am not sure where this should go (Full Version)

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MasterRsslave -> am not sure where this should go (9/19/2006 10:45:05 AM)

i have a question that has been on my mind for some time now. What to do after you have broken up with your Dom,if things do not work out should you move on to another or should you wait?How do you let go when the alpha won't?



Estring -> RE: am not sure where this should go (9/19/2006 11:48:19 AM)

I think jumping into another relationship right after a breakup is never a good thing. I would suggest that you wait and take time to get over the failed relationship first. It takes time to let go. And it can be scary to suddenly be alone. From your post, it seems you did the leaving. Remember why you left when you start missing what you left.



MrDiscipline44 -> RE: am not sure where this should go (9/19/2006 11:54:41 AM)

It depends on how long the two of you have been together and how deep the relationship was to you. If you were together for a few years and/or were very deeply involved, you're not going to want to start looking again for a little while. Otherwise, if it was short and meant nothing, start perusing profiles.



toservez -> RE: am not sure where this should go (9/19/2006 11:55:44 AM)

There are a lot of variables to deal with. How long were you together? How bad/good did the breakup go? M/s is like all other relationships and breakups, in general it cannot be bad to take some time in between relationships to get yor head on straight and gain some perspective, but that time period can be short or long depending on where you are at and not some arbritary time frame.

Generally though try to enter a new relationship for the right reasons and not for missing tangible things.



Missokyst -> RE: am not sure where this should go (9/19/2006 1:14:28 PM)

I know most people would tell you to move slowly.  I say do what works for you.  Who says you are going to blindly hook up with someone in hopes of permanance?

I agree it doesn't make sense to go from partner to partner hoping that one will stick.  But that doesn't mean you have to shut down until some magic amount of time has passed so you can clearly see the one you may pick might be the "ONE". 

What ever happened to casual dating? Granted, some of my casual dates have involved ropes and chains.. but I say you do what makes you happy. 

Wait, or not, based on what you think is going to work for you.
Kyst 

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterRsslave

i have a question that has been on my mind for some time now. What to do after you have broken up with your Dom,if things do not work out should you move on to another or should you wait?How do you let go when the alpha won't?



MstrssPassion -> RE: am not sure where this should go (9/19/2006 1:56:35 PM)

I'm really having a hard time figuring out what you mean. I would need some clarity.

You have a brand new profile. Your name is indicates that you are owned by someone you call Master R.

Who broke up? You?

If it was you that broke up... time for a name change & some serious reflection upon relationships, what makes them work & what are indications that they are failing because you seemed to be all a flutter about the one you were in when you wrote the profile 1 day ago.

If this was about someone else... I dunno. Best thing that anyone can do after a relationship ends is find closure, reflect & move on... & by move on I DON'T mean to jump into another relationship.

ps... what does an alpha have to do with this??



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: am not sure where this should go (9/19/2006 2:35:53 PM)

You have to do what you feel best.  Becoming celibate and swearing off all relationships forever seems a bit of an unnecessary and extreme step. 

What would you be thinking if this were a vanilla relationship?

How do you let go when they won't?  You cut off all contact with them.



ownedgirlie -> RE: am not sure where this should go (9/19/2006 3:58:22 PM)

It all depends on the person and the circumstance.  It seems a good rule of thumb to wait, at least I thought so at the time.  But then I met my Master 4 days after I ran away from my last Dominant.  So, it all depends.  It would have been a pity if I had passed up this opportunity simply because I needed to fulfill a self imposed rule.  Just keep your eyes open and listen to your heart.



Caitriona -> RE: am not sure where this should go (9/19/2006 5:01:33 PM)

I agree with the others - it all depends on the circumstances of the relationship.  Do what's best for you.  I wish you the best of luck.



gypsygrl -> RE: am not sure where this should go (9/19/2006 5:03:24 PM)

I agree with LA here.  After several relationships, one of them D/s, where I did the breaking up and they didn't want to let go, I've found that there is only one way to handle the situation and that is cut off all contact.  Anything else leads to false hope on their part and lots of aggravation. 

As far as how long to wait before jumping in again, I think the crucial thing is that you're in a place where you're not trying to 'replace' your previous Dominant with a with a new and improved model but are willing to start fresh.  I think taking a more casual approach for a while might be wise. 

Also, I think there's something to be learned from every experience, both the good and the bad, so you might consider asking yourself if you've learned all you could from your previous relationship.  Have you thought about it and reflected on it enough that you're bored with it?  For me, thats a pretty good sign that I've moved on.



NastyDaddy -> RE: am not sure where this should go (9/19/2006 7:20:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterRsslave

How do you let go when the alpha won't?


Is it the alpha in the ex-Dom, or is it the alpha in you?  



SweetEscravo -> RE: am not sure where this should go (9/19/2006 8:03:00 PM)

I would treat it like any other relationship.  A few months ago I went through a bad breakup with my ex dom.  Sometimes these things just don't work out.  You need to give yourself space away from this person (I know how hard that can be to do), and just let yourself heal.  I wouldn't jump into anything if I were you either.  Subs can rebound badly, and that only makes it worse.  Honestly, just treat it as though this was a vanilla relationship that just ended.  I know that's hard to do when you're a sub because of the intense attachment and dependency that is usually developed towards the dom, but it really is what you have to do.  Just take some time to cry and be sad, then pick yourself up, dust yourself off and allow your life to continue. You will meet so many more people and it'll happen when you least expect it to.  Just let life happen.  Best of luck.



Sinergy -> RE: am not sure where this should go (9/19/2006 8:07:40 PM)

 
Hello A/all,

I was married for a long time, I waited months before I even considered asking somebody out on a date.

I felt I had to take the time to grieve properly and work through what I had just gotten out of.

But that is just me, and I could be wrong.

Sinergy



Aine -> RE: am not sure where this should go (9/19/2006 8:19:08 PM)

Yeah, space from said ex is generally a good idea.

Unfortunately, it took me over 2 years and finally a move two days drive away from my ex to really make any kind of noticable break from him.  He and I just couldn't stay away from each other and it just wasn't healthy at all, regardless of how much we care about each other.

I'm a somewhat rare case though.  I also wasn't really seeing things clearly because of him and my misguided hopes regarding him.  A nice reality check came when I met my current love.  I realized how much I needed to move on for my own sanity.  And my current love was and still is well aware of what was going on emotionally with me and my ex.  He was extremely supportive and we're still together to this day and now living together in another state (the move having to do with him being in the military).

I still from time to time talk to my ex, but it's different.  We're better off with our space and doing well....though he could be doing better, but there's not much I can do for him at this point.

I guess what it boils down to is that do what you feel is right for you, be honest with those around you about you, your recent situtation and your current feelings and emotions.  I won't say to jump into another relationship, nor will I say avoid them altogether.  Go with the flow and see what happens.



Dnomyar -> RE: am not sure where this should go (9/22/2006 10:03:46 AM)

Aine I can totally relate to you on this. Been there done that. Sometimes it is hard to move on. Now older and wiser I recommend moving on as quick as possible. Waiting a long time just makes you grow older and possibly miss out on a good relationship with someone.



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