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confusion of safewords and more - 1/13/2005 8:33:14 PM

match2u

Posts: 131
Joined: 11/15/2004
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i am new to the M/s relation and in having contact to a Master for a couple of months now i have a question.
we talked about safewords - and therefor that i use the ample code. green - yellow - red.

in talking about that and telling me i have my safe word to express myself when feeling wrong he told me at the same time i should be aware that i have a good reason to interrupt him in space. to use red ! - feels like a little bit pressure on me

in the meantime we saw us and things went well so far. but also i am often confused about the caring mood/ tender mood he shows up and then really cruel and harsh and telling he is an extreme sadist.

we had also a discussion about my hard limits - as far i know them !
before taken a collar i guess expectation should be already told, honesty and compatibility is important.
i am definitly not into poly - as much i long to please my Master. for me - just consider as harm - and it will make no better or worser slave - as i would never allow myself to tell there is a better or worser Master.
in the beginning of o/Our contact he told me my hard limits will be respected.

now a couple months later - telling him the same limits he tells me that i would not serve him completly, fullfilling his needs.
same time he tells me sometimes Master make exception for their girl - i am getting confused.

is that pushing my limits - at least to try?

am i allowed to negotiate limits before taken a collar - a collar is placed on my neck?

p

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RE: confusion of safewords and more - 1/13/2005 9:32:25 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
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In my opinion it depends on what you negotiated before the relationship started. Good negotiation is key.
Did you negotiate having your limits pushed? Did you tell him you would like to try things and see if you like them?
If he is making you feel uncomfortable you definately need to tell him either way. As your Master he also has promised to keep you safe. This is his job. You don't just take the name of Master without putting any work into it prior.
I suggest you take a step back and talk.
It is the only way to know what is right and wrong.

(in reply to match2u)

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RE: confusion of safewords and more - 1/13/2005 11:33:58 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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quote:

in talking about that and telling me i have my safe word to express myself when feeling wrong he told me at the same time i should be aware that i have a good reason to interrupt him in space. to use red ! - feels like a little bit pressure on me

You should have a very good reason to use "red", it usually means something is terribly wrong and to stop the scene now.

quote:

but also i am often confused about the caring mood/ tender mood he shows up and then really cruel and harsh and telling he is an extreme sadist.

A Dom can be loving and tender but also a sadist. If you can't handle his sadism then maybe he isn't the right dome for you.

quote:

am i allowed to negotiate limits before taken a collar - a collar is placed on my neck?

I think limits should be negotiated before the D/s relationship is established. That doesn't mean they can't be renogotiated later as the relationship develops.

It sounds like you need more open communication before you commit to a collar. Good luck with it.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to match2u)

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RE: confusion of safewords and more - 1/14/2005 4:24:08 AM

OrientalMistress

Posts: 34
Joined: 11/7/2004
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FLEE this so-called "dom" ... he will prove to be nothing but trouble. his words are the honey that to draw you into his web of deceit and chanigng moods. A good Dom respects your hard limits {and soft ones as well} as you're the one to draw the boundaries in which a session is performed.

It is no wonder that you are confused...if you would talk further, you may email Me at [email protected].

Oriental Mistress

(in reply to match2u)

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RE: confusion of safewords and more - 1/14/2005 8:05:31 AM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
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quote:

telling him the same limits he tells me that i would not serve him completly, fullfilling his needs. same time he tells me sometimes Master make exception for their girl - i am getting confused.

If I were in your shoes I'd be confused too. On one hand, it looks like he is trying to dump you and using the limits as the reason. Since limits didn't seem to be the problem before, it may be the real reason or he may just be using it as an excuse.

On the other hand, he teases you with the "sometimes masters make exceptions" but doesn't say he is willing to make an exception for you; can't say if he was just babbling or if you can take some personal meaning from his statement. I'll take a wild guess and say that perhaps he had previously considered making an exception for you but is now changing his mind. It could be a case of "commitment phobia" or something else. Based strictly on what you've written there, I would not be optimistic because it looks more like he is trying to back away than go forward with a relationship.

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RE: confusion of safewords and more - 1/14/2005 8:16:30 AM

INSIDEYOURMIND

Posts: 483
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quote:

am i allowed to negotiate limits before taken a collar - a collar is placed on my neck?

You are the one who determines what is right or wrong for you before being collared, and it continues after if you are being used and or abused. A strong line of communication must exist between yourself, and your Dom.

I am curious, is this an "online" dom?

If it is, safewords are as meaningless as the online relatiobship.

I am also confused, you speak of a Master, and the possibility of being collared, yet your profile says you seek a Dom. I would think that would send mixed messages to whoever you are involved with.

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RE: confusion of safewords and more - 1/14/2005 8:48:55 AM

sweetpleaser

Posts: 689
Joined: 8/5/2004
From: Florida
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I've read your post on another thread regarding being released. Honey, you are sensing a red flag. Trust your instinct and leave. You will find someone who will respect you and your limits. Good luck and keep us posted.

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~ann~

It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.--Mae West

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RE: confusion of safewords and more - 1/14/2005 12:53:11 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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quote:

FLEE this so-called "dom" ...

From her other thread it sounds like that is what she intends to do.

release of slavery

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to OrientalMistress)

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