitement that would grow between us .. (sparks ohh .. wonderful sparks) .. how can I get it back? I do not like to ask for rewards, I serve him because I love him and want to make him happy, not for rewards. Am I so wrong for having needs and desires of my own? I do not seek another Master and being a top is losing it's appeal because my desire to be in the sub's place leaves me wanting sometimes. Has anyone out there ever experienced such as me?

No you aren't wrong and your feelings are perfectly normal. It would do a great disservice to you both if you kept silent. I believe you've been given excellent advice on this regard. Acting out and intentionally misbehaving would undermine the very thing you are hoping to have. Also, since your partner is involved with others in this capacity, have you considered or are you open to submitting to someone else yourself (for casual play only with him present)? It may be another avenue you both can pursue and could add an additional spark to your relationship. Best of luck.

porcelaine

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His will; my fate.

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RE: Battle within my self! - 8/24/2006 2:45:52 PM

Slipstreme

Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
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So you say that otherwise you are close and you Top him as he wishes. I am going to assume you have a sadomasochistic Dominant on your hands. Yet, he scenes with others, which he used to do with you as well, as a Top. Interesting. I would second the advice of others in this thread.

However, please also consider, for some people it is hard for them to go both ways with the same person. Is your need to submit fufilled in other ways? It could just be he has a hard time Topping you in pain now. Although I don't see why he would end up giving up one and not the other, if there is just a general lull in play. I know occassionally, for some people, love prevents them from really hurting their lover, which may be what he is feeling.

I do suggest you should talk with him about it. Good luck.

_____________________________

Living the Dichotomy

Painslut? How about "Endorphin Junkie"?

For information about "the furry thing" please check out my profile journal entry for: 1/17/2006

Alpha of a leather family of four. Master to the slave z.

(in reply to porcelaine)

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RE: Battle within my self! - 9/2/2006 4:41:04 PM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
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I experienced a similar situation myself with a switch going subbie. Try talking to him first. If that doesn't work, find someone else to dom you and make sure he knows about it.

(in reply to Slipstreme)

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