Newer Doms/Dommes and gaining experence

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

Newer Doms/Dommes and gaining experence

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Newer Doms/Dommes and gaining experence

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Newer Doms/Dommes and gaining experence - 4/24/2004 4:22:59 PM

Patryn

Posts: 1
Joined: 2/7/2004
Status: offline

I'm kinda curious about something, and I figured this would be the best place to ask.

Why is it that it seems almost if not entirely impossible for a new Dom/Domme to find a sub?
I understand about an inexperenced sub's nerviousness because inexperence on both sides is not the safest thing in the world, but from my oberservations it seems like even experenced subs tend to shy away or ignore the newer Doms/Dommes. Why is that?

If it is the lack of experence then isn't a catch-22 with reduceing returns being enacted? After all how can a new Dom/Domme be expected to actually learn, and gain experence without (for lack of a better word) 'practise'? I mean without that hands on experence you're going to run out of knowlegable Doms/Dommes after a period of time.

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Newer Doms/Dommes and gaining experence - 4/24/2004 7:25:12 PM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

M. Patryn-

I'd suggest getting out in your local scene, finding a dominant you admire, and offer to 'caddy' for him at clubs.

With some luck, he'll manage to 'pimp' you too, and even if that doesn't happen, you'll become known in the scene, and pick up some pointers.

Good luck,

Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to Patryn)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Newer Doms/Dommes and gaining experence - 4/24/2004 8:27:00 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Patryn

Why is it that it seems almost if not entirely impossible for a new Dom/Domme to find a sub?
I understand about an inexperenced sub's nerviousness because inexperence on both sides is not the safest thing in the world, but from my oberservations it seems like even experenced subs tend to shy away or ignore the newer Doms/Dommes. Why is that?

If it is the lack of experence then isn't a catch-22 with reduceing returns being enacted? After all how can a new Dom/Domme be expected to actually learn, and gain experence without (for lack of a better word) 'practise'? I mean without that hands on experence you're going to run out of knowlegable Doms/Dommes after a period of time.

The opposite is true for myself. I had a ten year long relationship with my Dom before he was transferred out of the country(military). When I started searching for a Dom. I already had ten years of real time experience. I got all of the 20+ year Doms really wanting me. It occured to me (at least the people I met) those Dominants that were that into the lifestyle for that long actually seemed more submissive than even I was.
I took it to, listening to submissives whine for so many years they just got soft. Turned submissive themselves.
Then of course there were the Dominants who said.."this is the way I am, you are the one who does all of the changing" Now I'm not an idiot either I know for a good relationship you have to compromise. That means Dominants as well.
If I had a specific limit and someone said it didn't matter they would push and break mine. That was also a person I avoided.
Anyway, because of personal issues I avoided literally thousands of Dominants until I realized. The best Dominant out there is one without a lot of experience. One I could grow with and he could grow with me. One with enough to where he wasn't a child. One where he could control himself. Perhaps learn to control me.
So, I found mine he had 4 years experience when I met him. Our relationship thus far works perfectly.

So, never say never you just never know who you may meet and when.

Topcat has a good idea though. If you lived in So Cal. I do know a lot of people and when at parties it is'nt odd at all for me to ask someone to play with a new person so they can gain experience. I usually end up taking those people under my wing.
Just find someone who has been around. Ask them if you can hang out.

(in reply to Patryn)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Newer Doms/Dommes and gaining experence - 4/25/2004 12:36:37 AM

djx

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/18/2004
Status: offline

Thanks for that. It gives me a better prespective on who is where. And how to choose a level to interact at munches and parties.

(in reply to sub4hire)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Newer Doms/Dommes and gaining experence - 8/7/2004 1:15:59 PM

NightDaughter

Posts: 264
Joined: 1/23/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

Well it is true that some subs look for more experianced dominants to play with or serve. But some of us, are willing to help our dominants grow and learn what pleases them etc.

I've mentored a few dominants over the years, showing them how to use the flogger, talking with them about limits etc. To me as long as your willing to learn and take it slow and not rush into anything to fast that regardless of your experiance level, there is someone out there who will be interested in getting together with you.

_____________________________

NightDaughter
My Blog - http://www.livejournal.com/users/nightdaughter/
"I never said that I could spell, but I do try my darndest to get my point across" - ND

(in reply to djx)

Profile

Post #: 5