A little help here for the new guy.... (Full Version)

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Curiousguy47 -> A little help here for the new guy.... (1/20/2005 7:14:33 AM)

Hello everyone....I am so new to this that I don't know what certain thing or words mean....like what is a "Pro Domme" and how does that compare to a "Fem Dom".....and what does "switch" mean.....I guess what I really need is a D/s dictionary of sayings, words and terms, LOL....and I don't mean to offend anyone by not knowing, but I am truly a curious person who would like to learn and partake in occasional D/s get togethers with the right Fem Dom.....thanks again.......




ProtagonistLily -> RE: A little help here for the new guy.... (1/20/2005 7:32:33 AM)

quote:

Hello everyone....I am so new to this that I don't know what certain thing or words mean....like what is a "Pro Domme" and how does that compare to a "Fem Dom".....and what does "switch" mean.....I guess what I really need is a D/s dictionary of sayings, words and terms, LOL....and I don't mean to offend anyone by not knowing, but I am truly a curious person who would like to learn and partake in occasional D/s get togethers with the right Fem Dom.....thanks again.......


Your mileage may vary on this one....

Well, as a Dominant Female, I have been wondering for a while what exactly it is that makes a middle aged man wake up one day and say "Ya know, I think I'm a submissive..." I'm personally suspect myself. Is this just another way to get dates? The reason I ask this is when I've been contacted by these 'new' subs, and I start chatting, I get this laundry list of what they are interested in, and what they are willing to do, but anything outside that realm is considered 'not for them' or 'I'm not that hard core'.

Frankly, for me it gets a little tiring. If you are interested in finding out the definitions because you truely believe that this lifestyle is what's been missing for you for so long, for the love of God, do some web research. There are BDSM webrings galore out there that will give you definitions that you need as a 'newbie'.

I'd start with www.castlerealm.com and go from there. They have a links section that is quite comprehensive.

I may get smacked for this but, this isn't a lifestyle for just the 'curious'. Not everyone fits here. Not everyone can be a submissive or a Dominant. In my opinion, it's like being a pregnant...you either are, or you aren't.



For sake of being charitable, I'll give the quick and dirty as I see it:

Pro Domme- A Dominant Woman who offers her skills and services as a Dominant for a fee

Fem Domme-A female human being who is Dominant, as opposed to a Dom, who generally is a Male human being who is Dominant.

A Switch-A human being of either gender who both submits (bottoms) or Doms (Tops)

bottom- a person of either gender who is the 'do-ey'; could be the person receiving play from a Top, a person who serves a Dominant person, or any of a bunch of other combinations. I use bottom to refer to someone who I play with or who serves me who is not collared or does not have an ongoing relationship with me past the service/play

Top- a person of either gender who is the 'do-er'; could be the person administering the play to a bottom, a person who is served by a bottom or any of a bunch of other combinations. I use Top to refer to someone who plays with or is served by someone who is not collared or does not have an ongoing relationship with them past service/play.

Once, I tried to learn how to knit. I was not good at it, it was complicated and I couldn't really get the hang of it. For some, D/s is akin to knitting....some people just don't have the head for it.

Lily




LadyShoshin -> RE: A little help here for the new guy.... (1/20/2005 7:34:46 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Curiousguy47

Hello everyone....I am so new to this that I don't know what certain thing or words mean....like what is a "Pro Domme" and how does that compare to a "Fem Dom".....and what does "switch" mean.....I guess what I really need is a D/s dictionary of sayings, words and terms, LOL....and I don't mean to offend anyone by not knowing, but I am truly a curious person who would like to learn and partake in occasional D/s get togethers with the right Fem Dom.....thanks again.......

No offence taken, a Fem Dom is a female Dominant, a Pro Domme is a female who dominates people for a fee (no sex involved - no prostitution).
A switch is a person who can be both Dominant and submissive depending on the situation and partner.

Hope that helps




LadyShoshin -> RE: A little help here for the new guy.... (1/20/2005 7:38:36 AM)


quote:

Lily Hey, where are we going and why am I in this handbasket??

*ROTFLMAO&PMP* I love your tag line!!!!!!!!!!




Moleculor -> RE: A little help here for the new guy.... (1/20/2005 7:53:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily
I may get smacked for this but, this isn't a lifestyle for just the 'curious'. Not everyone fits here. Not everyone can be a submissive or a Dominant. In my opinion, it's like being a pregnant...you either are, or you aren't.


That said, you don't have to be part of that thing these other people seem to enjoy calling a "lifestyle" if you don't want to. There are those of us who like to strange things like having kinky sex and such that don't involve complicated rules or standards, and you won't have to face the Firing Squad Of Community Snap-Judgement known as a BDSM forum.

The best thing you can do? Stop looking for definitions to things for the moment and give yourself a good solid week (or month, or however long) to think about precisely what it is you are really looking for. Are you looking to be the person at someone else's mercy during kinky sex, and nothing else? Are you looking to do things for a person that don't involve sex at all? Are you somewhere in between? Do you feel like you might want to experiment on the other end of the power and try out being the one who has someone else at their mercy? Whatever you decide, make sure that you always remember that what YOU are looking for should come before what the definitions of words are. Don't let the words define you.

Figure out what you want, then find the words that best match that desire. Often times, you'll find there are no simple clear-cut words to define what you want, and you just need to use sentences or even paragraphs (or hell, maybe the entirety of what makes up a relationship's communcations over months or years... conversation after conversation, discussion after discussion) just to define who and what you are. And that's fine. No one truly fits a perfect mold, as all of these words' definitions change slowly over time anyway.

And realize that even with that week or month of thinking about what it is you want, that definition of self will most likely change over time as you interact with others who are similar to you. And that's fine too.




darkinshadows -> RE: A little help here for the new guy.... (1/20/2005 8:13:25 AM)

Deviants Dictionary

Leather and Roses

Castlerealm

Mastersandsubmissives

S.C.Lock

The Frugal Domme

Midori FetishDiva

MasterMalice

For books...

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism
by Philip Miller, Molly Devon

SM 101: A Realistic Introduction
by Jay Wiseman

The New Bottoming Book
by Janet W. Hardy, Dossie Easton

All available from Amazon or on Ebay


Just click the words to be directed to the Links. I hope these help.

Peace and Blessings on Your Journey




Curiousguy47 -> RE: A little help here for the new guy.... (1/20/2005 9:03:40 AM)

Thanks for responding to my question....I really don't think it is a "lifestyle" for me, but more of a "life experience" instead....yes, I want to experience being at the mercy of a female dom who can expose me to her world of kinky sex....but it doesn't always have to be all about sex.....I would like to be controlled by a female dom even if it is only for periodic or occasional meetings.....it does peek my interest and I would like give it a try, experiment with my subordinate side.....so I guess I will continue to seek a fem dom who is local and is willing to take me on and teach me the ropes......thanks again for your response, it was very helpful.....

Curiousguy47




ProtagonistLily -> RE: A little help here for the new guy.... (1/20/2005 10:52:04 AM)

quote:


quote:

Lily Hey, where are we going and why am I in this handbasket??

*ROTFLMAO&PMP* I love your tag line!!!!!!!!!!


Thanks a bunch!




FangsNfeet -> RE: A little help here for the new guy.... (1/20/2005 4:56:24 PM)

Well curious guy47, it's nice of you to admit that your new and ignorant of a few things. I'd suggest that you go through and read threads, ask questions on the msg borad, and see a pro dom for a session or two to see how submissive you really are and what you truely like. Maybe even go for being a switch for a little while just to see what Dom qualities you might pocess or like trying. Good luck to your curious endevors and welcome to Collarme.com. Hope you enjoy the lifestyle and wherever it takes you.




proudsub -> RE: A little help here for the new guy.... (1/20/2005 5:30:37 PM)

quote:

.....I guess what I really need is a D/s dictionary of sayings, words and terms,


Here you go: lifestyle definitions




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