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about being worthy - 1/20/2005 3:17:28 AM

match2u

Posts: 131
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline

i am so sorry for all my questions so far - first of all - but i am so happy for that forum and the responses i get - they help me so much ...

so first statement of all

thanks to all who show patience with me and my questions.

back to the point:

what will shown a further Master that you worthy? that you qualified to take His collar?
what questions will be good to ask?

for me as novice - really difficult to find out, beyond the fact - i am myself!

petra

Post #: 1

RE: about being worthy - 1/20/2005 6:12:51 AM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

quote:

- i am myself!

Midear Petra-

That is first and foremost - simply being yourself, and especially, knowing yourself. The most important question I ask of a prospect is ' What are you looking for in bdsm? What is there that isn't possible in a vanilla relationship?'

The best answers show some self awareness, show that they have examined and understand their needs and desires, their drives. I have a hard time relating to someone who thinks that they can apply some ill-defined limited label to themselves and offer it as an explaination of their personality.

Know also, what you are willing to do to fufill these desires- how much are you ready to risk? Do expect all the things you need to be laid at your feet? Are you ready to reach out, to open yourself to disappointment for the chance to find your needs met? Are you expecting the other to invest themselves , to commit to a relationship while you make up your mind?

Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to match2u)

Post #: 2

RE: about being worthy - 1/20/2005 10:07:42 AM

panthergoddess

Posts: 93
Joined: 1/11/2005
From: Bessemer City, NC USA
Status: offline

Match....

The biggest mistake any submissive/slave can make is to enter into a D/s relationship without honesty and communication.

Honesty to yourself
1. Who am I now?
2. What are my primary needs within this lifestyle (kinks fetishes possible rewards and possible punishments)
3. What are my limitations within this lifestyle (physical, mental, emotional, hard limits etc.)
4. What am I willing to give up of myself (time, money, heart, energy, emotions, possessions etc.)
5. What type of lifestyle do I need (play sessions, short term, long term, live in, lifetime)

Honesty to your potential Owner
1. Communicate all the the anwers above
2. In the communications exchange do NOT base yoru comments or answers on what you think your potential Owner wants to hear.
3. Do not under any circumstances....lie.

Honesty of your Master
1. What can your potential Owner train you to be
2. How much time, energy, resources can they lend to your proper and safe training
3. Are they as safe with the emotions of a slave as they are with thier physical needs
4. Are they capable and willing to take on the responsibilities to take you on as a slave
5. If long term, live in or lifetime....do they have the abilities to secure your physical non-sexual needs (house, transportation, finances insurance, food etc.)
6. What are their primary needs (why would they wish to take on a new slave)

There are many many questions that need to be asked and answered prior to becoming one's property long term or short term. Not all have to do with the kinks, fetishes or sexual aspect.

To take the time to examine within yourself what it is you need want can give in this lifestyle and taking the responsibility to actually communicate them effectively shows preparation and sincere understanding of what you know and are willingly prepared to give up of yourself. Your submission is a gift to a Master, you do not want to just give it up out of desparation (which is what I very often see subs/slaves do) Your submission is also a responsibility to your Master as well. And for both of your well beings and the relationship to flourish it needs to be as close to a match as possible. and the only way to do that............Honesty and Communication.

Tis better to serve happily than be sadly trapped.

(in reply to topcat)

Post #: 3

RE: about being worthy - 1/20/2005 1:02:08 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

what will shown a further Master that you worthy? that you qualified to take His collar?
what questions will be good to ask?

When I was domless, these questions never would have come across my mind at all. When I was talking with and interviewing potential doms they were the one's who had to be worthy of my time.
Then again, I did know who I was and what I was searching for. Panther gives you some good guidelines to follow. You really do need to know who you are. Exactly what you are searching for. If you find a potential Master and he lacks what you are seeking then is he then, not worthy to you? Nothing like something sounding right in my head until I read it on paper. Hopefully that made sense.

Anyway, when you meet the right one. I doubt worthy will even be a word spoken. The two of you will just mesh together.

I've been with my dom almost 6 year's now. I'm still collarless. I won't accept it. I'm not ready. A collar means a great deal to me. Not something to be tossed around carelessly.
Then again that is my belief system.

(in reply to match2u)

Post #: 4

RE: about being worthy - 1/20/2005 1:09:27 PM

panthergoddess

Posts: 93
Joined: 1/11/2005
From: Bessemer City, NC USA
Status: offline

sub4hire

I"m with you on the collar thing. To ME.....to be collared mean that I've been well trained and gotten to the point where I am exactly molded to perfection and in acordance to my Master's needs/desires/wants. It means that he has put me through as many (or as little) as severe or as light of tests as he sees fit and that I have EARNED the collar. I have EARNED the right to be announced publically as his property. To me....to be collared is the same as being married. The only differences are legality and where the darned loop ends up (ring finger or neck)

I see all to often so many people collering and being collared that I wonder if MY ideas of what it means to be collared are a bit too strict.

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 5

RE: about being worthy - 1/20/2005 1:13:06 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

It means that he has put me through as many (or as little) as severe or as light of tests as he sees fit and that I have EARNED the collar. I have EARNED the right to be announced publically as his property. To me....to be collared is the same as being married. The only differences are legality and where the darned loop ends up (ring finger or neck)

I see all to often so many people collering and being collared that I wonder if MY ideas of what it means to be collared are a bit too strict.

To me they are not too strict. I also believe he has earned the right to give me the collar. Which means he has 100% of my trust. I know I will never be harmed mentally or physically the rest of my life once I accept that collar.
My Dom already publically states I am his property. In my mind I am as well. So, the collar is just sort of the icing on the cake.
We've shopped for wedding rings. I am told when I am ready we can shop for collars.
Just not quite ready yet.

(in reply to panthergoddess)

Post #: 6

RE: about being worthy - 1/20/2005 1:14:28 PM

Larry862

Posts: 19
Joined: 12/30/2004
Status: offline

I have several years as a Dom. Have had subs come and go for various reasons. But how to prove worthyness? When I meet with someone for the first time or when chatting I sit down with the sub and go over a checklist of interests, I ask about time allotment, and the subs committment level. Is she just trying it out to see what it is, has been involved in the past and misses that part of her life etc... I view a subs submission as a gift to be taken seriously. But have had subs not be honest with themselves or me. This dishonesty then comes crashing in at some point and hurts everyone. Just be very honest with everyone and be committed.

(in reply to match2u)

Post #: 7

RE: about being worthy - 1/20/2005 1:16:19 PM

panthergoddess

Posts: 93
Joined: 1/11/2005
From: Bessemer City, NC USA
Status: offline

sub4hire.....if you do not mind my asking....how is it that he has earned your trust 100% but you still are not ready for that last great step? Obviously it's not a fear of committment. You have been dedicated to him for some time now and you both have learned, earned and grown together....so what's to hold up?

(sorry...being nosey here LOL)

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 8

RE: about being worthy - 1/20/2005 1:23:28 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

how is it that he has earned your trust 100% but you still are not ready for that last great step? Obviously it's not a fear of committment. You have been dedicated to him for some time now and you both have learned, earned and grown together....so what's to hold up?

He hasn't earned it.
I posted.
I also believe he has earned the right to give me the collar. Which means he has 100% of my trust. I know I will never be harmed mentally or physically the rest of my life once I accept that collar.

Where I do trust him. I don't quite trust him the 100% yet. I do trust him the 100% with my life but we have a few mental issues to work out first.
Did that clarify?

(in reply to panthergoddess)

Post #: 9

RE: about being worthy - 1/20/2005 1:29:55 PM

panthergoddess

Posts: 93
Joined: 1/11/2005
From: Bessemer City, NC USA
Status: offline

Yes it does. Thank you Gloria Dear. Good luck with it though.....you will know when it's time. (whispers psstt....if there's a party...lemme know) LOL

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 10

RE: about being worthy - 1/20/2005 2:07:21 PM

match2u

Posts: 131
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline

just to make it clear, cause i found the statement here.

in getting in touch with a Master and o/Our conversation he told me i have to prove that i am worthy to become His sub/slave.

i was just wondering how that should work and especially as a novice wondering if that is shown as interest.

worthy as human?
worthy as mother?
worthy as sub/ slave?

but like always - Your notes help

thanks a lot

petra

(in reply to match2u)

Post #: 11

RE: about being worthy - 1/20/2005 2:14:10 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

i was just wondering how that should work and especially as a novice wondering if that is shown as interest.

worthy as human?
worthy as mother?
worthy as sub/ slave?

I think he should be the one telling you. Only he knows what he wants. Sorry for taking the topic off track. My own response to the man would be, well apparently you are not worthy enough for me.
Then again though that is me.
It appear's there must be some sort of interest or he would'nt be telling you that you have to prove your worth. Or am I missing something?

(in reply to match2u)

Post #: 12

RE: about being worthy - 1/20/2005 2:30:30 PM

match2u

Posts: 131
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline

Gloria - like always thanks for your reply.

thats the point i was asking myself too

... still have no clue

but i will keep your words in mind

petra

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 13

RE: about being worthy - 1/20/2005 4:27:35 PM

willing2serve

Posts: 385
Joined: 4/6/2004
Status: offline

I personally do not like the term "worthy" As human beings we are all worthy. Now, there is a differnce, I may not be the kind of submissive one Dom seeks, but that never means I am not worthy, and vice versa, the Dom may not be the one that I seek, still he is worthy of respect.

Respectfully
Willing2serve1

(in reply to match2u)

Post #: 14

RE: about being worthy - 1/20/2005 5:38:28 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

in getting in touch with a Master and o/Our conversation he told me i have to prove that i am worthy to become His sub/slave.

I am wondering if he means worthy as a sub. Things like respect, trust, obedience, honesty, service, etc. JMHO.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to match2u)

Post #: 15

RE: about being worthy - 1/22/2005 10:41:15 PM

peppermint379

Posts: 111
Joined: 8/18/2004
Status: offline

Petra,

I'm also confused about this thing about being worthy. I am me....no more, no less. I know my own worth.

What i need to know about any potential Dom is whether we are compatible. Do his needs fit in with my needs? Is he someone i like? Do i want to spend time with him and know more about him? Can he be both my Dom and my best friend? Can we laugh together?

I'll tell you something. If that Dom can't see that i'm worthy, then i won't try to prove that i am. If he can't understand who and what i am, then apparently we are NOT campatible at all.

pepper

(in reply to match2u)

Post #: 16

RE: about being worthy - 1/23/2005 6:33:24 AM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline

quote:

in getting in touch with a Master and o/Our conversation he told me i have to prove that i am worthy to become His sub/slave

It may be my cynical nature, but he sounds like some on-line wanker just trying to see how much you'll grovel. Why don't you tell him that he needs to prove himself worthy of you?

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to match2u)

Post #: 17

RE: about being worthy - 1/23/2005 7:32:54 AM

realophelia

Posts: 168
Status: offline

quote:

When I was domless, these questions never would have come across my mind at all. When I was talking with and interviewing potential doms they were the one's who had to be worthy of my time.

I think that's a good way to look at it. Getting to know a new Dom before you enter into a relationship is so important. This is someone you may eventually be obeying without question. If you haven't already, try to find out if he is worthy of your loyalty and devotion before you get in too deep. I would be afraid that if the emphasis was completely on me (proving myself) I might fail to do that.

Yours truly,
Ophelia

< Message edited by realophelia -- 1/23/2005 7:38:09 AM >

_____________________________

"And every one of them words rang true And glowed like burning coal Pouring off of every page Like it was written in my soul..."

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 18

RE: about being worthy - 1/23/2005 1:18:46 PM

MasterBruce00

Posts: 1
Joined: 11/29/2004
Status: offline

Greetings Gloria. Yes a collar is something that should not be taken lightly by anyone. You have been with your current Dom for six years and I am going to assume he has made overtures about collaring you. Just out of curiosity why do you feel you are not ready to be collared? What is it exactly that you feel lacking in?? Six years with One Dom full time is still quite a committment. It is nice to see someone who will not just jump right in and be collared right away. To many of the new slave/subs today seem to think they must accept a collar right away. This should not be so as a BDSM relationship has many more dynamics to it than a vanilla one. Hang in there and enjoy what you have and strive to always reach for and expand your goals and boundries. Have a great day. Master Bruce

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 19

RE: about being worthy - 1/24/2005 4:57:40 AM

domtimothy46176

Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
Status: offline

I think the most appropriate response to the question, "Are you worthy of me?", is a very firm "Only you can determine that". The idea that anyone could answer such a question for another seems foolish to me on the face of it. It is my responsibility to determine if a submissive is compatible with my beliefs, standards, etc.
On the converse side, neither can I determine if I am right for a submissive. Only she truly knows what she needs and wants and whether or not I fit the bill. We are all responsible for ensuring we are looking for suitable matches.
Best of luck,
Timothy

(in reply to match2u)

Post #: 20

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