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kyraofMists -> RE: confused (9/24/2006 5:05:42 AM)
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ORIGINAL: patina
confused on a lot of issues but will just pick out a few. the first Dom I had told me all sub/slaves were to always walk behind the Dom to stand behind him in his presence, not speak unless spoken too, to crawl to him when approaching,, to always call him Master in private Sir in public.
If you take out the absolutes in this statement, "all" and "always" then there is absolutely nothing wrong with this. He is just stating his preference of what he wants in his relationhip. Frankly there is nothing wrong with the things he wants either. I walk a step behind my Lord, I ask permission to speak and if he wanted me to crawl to him, I would do it happily. I can't think of anyone who would consider him to be a fake, wannabe or insecure. It is how we like to relate. It isn't for everyone but we love it.
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Now my confusion: a guy I was starting to talk to on here told me that the True Lifestyle did not have you do any of those things only fakes and players did that shit. That those of the True Life have you called them honey ot sweetheart or other such endearments.
That a real Master did not need to have you bow or degrade yourself to him, that a woman was to be beside the master in all ways. He was the Master she the sub, but always at his side.
Now this guy sounds like a guy with the insecurity issues to me. He has to build himself up by tearing other people down. He is making negative value judgments of something it is clear he knows little about. Those who have to elevate their preferences by calling it "true" or "real" and degrade others who make different choices are people I seek to avoid.
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Now is this two diff lifestyles or just these guys beliefs? Either way does a sub have to crawl to her master or is that each Dom's preference.
a newbie trying to learn correctly.
Don't let people try to convince you that there is a "one true way" to BDSM and M/s or D/s relationships. People are different and enjoy different things. There are some who enjoy high protocol and different ways of interacting that is not typical to others. There are others who enjoy the more mainstream interactions in the relationship and only want to have the kinky sex. There is not one right way only one way that is best for you.
I would also recommend that you don't make assumptions about how others feel doing things based on how you might feel doing them. As an example, some people might find it highly degrading to be lead around on a leash. I find it highly comforting and provides me a sense of security and connection to him.
Knight's kyra
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