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what should i do? - 1/2/2005 6:50:27 PM   
yonnachanna


Posts: 3
Joined: 11/6/2004
Status: offline 		i am still rather new to all this but, there was a Dom that i had been seeing for over a month, and i was getting fairly intense emotions. i have never felt that much for anyone, and especially after such a short time....well, the idea of collaring had come up, and he was considering it, but admitted that he didn't know if he could ever love me...was i wrong to become scared? i will admit i went about things rather wrong, after being told to be kneeling naked the next time he came to visit, i was sitting fully clothed in a chair waiting for him...i did what i did b/c i was hurt and wanted to lash out...since then, i have been grovelling b/c i still have these feelings, but mostly the sense i have gotten from him is that i will pay the next time i see him...the point to all of this is as follows: do i accept whatever massive punishment he is going to give me, and try to remain w/ him knowing that i might never be loved back, or do i try to move on?
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RE: what should i do? - 1/2/2005 7:09:39 PM   
moonyA43


Posts: 1
Joined: 12/17/2004
Status: offline 		Hello yonnachanna (sis) ,

my real name is brenda and i live with my Master in real life ,,, just so you know i am not a player hon as so many are (and that sad) for starters hon you say you are sorta new to this,,,,, if He ( the Dominate) said He didnt know if He could ever love you ,,,,, you are right to be alarmed..... why would you to begin with want to wear a collar from a man that said that to you to begin with...... when the red light went off that was your signal to run , brake it off,,,,,, He isnt for you sweetie,,,,,,, but please if it truly is in your heart to be a submissive ,,,,, look ,,,,, your true Master is out there somewhere,,,,, He may be right under Your nose and you just dont know it yet sweetie,,,,,,,, smiles ,,,,,,, it takes time for things to work out,,,,,,,, i will keep you in my prayers sis may you find your true Master soon sweetie god bless

your friend (moony)

(in reply to yonnachanna)
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RE: what should i do? - 1/2/2005 7:12:11 PM   
ShadeDiva


Posts: 1005
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		To be honest - a month isn't remotely long enough to determine if the person is remotely compatible, IMO, let alone if you REALLY like someone or not, and certainly not long enough to be able to say if they will ever be ableto love you or not.

Hell IMO, that's not even long enough to be able to trust someone on a friend level.

That being said - if you NEED to have your dominant love you and expect them to be able to say this in less than a month and he isn't ready or willing or able to say that - then I'd say you weren't compatible offhand.

Personally I'd feel that you were rushing things, and if I was the dominant, I'd tell you to slow down, chill out, and let things progress in a natural way, but then I woulnd't have you serving me until I felt I could trust you and vice versa and that would take months and months of interaction with me and most likely in real life to boot either.

JMO, FWIIW.

~ShadeDiva

_____________________________

~ShadeDiva
My projects of love:
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(in reply to yonnachanna)
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RE: what should i do? - 1/2/2005 7:13:29 PM   
ShadeDiva


Posts: 1005
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		hmmm edit - less than a month should be little over a month.

My bad.

~ShadeDiva

_____________________________

~ShadeDiva
My projects of love:
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HumanFauna
Kinked
DommeWorld

(in reply to ShadeDiva)
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RE: what should i do? - 1/2/2005 7:22:33 PM   
terah


Posts: 69
Joined: 12/17/2004
Status: offline 		I agree with Diva on this. One month?? Good grief girl this is the person you hope to spend your life with. This goes beyond vanilla relationship. What if he told you yes I love you and later down the line said, but if you say you love me you would do my dog and kid together. I know that's rather extreme or is it?

Don't give yourself to anyone until after the wooing is done and you had time to settle into the mundane because that where the truth is at.

(in reply to yonnachanna)
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RE: what should i do? - 1/2/2005 7:27:22 PM   
TaurusMCMLVIII


Posts: 88
Joined: 1/20/2004
Status: offline
quote:

...the point to all of this is as follows: do i accept whatever massive punishment he is going to give me, and try to remain w/ him knowing that i might never be loved back, or do i try to move on?

This should be an easy one. What do you want? If you want your love to be returned then move on. If you are willing to accept the relationship as is then stick with it and enjoy yourself. Learn and gain experience. But keep looking for a better match at the same time. You deserve to get what you want. If your Master is aginst it then you should give him a choice... either accept it or move on.

(in reply to yonnachanna)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: what should i do? - 1/2/2005 8:52:47 PM   
liltxsubby


Posts: 328
Joined: 11/18/2004
From: TX
Status: offline 		Is the problem that He said He doesn't love you, or that He said He might never be able to? i've been coming across this same problem recently with myself. the best solution i've found is to take things slowly. If you enjoy being with the guy and think a relationship might develop, then i say go for it and try not to worry so much about what will happen in the future. Notice i say try because i know how hard it is not to jump in and know for certain that this is the One. i have to constantly remind myself of the same thing.
If your question arises from Him saying he may never love you, well that would scare me off a bit, too. Perhaps try asking where that came from. Was it simply His way of saying it's too soon to tell, or does He not seeing the two of you getting to that point?

(in reply to yonnachanna)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: what should i do? - 1/2/2005 9:30:57 PM   
willing2serve


Posts: 385
Joined: 4/6/2004
Status: offline 		Great advice so far... a month is not hardly enough time to even be considering if "love" is in the air. This may be a word play for some, but I personally search for a bond created by experiences than to ever think can this person love me. I am not one to claim to be all-knowing and all wise, but I did notice your age yonnachanna, by being 20 you will have many decisions to face including this one and only you truly know how you feel, but please take things slowly. It is certainly hard to have patience sometimes, but it is certainly more rewarding if you do.
Respectfully,
Willing2serve1

(in reply to liltxsubby)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: what should i do? - 1/3/2005 7:50:38 PM   
AdultVideoGuy


Posts: 35
Joined: 12/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yonnachanna

i am still rather new to all this but, there was a Dom that i had been seeing for over a month, and i was getting fairly intense emotions. i have never felt that much for anyone, and especially after such a short time....well, the idea of collaring had come up, and he was considering it, but admitted that he didn't know if he could ever love me...was i wrong to become scared?


Not at all. One of my favourite quotes in this journey came to me from an older Dom I was chatting with in IRC about 10 years ago. It appears on my sig on most of the sites I am on:

"You cannot rule that which you do not cherish"

As a Dom, I will not take a whip to the body of a slave WITHOUT there being some very serious emotions in play. That is not to say that I am IN love with any slave I whip. But I will say that I do love every slave I whip, it is a requirement.

I look at this love in much the same way as those of us with animals love our pets. This is not to say that the love will NEVER grow into a passionate expression of mutual attraction. A month is a tad short notice for such emotions to grow, not impossible, just improbable.

I would put it to you though that once this level of love enters a D/s relationship the Dom loses his edge and what brought the two originally together is no longer there. Those of you that are shaking your heads in disagreement please keep in mind I have seen this happen in real life a number of times.. but thats a different thread.

If I have no feelings for the one I am whipping I am a danger to her. When I strike I strike a slave out of love for her, to feed her need and to nurture her growth. I do not strike in anger, with hatred or with any amount of misogyny in my heart and soul. I do not get off on her tears, I cherish them. So, in all that caring, yes, there is love, yes, the emotions are intense. Is he your soulmate? Probably not.

Don't get swept away in the intensity of the moment. Understand that the intensity of emotion you feel is why we do what we do. Just don't let the secret out of the bag quite yet. The vanilla world isn't ready to hear that we are having more fun than they are.

cheers
VG


< Message edited by AdultVideoGuy -- 1/3/2005 7:55:05 PM >

_____________________________

You cannot rule that which you do not cherish

(in reply to yonnachanna)
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RE: what should i do? - 1/3/2005 8:22:09 PM   
ResTrainHer2me


Posts: 8
Joined: 11/11/2004
Status: offline 		Again I will use the few "cliche's needed for this post,,, "Patience is a virtue worthy of its Reward"... & "to force a good thing could scare it away"... & "it takes to 2 Tango so until then learn to Waltz with others"... & "To settle is to cheat all involved"... & "One persons dream does not make the other person dream"... & lastly "Limit Expectations to Limit Disappointment"... as many of us have shared the same Dreams/expectations only to realize disappointment only to learn after too much wasted time that there are many fish in the see... Even if you can't find them in the grocery store or are running out of Haystacks to search within for that needle,,, We have all been there,,, and when least expected it is ussually delivered... Just be ready for it... Just some thoughts....
Murphy

(in reply to yonnachanna)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: what should i do? - 1/4/2005 7:17:03 AM   
OrientalMistress


Posts: 34
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		My dear... take the advice of an elderly Domme and move on! If you are coupled with a Master who is not certain that He could ever "love" you ... then you are with the wrong Master...that is unless you are a true sadist and truly find satisfaction in great emotional pain.

Move on before you get in too deeply and will not have the strength to get out...move on because there is a Master out there who will "love" you and together you will complete the sphere of relationship...working jointly to draw out the best for each of you.

Should you desire more advice, you may email Me at [email protected].

Until then May wisdom always guide your decisions...

Oreiental Mistress

(in reply to yonnachanna)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: what should i do? - 1/14/2005 5:13:52 PM   
blueiii


Posts: 19
Joined: 2/19/2004
Status: offline 		In my relationship, i am less concerned with love and more with the deepest possible sense of trust. i have known my Master for over 20 years and do i love him? Absolutely, and He knows this. Does He return that love? Not in a romantic way, but as a friend, lover, mentor, and Master with whom i would trust my life - i would not give up what W/we share simply to hear Him say, "I love you." i am trusted and cherished and that is more than i could ever hope for.

That being said, if you honestly feel you require love in this relationship, give it more time and if it is not reciprocate -- move on.

respectfully,
blueiii

(in reply to OrientalMistress)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: what should i do? - 1/14/2005 8:44:40 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		Dear Yonna,
I agree with Moon that the uncomfortable feeling is your instinct telling you this isn't right, so move on...
If you want a loving/intimate relationship with your Dom, than don't settle for play only. Ultimately, only you can know what you want/need. I would tend to believe a man and move on if he said he didn't think he could love me, because if he is open to the idea, than overtime, it may happen, but not if he's already decided I am for play, not to be taken seriously. M

(in reply to yonnachanna)
Profile   Post #: 13
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