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RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/14/2006 9:09:21 AM

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I have always had a problem with the word "whore". To me it makes me feel dirty and ashamed of myself. With some doms of my past, i have expressed to them my feelings about this word. A few of them told me i just needed to get used to it. Well i gotta tell ya, after years and years, i never got used to it. I still don't like the word and now i put it out there as a hard limit. You can call me slut, cunt, bitch, whatever, but don't ever call me a whore. And anyone who can't respect that is not someone i would want to be with. It has taken me a long time to get to this point where i can stand up for myself. Being submissive doesn't mean we have to take things that make us feel badly about ourselves. I applaud the OP for asking questions and trying to find another way that makes his sub feel better about herself.

(in reply to tade)

RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/14/2006 9:13:15 AM

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Quite a wide variety of opinions! i've noticed that anything that touches on this topic of descriptive terms seems to rank among the top 10 of 'most likely to illicit severe reaction from respondents'

Seems like the bottom line boils down to the same thing as always...communication between Dom and sub. What works for you? What works for her?

Thank God my Sir asks me what's bothering me when He sees that i'm upset.

_____________________________

I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to tade)

RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/14/2006 9:15:24 AM

Posts: 6334
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pqwinny

Thank God my Sir asks me what's bothering me when He sees that i'm upset.

There are two types of Dominants:

Ones that know Submissives.. and those that THINK they know Submissives

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 9/14/2006 9:19:50 AM >

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to pqwinny)

RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/14/2006 9:20:38 AM

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Remember the old line for the Odd Couple...when you assume you make an ass out of u and me.

i reitterate...thank God for my Sir :)

_____________________________

I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to LotusSong)

RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/14/2006 10:24:51 AM

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From: Scranton, PA
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quote:

So does calling her another form of the same word truly change what your calling her? If calling her "cunt" screws with her head, don't you think calling her "pootang" or "pussy" would probably have the same effect?

No. The point is to change her perception of what she is being called. As you can see from amuzingtoyou's response above, some words just hit "hot buttons while synonyms can have no effect at all.

One reason such words can hit hot buttons is because they are used so commonly the negative definition and bad reaction are hard wired in the person's mind because they have been learned over time. But if you try something else less familiar they haven't learned to react badly to it.

Here's a little list of synonyms to help you grasp this idea:

blowjob -- fellatio -- bobbing for testes
cunt -- vagina -- cooter
cock -- penis -- weenie
asshole -- rectum -- browneye
tits -- breasts -- juggs
cum -- sperm -- man seed

Perhaps they all get the same reaction from you, but I think other folks will see one as crude, the other clinical, and the other as comical slang. So although you think a "twue" dominant shouldn't try alternatives for fear of damaging the property, I believe he should have the intellectual flexibility to try something to eliminate the bad reaction so he could enjoy his property and she'd have fun too.

< Message edited by happypervert -- 9/14/2006 10:33:04 AM >

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)

RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/14/2006 10:27:45 AM

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quote:

Edited to add: The word MINE sends chills up my back every time.

this slave would agree with these words
there is something very serious and very chilling when Master uses that word.

_____________________________

~ When anger rises, think of the consequences
CONFUCIUS ~

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)

RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/14/2006 10:34:06 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: pqwinny

Thank God my Sir asks me what's bothering me when He sees that i'm upset.

There are two types of Dominants:

Ones that know Submissives.. and those that THINK they know Submissives

Actually there are three kinds of dominants... the two you mentioned and one's that think THEY know how ALL dominants should think. The latter are some of the worst because they carry a narrow mnded attitude on their shoulders and spend most of their time trying to bring others to their opinions, than bash them if unsuccessful.

The squick example was not even close to a power dynamic relationship, it was totally opposite. Comparing it to any power dynamic between a dominant and sub was foolish, an emotionally foolish ploy that simply garnered breakfast club attention and nothing more.

This is what happens when one closes off their mind. The next step is to tell everyone what D/s and M/s is all about... and try to convince others to narrow their minds and enjoy better bdsm. Better bdsm is achieved by an open mind and being able to accept things and deal with their "non-relevance" within a bdsm lifestyle.

Would you call your sub "boy"? Yes, you even boastpost of doing so quite often... and there is no more wrong in calling YOUR sub "boy" or calling him "jane".... it is whatever the Dominant wishes to call the sub. Yet in the same moment should you take offense you are quick to use the loving label of "boy" as a detrimental term to fling at a male you get squicked at... irony is often illustrated vividly in actions, is it not?

I personally don't care one iota what any dominant calls THEIR sub, after all having an open mind allows me to see beyond mere squickyness and "ewwww". Matter of fact, it bothers me little and amuses me more when those that think they are dominant sling their own squickyness at me or other dominants in attempts to prove some narrow minded point or opinion... it's sad yes but funny in the same vein.

As I stated in my open minded post... that should "slut" NOT be an agreed limit BEFORE engaging in a bdsm dynamic... then the "oh I'm just so in-conflict" sub and I would have a fireside chat and see what their problem is. If it appears that this person is so insecure in themselves that a mere word terminates their submissiveness or subspace, then I as a dominant have three options.... 1) help the submissive to re-open that closed off portion of their mind, or 2) re-negotiate our relationship and re-define limits of my open mind controlled closed minded submissive.... or 3) do not accept their failures and send them packing.

This entire concept of letting the submissive dictate the power exchange is simply over the top. What you suggest that be implimented as a safe verbal protocol is actually patronizing a weak submissive (back to the negotiations and if "slut" was NOT an agreed limit). I personally weed out such an emotionally fragile submissive during the negotiation process as any decent dominant should do, and therefore I don't encounter this big emotional shutdown/meltdown effect over a word. Encountering this actually tells me very much about the dominant and the submissive alike.... THEY didn't communicate and surprise... there's a surprise.

Advocating open communications between the dominant and submissive is the best "advice" proffered thus far in this thread, and the negotiations process is a very important place in the relationship building process for communication to occur. Equally important to communication is maintaining an open mind, and NOT closing off one's mind.

All we have seen really in this thread is a strong femdom based blast of "I Never!", and "The Nerve"... such squick emmanating from such wise femdoms is rather ironic when they boastpost of using the word "boy" as a term of endearment for their sub, as a humiliation tool for all male subs in general, and even further as a bash tool for other males they wish to battle, lol That's a fine example of three different uses of one little word, while staunchly advocating non-use of another word by other dominants. This wreaks of hypocrisy femdoms, you are what you act according to Forest Gump.

Another funny thing I see often (daily) is the femdom squad pushing this projected double-standard in tag-team fashion which resembles ambulance chasing... woof woof, let's barky bark and snarl or be coy and attempt to make this concept valid. That's funny ladies and I really do enjoy the performances, thank you for not dissapointing in THAT respect. I do however wish you were capable of seperating yourselves from your squicks and simply be "open minded" like you freely advovcate when you feel it fits... try it for real as an on-going process... it actually works if you are receptive and have an open mind, yet remain dominant.

Please quit trying to tell me what bdsm is all about when you see an opprtunity to push your own agenda... if you wish to be open minded then perhaps we can make some progress. If you want bdsm, then be able to stand bdsm. If you can't stand or handle bdsm, then perhaps your meddle is not real meddle and your recreational meddling is not the meddle product of an open mind.

Essentially, it's all very silly.... knee-jerks of emotion... and as a dominant it is my perogative to accept or deny such sillyness and squickyness in my dynamic. I choose the latter because the former makes me non-dominant in the absence of agreed limits.

Rather than shouting "don't take it girl"... and "don't even let HIM call you girl" (battle cries)... it would be more advantageous to open your own minds, get over it and your own insecurities before cranking out your daily "advice for the lovelorn".

I just love being TOLD how to treat MY "girl".... especially by the all-knowing amazing double-standard "Uh Oh Squad".... woohoo!

_____________________________

"You may be right, I may be crazy... but I may just be the lunatic you're looking for!"

(in reply to LotusSong)

RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/14/2006 10:41:37 AM

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NastyDaddy, your words ring very true

the first time Master called this slave 'the whore' she was shocked and hurt, until she saw the pride in his eyes. Being called a slut, a whore, girl, property, cunt; this slave takes pleasure in hearing Master refer to her as such. For this slave, they are terms of endearment because when Master uses them, there is such pride in his voice, how could one not be happy.

On the other side though, this slave understands that not everyone can wrap their mind around such degradation. In some cases, with some submissves and slaves, it is necessary to discuss their use beforehand.

_____________________________

~ When anger rises, think of the consequences
CONFUCIUS ~

(in reply to NastyDaddy)

RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/14/2006 10:54:32 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OhReallyNow
On the other side though, this slave understands that not everyone can wrap their mind around such degradation. In some cases, with some submissves and slaves, it is necessary to discuss their use beforehand.

One cannot overstate the importance of communication, especially when defining limits. Acheiving and maintaining an open mind will often result in limits being temporary limits... then on with the fun, as well as the enlightenment... forward progress.

What will the sub feel if she hears the dominant refer to another sub, woman, celebrity, etc... as "slut"? Often the former squick becomes a symbol of pride as you professed (good on ya!), and then a feeling of jealousy may occur ("I thought I was your 'slut"). I would not be squicked by that behavior one bit, and would actually feel pleased MY sub had progressed from an "old bones" narrow minded weak stance.

_____________________________

"You may be right, I may be crazy... but I may just be the lunatic you're looking for!"

(in reply to OhReallyNow)

RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/14/2006 11:18:37 AM

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Thank you so much for all of your responses. This has been my first post and I was very hesitant to do so because of the amount of cutting up I have seen on some of these boards. I am really surprised that the question that I thought may be silly and overly sensitive to my subs needs has been given the depth that it has and a lot of points were brought up that I didn't think of. This is of course a communication issue between the sub and I which is very much a red flag to me however, this sub is brand new to this and reacts more intensely than any other woman I have ever seen even the ones that have been submissive for years. In short that means she will most likely find a way into D/S one way or another. The point that I faced was to either be the one to introduce an old friend to the lifestyle or allow a stranger that does not know her introduce her and risk bad experiences which I would never put on an enemy let alone a close friend. The only reason I don't entirely view this as her trying to control the situation is that I know from her personality that she must be struggling with the issue of being whipped to the point of being bright red while being thrusted from the front at the same time to her is something she has never seen any one else endure and is something that I know she finds amazing at the emotional and physical pleasures and effects. We are talking about a woman in her 40's that has only been with two men in her life time and her whole sexuality is being redefined. I know that under normal circumstances a woman like that would be something I wouldn't want to touch but I also know that living near LA that there are a lot of men out their that would love the opportunity as more of a rape than anything else.

(in reply to OhReallyNow)

RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/14/2006 11:29:34 AM

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Do me and yourself a favor- send her this post you just made in an email- NO EDITING ALLOWED. Do it now.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to PONYSEEKER)

RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/14/2006 11:32:36 AM

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From: South Central CO
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixandnika

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

I loathe all of those words and don't use them directly in any context. When I'm actively taking charge of the girl, that's what I call her - "girl"!

Focus.

I've got to say this is one of my personal pet peeves. I HATE being called "girl" or "little one". I am a grown woman, not a girl, not a child, not a little.

Now, isn't that funny; I adore it! It's so....full of title or ownership. It's like being called a servant or an object, even; certainly owned. "girl".... <swoon!>

bear

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)

RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/14/2006 11:49:33 AM

Posts: 6334
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In a discussion I am having with a Dom.. I mentioned that both my Slave and I are from the mid-west.. and the methods I use probably wouldn't work on say a Native Californian or a Native New Yorker.

I probably come across as being quite benign to others.. but considering our background, perhaps this is an element that needs to be considered as to what might be offensive to one and not another. Which is where we end up with the Blind Men and The Elephant situations.

Thoughts on this also?

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to PONYSEEKER)

RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/14/2006 11:51:44 AM

Mavis

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i like being called "girl" too.. it's something hubby has done since the night we met.. i had no sense of it being anything but a protective stance and i responded to it right away. Wasn't til some 15 years later i found it a common term in BDSM. i also adore "littleone".

i'm also very proprietary about both words.. if i hear them used towards another, i get jealous.

(in reply to Bearlee)

RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/14/2006 12:20:16 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

I mentioned that both my Slave and I are from the mid-west

I think there is a difference. I have lived on the east coast as well as the west and I think that woman on the west coast have a tendency to be more submisive than on the east coast. I also think that there are more people on the west coast that are more into the
lifestyle then on the east with the exception of MI which I think is the most kinky
state of them all for some reason. Odly enough however, I find that Ca is very conservative compared to the east coast witch I think actually lends a hand in the apparently larger submisive population.

--- but that is just a kind of 'out there' opinion that I would never hold myself to

(in reply to LotusSong)

RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/14/2006 12:40:47 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tamerofwild1s

well you already call her yourprecious gem . try that . if you still wanna let slut and whore fly out make sure she understands to you those are high forms of compliments ... and only use them in ways when she is pleasing you

But thats just my dammm opinion

I dunno. If she is so sensitive to those names, I don't see that changing no matter how much sugar you put on it. It'd be like a fem slave caressing her master's face and in all gentleness saying something like "My Master, my Beloved Sweet Sack o' Sh*t" .. your conscious mind is not gonna buy it no matter HOW many times she tells you it's a good thing. JMO

my oh my . I can think of times when I was told "OWWWWwwwwww that hurt you son of a bitch Sir"

it was merely a suggestion tho in helping the girl understand that being called a slut or whore may actually be a good thing. I have dealt with and helped many girls who had issues created by an prior instance gone wrong . sometimes reassuring them that it is actually a good thing and reassuring them it will not go wrong this time and they are not BAD for being called it might help them

_____________________________

A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

(in reply to LotusSong)

RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/14/2006 4:23:09 PM

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Have look up the words webster that she has issues with so she knows means. i don't have issues with name calling, because i know what they mean, and i know that Master likes to call me names..i am like what ever..LOL....but it is just words, nothing more. i do not to take it personally, that is just part of it.

slavelilly

(in reply to PONYSEEKER)

RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/14/2006 5:45:46 PM

MistressSassy66

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Once I collered My pet kitty I gave her the name of bishop.
This plays on something W/we read about the Bishop being the Kings right hand...
Since I am a Woman and consider Myself to be the Queen,bishop seemed to fit.
she is indeed My right hand for many things in daily life.

I sometimes call her pet when she being good and I call her punk when shes not be good.
There are times when I just feel like calling her punk,this word has never bothered her as she can be one so its a truthful name.I have referred to her as My pain slut again its true so she doesnt get upset.
Infact she seems to actually get more excited when I call her that.

As far as the males go from My experience....they like the words worm,slut,bitch,dog,whore,sissy.
I sometimes use the word 'useless' before any of those.One thing I like to say is that they are a useless piece of meat as I am doing some form of cock bondage.I make sure anyone new isnt going to take it the wrong way at first.In reality communication is very important and so simple to just ask or explain why they dont like a name or maybe that they do like it.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to tade)

RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/15/2006 4:56:36 AM

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Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixandnika

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

I loathe all of those words and don't use them directly in any context. When I'm actively taking charge of the girl, that's what I call her - "girl"!

Focus.

I've got to say this is one of my personal pet peeves. I HATE being called "girl" or "little one". I am a grown woman, not a girl, not a child, not a little.

K, like the OP, you prefer to be called "slut" and "whore". Hmmm, and it seems your personal peeve with "girl" is that it's not literally accurate. Interesting....

Focus.

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)

RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/15/2006 5:02:28 AM

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From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

I have to agree with you Phoenixandnika, I hate it when I hear someone call me *girl*. I am 40 years old I haven't been a *girl* in a long time and my usual response is to call the offender *boy*. Its surprising how many men get angry at being called *boy* yet its perfectly acceptable to call a woman *girl*, but I personally don't give two shits how mad they get. I will set them straight everytime.

Odd that all the fem/subs I've known love being called "girl", in and out of an active dynamic.

Yet here's a *domme* mounting a protest; to put me straight, even....? Please tell me you're not opportunistically perverting my personal opinion merely to strut a little? I mean, you do have an opinion on the OP, right?

Doubtless you "don't give two shits" about this, either, but if you or any woman (including my sub) called me "boy", I'd crack up big time!

Focus.

(in reply to Lashra)

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