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Newbie - 1/9/2005 5:51:03 PM

HersToTeach

Posts: 4
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline

Just a quick question.

I have been reading the profiles of dommes in my area. Most look pretty hardcore (from my novice point of view at least).

In your experience would these be willing to take on a novice with no prior expeience who is not as yet willing to do fully as she requests/commands? In time i may become willing but would rather get a taster of what i am letting myself in for first.

For instance, as most lists of interests are extensive, would it be OK if only a few were shared?

Thanks

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RE: Newbie - 1/9/2005 5:54:06 PM

GoddessJules

Posts: 549
Status: offline

I think that only those dominas in your area that you are interested in can answer that question. Why not send a respectful email asking if they would accept you? You should add in that email what YOU can do to benefit THEM. i.e. how you can be helpful, useful, etc. Are you a handy man? Good at making furniture? What do you bring to the table? They are probably indundated with emails from prospectives so make sure your email stands apart.

J

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RE: Newbie - 1/9/2005 6:39:26 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

I generally will not take someone who is totally new. In my opinion, most untried "subs" are men with submissive fantasy, rather than being sub. Sure they want to serve.. on their own terms. Topping from below is very common, with such subs thinking they can hand you a shopping list of what to do to them. I have a low tollerance for frustration, so I avoid it if at all possible.

Someone who is pretty new isn't so much of a problem. My sub has been in the lifestyle about five months, the past 6 weeks of those with me. I met him at a protocol oriented play party and by observing him, I knew he knew how to serve. I'm very happy with him. He isn't ready or able to take full play yet. He'd try if I wanted him to, but there are some things I'm not asking of him... yet. *wicked smile*

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RE: Newbie - 1/9/2005 10:20:28 PM

servantnj

Posts: 39
Joined: 3/3/2004
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being there, i can give you this little advice. Relax, and be confident and very open about what you are ready for, your own limits. Now hopefuly you will find a partner who is respectful yet kinky enough to puch your limits, deaper and deaper, and then you will be hooked. That is how it happens my friend.

In the case you dont like it, well it was your fantasy and you were strong enough to make it happen, no regrets in each case.

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When the leather runs smooth
On the passenger seat ?
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RE: Newbie - 1/10/2005 1:45:30 PM

MissP

Posts: 103
Joined: 10/1/2004
Status: offline

Most of the ladies will have dealt with inexperienced and new subs/slaves before. Give one of them a call and explain your situation - I'm sure you'll find it easier than you expected.

In the meantime, get thee along to a munch or fet fair. Many of the ladies attend these in 'nilla clothing - much less scary

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RE: Newbie - 1/13/2005 9:15:25 PM

NATI

Posts: 177
Joined: 1/5/2005
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The answer to this really depends on what you are looking for. Are you looking for a play partner, or are you looking for a Domme with whom you envision having a long term relationship with. If you are looking for a lng term relationship with someone, chances are good that she is not going to be terribly patient while you jockey back and forth between the questions: am I a sub, or am I not?

You should have the answers about who you are and what you are already figured out. You can answer those questions by attending munches and other get togethers in your area. You may find people at these get togethers who would be willing to help you explore.

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RE: Newbie - 1/13/2005 10:49:07 PM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HersToTeach

Just a quick question.

I have been reading the profiles of dommes in my area. Most look pretty hardcore (from my novice point of view at least).

In your experience would these be willing to take on a novice with no prior expeience who is not as yet willing to do fully as she requests/commands? In time i may become willing but would rather get a taster of what i am letting myself in for first.

For instance, as most lists of interests are extensive, would it be OK if only a few were shared?

Thanks

This is a very interesting question. I'm not sure what these other women would do, but I'm willing to tell you how I approach things with a 'newbie'.

With all submissive males, either experienced or novice, I spend a lot of time chatting on line with them. I prefer a messenger over mailing back and forth. With a messenger, I get a chance to see how someone reacts in as real time as messengers are. This gives me a feel for him intellectually, whether he has a sense of humor, whether he's generally polite. I usually want 5-8 conversations with someone before I take it to the next level of phone. After several phone calls, and things have gone well, and I haven't caught them in a lie (which is a MAJOR deal breaker) I'll meet them at a public place for coffee. I want to see how they act in public, if that which has attracted me from our chats translates into real life. Too, I may not be what he's looking for once we meet, and that's alright too.

I look at finding a submissive as a journey to an achieved goal. I'm not interested in "any sub in the storm". I'm looking for the one that suits me and I him.

Lily

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RE: Newbie - 1/15/2005 8:39:04 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
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I have just looked at your profile and I see that you are quite young. There is nothing wrong with being a newbie and/or being hesitant about certain things. This is where your hard and soft limits come into play. I do see you list very little in the way of interest, and My biggest objection would be the phrase in your profile that states you would not be "completely submissive at first". This is a very honest feeling you are sharing, but might not be the best way to put it. If you question and fight your Domina, even though She is within the parameters set by both, She will bring you to your knees.
Seek out a Domina who will respect your newness to the lifestyle, and is willing to teach you as you represent yourself in your screen identity. There is no problem with taking things slow, but you also have to be willing to be taught. you have to come to an agreement and then trust the Domina you choose. I would not cross any lines until you are ready, but if you just want to experiment a bit, and find a Dominant playmate to fulfill a few personal fantasies, tben I would be taking you as a Pro Client.

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 1/15/2005 8:40:29 PM >

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