Jilted Submissives, Take Heart... (Full Version)

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losttreasure -> Jilted Submissives, Take Heart... (9/17/2006 8:48:18 PM)

For all the subs who've suffered emotionally from doms disappearing on them... be thankful.  I've just discovered that one from CM who disappeared on me has recently been placed on a local police department's most wanted list for aggravated sexual assault.  Thank God for small favors.

And thank God that with FirmHandKY, I no longer have to worry.  [;)]



crystalblu4u -> RE: Jilted Submissives, Take Heart... (9/17/2006 8:54:15 PM)

Thank you for saying that.  i've been wondering what happened to a dom that i had begun seeing recently, who just disappeared, and frankly, feeling a little sorry for myself.  Thanks for the reality check!
 
crystal [sm=ofcourse.gif]



juliaoceania -> RE: Jilted Submissives, Take Heart... (9/17/2006 8:56:06 PM)

Deleted because I misunderstood, it is not someone you are currently seeing... your new pic is lovely BTW



losttreasure -> RE: Jilted Submissives, Take Heart... (9/17/2006 9:03:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Deleted because I misunderstood, it is not someone you are currently seeing... your new pic is lovely BTW


Oh no... *laughs*  this was someone I had been talking to some months ago but hadn't met before he up and disappeared.  FirmHandKY and I are doing wonderfully and are very happy.

And thank you so much for the compliment on my photo.  [:)]



FirmhandKY -> RE: Jilted Submissives, Take Heart... (9/17/2006 9:11:58 PM)

Never been charged with sexual assault ... yet, anyway.  [:D][:D][:D][:D][:D][:D]

Thanks for the worry, though julia.  Actually, something I said gave mytreasure an idea that blossomed into how to check up on the particular individual she is talking about.  He is the kind that "claimed ownership" in public, without permission, without meeting and then simply disappeared.

Personally, I make sure I've got "ownership" before I claim it, and then tend to not let it go easily.

FHky



juliaoceania -> RE: Jilted Submissives, Take Heart... (9/17/2006 9:34:55 PM)

Congrats to both of you!



twicehappy -> RE: Jilted Submissives, Take Heart... (9/18/2006 3:58:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FirmhandKY

Actually, something I said gave mytreasure an idea that blossomed into how to check up on the particular individual she is talking about. 


During my search if i got to the point of an actual meeting i used People Search; you have to pay for it but it does give you a criminal background check. If they did not want to tell me their real name i figured something was fishy anyhow.



MisPandora -> RE: Jilted Submissives, Take Heart... (9/18/2006 7:44:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy
During my search if i got to the point of an actual meeting i used People Search; you have to pay for it but it does give you a criminal background check. If they did not want to tell me their real name i figured something was fishy anyhow.

It's definitely worth the $70 if you have no other access to backgrounding someone!



RosaB -> RE: Jilted Submissives, Take Heart... (9/18/2006 9:58:42 AM)

Ahh, this brings back memories of the time after meeting for coffee with a submissive that frankly gave me a very uncomfortable feeling.  About a month after meeting the guy, I was watching the news and his picture was plaster on the TV for an arranged meeting he planned with what he thought was a teenager.  This sicko had been chatting with the decoy for quite some time over the net.  He came to the meet up spot well equipped with rope, duct tape, dildos, etc., all set for this young girl to perfrom kinky acts with him.  Last I heard he was deservidly serving time.  btw, at the time of this incident he was on leave from his duties as a school educator.  Among his many lies that I was unaware of, he was married and had young children as well.  

Truth be told, a simple background check would have elimanated him as a possible sub easily, but my gut feelings about the guy could have served me just as well in, this case, if I had honed in to what I felt from the get go.  Even though, I didn't have an actual relationship with the guy, I was thrown for a loop seeing him on the news and I started feeling like I couldn't trust anyone for a while.  Btw, the guy gave his real name.  It was a few years ago and I've learned much since that time..


Rosa



MsKatHouston -> RE: Jilted Submissives, Take Heart... (9/18/2006 10:12:28 AM)

quote:

but my gut feelings about the guy could have served me just as well in, this case, if I had honed in to what I felt from the get go


It's amazing how many times I've heard this.  I don't care what kind of background checks are done and if the guy or gal looks IDEAL on paper.  If you have that feeling...Listen to it.  Better to be wrong and have a little oops for dismissing someone great than to have it go the other way.  More often than not, those nagging little feelings are spot on.



littlesarbonn -> RE: Jilted Submissives, Take Heart... (9/18/2006 10:53:06 AM)

On the other hand, a potential future date of mine decided not to pursue me because she did a "background" check and discovered my kinky lifestyle. I had grown so frustrated with not connecting in the kink community that I was giving it up. Turns out, you can't win no matter what you do.



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Jilted Submissives, Take Heart... (9/18/2006 11:07:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn
On the other hand, a potential future date of mine decided not to pursue me because she did a "background" check and discovered my kinky lifestyle.
I'm not against background checks, but they always make me wonder "whatever happened to dating and getting to know a person?"
I think on these very boards people have told terrible stories about partners on whom they have done background checks.   Even if the person has no criminal history, if your feeling like something is wrong with the picture/you in it, get out peacefully and stay away.   M



losttreasure -> RE: Jilted Submissives, Take Heart... (9/18/2006 11:35:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

quote:

but my gut feelings about the guy could have served me just as well in, this case, if I had honed in to what I felt from the get go


More often than not, those nagging little feelings are spot on.


I have to agree.  My intuition was warning me about this fellow, and fortunately I didn't invest more than a little time with him.  I'm lucky it didn't cost me more.  Guys like this are pretty crafty... though I had what was something close to his real name and his birthdate, I honestly couldn't find out anything more.  He kept any real information carefully concealed.  What gave me the "break" turned out to be the url for a defunct business website that he didn't intend to reveal to me.  At the time, I had no idea how to use that information until FHky said something the other night that inspired me. 

It's amazing what you can find out about someone without even investing in a professional background check.  It does, however, require that you do have at least some accurate information.  But with that little url, I ended up with his REAL name, his address, his telephone number, when he bought his house and it's value, in addition to the information regarding his current criminal problems.  That's not a whole lot of information, but enough that, had he not disappeared, I would have known for sure that he was lying to me and not to have anything to do with him.

It really all just makes me appreciate more the fact that, once FHky and I were fairly comfortable with each other, he provided me with a copy of his driver's license and other personal information, and encouraged me to assure myself.   [:)]



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