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Need Advice on Entering Lifestyle - 1/1/2005 7:27:43 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		I began my interest online, and want D/s as a part of my life.
I see that I can probably meet potential mates online, than move to real time, but does anyone have advice for a relatively timid/shy Domina on stepping lightly (or not) into munches/BDSM scene, and meeting others in lifestyle.
At 1st I thought I would just remain online to retain privacy, but I figured if I run into someone I know at BDSM scene, so what!
Thanks, M
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RE: Need Advice on Entering Lifestyle - 1/1/2005 7:32:20 PM   
ShadeDiva


Posts: 1005
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		Find a local munch and go in with a smile!

They are regular people that just happen to enjoy BDSM.

Most munches are pretty friendly, IMX.

~ShadeDiva

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~ShadeDiva
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(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
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RE: Need Advice on Entering Lifestyle - 1/1/2005 7:50:19 PM   
GoddessJules


Posts: 549
Status: offline 		A lot of the groups(munches, classes, etc) have a P.O.C. If you tell them that you are new (and kinda unsure/shy) they will usually assign someone to be with you or at least give you some guidance til you feel comfortable.

Some of these groups are listed under yahoo groups or have mailing lists as well. You can get a "hook up" that way so at least you are familiar with one individual that is there.

Also (and this worked for me) a lot of Pro Dominas are active in the community. As a matter of fact, a lot of them sponsor/host events, classes, lecutres and such. You might want to see if one in the area will "take you under her wing" to get your feet wet as far as getting out into the community.

J

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RE: Need Advice on Entering Lifestyle - 1/1/2005 8:53:48 PM   
Nvernilla


Posts: 303
Joined: 10/1/2004
Status: offline 		The people I've met in the lifestyle have been nice and helpful...some have taken a bit of getting used to though. I'd advise you to just be yourself and have fun.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
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RE: Need Advice on Entering Lifestyle - 1/1/2005 9:42:22 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShadeDiva

Find a local munch and go in with a smile!

They are regular people that just happen to enjoy BDSM.

Most munches are pretty friendly, IMX.

~ShadeDiva

Is there usually a dress code? I usually dress nice/sexy with some heels, but should it always be just black or leather?
Thanks Nevernilla, and Jules, I will search on yahoo.
M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 1/1/2005 9:45:17 PM >

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RE: Need Advice on Entering Lifestyle - 1/1/2005 10:02:22 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Is there usually a dress code? I usually dress nice/sexy with some heels, but should it always be just black or leather?


No dress code at the munches I've ever been to. On the east coast it is a bit stricter. Well strict isn't even the right word. Perhaps they have more protocal? I don't know...but generally dominants dress in black back there. Out here in the west..its pretty much come as you are.
I really don't see anyone in leather. If you dress with sexy heels you will probably be the best dressed at an event.

ALTHOUGH on the other hand. If you're going to a daytime vs night thing. People at night do tend to dress a bit better than daytime events.

Hopefully this helps.

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RE: Need Advice on Entering Lifestyle - 1/1/2005 10:29:32 PM   
MistressFire70


Posts: 378
Joined: 7/25/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig
At 1st I thought I would just remain online to retain privacy, but I figured if I run into someone I know at BDSM scene, so what!
Thanks, M


That reason is the most used reason I hear for people not going to a group function; the fear of seeing someone they know. But, you are SO right; if someone you know is there, they're there for the same reason as you!

I have no idea how current this info is, but this is one site I got when I went to google.com, put in "BDSM" and "Rhode Island". Check out the groups, contact them and ask questions. Most groups have munches, which is one title for an event that is more vanilla, like dinner at a restaurant. Best of luck!

http://www.domsubfriends.com/cgi-local/wwwdir/db.cgi?db=org&uid=default&state=RHODE+ISLAND&view_records=View+Records&ww=on

Fire

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RE: Need Advice on Entering Lifestyle - 1/1/2005 11:15:42 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressFire70

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig
At 1st I thought I would just remain online to retain privacy, but I figured if I run into someone I know at BDSM scene, so what!
Thanks, M


That reason is the most used reason I hear for people not going to a group function; the fear of seeing someone they know. But, you are SO right; if someone you know is there, they're there for the same reason as you!
Fire

I imagine it is common, because anytime I say something unsual/BDSM type to people I know, I either get a strange look, or curious look accompanied by laughter... Than there's the relatively conservative family background, so, I bet it is a concern for most, or BDSM sites wouldn't be filled with profiles without photos, and people who ask to remain anonymous, because....
Thanks MistressFire for the links and thoughts.
And Thanks Gloria, that information does help; I do wish it was more like your way, "come as you wish."
M

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RE: Need Advice on Entering Lifestyle - 1/2/2005 6:02:23 AM   
jillwfsub4blkdom


Posts: 375
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline 		At the munches in Indianapolis, there is always a line which says not to wear any fetish clothing. i am sure this is a way of not drawing too much attention to the group. Enjoy Yourself and have fun!!

jill

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"It's the moment that transcends
Our physical into a more spiritual level of understanding" - Musiq

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RE: Need Advice on Entering Lifestyle - 1/2/2005 9:13:05 AM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		On the east coast there is usually no dress code for munches. In fact people are often discouraged from blatant fetish wear because munches are generally held in public places like restaurants and some participants need a higher level of discretion.

As for dressing for parties, it depends on what party you are going to. Some have strict dress codes (usually parties held in bars and dance clubs) but for most BDSM venues any attire is ok, although you will see a lot of kewl fetish wear.

If you want to go to a munch then contact the munch coordinator, explain that you are shy and ask if they will introduce you around when you get there. Coordinators appreciate knowing that someone needs a little help, it's the ones that don't ask for it and then complain afterwards that are infuriating to deal with.

Enjoy!

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

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RE: Need Advice on Entering Lifestyle - 1/2/2005 9:14:46 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MizSuz

On the east coast there is usually no dress code for munches. In fact people are often discouraged from blatant fetish wear because munches are generally held in public places like restaurants and some participants need a higher level of discretion.
Enjoy!

Thanks MizSuz... I will look, and if I can get over the social anxiety component, will see what's available in the East coast.
Thanks One and all for your advice, I'll update you when I have news.
M

(in reply to MizSuz)
Profile   Post #: 11
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