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Exclusive/Online? - 1/9/2005 12:17:06 PM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
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I'm struggling with online Doms ...... Possibly I'm *wrong* to speak to more then one at a time. Online is NOT what I'm seeking, but the medium the Internet gives to begin with is a great starting place. What I struggle with is how some seek an exclusive right of implied ownership with intent to meet at a later date. There have been a couple that I find special and Yes, I make the mistake of playing on occasion, and share pic's that are not always *G* rated with some. I suppose that could be misleading, but all in all no different then Nilla requests off the net. But to make a decision to be exclusive to one from an online meet even when followed by the phone I cannot do! I'm sure I'm not the only one that has had this issue rear it's head. How have you all handled this?

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The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

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RE: Exclusive/Online? - 1/9/2005 12:59:17 PM

INSIDEYOURMIND

Posts: 483
Status: offline

I am online, and I am a Dom, but I am not, and never will be an online Dom.

If a real Dom is what you seek, using a computer is a convienent way to find them, but find out who they are, and what makes them tick, then make arrangements to meet them.

The online topic has been beaten to death, and here is a good example of why, this sub is having an issue with juggling Doms.

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RE: Exclusive/Online? - 1/9/2005 3:47:14 PM

inadazey

Posts: 69
Joined: 10/7/2004
Status: offline

Wrong to speak to more than one at a time when you haven't even met them? Not in my book. And i have to wonder about the "doms" who want you to be exclusive before even meeting.. I mean, unless you feel a real connection, and are working toward meeting quickly, I just think it's all kinda silly- when you're looking for RT.
As far as I'm concerned, until you've established a both parties monogamous relationship (assuming you're not poly *L*), both are free to talk to, meet, etc, other people. But that's always been my philosophy... definitely not everyone's.
But as to the online guys... just tell em you're not doing it. Just be honest about how you feel, and if they ask if you're talking to others, say "yes." If they tell you to stop, I'd ask them exactly how they thought they'd become my Master after some IMing and phone calls...
Just my opinion. Take care, and good luck! :) ~daisy~

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RE: Exclusive/Online? - 1/9/2005 6:01:02 PM

BeneathHerFeet

Posts: 9
Joined: 7/7/2004
Status: offline

Online-exclusive relationships in general are always a bit iffy to me. A few chat sessions doesn't make you boyfriend and girlfriend nor does it make you Master/Mistress and slave. To me, online is simply a meeting place and as a submissive, i'll show a Mistress the proper respect in conversation, but that in itself doesn't make me Her sub, just a submissive who is talking to Her.

Just like any other relationship, i think there has to be an understanding between the two parties and common interests. People have all sorts of degrees of what they feel Dominance and submission is and its a struggle to find that perfect match.

i've come out of my little shell because i've finally started to understand what kind of submissive i am and what i seek in a Dominant Woman. As a result, i've started to contact those i feel are compatible. If W/we talk and hit it off, great, but She doesn't own me yet and I certainly have no place in calling Her my Mistress/Goddess or what have you. i just feel these things take some time and trust and friendship is important.

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RE: Exclusive/Online? - 1/9/2005 6:29:21 PM

willing2serve

Posts: 385
Joined: 4/6/2004
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I will add my opinion that looking online for a real time Dom is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO overwhelming. For me, I don't trust my instincts enough in this arena to know if I am making the right decision in meeting each one. For example, after joining another site in two weeks time, I had over 300 emails from prospective Doms in my area and this was even giving very little detail about myself in my profile, Just basic information. So I never was completely sure if was eliminating the one that would have been what I needed.

I certainly would never agree to go exclusive with anyone until meeting that person face to face and look deep into their eyes. I will admit online is a great medium to allow you to get to know the person a bit better and understand if your beliefs and basic needs are in sync, but not a way to have a relationship completely.

After agreeing to meet several (and let me add I do think the 2 week rule if at all is possible to meet and try never to let it go past 4 weeks is very good guidelines to follow if distance allows.) I have been asked not to meet another Dom until the meeting that has been set in motion takes place. In those cases, I have respected their wishes to see where it went and if there was a chance for a relationship to ensue.

I certainly am glad to see a post on being overwhelmed and juggling prospective Doms are something others experience as well and would like to see more solutions if at all possible. The search is something I do not enjoy because I would rather have the One with me exploring all the wondrous things. I certainly dont see it as a game, and the attention of the search is not something I need. I take it very seriously on who the person is I should serve.

Many times, just as now I quit searching to take a vacation from all the turmoil. I know eventually the day will come when I will kneel before the One, my Master.

Respectfully,
Willing2serve1

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RE: Exclusive/Online? - 1/9/2005 7:45:02 PM

bumblebee

Posts: 29
Joined: 12/1/2004
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I'm doing the same thing as you Quivver. It is an awkward position to be in. I've found the only answer is to be honest and tell them that you are still talking to other Doms. I hate doing it and I worry how they might react as in getting competative or jealous or disappointed. It seems ridiculous since all this occurs before an actual meeting but people do get emotionally invested just online and over the phone.

If He does react by forbidding you to speak to others than for me that would be a bad sign and indicate that He's not the One for me. I've decided to respond to new emails from prospective Doms, no matter how appealing they might be, with a "thanks but I'm not looking right now" until I've met with the Doms I'm currently talking to. If it doesn't work out between me and either of them then I'll go back to looking. And if it does, well then there won't be a need will there.

Good luck with your search.

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RE: Exclusive/Online? - 1/9/2005 9:05:03 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Only speaking from my own experience. When I was released from my last Dom. I went to the internet to find one. At that time I didn't even know there were munches or anything organized. So, online just seemed the right thing to do at the time.

I had aol. Did you know they have(or had) a limit of 99 people on your buddy list at one time? Yep, 99 potentials at a time. Looking back today I don't even know how I handled all of them.
Of course my list was forever changing. Discarding people all of the time. Very few, but a few did make it on my list a year at a time.
It took me a long 5 year's to find the right Dom for me. I went through many. I was just as impatient as any. Although I was looking for the person I was hoping to spend the rest of my life with. I sure didn't want to do it one at a time. I wanted it now. So, I did what I had to do.
Finally I became frustrated and gave up. That's when I was in a vanilla chat room. There he was. We've been together ever since first real life meeting.
I don't know how you find a Dom online. I do believe I got lucky. I certainly would never be exclusive to somebody I don't even know there is real attraction to. You need those sparks in person to truly know if it can work. An IM or the phone just doesn't give you what you need to know.

Just my opinion of course.

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RE: Exclusive/Online? - 1/11/2005 6:39:22 AM

onewelshman

Posts: 19
Joined: 8/18/2004
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as a male, and as a dom i make it my rule to spell out that i do not believe in exclsivity. that goes for both the sub and for me.
onlin can be extremel helpful in arranging for the shy and worse to get started in bdsm. there is such good teaching of the basics to newbies which gives them confidence.
to you female subs. DONT ACCEPT EXCLUSIVITY. just tell him......NO !
onewelshman.

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RE: Exclusive/Online? - 1/11/2005 8:23:29 AM

RealityFix

Posts: 156
Joined: 8/12/2004
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Online I never demand exclusivity.

But if over time we feel a connection, I will become a bit jaded if a sub seems always to be looking where "the grass is greener" and will consider her fickle and not worth bothering with if she refuses to make up her mind.

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RE: Exclusive/Online? - 1/11/2005 1:43:05 PM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

I whole heartly agree RealityFix with your statement of: "But if over time we feel a connection, I will become a bit jaded if a sub seems always to be looking where "the grass is greener" and will consider her fickle and not worth bothering with if she refuses to make up her mind." although.......... connection Online is a deceptive one to invest in. I can thankfully say my list is no where near that magic number of 99!

so those next steps that follow, (phone and RT) hopefully will be alot easier to accomplish! Hopefully my steps dont come off a fickle, just careful..........

Q

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The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

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RE: Exclusive/Online? - 1/13/2005 10:36:49 PM

servantnj

Posts: 39
Joined: 3/3/2004
Status: offline

hey, what does online mean anyway. take this site or any other as simple newspaper, with pictures, articles, and personals. great information tool, great media to meet so many interesting people from your local scene, or even from New Zealand. Dont get too much into "online relationships" after all you are geting involved with your image of the person on the other line. You can never trully know the person unless you see him in his own surrounding, with all the little details. Now if his only world is his computer, well you have a problem.

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Why pamper life's complexity
When the leather runs smooth
On the passenger seat ?
-The Smiths

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RE: Exclusive/Online? - 1/13/2005 11:03:13 PM

INSIDEYOURMIND

Posts: 483
Status: offline

servant,

Very well said, this topic has been beaten to death in more threads than I care to mention, but you have stated the obvious, and stated it well!

Jeffrey

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If I got smart with you.................
How would you know?

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