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being positive about the experience - 9/24/2006 1:18:31 PM

gentlethistle

Posts: 186
Joined: 10/28/2005
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In November last year I began exchanging messages and chatting with a dominant here at CollarMe. In December we met up in a coffee shop. It had taken some convincing for me to even meet someone in public like that but finally I decided to take a chance.

For around nine months we met regularly and I was required to wear a 'collar' for him. He finally released me last Friday. Even though the relationship has now ended, I wanted to post something here about the positive parts of the experience from my point of view.

Before we met for our first evening outing (which involved me getting in his car) he gave me his real name, I knew where his office was and had met him there from work and he gave me his car registration. He let me know that I could give the information to a friend and say where I was going. The first time I ever visited his home he made a big play of showing me that the key was in the front door. None of these things represent a guarantee of safety, but they all helped to reassure me that he meant me no harm, which was appreciated as this was my first offline BDSM encounter of any sort.

Over the course of our time together he introduced me to gentle restraint, to spanking and paddling and caning, not to mention other things. I also had a taste of D/s control in my life. On the few occasions that I reacted really badly to something he backed off. Early on he talked with me a lot about how things were for me, and tried to understand who I was and my past sexual experience and desires.

We were more than 'play partners' though. He gave me a huge amount of support with a lot of difficult family issues, we shared laughs, grouses about life, visited some beautiful places together and he provided companionship and a safe space outside my daily life where I could be with someone in a different world. He respected the fact that I had demands upon my time away from him, and actively encouraged me to participate in things I enjoy. I really appreciated the chance to touch a man again, to hold and be held, sleep with him, to be played with and taken, and made to desire. Yes, there was good sex. But there was also a caring friendship. Almost until the end, when he said he'd do something he did, and when he needed to rearrange he told me. I could trust and rely on him.

Obviously there are negative things that could be said, and incompatibilities between us, or the relationship wouldn't have ended. But those things don't belong here. I just wanted to record what was good.

Laura

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RE: being positive about the experience - 9/25/2006 1:29:15 PM

BD123

Posts: 201
Joined: 8/12/2006
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Count you blessing, for the short time you where together, you found happiness. Perhaps the next experience will last longer. Good luck and keep the faith!

(in reply to gentlethistle)

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RE: being positive about the experience - 4/17/2007 7:31:29 AM

KinkMasterDave

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Joined: 6/26/2005
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It's great that you posted of the positives.. often, when relationships end, so many focus on the loss and tend to gravitate to the negatives for focus.

I wish you the best in your future walk...

MD

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Proud owner and operator of arden and victoria...

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RE: being positive about the experience - 4/20/2007 9:00:21 AM

leili

Posts: 49
Joined: 3/18/2007
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i hope you keep and hold on to the best of things and do not let the worst bring you down. :D always here if you need to talk!

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RE: being positive about the experience - 5/4/2007 3:35:30 PM

gentlethistle

Posts: 186
Joined: 10/28/2005
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Strange that people should have responded to this thread after all these months. Even stranger that I find myself back here and discover the responses.

But there is a sequel to my original post. It wasn't so long after I wrote it that the dominant in question and I actually managed to resume the communication that had fractured...and with it resumed our relationship. Strange to tell, we're still together. And in a peculiar way I think we're actually stronger for the break

I think that having that hiatus really helped me to realise what had already been good about the relationship and to focus on that and to quit harping on the things that were problems. Maybe we're not perfect together...but then as we both said almost simultaneously to each other recently...."who is?" And when I want to know about something now...I ask!

I agree that most people focus on the negative when a relationship ends...but actually that is because it's one of the acknowledged ways of achieving 'uncoupling', to ascribe blame or to rewrite history to make the other person a villain. It's actually a lot tougher to split from someone whilst still basically believing that not only are they a good, decent person....but so are you!

Anyway, just thought another positive update might be called for. All's well...not that ends well....but that continues.

Be well
Laura

< Message edited by gentlethistle -- 5/4/2007 3:37:07 PM >

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RE: being positive about the experience - 2/7/2008 2:13:45 PM

gentlethistle

Posts: 186
Joined: 10/28/2005
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Now it finally has ended, I'm glad it ended well. The past couple of years have been a positive experience for me. I hope that keeping a friendship going forwards after the D/s has ended will also be a positive experience...but if it isn't or if it ends then at least we can say we tried.

Laura

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RE: being positive about the experience - 2/7/2008 4:37:42 PM

starseeker