RE: Looking For Some Help Here

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Aine -> RE: Looking For Some Help Here (9/20/2006 8:03:26 AM)
Due to a couple past ex's I strayed from giving oral sex for many years. I was young and they managed to make me feel as though I "had" to give them head and made me do it often. My most recent ex was very understanding, and over the course of about 4 - 5 years with him I started to enjoy it once again, without any prodding to do so by him. For me, it's a slow process, I still don't wholly enjoy doing it, but I do try to when I am in the mood for it. Emotionally, that's where I am at. Physically is a whole other thing altogether. I have a severely sensitive gag reflex, ie: holding a brush by the handle in my teeth makes me gag almost instantly. Working around the gag reflex takes time, patience and creativity. I've read bits of advice on a few sites, and try to incorporate those things into what I try. I use my tongue to the fullest extent, and since I have small mouth and a very small tongue, I learned to use those things to my advantage early on. Learning to be able to graze ever so gently with the teeth (some like it, some don't), utilizing the inside cheeks to cushion the head by sucking your cheeks inward, swirling the tongue, flicking at different speeds, find the sweetest spot under the head and take full advantage of it with your lips and tongue whenever possible if you have yet to get too far past the gag reflex problem. As for working on the gag reflex....Go Slow. Have an understanding and patient partner. Relaxing as much as possible, the jaw, the neck, all your muscles, and lots of easy and slow breathing. Work yourself slowly and as far as you feel comfortable. Spread out the tries over time, don't push yourself. Test out any little idea you come up with and always be aware of the reactions you get from your partner. As many have said...that reaction tends to make it worth it.

happypervert -> RE: Looking For Some Help Here (9/20/2006 8:38:47 AM)
fast reply You can desensitize your gag reflex -- look in a yoga book where it talks about cleansing rituals because they do stuff like running cloths down their throats and through their nostrils and stuff like that. With time your high gag reflex may relax enough that you can even get a job at the circus as a sword swallower.

heartfeltsub -> RE: Looking For Some Help Here (9/20/2006 8:42:29 AM)
Thank you all so much for all your help. i can't begin to tell you how much i appreciate it.

Mavis -> RE: Looking For Some Help Here (9/20/2006 9:03:35 AM)
heys. i like giving oral, but i too have a strong gag reflex, and i don't care how small a partner is, that last 20 seconds before they pop over, it gets huge! (ok, it's prolly only a quarter of an inch if that, but there IS an appreciable difference, and my throat has just gotten used to oh well.. nevermind.) Embrace your gag reflex, it means you are healthy, an emotionally empathetic, great traits to have! Gag reflex is the bodies way of prepping to get rid of ingested contaminants.. "village cleansing" is why seeing someone else orf up will cause almost everyone else to wretch too.. the thought is ... if there was bad meat in a village with shared food resources, the sympathetic reaction of gagging (and orfing) would then save many if not all the villagers. So, knowing what gag is all about, work with it. One thing that helps, don't have a full tummy, your gag reflex is higher then. Also, don't be completely empty either. Even the sensation of His hand on your head might trigger it, in defense of being "force fed" a contaminant. Ask if He can manage pacing by touching no more than your shoulders. If your neck is actively involved in "fighting" to control your head, your throat will engage it's defenses too. Mentally, try to separate the lovely sensations of your tongue from the idea of a "food source". Even if you have no plans to swallow.. subconsiously you're thinking of it as "something is gonna come out of there". welp. One thing at a time, just get used to giving pleasure without orgasm if you need to. your hand can finish up just fine. There is more on this, but i've got to make an airport run, Master is due in 50 mins! :)

kyraofMists -> RE: Looking For Some Help Here (9/20/2006 3:37:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub So my question is this, i was wondering for those who do enjoy giving oral sex, why do you do so, what goes on mentally when you do so, or do you mentally tune out and just get into the act. i am especially interested in hearing from anyone who once didn't like it and now does. For me it is a complete and total power trip. That may be a strange thing for a person who willing gives up their authority in the relationship, but that is what it is. In those moments, he allows me to top him; I am in control and totally focused on generating reactions through his cock. The more he controls my actions, the less I enjoy it. My goal is not to get him to orgasm but to give sensations and play and since orgasm ends the play, I postpone it as long as possible. I focus on the reactions I get, and when I find a reaction I like I play with it and see how often I can cause it. "You bitch!" happens to be one of my favorite reactions. I bring toys into it as well, vibrators (I have several different kinds that cause different sensations), breath strips (citrus, mint and cinnamon), listerine misters (he will only let me use mint and citrus in these) and I use my hands a lot. After a session that I really enjoy, I laugh my head off. He is laying there dead to the world and I am laughing my ass off. sighs too bad he is so far away at the moment... I could use a good laugh! Knight's kyra

heartfeltsub -> RE: Looking For Some Help Here (9/20/2006 3:46:23 PM)
Thank you very much for answering the question i posed. i guess i am also wondering based on the answers that i got from a number of you, what happens when the partner/Dom/Top won't release control long enough to make it playful or to allow me to go at my own pace, are there any breathing techniques, etc. that might help?

Celeste43 -> RE: Looking For Some Help Here (9/20/2006 3:47:45 PM)
He's the first man I've enjoyed giving oral sex to and I think that's because his enjoyment of it is obvious. I need affirmation and affection and when he says something on the order of "that's it baby, that's so good" then I get what I need. I also afterwards get held which isn't something I'm used to in men after their sexual needs were met. I am both told and shown how much he loves me and what I can do for him. I'm allowed to withdraw a little when the gagging gets too much. Basically my problem is breathing which I can't figure out how to do during. So I hold my breath as long as possible, pull back a little and get another breath and continue.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Looking For Some Help Here (9/20/2006 3:52:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub Thank you very much for answering the question i posed. i guess i am also wondering based on the answers that i got from a number of you, what happens when the partner/Dom/Top won't release control long enough to make it playful or to allow me to go at my own pace, are there any breathing techniques, etc. that might help? Uhh learn to take gulps when you are let up and practice going without. There are techniques for learning how to deep throat- starting with hanging your head over the side of the bed, practicing on dildos and bananas and icicles so you can control the pace on those occasions. PERSONALLY, I think blow jobs are always better if the guy just lets the other person do what they are going to do without interference. With the possible exception of just the raw used as a fuck hole scenario, I think guys who always feel they need to be shoving your head around just miss out on a lot of the fun and sensations that a good blow job can really contain. Again, I really don't ever do deep throat and only use my mouth 30% of the time...and it's never been a problem. But if you’re with that type of person, and they just don’t feel like changing, you just have to try and practice when you can, learn to hold your breath, and put it into the “things I do because I chose to obey” category.

spankmepink11 -> RE: Looking For Some Help Here (9/20/2006 4:20:10 PM)
I agree with those who've stated thats it's easier...and more enjoyable when your partner gives free rein and just lays back and enjoys the attention. And positive feedback is excellent. Breathing is also a really important issue but not insurmountable, just takes practice...and rythm. Maybe you can practice when alone with a banana or cucumber...zuchini...or hell...even a dildo, whatever your comfortable with. Just remember....relax...and enjoy...

Amaros -> RE: Looking For Some Help Here (9/20/2006 4:28:58 PM)
The positive feedback is good, but either massage, or have him gently massage your throat to relax it while flirting with the gag reflex trigger area - also extending your tongue is said to help overcome the gag reflex.

Amaros -> RE: Looking For Some Help Here (9/20/2006 4:30:04 PM)
Any sort of positive reinforcement will also probobly help - have some ice cream aftwerwards.

CreoleCook -> RE: Looking For Some Help Here (9/20/2006 6:12:20 PM)
A suggestion for your concerns, darlin... Granted I like to do this as part of a stimulation technique, but you can use this for your situation, as well. Pop a Hall's Mentholyptus drop in your mouth, prior to going down on your partner. This technique gives a whole new meaning to "Vapour action," as well as might take your mind off your gag reflex for a time. CC PS... yes, that vapor action works on women, as well as men...

Rayne58 -> RE: Looking For Some Help Here (9/20/2006 6:56:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: becca333 I hated doing it, even in cyber play I'd refuse, the thought of it was a complete turnoff. And then I met my current Dom, and suddenly I loved doing it. I like touching him, feeling that instant response, I love giving him so much pleasure - as spankmepink says, it's incredibly empowering. There's the satisfaction of a job well done, the intimacy of it, the lovely reciprocity (he's VERY talented!) Don't worry about it for now - if you don't like doing it, it's a hard limit for you and should be respected. Maybe one day, with the right partner, you'll be able to do it without stress. And if you don't - well, there's a lot of other great things you can do.You don't have to justify your preferences to anyone. I never gave oral sex when I was married. The thought of it was a complete turn off. I didn't realise until I left him that it was HIM who made me feel this way (emotional abuse, long story). However I then met a guy who let me take things at my own pace and right from the get go I was comfortable letting him cum in my mouth. This was only just over 4 years ago[&o] He's long gone now but I have fond memories of exploring with him, he was kind and patient with me. I gag but am able to enjoy Master fucking my face, because I trust Him absolutely. If I find myself getting short of breath I tap Him on the leg or butt 3 times and He will pull back to let me breathe. If I gag I pull back and swallow a few times, it seems to help. I make sure His cock is well lubricated with spit, helps it slide down easier. I can't hold it there for long, only a couple of seconds or so, but He likes the feeling of it sliding in and out of my throat[:)] heartfeltsub I feel you have already taken a step in the right direction, because you say you want to get over this. The right mindset can work wonders[:)]along with a loving patient and understanding partner. The desire to please and be pleasing to my Dom, along with the love and commitment we share, has given me the confidence over the last couple of years to push myself. What was once icky and disgusting to me is now a joyful act and one we both love[:)]

mons -> RE: Looking For Some Help Here (9/21/2006 12:59:06 AM)
greetings i was abuse as a child and for me and i do not know why but i love oral with male i infact enjoy it so much it so important for reason one day i may know but i must be the best at it i work lol on things to help me and this was went i was a vvirgin i had not sex no ideal what sex was i was 17 i would ask why does it feel good what this or that but the oral sex i read books on it and i am very good but why did i work at it so hard? i can not answer this i just know i had to be better then any woman so that when i did do this i was bad good and i di love it mons take care i hope this answer your question

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