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Whipping girl advice please - 10/3/2006 10:42:10 AM   
hypnoticblue


Posts: 130
Joined: 9/20/2006
Status: offline 		So is obedience in tears still obedience? 

I had my first paddling/whipping last night and dang did it hurt.  I ended up crying out several times.  I didn't think until another post somewhere else that it might not be cool to cry out.  Is that something that I need to ask Him specifically?  Or is there a general understanding of ettiquete?
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RE: Whipping girl advice please - 10/3/2006 10:53:04 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Ask him as he's the one you're trying to please.

I, personally, hate beating a post. It's not exciting if they don't react. It's also why I try to be responsive to me lovers (and like it when they're responsive to me)...it's just hot to have your partner react to what you're doing. My personal opinion, though. Some like stoicism in order to try and break through it.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to hypnoticblue)
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RE: Whipping girl advice please - 10/3/2006 11:00:30 AM   
laughterandlove


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline 		If it really bothers you, then you should ask him what he wants to hear.  

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
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RE: Whipping girl advice please - 10/3/2006 11:05:14 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hypnoticblue
So is obedience in tears still obedience? 

I had my first paddling/whipping last night and dang did it hurt.  I ended up crying out several times.  I didn't think until another post somewhere else that it might not be cool to cry out.  Is that something that I need to ask Him specifically?  Or is there a general understanding of ettiquete?

If he has a problem with your behaviors, it's his responsibility to point them out to you and work with you to change them over time.

Most doms adore crying out and reactions, but some prefer the stoic way.  Just depends on the person.  The only person who decides whether it's "cool" to cry out or not is the one who has authority in the relationship.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to hypnoticblue)
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RE: Whipping girl advice please - 10/3/2006 11:06:13 AM   
MstrssScarlet


Posts: 633
Joined: 6/3/2005
From: Indianapolis, Indiana
Status: offline 		Most domiants will be quick to tell you if you're doing something they don't like.  I had a submissive who was always very loud when we played together.  I finally just put in a ball gag and continued.  (and yes, there are still ways to incorporate a signal for "red" with a gag)
Mistress Scarlet

_____________________________

"Say, that hurts a little bit" "And you don't like to be hurt do ya?" "I don't know...kinda fun sometimes if it's done in the right spirit."
Jean Harlow in The Beast of the City

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
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RE: Whipping girl advice please - 10/3/2006 11:06:51 AM   
hypnoticblue


Posts: 130
Joined: 9/20/2006
Status: offline 		okay thanks  :)

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Whipping girl advice please - 10/3/2006 11:07:08 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		The general understanding of etiquette in this particular instance (in my less than humble opinion only) is that if, as you were crying out, he didn't draw forth a whip and start shredding the flesh from your back saying "I'll give you something to cry about you whiney fuckin' cunt"............that he was somehow connecting to your anquish and understood your unsteadiness of dignified coolageness, observing that you were under a bit of duress..........

LOL, I think you are ok........but if you wonder, communication does wonders, know what I mean, Vern?

Jus' Me!!!

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to hypnoticblue)
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RE: Whipping girl advice please - 10/3/2006 11:21:10 AM   
hypnoticblue


Posts: 130
Joined: 9/20/2006
Status: offline 		LMAO!  Okay, I feel better now... I just asked him.  I didn't know if it was okay to ask or not.  I'm still new to all of this.  :)

(in reply to mnottertail)
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RE: Whipping girl advice please - 10/3/2006 11:25:22 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		Ask him if it is ok to ask.  Communicate.  Most Dominants appreciate it.  I try to set time aside to ensure communication occurs but I appreciate the submissive who will express the good, bad and ugly when they feel a need to do so.  Open, honest communication both ways is always best.  As far as etiquette is concerned, each person will vary.  However, communication is important to most people, there just may be a preferred way it is done.  Be respectful but be open.  Good luck...you're doing just fine :)

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to hypnoticblue)
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RE: Whipping girl advice please - 10/3/2006 1:05:39 PM   
stillexploring


Posts: 72
Joined: 10/2/2006
Status: offline 		my views are little  contradicting , i have never  asked my  domme  , why she is caining me , Normally  she tells  me  why i am being punished  but  sometimes she does not tell . i really never  care to ask why  i am being punished (because its not  going to lower  my punishment , her decision is  final and i trust her)  , because i know she will always be  right  and questioning her  may offend her .....A smart slave knows  what wrong he/she  did  .

(in reply to MsKatHouston)
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RE: Whipping girl advice please - 10/3/2006 2:43:14 PM   
Sab


Posts: 325
Joined: 5/2/2006
From: Canada
Status: offline 		Communication - I agree with those who have offered that advice, it is the only way to move forward. Good luck. 

_____________________________

God blessed it and it brought me to her.

(in reply to stillexploring)
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RE: Whipping girl advice please - 10/3/2006 4:56:02 PM   
alandraofMists


Posts: 187
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stillexploring

Normally  she tells  me  why i am being punished  but  sometimes she does not tell . i really never  care to ask why  i am being punished (because its not  going to lower  my punishment , her decision is  final and i trust her)  ,


i have gone back and read the OP and i do not see where you get the idea she was being punished.   not that that has any real importance to the question she posted.

during play my Lord wishes his slaves to be free to react in what ever way we wish to and He will control and direct those thought and actions.  if He does not want us to be heard, He will either tell us to be quiet or silence us Himself.

it all comes down to communicating with each other, knowing what is being expected of you and understanding His will.

Knight's alandra

(in reply to stillexploring)
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RE: Whipping girl advice please - 10/3/2006 7:47:31 PM   
diamonddreamlove


Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline 		I thought when i first started into flogging, spanking and other pain items that i was to be stoic no matter how intense the pain was.  Little did i understand that the response was what the Doms i was playing with wanted.  After we talked and i opened up by asking permission to speak freely i was told that keeping quiet was actually witholding enjoyment from the Dom.  Now i am in a relationship with One who would intensify the level of pain until i had no choice but to respond to it.  I don't pretend it hurts when it doesn't but when it does i know how to dance and or cry whatever is necessary to let my emotions out and allow myself to go to subspace. 

_____________________________

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to alandraofMists)
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RE: Whipping girl advice please - 10/3/2006 9:22:21 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		If you are obeying, it is obedience.

Whether you cry, scream, flinch, gasp, shout, beg, yell, or remain silent...if your reaction is not pleasing to him, odds are he would tell you.  If it is something that concerns you, I see no problem in asking about it unless your's is a dynamic which does not permit asking about it.

As for me, I think my Master enjoys making me try to stifle the cries, because it is so difficult for me to do that.  I am nowhere close to stoic, but I flinch and whimper and shriek on occasion, and usually bite my lip and tremble a lot, lol.  It's those dramatic screams and wails that prompt him to tell me to be quiet.  :)

(in reply to hypnoticblue)
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RE: Whipping girl advice please - 10/3/2006 9:43:37 PM   
hypnoticblue


Posts: 130
Joined: 9/20/2006
Status: offline 		You all have offered me wonderful insight.  Thanks to everyone.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 15
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