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Are there any more sexual slaves out there? - 10/11/2006 8:09:55 PM   
LifeIsTooShort


Posts: 8
Joined: 9/27/2006
Status: offline 		I have read so many posts from submissive women that feel the only way to please a Master or Dominant is by serving them or only focusing on his pleasure.  Maybe I am strange, but I have a very different opinion.  I believe there are many different types of submissives.  There are service submissives, domestic submissives, sexual submissives and the list can go on.  We are all individuals and Dominants are also individuals with different needs. 
 
I was with a Master for several years that had 3 slaves.  Maybe it is easier for the poly people to understand this, but it helps to explain the differences in people.  My Master understood that one woman did not have to be everything to him.  He did not expect all of us to do the same things or have the same needs.  It worked out quite well because one was a domestic slave, one was very much a pain slut, and I was His sexual slave.  This did not mean that he did not have sex with all of us or we did not share other duties.  We simply had a different focus, and each of us had an important role in bringing him happiness.
 
With me, my Master's pleasure came from controling my body, and he was quite good at it.  Before I met him, I was a woman that was shy, ashamed of my body, ashamed to talk trashy, not confident in myself at all, and lucky if I had one orgasm in an evening with a man.  In his hands I blossomed into a swan.  I found confidence and learned so much about what my body was capable of.  Every woman is different, but for me the key was bondage and sensory deprivation for me to relax enough to let him take control of how my body would react.  (I should say his body, since this was a body that he owned)  When you think of it in terms of it being his body, then you can understand the amount of pleasure he must have taken from controling how I would respond to his touch.  And, if you agree with the concept of Tantra, sexual energy can be transfered between two people, so he not only controled it, but felt it.  This to me is a big part of the mind, body, and soul connection. 
 
Master would spend hours working on me and I could not even count the orgasms I would have.  It was almost a spiritual experience.  His pleasure came from putting me in that subspace and keeping me there as long as he desired me to be there.  He had achieved the ultimate level of control.  (And, by the way I was taking Zoloft at the time, so it is possible to enjoy sex while on anti-depressants)
 
It was very easy for me to try to stop being the perfect cook or a pain slut that got off from pain.  I was not those things and he knew it.  A Master who gets into the mind of a submissive or slave works with who she is and helps her to expand and grow in that direction.  My experience has been that it is much harder work to be a Master than a submissive, yet we say we are serving them. 
 
I don't see many posts from women who say they have a Master or Dominant who is willing to give them this much pleasure.  I must say, I would have done anything for him.  It made me happy to sit at his feet.  I wanted to touch him all the time and honestly I enjoyed sharing him with other women to watch the response he could get from them.  It was as if he worked magic and instantly connected with a woman to know exactly what to do to have her experience somthing she had never felt before. 
 
Master passed away 6 years ago and I often wonder how much more I would have learned if I had more time with him.  I am with another Dominant now that understands this side of me.  Fortunately, all Dominants are not concerned only with their pleasure.  In the end, they get much more in return.  I know my current Dominant enjoys the benefits of what my first Master taught me. 
 
Yes, I enjoy orgasm and I feel no guilt about it!  I also enjoy giving them more than most women.  
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RE: Are there any more sexual slaves out there? - 10/11/2006 8:43:18 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		Certainly it can be said that what you describe is how I typically go about (at least a portion) my 'approach'.

I have always thought that it is a shame in our society that there is still a prevalence of thought that 'good girls don't'.  So my approach is to get a woman to embrace herself through 'herself' and her sexuality.  And as you point out, it works marvelously well.

But I'm nagged at a doubt about how you seem to be limited to that.  I understand that in the poly household you were in, the Master's attentions and needs were met in different ways by the others.  When you weren't being played with in the sexual sense, what was your lot?  Waiting?  Caged?  Not actually living in?  I'm having difficulty grasping that.

Do you not find yourself submissive in a more all-encompassing sense, or is your (best) purposes being used?

Please understand, I'm not trying to be demeaning.  I'm trying to grasp what else you are in relationship to your Master.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to LifeIsTooShort)
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RE: Are there any more sexual slaves out there? - 10/11/2006 8:47:36 PM   
Matt1958


Posts: 20
Joined: 7/2/2006
Status: offline 		Hi Lifeistooshort,

I have to agree with you about giving as well as recieving.  For the Top/bottom relationship to work both people have to have their needs met.  As each person has a unique set of needs, it goes without saying that each person needs to look very closely at their partner with an eye to what they really want.  They also need to look at themselves and establish how far they will go to fulfill their partner's needs, or if they have the skill sets/abilities to do the best for their partner.

It takes a very special individual to continue to give to their partner and not recieve anything  tangible in return.  I know there is the arguement that some folks enjoy the act of giving and expect nothing in return.  But most often they do recieve something.  This normally takes the form of allowing them to feel good about themselves for what they have done for you.  From the Top's perspective, taking the time to set up the situations necessary for the giver to fulfill their need, and making/allowing them to feel good about it, can be a selfless act of giving.  (There are many times I know I could perform the task faster and more efficiently, but I grit my teeth and let it be done for me. :)  )  There can be a joy in allowing another person to fulfill their dream.

I am glad you found another Dom who knows that power exchange is a two way street and it sounds like you are both happly fulfilling the needs of the other.

Matt

(in reply to LifeIsTooShort)
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RE: Are there any more sexual slaves out there? - 10/12/2006 4:26:11 AM   
LifeIsTooShort


Posts: 8
Joined: 9/27/2006
Status: offline 		I guess I should explain a couple of things.  I simplified things to make a point because I started writing this as a response to a question about orgasm.  Do you enjoy it?  Should a slave feel guilty about it or should her focus be only on her Dominant's pleasure?  I was also trying to explain that all slaves do not simply serve and all Dominants are not only concerned about their own pleasure.  There are Dominants out there that enjoy giving pleasure to their submissive, and don't want them to simply serve in the traditional sense.  I decided to start a new thread because it became a little more involved.  I did not mean to imply that that was all I was to him or that sex was all I did for him.  We lived a poly life and two of us lived with him.  We all shared many of the responsibilities of the household.  One of my responsibilities as the alpha slave was to help train the others.  I also did house work when needed.  I was the only one with a child so that took up very much of my time.  We ate together, talked together, entertained together and so on.  We did all the normal things people do on a day to day basis.  The laundy, cleaning, shopping and serving was the primary responsibility of the domestic slave, but her sexual needs were always met as well.  I focused on my son, training the domestic slave, and when there was time for play the focus was on the sexual side of things.  The pain slut lived on her own.  She was not with us as much so her primary focus really was on play time.  There were times that all 3 slaves did domestic things, enjoyed sexual activities and participated in other BDSM activities.  I was not a pain slut, but over time learned to enjoy pain and find subspace to work through pain.  Our roles were not so cut and dry and we all experienced all things. 
 
I was trying to make a point that it didn't mean I was not a submissive if I was not the one serving all the time and because my Master chose to give me pleasure.  We all have different abilities. 
 
My life is very different now.  My son and I live together and I see my new Dominant a few times a week.  I have all the responsibilities of my household and paying the bills.   The lifestyle is no longer a primary focus for me.  I have a relationship with my Dominant that is very much like a vanilla boyfriend and girlfriend.  When we have time alone, there is some BDSM, but it is mostly sexual. 
 
I do agree with Matt that even the sub that is primarily focused on service has to be getting something out of the relationship even if it is a smile and a thank you. 

(in reply to Matt1958)
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RE: Are there any more sexual slaves out there? - 10/12/2006 4:37:02 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
It all comes down to the understanding that submission does not equal service and visa versa.
 
Peace and Rapture


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to LifeIsTooShort)
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RE: Are there any more sexual slaves out there? - 10/12/2006 4:39:31 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		I don't understand that either. to be honest.  My Dom very much enjoys giving me pleasure.  That's not to say I don't focus on him because I do, but I'm not about to deprive myself of what he enjoys giving me.  It's like those slaves who feel guilty when their Masters give them oral sex.  What's the deal on that?  If He enjoys doing that, why would you feel guilty?  I just don't get that.

I mean, at the core, we're all people and we all have basically the same needs/wants/desires. 

(in reply to LifeIsTooShort)
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RE: Are there any more sexual slaves out there? - 10/12/2006 6:11:06 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		Weird concept......lol

I submit because I chose to give someone authority over me. That means I agreed that what he says, goes. Ultimately, his will takes precedence over mine..........and that can touch any aspect of my life that he decides he wants to touch.

It doesn't cross my mind that I *should* be doing this, or that FOR him. If he wants something a certain way, he'll make it happen. It's up to him; he has the power.

If he does things for me, I think it's fun and lovely, I don't think I *should* be doing it..........if he wanted me to do it, he'd make sure I was doing it.

Basically, I let him drive.........as he's supposed to.

agirl









(in reply to darkinshadows)
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RE: Are there any more sexual slaves out there? - 10/12/2006 10:13:46 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

Basically, I let him drive.........as he's supposed to.



Hello A/all,

I totally agree with this concept.

It is like the bumper sticker that says:

"Get in, sit down, hold on, and shut up." 

I am puzzled both by people who demand I explain myself and my actions, as well as by people that insist that it must be some certain way.  Moreso because the certain way it is supposed to be generally conforms exactly to the way they think it should be done.

Somebody who wants to go along with me for the ride is termed "A keeper."  The other ones end up as beneficiaries of the "Catch and Release" paradigm.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to agirl)
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RE: Are there any more sexual slaves out there? - 10/12/2006 11:37:40 PM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		I earned myself a memorable punishment from my first Dom for saying that I felt guilty - that he did all the hard work and I got all the pleasure in our relationship.

Apparently tying me up, blindfolding me, tormenting me till I was half crazed, spanking me silly and having incredibly wild sex was pleasurable to him too.

I'm always eager to please my current Dom any way I can, he gives so much amazing pleasure to me - and again, he seems to gain a lot of satisfaction out of it all. 

They're lovely, aren't they!  We subs are incredibly fortunate.

(in reply to Sinergy)
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RE: Are there any more sexual slaves out there? - 10/12/2006 11:57:49 PM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LifeIsTooShort

I have read so many posts from submissive women that feel the only way to please a Master or Dominant is by serving them or only focusing on his pleasure. 



Sexual submission is a way for the sub to have her own pleasures rather than the dom's because it is firstly what she desires and it is that desire that had her seek out a dom. The fact that it gives the dom pleasure is purely incidental. Often subs use their so called 'submissive tendencies' as a way of justifying to themselves their own pervesions where no justification is necessary, you either like kinky sex or you don't. Certainly most of my experience with sexual submissives is that they first and formost are concerned with themselves and their own pleasures, they just need to give themselves an excuse for indulging.

(in reply to LifeIsTooShort)
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RE: Are there any more sexual slaves out there? - 10/13/2006 12:01:50 AM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

quote:

ORIGINAL: LifeIsTooShort

I have read so many posts from submissive women that feel the only way to please a Master or Dominant is by serving them or only focusing on his pleasure. 



Sexual submission is a way for the sub to have her own pleasures rather than the dom's because it is firstly what she desires and it is that desire that had her seek out a dom. The fact that it gives the dom pleasure is purely incidental. Often subs use their so called 'submissive tendencies' as a way of justifying to themselves their own pervesions where no justification is necessary, you either like kinky sex or you don't. Certainly most of my experience with sexual submissives is that they first and formost are concerned with themselves and their own pleasures, they just need to give themselves an excuse for indulging.


If their kink matches your kink, it's a win-win situation and everyone's happy.  I'd guess a slave who's having a wonderful time is better than one who's miserable.

Matching up our complementary kinks can be SO much fun!

(edited because it sounded too snippy the first time.) 

< Message edited by becca333 -- 10/13/2006 12:03:36 AM >

(in reply to meatcleaver)
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RE: Are there any more sexual slaves out there? - 10/13/2006 12:09:48 AM   
Samwhiplash


Posts: 191
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LifeIsTooShort

I have read so many posts from submissive women that feel the only way to please a Master or Dominant is by serving them or only focusing on his pleasure.  Maybe I am strange, but I have a very different opinion.  I believe there are many different types of submissives.  There are service submissives, domestic submissives, sexual submissives and the list can go on.  We are all individuals and Dominants are also individuals with different needs. 
 


Hi LifeIsTooShort

Sounds like you guys have a good thing going on.... I do actually agree with what you have said... particularly the quoted bit above. While mu profile points out that I am seeking a man who genuinely wants to submit to a Domme on levels other than sexually....... I would definitely HAVE to have a sub who is all of those aspects of sub that you have listed.

SEX is so much fun and brings so much pleasure ... who doesnt want that (giving and receiving).

(in reply to LifeIsTooShort)
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RE: Are there any more sexual slaves out there? - 10/13/2006 2:02:36 AM   
slavetoFemale


Posts: 20
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		yes although there are many different levels of D/s and they are agreed before things commence a sub who decides they are sub in something but not sub in another is not a full sub would have thought that was obvious a true submissive does anything expected by his or her Superior and it is all about service no offence but iut kind of p i** s me off when most people on these D/s sites are fake subs or fake doms especially when i am a true gen sub male who will do anything for a superior and yet i still havent found anyone genuine after 23 years tc

(in reply to LifeIsTooShort)
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RE: Are there any more sexual slaves out there? - 10/13/2006 4:38:00 AM   
LifeIsTooShort


Posts: 8
Joined: 9/27/2006
Status: offline 		In response to the last post I must say I am not a fake submissive, and I don't think it makes anyone less submissive if they do not look to offer service oriented submission.  I was a slave at one time and now consider myself submissive.  As a slave, I did serve when it was asked of me, and very often without being asked.  I did many things I did not want to do because I had agreed to be a slave with no limits.  This was good for me because I learned to enjoy many things I did not previously think I would like.  I also did things I would not agree to do now.  It was all a learning experience and I do not regret anything.  My life is different now and that is why I don't chose to offer service to that level.  I am still submissive, but not an owned slave and there is a difference.
 
I all boils down to the Dominant you chose.  That is really the point.  In order to put total trust in someone to do anything they ask, regardless of whether it is something you want or not, you must get to know that person very well first.  There has to be great communication and you need to make sure that person has your best interest in mind.  This takes a great deal of time.  In my opinion, the fake submissives are the ones that immediately submit to someone they hardly know just for the sake of submitting to someone.  I have higher standards for myself.  I will only submit to someone deserving of that kind of respect and trust.  Just because they can talk the D/s talk and swing a flogger does not make them a Master or a Dominant.  If a Dominant takes the time to get to know me and we find that we are compatable on many levels, I will submit to him.  When you find the one that you can give yourself to totally, it is a beautiful thing.  It is not a good thing when the two of you have a different agenda. 

(in reply to slavetoFemale)
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RE: Are there any more sexual slaves out there? - 10/13/2006 5:01:03 AM   
Iskander


Posts: 264
Joined: 9/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavetoFemale

yes although there are many different levels of D/s and they are agreed before things commence a sub who decides they are sub in something but not sub in another is not a full sub would have thought that was obvious a true submissive does anything expected by his or her Superior and it is all about service no offence but iut kind of p i** s me off when most people on these D/s sites are fake subs or fake doms especially when i am a true gen sub male who will do anything for a superior and yet i still havent found anyone genuine after 23 years tc


Lets take a an artist who works in oils, hates acrylics, refuses to paint realism, knows nothing about dada or surrealism, is he a fake artist because he limits what he does?
Then there's the guy who hasn't painted in years coz no-one would give him an exhibit, has read all the art books, knows and can describe the theory of every genre, and calls every other artist that is getting his/her work shown a hack...Is he a true artist?

Hmmmm... I wonder...

Iskander...


(in reply to slavetoFemale)
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RE: Are there any more sexual slaves out there? - 10/13/2006 5:01:57 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavetoFemale

yes although there are many different levels of D/s and they are agreed before things commence a sub who decides they are sub in something but not sub in another is not a full sub would have thought that was obvious a true submissive does anything expected by his or her Superior and it is all about service no offence but iut kind of p i** s me off when most people on these D/s sites are fake subs or fake doms especially when i am a true gen sub male who will do anything for a superior and yet i still havent found anyone genuine after 23 years tc

Maybe you place your expectations too high?
But then, 'real' and 'true' submissives - so I am told by some people - should not have expectations.
So does that make you a fake?
In some peoples eyes - YES.
If you continue and have continued to label everyone who you come across who doesn't fill your expectations of what a dominant/submissives/slave/dominia etc should be as a fake you will always be a mirror and show them the same.  Until you start to realise that everyone is individual and have unique charachteristics you will be unable to submit totally to anyone, because you are on a set path that you have laid out for yourself which is nothing more than a selfish act.  Submission and domination, by default are both selfless acts of selfishness, not selfish acts of selflessness.
 
Peace and Rapture


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to slavetoFemale)
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RE: Are there any more sexual slaves out there? - 10/13/2006 5:03:18 AM   
michaelGA2


Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline 		sex isn't all that it's cracked up to be and is over-rated...LOL

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

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RE: Are there any more sexual slaves out there? - 10/13/2006 5:05:59 AM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavetoFemale

kind of p i** s me off when most people on these D/s sites are fake subs or fake doms especially when i am a true gen sub male who will do anything for a superior and yet i still havent found anyone genuine after 23 years tc


Hmmmm.......go read my answers on the thread you stated.
 
Btw, if everybody here is fake why are you here?

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to slavetoFemale)
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RE: Are there any more sexual slaves out there? - 10/13/2006 5:41:00 AM   
Master96


Posts: 593
Joined: 2/13/2006
Status: offline 		Greetings,

I’m terribly sorry for the death of your owner. On the other hand, I’m happy that you have a new relationship and a son.

I think we forget that D/s is like any relationship. Any one can leave the relationship. That's how I think. If I don’t get what makes me happy with my sub/slave then why should I keep her? The same way I respect the fact that if I didn’t care to my sub/slave’s needs she will leave me.

Something else… being a Dominant doesn’t keep me from being a gentleman with my sub/slave. Many vanilla people have the wrong idea of our lifestyle.

One more last thing… where is your profile? I’m sad because I couldn’t know the person “Lifeistooshort”.

Good luck.

< Message edited by Master96 -- 10/13/2006 5:42:45 AM >

_____________________________

Master96,

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Understand that actions will always speak louder than words.


Before you speak, ask yourself..
Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
Does it improve upon the silence? - Sai Baba

(in reply to twicehappy)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Are there any more sexual slaves out there? - 10/13/2006 6:08:07 PM   
LifeIsTooShort


Posts: 8
Joined: 9/27/2006
Status: offline 		To answer the last question, I originally had a profile set up.  The primary purpose was to help other submissives learn to recognize "wanna-be Dominants" and those who might not be safe.  I did not seek to meet Dominants, but it seemed only Dominants were reading my profile.  I decided to remove the profile and post the words instead.  I started a thread under Health and Safty,"be careful a Dominant is for real".  Those are the words I originally had in my profile along with the usual info, 42 year old submissive living in VA only seeking to make friends with other submissives.  That might help you to get to know me a little better.  I didn't like the fact that Dominants were trying to pick me up when I was clear that I was not looking, so I decided to spend time on the boards instead.  I was quickly bored with the chat rooms and messages I received.  Most of the people that take time to write something here have something real to say.
 
I very much agree that either person has the right to leave a relationship that does not work for them.  It is a horrible thought to think a submissive would stay with a Dominant forever simply because they think they have to.  Submissives are people and have needs like anyone else.  If those needs are not met, they should move on. 
 
I absolutely love the comparison Iskander made to artists.  You are so on target.  I am an artist and love charcoal figure drawing.  I can paint, but have never been able to master water color, just as I have never mastered cooking, cleaning and being the perfect hostess.  But, I am and artist and I am a submissive.  I also know how to find those who appreciate the talents I have. 
 
It seems to me someone who has not found their idea of the perfect domme in 23 years has a few things to learn.  It may very well be the approach.  You are pretty much telling them how they should be and walking away if they don't meet your standards.  Is that really any different than what I do.  I choose a Dominant that offers what I seek and needs what I offer. 

(in reply to Master96)
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