RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR?

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RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/26/2006 8:57:22 AM

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There was a period of one year that I got involved in the NY scene and I attended some workshops, parties and fetish clubs. I once saw a fisting scene at a party and I had to run out of the room. To this day, I am petrified of fisting.

I have seen some very disturbing things at these events and the fact that I was so disturbed and turned off, is the reason I would never go to a club or party now.

There is a reason that I prefer private activities. That way, nothing that I do can bother anyone and I don't have to witness and judge the behavior of others.

< Message edited by SexyRed -- 8/26/2006 8:58:00 AM >

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RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/26/2006 9:04:35 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
However, I have had to walk out on scenes where some clueless Dominant was not properly caring for their sub

But if you are not part of the scene, how do you know that this is so?

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RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/26/2006 11:24:06 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

When does a fetish go too far? When does another's right to express their sexuality/fetish stop and your right to consent begin?

I'm not talking about out in the general public, I'm talking about behind the closed doors of a private (not in a private home), members and their guests only, dungeon.

Is there a fetish (let's assume and not list the generally accepted taboo 3 or 4) that you just couldn't ever witness? Is there a fetish that would make your blood boil if you were faced with it?

I thought when you were outed for asking the girl to use a webcam on the vanilla site that itt was too much.

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RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/26/2006 11:53:36 AM

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quote:

I thought when you were outed for asking the girl to use a webcam on the vanilla site that itt was too much.

If that is a personal attack on MissTress, please be advised it won't be taken well here.

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RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/26/2006 12:34:09 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Blkmastersgirl

I thought when you were outed for asking the girl to use a webcam on the vanilla site that itt was too much.

Excuse Me, but to whom is this directed?

< Message edited by yourMissTress -- 8/26/2006 12:48:24 PM >

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RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/26/2006 12:35:20 PM

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Thank you for your very honest response, onestandingstill.

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RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/26/2006 12:36:25 PM

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Thank you for your response, Slipstreme.

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RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/26/2006 12:43:02 PM

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For the sake of not adding another 30+ posts to this thread...

Thank you for your responses to Arpig (I like the new pic too!), sharainks, KOM, Amaros, WhiptheHip, SusanofO, Wolfie, Sirandlittle1, losttreasure, bandit25, and SexyRed.

Wolfie, are there scenes or fetishes that would bother you to watch? What are the fetishes that make your blood boil?

SexyRed, what were those scenes or things that were so disturbing to you?

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RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/26/2006 12:46:19 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ImpGrrl

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
However, I have had to walk out on scenes where some clueless Dominant was not properly caring for their sub

But if you are not part of the scene, how do you know that this is so?

I've already given a very good example of such on this thread. I have been actively participating in this lifestyle for 28 years now and I have done alot of playing and alot of watching others play. It may sound like I am just being judgemental...and maybe I am and I can live with that....but it is usually not hard for me to tell at this point when someone is what I consider to be clueless.

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RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/26/2006 1:03:25 PM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

((a wonderfully thoughtful bit of text by C.D. pulled out of here regretfully so as to shorten the length of this reply...~grins~))
Thank you CD. You mentioned 2 very specific and commonly shunned activities that you would not care to watch and would walk away from. Would you be able to walk away from them and not be left with a mental mark?

Yes, I would. While I would have no interest in watching them, I walk away because I know that if I DID watch them long enough, then I would be more likely to be left with some sort of mental mark...whether it be revulsion or sadness or emotional tilt-a-whirl. In all honesty, because of things I've seen in my life, it would take quite awhile for me to be aware of the effect and by the time I became aware, it would not be pleasant at all for me later.

quote:

Or would you require time to process and deal with them?

See above post.

quote:

You raise an excellent point that I will address and come back to you and all with another question or two. I do believe that whatever 2 consenting adults negotiate as a scene, or a life, is between them and they have the right to do it. But do we also have the right not to have to see or witness it? Would it be reasonable to announce that a possibly controversial scene is about to take place and allow those who do not wish to witness it, time to leave the area?

We do have the right not to have to witness it. Hence, the right to walk away. I can see announcing before a demo scene exactly what it is going to be so that people have the right to move away. I believe though...as someone else noted...that to try and do so throughout the dungeon would certainly create a disruptive atmosphere.

By the by...the little scene that windchymes mentioned? About the dominant walking away and leaving his sub unattended? THAT kind of thing pisses me off. I consider it hugely irresponsible of the dominant to place a submissive in a position of extreme vulnerability and then not pay attention to what is happening to her/him.

(in reply to yourMissTress)

RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/26/2006 1:31:19 PM

CreativeDominant

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I have to note one thing here that I've been wondering about lately...not to do as I have no experience and I am not sure about the idea of permanently marking someone in this fashion...and that is branding. I have read about it, talked to several who've had it done and have had both positive and negative experiences with it, and have seen a slideshow of it but I have never seen it in person. My mind goes both ways on this...horrified and immensely curious. So, in all honesty, I can say that it squicks me...and it doesn't.

I have to say that I agree with Merc re: respect. Though I didn't mention it, part of my walking away from those scenes I did not care for would be a quietness. My discomfort is not what matters here...I am an uninvited/invited voyeur with the option to leave if I do not like what I see, without comment or any other sort of disruption. I do not have the right to stop the scene if I feel it is unsafe (unless I thought that someone was in imminent danger of permanent harm and they had no means of stopping it...)but even there, appearances can be deceiving. If I feel it is unsafe, I have a responsibility to bring my reasons to the D.M..

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RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/26/2006 1:34:52 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

SexyRed, what were those scenes or things that were so disturbing to you?

As I said, one thing was fisting, for some reason that makes me queasy. I also saw a sub having her clit pierced, saw a sub male having CBT and saw a needle demo. For some reason, all of the above were disturbing to me not that anyone was having anything non-consensual going on, but only from the point of view that I felt butterflies in my stomach seeing them.

Those scenes haunted me in a bad way, not in the way of wow, that was hot, but in the way of, god, I wish I had never seen that.

Of course, with all due respect, none of this is judgemental, but you asked what we found disturbing.

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RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/26/2006 1:38:18 PM

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My point is, what you observe and deem to be "clueless" might be exactly what both parties in the encounter want.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
I've already given a very good example of such on this thread. I have been actively participating in this lifestyle for 28 years now and I have done alot of playing and alot of watching others play. It may sound like I am just being judgemental...and maybe I am and I can live with that....but it is usually not hard for me to tell at this point when someone is what I consider to be clueless.

(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/26/2006 2:48:25 PM

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I understood your point. There is a difference between a squicky scene though and observing someone who is practicing sheer stupidity. A for instance would be someone who does a needle play scene and doesn't observe any kind of sterile technique. The question that was posed was also....are there things that make you walk away from a scene. Whether or not the parties both want what's happening has no bearing whatsoever on whether or not it's something that I care to witness. I didn't say I interrupt the scene...I said I walk away. With the exception that I pointed out in this thread....I have never interrupted a scene. I may at times approach a DM with a concern and allow them to make a judgement. I may at times voice an opinion if I am asked after the fact. But I and I alone choose what I will sit and watch.

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RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/26/2006 6:52:35 PM

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Degradation and golden showers ... never understood either one. I prefer building rather than tearing down. Though I did have one slave that pushed my tolerance over the line. So ... I humiliated her. I managed a collar that read - I'm a whore - and she wore it and only that collar for 10 days 24/10. I told her to pray we didn't have visitors ... no such luck *lol* ... she never broke the rules quite like that again.

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RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/26/2006 7:36:58 PM

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Where lies the line of TOO FAR? How about sadistic humor like really, really bad puns?
Pocahontas picked up a trick named Pinocchio while playing pinocle. She liked his
woody pecker. She asked if he was a Pokeman. He said, "Sure, not only can I
poke you with my pecker, I can also poke you with my nose. She said, "I see you
are not just a pekemon, your also a Poconos.

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RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/26/2006 8:17:13 PM

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What an excellent and thought provoking post Tress. I can honestly say that no consentual and well deployed scene has ever made my blood boil. However there is is a type of scene that disturbs me deeply and yes I would carry images of it if I did not leave immediately on realising it is to be enacted; and that is branding. This distaste runs even out of lifestyle, I put myself through university as a tattoo and piercing artist and could not take clients in the shop for at least two days if a brander had worked in in there. The smell alone is enough to make me want to hurl. Why it is so disturbing to me I honestly could not say, only that it is.

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RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 9/2/2006 11:45:24 PM

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MOST interesting and thought provoking question.

I'm new enough to the scene that I've yet to visit a dungeon, though it is a thing I look forward to very much. I honestly don't know what would cause me to have to leave, or make my blood boil. I like to believe that--as long as I'm informed of what to expect in advance, giving me time to create some emotional "distance"--there isn't much I wouldn't be able to tolerate, though many things would probably make me uncomfortable.

Scat or urine play are things I would rather NOT see, and will go out of my way to avoid. Branding is another thing that would be difficult for me to watch, don't know why. Piercing isn't. Go figure. I would NOT be able to watch a person who doesn't relish humiliation be humiliated. That goes a little further than "consensual," I think it's an area where I'm a tad sensitive.

Regardless; what people do is their choice. and if I don't like watching it, it's up to me to leave. The only things that would make my blood boil are violations of the "safe" and "consensual" conventions. Definitions of "sane" are too varied for me to expect anothers' to match up with mine.

(in reply to yourMissTress)

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