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RE: slaves jealousy - 4/27/2004 8:15:08 PM

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Joined: 4/17/2004
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slavecherry,

At least now we know the other side of the story. Thanks.

A lot of the advice given to your master was about more than veggies; I hope you'll re-read the replies.

I can't help but wonder if maybe your request for advice for your master isn't actually a request for advice for yourself. So, taking a big leap... the answer to your unspoken question lies in your own lovely definition of a submissive:

"Treat me well, [Sir], love me, respect me, for i am fragile in many ways."

Are you getting those things from him?

January

(in reply to slavecherry)

RE: slaves jealousy - 4/27/2004 8:49:24 PM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavecherry

greetings E/everyone.. this girl is the one Master Jack speaks of... what was to be advice to my Master became more of a laughing/joke session from most of you.... this girl is jealous because her Master is new to the lifestyle as this slave has many years.. but she loves her Master greatly...her Master enjoys flirting with many other slaves/subs and enjoys participating witin their play... this girl is a pain slut/slave and waits patiently for her Master to perhaps learn the bdsm ways.. she wishes to nothing but serve him on her knees.. to be a 24/7 slave.. to be told what to do.. how to do it... anything and everything for his desires... but right now her Master only allows her to (mild scene) every other weekend for a 2hr period... she craves his power and will.. .when her Master does use his strength and control she is in total heaven.. this evening this girl asked if he cared is she chatted with other Dom's... his response was "He didn't care and couldn't stop me if he wanted too".. that response hurt this girl terribly because she wants NO ONE else but him... its been a year and 1/2 and she still waits patiently for him... this girls Master craves red head females.. this girl has tried to be read headed but she doesn't look desirable... everytime W/we go out in public since W/we live together her Master searchs for all that catches his eyes... Master says He doesn't wish to share his slave so instead leaves her hanging... please give this girls Master advice if you have real advice to give... eating his veggies is not the answer...

Somehow, slave cherry, I have a feeling you are not going to like my answer at all...

Here is what I am reading from your post. Your master is new to the lifestyle. You have a lot of experience. He is in a learning period. You want him to get through the learning of the BDSM ways. You want him to see that you are the one for him, because you truly believe he is the one for you.

Danger Will Robinson...

You are not equally matched, in my humble opinion. I am willing to bet that he is not ready to be with one slave, her being his end all, be all. How can he be? If he is new to the lifestyle, he is learning, growing, and enjoying all of these experiences. You are providing a negative, that of your jealousy. That negativity may well cause you to lose him completely.

We've discussed how ugly jealousy is, but to me, this is a clear case of two people wanting different things at this time in life. Think back to when you first discovered the lifestyle. What was that like? I remember so clearly the fun and freedom that I felt, and how much I wanted to experience that over and over again. He probably feels that same freedom too, but you are the one trying to collar him. That doesn't work. You've heard the expression "if you love someone, set him free", haven't you? You seem to be jealous because he is not doing what you want him to do. This seems to indicate that you feel that you know what is best for him. You are doing the choosing...not him. If you truly want to serve him in the way that you have described, you must do it on his terms, not your terms. Jealousy will only be destructive and push him away.

I am saying this next sentence in a constructive manner, only, and I hope that you take it that way. You sound like a child who is jealous that her best friend had a sleep-over with someone else. I know that sounds harsh, I really do. But if you are a slave/submissive, you have two choices here (that I can think of off the top of my head)...

One...allow him the time to discover himself within the lifestyle. Let him spread his wings. Support him in that endeavor. Don't expect every second to be super serious - if you can't laugh about veggies, then you are not having enough fun. Don't pressure him, don't nag him...let him experiment. If you are meant to be his lifetime slave...he'll know. And allow me to express that HE must also know - you can't make that decision.

Two...back off the relationship completely and look for a dominant that wants the same things you want. I can't express enough that a Dom/sub team has to be on the same page, and they have to agree on the basic direction of the relationship if it is hoped that they will stay together long term.

My words are not meant to hurt, but to help and constructively offer advice. Also, I am sure that I speak for all of us who replied to this post when I say that no one is making fun of or laughing at your situation. Many of us have been here a while and may joke with one another about our posts. This was not directed at you, and I am wondering if you are carrying your emotions way too far out on your sleeve...You have my best wishes, and I am sure you have the best wishes of all of us who post on the board.

Attachment (1)

< Message edited by MistressKiss -- 4/27/2004 8:50:52 PM >

_____________________________

"I assure you, Your Honor, I don't have to practice...I'm very good at them..."
(The Marquis de Sade at one of his trials for the sexual perversities he practiced)

(in reply to slavecherry)

RE: slaves jealousy - 4/28/2004 3:02:15 PM

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I have to agree with Kiss on this. I'd also like to add. It definately does not sound like the two of you are a match.
You both want different things within the lifesytle. You want a Dominant. You have a top. Will he ever become a Dominant? Maybe, although do you really want to wait that long?

If he is seeking others while with you. He is dis-respecting you. Do you really think you could ever make him happy? You are only there until he finds a replacement. I would'nt waste my life anymore. I'd move on no matter how hard it was to do so. Our lives here are too short not to be happy for as long as possible. I do believe you are fighting a losing battle. Let someone else take up the battle for a while.

(in reply to MistressKiss)

RE: slaves jealousy - 4/28/2004 8:33:53 PM

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Joined: 4/18/2004
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thank you all for the advice... however after this girl has cried all day she understands one thing... she loves the man she's with... whether he's a Dom or Top makes NO difference... if she needs to give up the lifestyle she craves soooooooo much to make the man in her life happy then that is what she shall do... see everyone is just talking about the lifestyle itself... this girl LOVES the man she's with... she is the one who pushed the bdsm lifestyle on him... she's the one who begs him for pain.. she's the one who has introduced him to other subs because the sex we would have is understated!!!... She take all the responsibility... what saddens me is that in the posts there was nothing spoken of LOVE... this girl has trained with many prominant MASTERS in the Denver Metro area that are known nation wide...she never loved any of them but submitted totally until it was time to be trained by others... she knows exactly what her jealousy is... she's trying to hold on to the one thing in life that she would give her life for.... Love is the one thing everyone forgets.. .her Master is not just a play partner... Please NO ONE else give advice unless its positive...!!!!!!!!

cherry!

(in reply to sub4hire)

RE: slaves jealousy - 4/28/2004 10:19:15 PM

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slavecherry,

One of the reasons I was not involved in the lifestyle was I found myself somewhat shocked that of the dozens of relationships I knew of in the lifestyle, 2 of them were actually long term. Having long discussions with people, as is my wont, I came to realize that many I have spoken to seemed (to me) rather jaded about the whole relationship thing.

Im not sure it is a dissenting voice, but if you truly love this person and he loves you, the rest becomes simply details of how to maintain your relationship to keep both partners happy. If one (or both of you) are not in love with the other, whatever trappings you attempt to decorate the relationship with will not keep it together.

As usual, this is my opinion and I suspect I may be wrong.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to slavecherry)

RE: slaves jealousy - 4/28/2004 11:17:28 PM

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Joined: 1/11/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavecherry
Please NO ONE else give advice unless its positive...!!!!!!!!

I see the problem with this comment being what one considers positive. Firstly, Cherry, you are not even the original poster. Can you say your dominant has found nothing *positive* in any of the responses?

Please understand, I am not trying to put you down or make you feel worse Cherry. Honestly, you have many choices to make as does he. It is clear you love the man in question, and that he cares for you as his slave. However, it is possible that he can love you as his wife, and only care for you as his slave? As his wife, he is expecting you to, without jealousy, understand HIS need to explore this new lifestyle. Don't forget, YOU are the one who introduced him to it.

On top of that, if you have always been honest with him, he is aware of all the others you have served. Knowing these things, is it really unreasonable that he wishes to be able to also explore in all that you have introduced him too?

As far as the other things I have read, I have to agree with others. No matter how much you may love your husband, you have to decide if you can be an effective slave to man who has no care for the needs of his slave. Or, decide, if as the slave you have the right to be jealous and/or make him feel guilty for his needs or wants.

Perhaps you should consider separating your daily lives from that of your BDSM choices. Perhaps you should consider begging release as his slave, and just be the best wife you can be, and both of you working on your BDSM choices separately.

_____________________________

Sandy

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway...

(in reply to slavecherry)

RE: slaves jealousy - 4/29/2004 11:48:41 AM

Posts: 865
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire

If he is seeking others while with you. He is dis-respecting you.

I also agree 100% with everything that Kiss said, but I am going to disagree with you on this note, Gloria. Although, neither one of us can 'assume' that the relationship is either mono or poly.

It seems that there is communication within the relationship, and the problem, if it actually is that, lies in cherry's possessiveness and desire to "control" the relationship.

I believe that if this relationship is that important to cherry, perhaps she may want to consider backing up and learning {with} her Master, and allowing him to explore as well as he "catches up".

quote:

ORIGINAL: EStrict

Perhaps you should consider separating your daily lives from that of your BDSM choices. Perhaps you should consider begging release as his slave, and just be the best wife you can be, and both of you working on your BDSM choices separately.

I saw your post after I had posted mine, Sandy (so much thought, so little brain *sigh*) and I absolutely agree with you, however I am thinking if cherry would calm down a little bit, this could have a mutually gratifying ending.

< Message edited by LadyBeckett -- 4/29/2004 11:54:49 AM >

_____________________________

Lady Beckett

_______________________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to sub4hire)

RE: slaves jealousy - 4/29/2004 1:51:10 PM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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Sweetie, I'm not going to blow sunshine up your ass when its raining cats and dogs. Don't ask for advice unless you really want to hear it...good or bad.

_____________________________

"I assure you, Your Honor, I don't have to practice...I'm very good at them..."
(The Marquis de Sade at one of his trials for the sexual perversities he practiced)

(in reply to slavecherry)

RE: slaves jealousy - 4/29/2004 4:23:36 PM

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

Dear 'Cherry-

to Quote MizSuz, it seems you are "trying to enslave him with your submission...". If you love him, love him. If you want to submit to him- Submit.

All the drama that you are throwing around isn't helping you, him, or the relationship

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavecherry

She take all the responsibility...

Well, Take it then, and get to work.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to slavecherry)

RE: slaves jealousy {response to slavecherry} - 4/29/2004 5:40:49 PM

Temji

Posts: 43
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

greetings...

I have the same issue sometimes... what is extremely serious to Me is not seen that way by others...

build a plan... first step... sit down and TALK to Him... tell Him what you feel, and what you want, and what you need... ALLLLLLL of it...

second step... really depends on the first one, but certainly includes finding out the MOST He's willing to... bend?... give...?... and then ask yourself if that's enough for you. If you're as unhappy as it appears, make certain you're HONEST with yourself in that answer. I am NOT saying try to change Him... simply decide if what you're getting works for you. {{{An aside}}} I tried... ONE time... to change for a ko lared girl... and learned that it simply won't work... I indeed became a victim of letting a girl in a ko lar run Me... won't ever happen again.

We all have to be who we are. As this is CONSENSUAL... you are indeed choosing to stay... or go... remember that...

My email is [email protected]

you are certainly welcome to respond here or there, either one...

be well,

Temji KnightStorm

(in reply to slavecherry)

RE: slaves jealousy {response to slavecherry} - 4/30/2004 3:35:44 AM

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Joined: 4/18/2004
Status: offline

I had a IE 24/7 TPE wonderful slave, with a beauty and charm and shyness and dreamyness this side of heaven; after 3 1/2 years I let her go, it was for both of our goods, many tears did we cry together. jealousy was one problem she had. I did not give her reason for this at all, no bullshit I comitte and that is it for me. She had jealousy when she came to me, she has it still today; she is married and collared by anothe Dom, she works for me in one of my companies.
We are best friends and we spend about 20-30 hours a week together, but you know what she is still jealous of other women and me; we made a deal to not bring her husband into the business and I would not bring my slave in there either, now I own this business and I gave this to her;
I have no problem with her husband, but she does about me. It is all fear based lose stuff, coming from her deeper core; I touched that core deeply, but still she would not let go of that familar fear. Today she trusts me more than ever, she has given me parts of her she could not do then; a true slave has deeper things with in than most can touch, I knew then how to bring it forth, but she would shut down. Today I am helping her not do so with her husband and Master, so she does not make a mess of this; she is happier than I have ever seen her, she gives my business more than any one else and she has a new zest for life she never has had. Being bestest friends is very cool, new ground for us both; I love her in a higher way, that is why I freed her and did ever thing to help her get settled, house car etc.

_____________________________

Confusion is a prelude to change

Fun is as Fun does;
don’t call her just some ol drip hole

Life is for liven on the edge, j
ust not with dull fucking people

I don’t have an AX to grind,
mine is already sharp and clean

(in reply to Temji)

RE: slaves jealousy {response to slavecherry} - 4/30/2004 2:19:03 PM

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

M. Temji-

I wanted to complement your reasoned and compassionate response.

stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to Temji)

RE: slaves jealousy - 5/1/2004 5:55:28 AM

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Joined: 1/30/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jtry4470

My question is this,
I have a beautiful slave who serves me with every ounce of her soul but she there is one part of her personality that I detest and that is jealousy! I need suggestions of how to break this particular spirit that consumes her.

Master Jack

I'm sure this topic has been beaten to death but here is my two cents.
Jealousy comes because of so many different circumstances but the main reason for it, and I can only speak from my own personal experiences, is because the person is insecure with themselves or the relationship or both.
I was once involved in a poly marriage for 8 years and would become extremely jealous. This marriage was not forced on me nor did anyone hold a shotgun to my head to marry her. I knew what I was getting into and yet I thought I was secure enough within myself to deal with her being with other men. I was not.
I now know I have a hard time with jealousy issues, although not as bad as in the past, and I've simply accepted that of myself and have moved on. I am now in a strictly monogomous relationship and that seems to work best for me.
I believe jealousy comes from those with a jealous heart, not from any other outside source. The mind is very powerful and we project stuff constantly. Control the mind and perhaps you can control the emotions which fuel jealousy.
I wish you all the best for peace and happiness.

ZM

(in reply to Jtry4470)

RE: slaves jealousy - 5/1/2004 2:16:26 PM

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Joined: 4/30/2004
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ahhhhh, i realize that my posting will show as a "virgin user" and where better to break my posting cherry than here? Have to jump off eventually...no point hanging onto the rail and waiting for a push....*takes a deep breath and prepares to leap*

Greetings to A/all

When a bond is made between a Dom and His submissive there is usually discussion of limits--both physical and emotional.

If it is agreed that the relationship will be poly then that is usually accompanied by certain guidelines...."no Sir, i will not engage in sexual practices outside of this D/s relationship" ....or "yes, W/we will both be free in the respect that an outside relationship is acceptable as long as it does not interfere with U/us"...perhaps this would be possible...."Master, i will bring to You each desire i have with the knowledge that You will guide me and lead me in the direction that You desire"....the Masters reply hopefully is "and i will bring to you the deepest desires i have now, and in the future, with the hope that W/we will share and grow on the journey"

all a pipe dream? *optimistically hopeful* i have no 'vast' experience in the D/s lifestyle, and defer to each of You who has the knowledge that is built on a foundation of experience.

If a submissive is 'collared' by a Dom there are promises made to one another and those promises are sacred and essential to the future growth of each. If the submissive entered into the D/s relationship with her/his eyes wide shut...then my hope is that the ability to communicate desires, needs, expectations, and limits will come with experience.

If the relationship was based soley upon the submission of the slave/sub? Then the slave/sub does have much growth and learning to do in the acceptable behavior expected by his/her Dom.

If the Dominant has made vows to the sub of monogamy then the Dom needs to examine whether it is a sub or slave that is desired or whether it is only a part time playmate that is needed and desired.

The depth of any commitment is one of great variables and levels...be honest in what W/we seek and be honest enough to specify what it is W/we cannot accept.

*spreads her arms to the heavens and prepares to dive into hell*

If my words lack in wisdom or are offensive to any...i sincerely apologize.

Be Well,

cara

(in reply to ZenMaster)

RE: slaves jealousy - 5/1/2004 3:31:34 PM

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

quote:

i realize that my posting will show as a "virgin user" and where better to break my posting cherry

Midear Cara-

We'll be gentle <g>.

Welcome aboard, come back often, jump right in.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to cara4OneMaster)

RE: slaves jealousy - 5/2/2004 10:09:06 AM

Posts: 12
Joined: 4/27/2004
Status: offline

i think this is a great topic...i struggle with it myself occasionally. i don't experience it in every relationship i have had, so i think it is a situational thing. most often i experience it when i am not in contact with my Dominant, or feel i need more attention than i am getting...and that attention can be in the form of punishment, or ecstacy...it really doesn't matter. what matters is that i am in His service, and that in some way i know that He is aware of me. i am certain it sounds quite selfish.....i don't care. i am being honest about it. i am working on changing it....but as soon as i start working on ONE thing, it seems as though something else pops up .....it's frustrating.
laces

(in reply to Jtry4470)

RE: slaves jealousy/note to cara - 5/2/2004 10:13:49 AM

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Joined: 4/27/2004
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Dear cara: i just wanted to welcome you...and say to you, "beware". the lifestyle is not the mystical, magical place you may envision. it is just plain life...in different clothing. we all are still learning, hopefully. YOU are the most important person you will meet in the lifestyle, cara. much love to you!
and now, mother hen will step down.....
laces

(in reply to lacesundone)

RE: slaves jealousy - 5/18/2004 6:38:14 PM

Posts: 63
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Olympia WA
Status: offline

my Master broke me of this problem during a situation where Master became an Uncle to a boy who lived in Seattle WA and his Daddy lives in Ohio. Every time he would come over for the punishment requested by his Daddy i always got jealous because it took Master's attention from me. He soon corrected me of this through spanking hard and long with haand, paddle and flogger several times till He had gotten through to my braim that being jealous is not an option of a slave. A slaves position is to accept what happens when another is present and has its Master's/Dom's attention. it is to display absolutly no emotion what so ever and because it is forbidden to speak unless spoken to, if jealousy does arrise it is to leave the space if possible and wait in another room obediantly kneeling. Then when the Master has time, it is to let Master know why it is jealous so that the two can come to understand why this has occured.

Master Rand's slave/houseboy

(in reply to Jtry4470)

RE: slaves jealousy - 5/18/2004 8:23:55 PM

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I am not clear on this: You said a boy would come over to your Master to be punished? How old was this boy, and why was he being punished? And how was he punished?

(in reply to randsboy)

RE: slaves jealousy - 6/2/2004 11:57:58 AM

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Joined: 4/13/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: randsboy

my Master broke me of this problem during a situation where Master became an Uncle to a boy who lived in Seattle WA and his Daddy lives in Ohio. Every time he would come over for the punishment requested by his Daddy i always got jealous because it took Master's attention from me. He soon corrected me of this through spanking hard and long with haand, paddle and flogger several times till He had gotten through to my braim that being jealous is not an option of a slave. A slaves position is to accept what happens when another is present and has its Master's/Dom's attention. it is to display absolutly no emotion what so ever and because it is forbidden to speak unless spoken to, if jealousy does arrise it is to leave the space if possible and wait in another room obediantly kneeling. Then when the Master has time, it is to let Master know why it is jealous so that the two can come to understand why this has occured.

Master Rand's slave/houseboy

I beg to differ with this-I consider myself a slave with very very few limits. But I am human and I do have a couple, for example, I do not play with kids,animals or shit and I am a one dom slave as my master, that i will one day meet, will be a one slave dom. If any playing is to happen with another sub/slave that playing will be done by me with master watching only or playing with me also but not with other slave/sub. I am not bi, but am willing to learn to be- in order for master to enjoy himself by watching or as i said above. These hard limits are set in the beginning of the relationship and as much as i respect my master to be's limits, I expect him to respect mine also. Honesty, loyalty, respect and trust are a two way street in any relationship whether nilla or lifestyle. Your post makes it sound, in my opinion, that a slave has no rights, maybe back in the 1800's but this is now.. are you telling me that if your master wants to play with a little kid or wants you to play with little kids you would? Nah i dont think so. Like i said we are human and we do have a few hard limits. everyone is different . And alot might not agree with me but that is me. And these facts of my hard limits are set forth from day one so there is no pretense from the beginning. These hard limits may change over time with the playing part, as the relationship goes deeper, not everything is set in stone, but only time will tell.

(in reply to randsboy)

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