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RE: BDSM Definitions? - 9/30/2006 8:23:53 AM   
juliaoceania


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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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First of all I agree with you about the commitment thing, but if I was going to play devil's advocate postion and take the opposite view of weighing commitment based upon responsibility of the dominant person within a dynamic I would have to say that people who ageplay as a dynamic (meaning they live this way) would have to be the most committed of all!

I state this because the person I have had the deepest commitment to is my unmentionable. He was completely helpless when he first came to me, and that responsibility was life altering. Now my purpose in parenting was to raise a functional adult to be responsible for himself in all ways, and even that was my responsibility...but under depth of commitment..parenthood does head my list... and I am not even a dominant..smiles

I suppose within WIITWD age playing dom/mes take on the most responsibility and commitment...  often for nonsexual reasons because they have taken the responsibility completely over the "infant" so that the "infant" can feel loved and controlled.

Now I do not believe this is true really, I was just playing devil's advocate for fun..

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to adaddysgirl)
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RE: BDSM Definitions? - 9/30/2006 8:25:49 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
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quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

quote:

I've decided I'm going to label myself. I am going to say I am a porcupine. Yes, porcupine....not concubine. You will all know what I mean by that right?   


It means you are feeling a bit prickly about the topic?  <smiles>


Well "teetering on the brink of insanity" would be more descriptive. Oh but wait....descriptive....could that word possibly have a meaning? Speaking of insanity....what if I was insane....suicidally insane....and I called the suicide hotline and told the person who answered that I was contemplating suicide....but that person was one of those people who believes that words have no concrete meaning. So they responded to my cry for help with "Congratulations!!!" and hung up the phone. Now that would be tragic would it not? Or would it be? Maybe their definition of "tragic" is what I define as "hilarious". Then they would be laughing at my funeral. Or is it even proper to have a funeral for a porcupine who commits Hari Kari? Or would committing Hari Kari make my porcupine status null and void and turn me into a lemming? Or wait, I guess they couldn't call me a lemming unless I agreed to it. But I'd be dead. So, do you still have the right to be called only by what you self identify as even after death???? I mean after I'm dead I really won't "be" anything but dead right? Or maybe "dead" doesn't really mean "dead".

Holy Christ....if words really don't have any basic meaning....why in the Hell are we all bothering to type all of these fricking words???????? Somebody just shoot me....but wait....are we all in agreement on what "shoot" means....I mean I don't want anyone force feeding me massive amounts of cotton candy or something?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: BDSM Definitions? - 9/30/2006 8:37:38 AM   
Amaros


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The difference between tacit and explicit consent or opposition is what has made rape cases so notoriously difficult to prosecute historically - a woman (or man) may well go into shock, and be incapable of physicaly or verbally resisting - combine that with "provocative" behavior or appearence, and it becomes a difficult defense to beat - almost all you can say here is that absent a positive physical response, one must asume that tacit consent has not been granted.

This can often only be confirmed by analysing subdural bruising patterns of the sexual organs and surrounding tisues that indicate either compliance or force, in terms of body language w/respect to sexual presentation.

This is why explicit consent is granted in BDSM, and the form and degree of tacit consent negotiated prior to activity, including definition of a safeword if so desired by either or any actor, so that the actors (as in, the participants in a given action) can immerse themselves more fully into the roles.

< Message edited by Amaros -- 9/30/2006 8:45:50 AM >

(in reply to Amaros)
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RE: BDSM Definitions? - 9/30/2006 8:42:46 AM   
Amaros


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i.e. the following conversation might seem a bit silly:

"Can I rape you"?

"Sure"!

...depending upon the actors involved.

(in reply to Amaros)
Profile   Post #: 264
RE: BDSM Definitions? - 9/30/2006 8:44:21 AM   
KnightofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
but here is where you contridict yourself.  First you say none is better than the other... But then you equate M/s requiring Greater commitment and responsibility. 


No i did not contradict myself; i stated "I do not think M/s as a higher form of D/s though i do think it requires greater commitment and responsibility of all parties involved". 

Let me try putting it this way; i sign up to race for a sponsor in exchange for them providing support for my racing. When i fill out the paperwork i can choose to race 100% for them on their terms, which is a huge commitment that requires training seven days a week, attending every event, and promoting their product.
 
Or i can sign up choosing to race on my own terms attending the events i chose, training when i wish and promoting their product when it is convenient for me.
 
Choosing to ride on a sponsor's terms does not make me a better rider, it does not make me any faster, it only means i have chosen to commit myself to them on their terms, to make racing for them the focus of my entire being on their terms.
 
Choosing to ride on my own terms does not make me less of a rider, it does not make me slower, it only means i have chosen to commit myself to race for them on my terms.


It is not the a question of if the person is a better rider or not?  It's a question of equating that one has a greater commitment.  One may have a different commitment... but there is not objective value that can be placed on it to state that this commitment is greater. 

It's a great ego boast to say that a slave has a greater commitment than the submissive because the slave is required and expected  to obey all commands... where the submissive has only to abide to the commands that have been negotiated.  The problem with this False and greater than thou thinking is it forgets one very important fact.  The only commitment that matters is the commitment to one self to be One self.  A slave that makes a commitment to a Master is in fact making a commitment to oneself to be true to oneself no more or less than the submissive that makes a commitment to their Dominant.  No one person's individual commitment to oneself makes me a better person than another (or your analogy - a better rider).. but living up to the commitment to be true to my inner nature does make me the best me I can be.   Everyone has different commitments.. no one commitment can be taken in isolation in comparison to another. Just because one person has X commitment and Y doesn't have this particular commitment doesn't make X have a greater commitment it is only different commitments within the confines of their specific relationship.

So yes you contridict yourself... "Greater" is a value based statement.  It implies that one is greater than another which also states that one is Less than another.  This is very specifically stating that becuase I have greater commitments I am better than you.  When it all it is... I have different commitments than you and that makes me different than you. To use your analogy.... first you are comparing yourself in two different situations.. which in of itself doesn't relate to the fact of comparing yourself to another person's commitments.  But lets look at the Bike rider that has all sorts of commitments to a sponsor and the Bike rider that doesn't have such commitments to a sponsor.  You are right that it doesn't make one rider better than the other and here is why... simply... that is not all the commitments that exist are being stated.  The sponored rider has alot of commitments with the sponsor and because of that will not likely have much more commitments beyond the sponsor.  However, the Bike rider that has no sponsor will very likely have alot of other commitments... so stating that one relationship has more commitments is not taking all commitments that maybe in place.  Of course it is great for ones ego to only look at the part of the picture... particularly when that part makes one appear to have greater. 

another aspect to consider.  The slave has more or greater commitments to a Master than a submissive.  For one simple fact... um the submissive doesn't have a Master they have a Dom.  One could equal state that a submissive has more or greater commitments to a Dom than the slave.  For one simple fact... um the slave doesn't have a Dom they have a Master.  Therefore statements like these are rather stupid and false ego boosting statements.  It is much more accurate to state that a slave will have different commitments than the submissive.


quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
But then you equate M/s requiring Greater commitment and responsibility.  This automatically infers that D/s has less commitment and responsibility


One requires greater commitment and responsibility than the other, in one i am committing on their terms, they say go race here, I go race there. If i commit to racing on my own terms they say go race here i can say no, i do not want to, but i can race there the next day.
 
So yes, my level of commitment is different only in that i make the choice when and where to ride or they make the choice when and where i ride. In either scenario during the race i am still going to be riding to my utmost ability in order to keep the sponsor happy(and of course to win).

 
It is only greater commitment and responsibility if one looks at it with narrowmindness.  The fact is... it's different commitments because one has a sponsor and one chooses not to. One can't forget there is alot of other commitments beyond the simple confines of the sponsor.
 


quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
How can one put an objective value to what is more or greater commitment?


You yourself said it best;
 
A submissive does it for the Master's pleasure; a slave does it at the Master's pleasure.
 
 This does not but a higher value on one or the other but one does require more commitment than the other.
 
In either choice one would be doing one's best but with one choice i am committing to do it on their terms, i have little or no choice about when, how or where i do as they say, in the other i am committing on my terms retaining my choices.



chuckles... your answer doesn't answer the question. 

Secondly.. one is not more commitment than another.. it is just different commitments.    You once again narrow you view on commitments.. you only look at what commitments exist for slave and not for the submissive and equate that as more... too bad you don't realize that the submissive will have commitments that the slave doesn't.  It's not a question of more... it's a question of differnt.


quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
you in effect imply that one is better than the other…… then implies D/s relationships will have a more shallow spirtual and emotional connection.

If you take that as an implication that I said one is better than the other that is what you are taking it as, not what I stated.
 
We all do chose, but I in no way stated nor implied any one choice is better than they other, only different and requiring different things.


Your right you never stated it in anyway... but the implications are obvious. 

Of course.. I could be wrong ... but I think not.

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 9/30/2006 8:46:02 AM >


_____________________________

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: BDSM Definitions? - 9/30/2006 8:54:15 AM   
Amaros


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The degree of fomality of negotiations and levels of censent granted, in turn would tend to depend on the character of the actors involved, i.e., level of trust and mutual knowlege of a given individual w/respect to the other or others, ranging from "do anything you want to me" to highly detailed contracts or statements of intent or permission.

Don't mind me.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
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RE: BDSM Definitions? - 9/30/2006 8:56:12 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

The only commitment that matters is the commitment to one self to be One self.  A slave that makes a commitment to a Master is in fact making a commitment to oneself to be true to oneself no more or less than the submissive that makes a commitment to their Dominant.


Wow, I love that! Can I use it?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 267
RE: BDSM Definitions? - 9/30/2006 9:06:03 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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quote:

It's a great ego boast to say that a slave has a greater commitment than the submissive because the slave is required and expected  to obey all commands... where the submissive has only to abide to the commands that have been negotiated. 


Thank you for your thoughtful comments.  I could kiss you (on the cheek; not the ass, hehe) for these comments.  

I think it's important to emphasize different; not better.  But I still think that many will always think an M/s relationship is somehow superior to a D/s relationship.  I have to admit though, that I don't get that type of thinking.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to KnightofMists)
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RE: BDSM Definitions? - 9/30/2006 9:49:55 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

The only commitment that matters is the commitment to one self to be One self.  A slave that makes a commitment to a Master is in fact making a commitment to oneself to be true to oneself no more or less than the submissive that makes a commitment to their Dominant.


Wow, I love that! Can I use it?


use it ... trash it... do what you will with it.  I don't own those words... I just believe what they state and imply.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 269
RE: BDSM Definitions? - 9/30/2006 9:51:58 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I could kiss you (on the cheek; not the ass, hehe) for these comments.  



aaaaw dang... you got me all excited  ... until I read the "not the ass".... or well... I guess I could let you kiss my um friend instead *EG*

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 270
RE: BDSM Definitions? - 9/30/2006 9:52:40 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
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quote:

But I still think that many will always think an M/s relationship is somehow superior to a D/s relationship.  I have to admit though, that I don't get that type of thinking.

You don't *get* it because you are an inferior sub. It takes the spirituality of a slave to begin to grasp these notions, but even that isn't enough. Only twue slaves with twue spirituality twuly *get* it; this thread shows that the rest of us never will.


_____________________________

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RE: BDSM Definitions? - 9/30/2006 10:22:12 AM   
Sinergy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ScooterTrash

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

twicehappy,

I would like to extend an apology for stating I found your behavior childish and petty. I never meant to state I thought you as a human being are those things, just the posts that called my Daddy a "slave" were.
Her intent was more to show that labels, definitions, whatever you want to call them...do have established meanings and when improperly applied, either create confusion, or in some cases, can downright tick people off.


Hello A/all,

Let me see if I am understanding this correctly.  Failing to convince other people during intellectual discourse that her definitions were
correct, she determined the best approach was to attempt to
insult other people (in my case a Dominant) in the lifestyle.

Additionally, this was done, apparently, to help prevent people from being "ticked off" or "confused."

I myself would be horrified if the person I was with engaged in peurile antics that violate every established lifestyle protocol I have
ever read about or discussed with others.

But that is just me, and I could be wrong.

Sinergy


_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to ScooterTrash)
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RE: BDSM Definitions? - 9/30/2006 10:29:24 AM   
Sinergy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert

spirituality



Hello A/all,

I am sure you are referring to spiwitwawity...

Sinergy



_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 273
RE: BDSM Definitions? - 9/30/2006 10:29:31 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied
I think it's important to emphasize different; not better.  But I still think that many will always think an M/s relationship is somehow superior to a D/s relationship.  I have to admit though, that I don't get that type of thinking.



Something I have come to realize is that if I were in any different type of relationship than M/s, I would be a disaster in them.  I have been in other relationships and I really sucked at it.  It just reinforced to me that a slave is not the ultimate submissive, cause it is easier for me to be a slave than it is for me to share the authority in a relationship.  They are just different, not one better than the other.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to KatyLied)
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RE: BDSM Definitions? - 9/30/2006 10:34:45 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy
I myself would be horrified if the person I was with engaged in peurile antics that violate every established lifestyle protocol I have
ever read about or discussed with others.


Ummmm....don't look now but.....I'd have to say that the person you are with has been pretty darn insulting to a lot of people on these boards and has doggedly attacked many people's beliefs in ways that could be considered no less than puerile(the correct spelling btw)...but then again....I could be wrong. The fact that she was labelled as the "Queen of Nasty/Nice" on another recent thread has me thinking I'm not too far off that mark though.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 275
RE: BDSM Definitions? - 9/30/2006 10:58:20 AM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Ummmm....don't look now but.....I'd have to say that the person you are with has been pretty darn insulting to a lot of people on these boards and has doggedly attacked many people's beliefs in ways that could be considered no less than puerile(the correct spelling btw)...but then again....I could be wrong. The fact that she was labelled as the "Queen of Nasty/Nice" on another recent thread has me thinking I'm not too far off that mark though.



Hello A/all,

I read all of her posts.  While I understand there are any number of people who are apparently insulted by her posts, her education, her tendency to post links to information which backs up her positions, and her articulate nature, the only times I have read anything she posted which seemed insulting she apologized for.

Just me, could be wrong, but there ya go.

Sinergy

p.s. I imagine your next post will be digging up every word she has posted, quote it out of context, fail to provide any empirical data to support your position, and indicate that you feel it is nasty as if your opinion is the Gold Standard by which A/all should live.   Good luck with that.



_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 276
RE: BDSM Definitions? - 9/30/2006 11:17:52 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy
p.s. I imagine your next post will be digging up every word she has posted, quote it out of context, fail to provide any empirical data to support your position, and indicate that you feel it is nasty as if your opinion is the Gold Standard by which A/all should live.   Good luck with that.


Actually, you would be wrong. Those who have felt offended don't need me to quote posts in order to validate their feelings. Your words indicate that you took some offense at my post. I think that is rather funny as I never said I had been personally insulted or that I personally feel that her behavior is even out of line. You seem to have read an awful lot into what I said. Actually, I admire her perserverance even if I don't agree with her always. I gave the behavior a label...the same label you did twicehappy's behavior. But it was just my label....just a word....and as twicehappy has been desperately trying to point out to you....according to the position you have taken on the meanings of words...it is meaningless and lacks the power to be insulting. As far as my opinion being the Gold Standard....let me ask you before I jump to conclusions as you may have different meanings for your words than I do....was that meant to be an insult? Or maybe just your own example of nasty/nice?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 277
RE: BDSM Definitions? - 9/30/2006 11:23:56 AM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Actually, you would be wrong.



I have been wrong before.  I will be wrong again.

I apologize for the smart-assed comment about Gold Standard. 

I do not, however, apologize for my comments about her posts.  I find it amusing the way some posters tend to stalk her from thread to thread, trying inarticulately to find fault with her well-studied and erudite positions.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 278
RE: BDSM Definitions? - 9/30/2006 11:30:33 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

I find it amusing the way some posters tend to stalk her from thread to thread, 


I stalk her to find out where she's hiding the candy corn.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 279
RE: BDSM Definitions? - 9/30/2006 11:32:09 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

I find it amusing the way some posters tend to stalk her from thread to thread, 


I stalk her to find out where she's hiding the candy corn.



I ate it all .. yes this was wrong of me...I apologize

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 280
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