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collars - when? - 1/2/2005 12:00:37 AM

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Im in a D/s relationship, we are in love. Im happier than ever, and have a query.
Is collaring just for slaves, at what point if any, would i as his submissive expect to have one?
I want to offer my submission formally, and a collaring seems far more appropriate than any ring may. But is it for me to bring up, or him.
Its a bit delicate isnt it? Christmas has just been, and no collar under the tree for me. His view is that you can collar a submissive, yet he hasnt?
Yet i am his and his alone. We do not play publicly only on a 1:1 as you may expect in a vanilla relationship.
At the beginning when we discussed names/titles, Sir seemed appropriate "at this stage" was how he put it. Implying another stage was at least feasable.
We started as play partners, a relationship quickly developed, then fell in love. I kinda have the most beautifully romantic dreams of it being a huge gift symbolised by him giving me his collar to wear. *sighs*.
What would be a good way to broach the subject or do i just wait? I know its my birthday in a month, and im not sure i can open another set of glasses when im hoping for a collar.
For the first time this week, we played with his belt round my neck as if it were a collar. During a checklist night of going through and having a laugh at things id said, 'no way' to which are now on the list of favourites lol, collaring was in there as something we were both definately interested in.
This is not enough to be causing me problems just a curious when/if question.
Your thoughts from personal perspectives would be appreciated,
thanks for taking the time to read
Pandora

RE: collars - when? - 1/2/2005 12:11:55 AM

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It seems to me that your relationship is close enough that a discussion about collaring would seem warranted. I don't see a problem in you initiating the discussion. Of course, he will decide if and when a collaring happens.

(in reply to pandoravampire)

RE: collars - when? - 1/2/2005 12:28:11 AM

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to me the placing of a collar on a sub/slave indicates that the Dominant has accepted the submissive as His/Her property (figure of speach). But from what I read I agree that the subject could be broached in some form so that you can perhaps get his views on the matter

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RE: collars - when? - 1/2/2005 4:29:31 AM

nella

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I think this is somthing to discuss whit your partner. In my opinion you have two types of colars, one is just a bondage tool, a way to restrict movment and as a symbol, the other one is more serious, more like a wedding ring. I for example have a black play colar, but no comitment one yet.

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RE: collars - when? - 1/2/2005 5:51:37 AM

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cheers peeps,
ill talk to him tomorrow.
aesthetically, they look so sexy. Psychologically, it certainly pushed buttons id hoped it would.
Emotionally, a commitment collar if given to me would mean something so dear. But i dont think its something i would ask for. It would need to be given.
Thankyou for your responses
pandoravampire

(in reply to pandoravampire)

RE: collars - when? - 1/2/2005 7:18:12 AM

nella

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I can understand you, it is like whit an egendsment ring, it is just a band of gold, nothing more, just a ring, but to resive it would mean so much.

(in reply to pandoravampire)

RE: collars - when? - 1/2/2005 10:06:07 AM

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quote:

Is collaring just for slaves, at what point if any, would i as his submissive expect to have one?

There are many opinons on collars and whether it is appropriate to ask for one. Here are a few threads on it:

Multiple or single collars

a question about collars (the OP deleted her question i see, it was about whether a sub can ask for a coller)

collars

collars and how fast they are given

collars

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RE: collars - when? - 1/2/2005 12:30:20 PM

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oh happy happy joy joy, you are just cravivng for that collar aren't you

sounds like you'll get it sooner or later but someone like myself would tease you crazy with it. Especially after realizing how bad you wanted it. At the very end I'd have it over your head like a treat to a puppy following it up with easing it up all over your body and then giving you a possible spanking with it.

Oh yeah I'd drive you so crazy with it that you would want to jerk it out of my hand and put on yourself. But you know better to do that. Don't you?

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(in reply to pandoravampire)

RE: collars - when? - 1/2/2005 1:17:54 PM

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FangsNfeet, Your reply certainly made me laugh...I can see someone that is good at the art of mind phuck doing this..(smile)...very creative the spanking with it...

It is true that a collar is very important to a submissive. Too many belong to the collar of the month club (smile). I personally cannot wait until the day I receive one, but in the meantime, I will have patience and enjoy the days getting to that special day.

Respectfully,
Willing2serve1

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

RE: collars - when? - 1/2/2005 6:41:08 PM

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Research collaring ceremonies and bring his attention to them, He may not seek the same as you too though

(in reply to pandoravampire)

RE: collars - when? - 1/3/2005 3:33:40 AM

nella

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Remember, Dom or not, he is a Man, we make what we want perfectly understandabel, we think, but still, do we want romance from the men, we usualy have to rather direct in the aprotch.

(in reply to Nvernilla)

RE: collars - when? - 1/3/2005 10:10:30 AM

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I have seen collaring as the ultimate earned reward and only a Master knows when that has been achieved... To with hold the collar is a form of insuring progress to his satisfaction,, Once one has proven to be all he wants her to be is when the collar with instinctively find its way around your neck,,, Not a subject I would push as a suggestion,,, especially if there is the implied awareness of its importance,, and as far as B-day wishes,,,, he should know of these timestamps in ones life and you would not want to risk the potential glory of that surprise if delivered on that date,,, It sounds like he is already aware of your dream... Let him deliver it at a time he believes you are worthy and it will be a great day for the both of you... Just a thought shared... Murphy

(in reply to pandoravampire)

RE: collars - when? - 1/3/2005 12:00:25 PM

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I became over anxious in wanting a collar. My birthday(s) came and went, Christmas(s), Valentine's Day(s), no collar. I brought up the subject and without detail, I will tell you that I was clearly told that collaring is for Master to decide and is not an issue that I was to bring up, that He would be the initiator of that discussion.

Now I am formally collared and when the time was right, He did discuss is at length on multiple ocassions.

My advice is be patient and stop looking for it it will come.l

(in reply to pandoravampire)

RE: collars - when? - 1/3/2005 1:17:05 PM

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Treat the discussion of a collar as you would the discussion of a wedding ring, and know that Dominants have their own agendas in mind, always. If He has not mentioned it yet, He has his reasons for doing so, they may be to see how forward you might be on the subject, to see if you want it badly enough to risk seeming brazen. As with each question, the real answer lies with you and Him, each person has a different idea and standard for these things, we can advise and give our own experience but in the end it all means little. Know him, know his needs, his desires and his heart, as a good sub should. If you know him and the thought of speaking to him about collaring seems a right idea for you, then do so.

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RE: collars - when? - 1/4/2005 7:05:52 PM

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Thanks willing for implying that I'm good at mind Phucking.

But this is just when I"m being nice.

For after you get collared by me, welcome to hell

Not to mention, it's not how you got the collar, but what you do after you get it and perhaps keep it

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RE: collars - when? - 1/5/2005 5:31:12 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pandoravampire

cheers peeps,
ill talk to him tomorrow.

So what happened, Pandora?

(in reply to pandoravampire)

RE: collars - when? - 1/6/2005 6:19:42 PM

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Pandora, as the Trends change to Hot Topics HOT PINK whims, we vampires have to stick together.

If you really want that Collar bring up the conversation of "What or how will things be different if I wear your Collar?" As you hear his answer you can reply " Yes I'm ready to do that. I'm ready to be your property. I'm ready to wear your collar and chained to your leash. Oh master I'm ready to give myself to every whim and desire. I want to be yours and I want everyone to know it. I know I'm ready, I must be ready, I'm all yours for the taking and collaring. When you're ready to collar me i'll be hear and ready in every way shap and form you wish. I love you, I desire you, I crave for your ownership over me. I am here and I am yours. And your collar will prove it as I am ready."

I think it just might work for you.

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RE: collars - when? - 1/7/2005 5:53:14 AM

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The outcome?
i asked, and we had a long chat, the upshot of which is that there is one collar, meaning the same as a wedding ring. Therefor, at this stage its not appropriate. He almost offered me a 'interim collar' but that would be him giving it me because i want it, not him wanting to give, so doesnt work in my head and no point. I accept this. I too take this very seriously, i hope one day to be offered this. Then i shall wear it proudly, till then, im happy with how things are doing.

Phangsnfeet, thankyou for your humour.

thankyou for the advice.
pandoravampire

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

RE: collars - when? - 1/11/2005 2:31:37 PM

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After scrolling through this discussion, I was glad to see it in here. Patience is one of the values that sometimes escape Uus. At times, Both Dom and sub are so eager to move to the next level that Tthey both leave patience behind.

It is the Dom's responsibility to pull back on those reins at times when impatience begins to appear to take over. Perhaps the official BDSM flower should very well be the Impatiens. The official dance of BDSM may become the Quickstep.

A Collaring should be a blessed event, much likened to that of a wedding ceremony. I have seen it appropriate for Some to offer a "training" collar, sometimes being a wrist band of some sort.

Since in this thread, you discuss the thought that you are wanting to offer your submission formally, perhaps both parties herein may wish to discuss a formalized wedding ceremony combined with the collaring ceremony in order that vanilla aspects are publicly satisfied, while the aspects of the Lifestyle are preserved within your own lives.

I have been blessed to have had the phortunate opportunity to have performed legally binding combination ceremonies as what I have discussed herein, as well as regular and custom wedding ceremonies and ceremonies of the roses on occasions, and a couple of the combination ceremonies were absolutely wonderful.

Best Regards,

X

(in reply to pandoravampire)

RE: collars - when? - 1/11/2005 3:52:27 PM

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This is so true, many who have contacted me expect me to immediately submit and become an instant slave. this is so unreal. as a submissive, i cannot just submit to someone because they demand it. actually i might actually fight that more than working to develop a relationship and working up to more and more submission until i have given myself to the Dom. thanks for the great topic. lacyann

(in reply to SenorX)

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