When starting a relationship do you give orders or negotiate ?

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All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Polls and Other Random Stupidity >> When starting a relationship do you give orders or negotiate ?

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When starting a relationship do you give orders or nego... - 1/22/2005 12:05:24 AM

sydneycouple

Posts: 13
Joined: 11/13/2004
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Here is a poll question:answer is [A] negotiate or [B]follow orders

I would like to know from the experienced Doms and Subs here whether you ask a Submissive what kind of scene or relationship that they want or do you tell them "this is the way it is and the way it's going to be"

I'm talking here about the begining stage of a relationship,exchanging emails or after no scenes or only a few meaning before you really both get to know each other ?

As regards the submissives keep in mind what ACTUALLY happens rather than what you would prefer to happen you may think that you like to negotiate everything but the reality may be quite different.

So what I am asking is I know that there are going to be variations but as a general rule how much is commanding and how much is actual negotiation?

Thanks in advance for clearing up a confusion that I have :)

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RE: When starting a relationship do you give orders or ... - 1/22/2005 8:05:37 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Whenever I was starting a relationship I was negotiating. The way I see the lifestyle is I am in complete and total power until the day I submit. Then the power goes to my new Dom.

The reason why I feel that need is because I need to feel 100% safe with this person I am choosing. If he makes statements that scare me he needs to clear them up. If he doesn't well we are not matched.
Essentially I am handing my entire life over to someone. I need to be very sure when I actually do that.

I don't know the mindset of submissives. So I can only speak for myself. When I submit I submit fully. If he needed money my bank account is his. No matter what he needs and when..whatever is mine is his. I'm not someone who would hand over my paycheck. Yet at the same time, if he needed it I would.
I hope that makes sense. If not...I can try to clarify some more.

(in reply to sydneycouple)

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RE: When starting a relationship do you give orders or ... - 1/22/2005 8:19:51 AM

MiladyElaine

Posts: 1086
Joined: 10/10/2004
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I tell them the way I want it. If they disagree and say why and it can be altered to suit, but still give Me what I want , then W/we go with it. If not, it's good bye and good luck to U/us both...

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RE: When starting a relationship do you give orders or ... - 1/22/2005 9:23:48 AM

sydneycouple

Posts: 13
Joined: 11/13/2004
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Well I suppose that negotiation would have to be on ongoing proposition as we all have limits.
I guess the real question is........
If a Dom asks a Sub "well what do you want"
He would lose to some degree respect.
But on the other hand if the Sub isn't getting anything out of the relationship then they arn't going to get into the relationship in the first place or stay in it if it's ongoing.
So where do you draw the line here is the key ?

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RE: When starting a relationship do you give orders or ... - 1/22/2005 1:10:51 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sydneycouple

I guess the real question is........
If a Dom asks a Sub "well what do you want"
He would lose to some degree respect.
But on the other hand if the Sub isn't getting anything out of the relationship then they arn't going to get into the relationship in the first place or stay in it if it's ongoing.
So where do you draw the line here is the key ?

Why would a dominant person loose respect for asking a potential partner what he/she wants? Isn't the point of the relationship to provide for the needs (whatever they may be) of both parties?

THe way I see it, when coming into a relationship, there is no power exchange in place yet. You haven't agreed to the way it'll work.

Sure, everyone's welcome to come in saying "This is how I want the relationship to be" but to expect someone to obey "protocal" as soon as you meet is jumping the gun IMHO

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