darchChylde
Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline
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i didn't really know where to put this, so i put it here... it's a stream of consciousness poem that i wrote today, i just wanted to share it... sorry if it's too long a read, or doesn't belong here - Oren
Are There Any Answers?
i walked out of the club
having just witnessed a scene that i should not have
after wandering for a bit
i sit in the rain not knowing why
i called her
i told her that I won’t use the information that I just gained
and i won’t
i watch her
she runs out of the club
dodging bullets and she even took a few
this place was’t safe for her
but still she came anyway
sha came for me
she sensed something was wrong
i listened to her
rambling about lost love
happiness she could almost reach
about illusions that she couldn’t fall back on any more
i understood
i lost my illusions
my fall back
i lost my reasons too
she listened to me too
she didn't offer any answers
she offered nothing to the questions i sought
we only listened
we were only there for each other
i gave my loyalty and my oath to an ideal
i thought to trust in a person or a group would be foolish
i was the fool
thinking that the ideal could sustain me
i didn’t realize that i was giving my trust to everyone
to them and to us
to finally realize that there was only one possible way
it’s hard to believe that i was actually surprised when they failed me
or did fail them or even myself
i almost gave up almost gave myself over to that other
that one that offered no limits no laws only freedom
in looking down that path i found only chains
chains that offered no answers to the questions that i could not verbalize
that path only offered escape but not freedom only running
remembering another time when i ran
i could no longer be a part of them
those that had done this thing
i kept telling myself
i went to the other side
i felt the hate and anger of those who were once friends
and i attacked them as well
i gave them my indignation
i gave them my self-righteous fury
and they showed me myself
the part of me that i thought was only them
they showed me the ugliness in myself that i thought to run from
spiteful
cruel
apathetic and heartless
i say that they had given up humanity
then i realize that these are all a part of humanity
that we are all beautiful and ugly in the same breath
for a while i stayed with those who took me in
who accepted me as i was without question whilst i betrayed them
i tried to be like them
i wanted to believe what they did
but their hope was not my hope
their thoughts were not my thoughts
and so with no questions answered i went home
i went back because i knew it was the right thing
though no other reason came to me
but because it was right
so i went home
but it was not home anymore
it had changed
they had changed
i had changed
we did not belong together anymore
so i found a new home
a place where they believed what i believed
and i was welcomed as if i had always been with them
and i was cared for in all my senselessness
and i came to be satisfied
until one day the questions began haunting me again
until i sit here in the rain looking up at a swarming living cloud
why do i do this
why do i fight
why do i continue
am i making a difference
and i stand
and i look around
we fight each other and together
our loyalties shift like sand in the tide
we are together and apart in the same breath
i don't think it will ever change
so did i find my answers
did i find my hope
why do i do what i do
i'm left with only one reason
as i fail all and all fail me
i do this because it is right
i shall continue to do what is right
i shall do so as i continue to search for my answers
for when i stop asking
may there be a bullet waiting for me
< Message edited by darchChylde -- 10/13/2006 11:37:17 AM >
_____________________________
I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.
I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?
Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.
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Are There Any Answers (a poem) - 
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