RE: "Under Consideration" What Does it Mean To You?

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RE: "Under Consideration" What Does it Mean T... - 9/4/2006 10:16:47 PM

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Joined: 8/5/2006
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Well, here's a strange way of looking at things- I am under the ownership of my Dom, but I have not yet earned his collar. Thus, I am considered in our relationship to be in training under him, and under consideration for his collar, I suppose, in some sort of strange way. We're not feeling out a relationship between each other, as that was pre-established, but we are feeling out the D/s dynamic with each other. Obviously, my circumstance started differently than a lot of "typical" D/s relationships, but, I am definetly off the market, and that is clear- as is my ownership by him. A collar to us is a huge step, and not one to be taken lightly, so earning that collar will most likely take some time. The considerations for his collar are still things we need to explore, and are still important, even though his ownership of me is established already. A lot of this is coming through in training and negotiation between us right now, and we are setting up expectations for me as he sees fit to incorporate them. It's a ongoing and long process, but I am enjoying watching our relationship grow in this way.

By the way, I might be completely off the mark with this, and am not in any way trying to state anything that is typical to the lifestyle here at all.
behindmirrors.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: "Under Consideration" What Does it Mean T... - 9/4/2006 10:54:38 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Silvermoon

My question is this. In your personal opinion, when someone approaches another and tells them they are 'under consideration' exactly how do you feel the responsibilities change? Or do they?

Ie. Do spend more time together?. Do you let others know? Are you 'no longer on the market'? Should you keep in stable contact? Are there limitations?

That depends on who is in control. If you are the one in control you should be setting the boundaries. If not then you should be asking this question of the person who is in control (or question who _is_ in control) - only they can answer this properly for you.

Eh, that's just me go put an ice cube on someone else's touche. (I'm anti flame).

D (owner of j).

_____________________________

Possibly.

(in reply to Silvermoon)

RE: "Under Consideration" What Does it Mean T... - 9/4/2006 11:17:39 PM

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Silvermoon

My question is this. In your personal opinion, when someone approaches another and tells them they are 'under consideration' exactly how do you feel the responsibilities change? Or do they?

Ie. Do spend more time together?. Do you let others know? Are you 'no longer on the market'? Should you keep in stable contact? Are there limitations?

Lets see how much of this I can answer. When I put my boy under consideration, he did take himself "off the market". We will be spending more time together once I move down there. For now, distance is our obsticle. We have always been in stable contact, but the contact is a bit different. He informs me of any correspondances he has with other people (aside from an accepted group of friends he knows he doesnt need my OK to contact). We agreed that he be ust under consideration until I lived closer. He acts as if he is fully owned already.
And yes, we have told others. Our names are in one anothers profiles. Outwardly in our vanilla lives, most of our friends know we are bf/gf, and that is what we have accepted wil be what they see. WE dont have any limitations, but thats a personal decision. Whether that changes once I move, when we have more time and more ability to se one another remains to be seen.

My 2 cents, hope it helps.
If your stil curious, feel free to message me privately, I'll answer away

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Silvermoon)

RE: "Under Consideration" What Does it Mean T... - 9/4/2006 11:37:22 PM

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What being in consideration means to me is being exclusive to the one that i am considering and v.s. In respect it closes off all negotiations or potential negotiations with others. I have only been in consideration once and that lasted a whooping 5 weeks, seemed communication broke down shortly after the agreement for consideration occured. How ironic is that, the man was not a terrible person actually quite wonderful but the timing was just out of sorts and we could not connect.

Anyhow that is what it means to me, like others have stated courtship or engagement.

(in reply to Silvermoon)

RE: "Under Consideration" What Does it Mean T... - 9/5/2006 12:27:06 AM

Mavis

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Yes, i see "under consideration" as a mutual thing, decided that we're going to date casually, but exclusively, without the distractions of other potential suitors, for a defined length of time. i've seen it go for a few months at most, usually by the time someone is at consideration stage, they are pretty well into each other, but not quite ready to collar. i see it as less than engagement, less than a promise ring, but maybe like going steady/ wearing the letterman jacket.

it's kind of hey everybody, we're on time out til we decide our future together is going this way or that.. poo or get off the pot time. but seriously, Somone just popped up and informed another they were under consideration? That to me would be like meeting at a bar and one popping off and saying "I'm going to marry you and have your children someday" it happens, but mostly that would make the other party run like the wind.

(in reply to aleshaDreams)

RE: "Under Consideration" What Does it Mean T... - 9/5/2006 12:35:46 AM

Mavis

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One funny about consideration, it's like waving a "Last chance" flag. When a Dominant i was seeing announced to O/our chat group that i was under consideration to Him, and wanted to let others know W/we were taking a mutual pause from seeing others for a few weeks, He got hit with mails from local ladies asking for a coffee meet before W/we sealed the deal, "just in case it doesn't work out". lol.

Welp, He took one up on it, and i believe T/they've been together ever since. What was funny was until His announcement, none of the women had expressed any interest at all in the Man.. guess nothing looks so appealing as one that just might get away..

(in reply to Mavis)

RE: "Under Consideration" What Does it Mean T... - 9/5/2006 12:46:54 AM

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From: Southern Illinois
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For us, knowing where relationships stand is very important. In our opinion, and the way we do things, offering Consideration is just that...Considering. For us, it's most akin to dating exclusively. The "getting to know you better" phase. The "I like you, you like me...let's date exclusively." phase. We're considering the possibilites of the relationship, considering how everyone clicks, considering everyone's best interests, etc.

If we were to offer Consideration to a slave, a condition of the agreement would be that they be willing to commit to the point of "taking themselves off the market", as we would do in kind. We would spend as much time with the person as negotiated. Going on "dates", going to munches and parties together, going to seminars, etc. Stable contact/communication is a necessity for us. There would be limits, as negotiated. We would let others know of the arrangement as necessary.

Our Consideration is for a prenegotiated amount of time. We refuse to string people along, or be strung along, for an indefinite amount of time. If things are working out and going great after that prenegotiated amount of time, we would offer to negotiate the next level of commitment. If things aren't working out, everyone is free to pursue other opportunities. If there's a small degree of indecision, the continuation of Consideration could be negotiated, based on many differing factors.

As always, YMMV...

MrsShadows

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"The reason the mainstream is thought of as a stream is because of it's shallowness." - George Carlin

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(in reply to Silvermoon)

RE: "Under Consideration" What Does it Mean T... - 9/5/2006 6:39:27 AM

Posts: 6334
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From: Domme Emeritus
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Silvermoon

Good day folks,

My question is this. In your personal opinion, when someone approaches another and tells them they are 'under consideration' exactly how do you feel the responsibilities change? Or do they?

Sincerely,
Silver.

Collar of Consideration means (to me): "Hands off... I'm thinking about this one "

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to Silvermoon)

RE: "Under Consideration" What Does it Mean T... - 9/5/2006 7:02:54 AM

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From: Barrie, ON Canada
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Under consideration means exactly jack shit in My opinion. It is the equivalent of someone eyeballing you from across the room. Who cares? Honestly? And bluntly? If you are that desperate that you have to cling onto a "collar of consideration" in hopes that the Dom/me might actually get off their sorry excuse for a duff and collar you, you have issues. It is like telling a girl in the vanilla world not to date anyone else because that jock over there across the room might be interested in you. Completely retarded. It makes no sense to Me at all.

It keeps the Dom/me's options open, but it keeps the desperate sub on the hook. If that is what you want to be, then by all means go for it. The way I see it though, there is more than one Dom/me out there. Go find someone that wants to make a commitment and leave them to sit there with a stupid, dumbfounded look on their face.

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RE: "Under Consideration" What Does it Mean T... - 9/5/2006 7:09:15 AM

kitty2MLoneWolf

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Joined: 8/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Silvermoon

Ie. Do spend more time together?. Do you let others know? Are you 'no longer on the market'? Should you keep in stable contact? Are there limitations?

While I do not dispute what others have said on the boards (as much as I have read anyways) I would like to discuss this aspect of it.

Each time I have put "under consideration of____" on my profile it was to let others know that I was not available for INVOLVED contact with them. However, it also was meant to indicate that they could still contact me in case the situation turned out not to be what I or the other person had hoped. One of the problems with "taking yourself off the market" is that if you do it too often, it becomes a liability for those who may be watching your profile over time. Sometimes you can come off looking like a flake if you are off the market and then on again... I know.. I was that flake LOL

_____________________________

used to be jessieme but I got a life <grin>

Dont worry about what other people think....they dont do it very often!

(in reply to Silvermoon)

RE: "Under Consideration" What Does it Mean T... - 9/5/2006 6:26:25 PM

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Joined: 11/24/2004
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I love all the interesting answers to this question. Some didn't take the question exactly as I meant it, but that's the beauty of it. Thank you for the responses.

For the record (since it seemed to be wondered) I'm not under consideration, nor am I seeking advice. Just opinions :) I know exactly where I stand on this, I just love the opinions of others and the different view points.

Thank you!

Sincerely,
Silver

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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"In Manus Tuas Commendo Spiritum Moum"-Into Your Hands I Entrust My Spirit

"A man's word is his honor, his honor is his worth; Therefore a man who can not keep his word, is worthless"-Self Quote

(in reply to kitty2MLoneWolf)

RE: "Under Consideration" What Does it Mean T... - 9/5/2006 6:29:58 PM

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From: Kentucky
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To me it means ...testing the waters to see if things will work out.

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Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.

(in reply to Silvermoon)

RE: "Under Consideration" What Does it Mean T... - 9/6/2006 9:23:52 AM

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Joined: 12/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mavis

One funny about consideration, it's like waving a "Last chance" flag. When a Dominant i was seeing announced to O/our chat group that i was under consideration to Him, and wanted to let others know W/we were taking a mutual pause from seeing others for a few weeks, He got hit with mails from local ladies asking for a coffee meet before W/we sealed the deal, "just in case it doesn't work out". lol.

Welp, He took one up on it, and i believe T/they've been together ever since. What was funny was until His announcement, none of the women had expressed any interest at all in the Man.. guess nothing looks so appealing as one that just might get away..

and yet another reason why when I put a girl under consideration I never mention it too anyone ..... lol

on another note I have to agree fully with KoM . he said it almost picture perfect . a collar of consideration is like an engagement phase ..... but I will add that its also the phase where the dynamics by which you will live are set forth too.

_____________________________

A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

(in reply to Mavis)

RE: "Under Consideration" What Does it Mean T... - 9/6/2006 10:17:04 AM

Kree

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Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline

Very interesting topic Silver,

Many very interesting answers have popped up on this thread. What makes them interesting to me is the fact that people are defining what they consider "consideration" with their answers. I have seen the various different guises of "consideration" and tend to agree with every post that has been made. If two people agree to a certain level of consideration, they have likely spent enough time together to know there are possibilities for the future. If one person declares that another is "under consideration" out of the blue, I feel that cynical views expressed here are dead on. One of the things that has given me many laughs, accompanied by the "oh hell, here we go again", is the hurried rush to a "collar of consideration". All too often, this form of collar should be known as the "blow job collar", meaning "you keep trying to be a good submissive, while I continue to look around."
To me, consideration is not so much consideration of a person, but consideration of a relationship. Too bad it doesnt always work that way.

_____________________________

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Power whispers, it has no reason to yell

(in reply to Silvermoon)

RE: "Under Consideration" What Does it Mean T... - 9/6/2006 11:07:00 AM

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Assuming the object of consideration is agreeing to consideration, i.e., expressing interest, and happily submitting to "being considered" - I would tend to see it as something like dating: i.e., it's a "getting to know each other phase", and this could mean exclusivity or continuing "dating" other people - it's one of the things you'd have to hash out in this phase, as it became more serious, it would presumably become more exclusionary.

At some point, it takes on the more formal connotations of an engagement, and it probobly makes a difference whether it's long distance or not, and what the probability of actually getting together anytime soon is among other things.

I think it's unrealistic to expect anybody at a distance to remain celibate for years, or whatever it may take to develop trust online - though I do think that if you consider the thing to be at all serious, you have to be honest about it, and keep each other posted on any changes in external conditions - it's only when I don't know where I stand that I begin to suspect I'm being played and wasting my time in any emotional investment in you at all - if you're upfront about it, it's not a problem for me, I consider it a mark of respect for my intelligence, and my interest in you would simply extend to interest in your other relationships - if you don't want the same consideration, you should tell me that upfront too.

On the other hand, a big part of the whole BDSM thing is often about 'unrealistic' expectations (w/respect to typical vanilla relationship expectations), so again, it's something that would need to be defined by the people involved, and would evolve as the relationship evolved -if you're really compatible, you'll be on the same page here, I think.

< Message edited by Amaros -- 9/6/2006 11:08:49 AM >

(in reply to Kree)

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