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RE: Aging and Changes - 10/14/2006 12:49:17 PM

behindmirrors

Posts: 340
Joined: 8/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

I have noticed something here:

In the 20's- anything goes. Relationships are treated as long dates and fluid.

In the 30's- it appears that everyone wants a secure relationship. Somebody even in a poly has to be THE one and only causing it to eventually erode into monogamy. The is a real focus on "honesty" to the extreme.

In the 40's: there is cynicism- bad experiences are overshadowing relationships and there is always a "waiting for the other shoe to drop" atmosphere.

In the 50's and up: I've noticed a relaxation in all the rules of society.. and yes D/s M/s has it's own rules that are just as confining as the outsiders'. They have learned to laugh at themselves and accept peoples flaws bit better. There is just a realization that we aren't going life forever and we are more able to chill-out and enjoy. Sad that we learned this so late in life.

Just my thoughts here.. on a drizzly Saturday morning in Arizona.

Well, I'm 22, but I've acted out a lot of these stages at different times. I hit the cynical "40's" before I turned 21, my mid-teens were more "anything goes", but then again, I dated a few select people quite seriously, some of whom lead to my cynicism regarding relationships. Now, I have that person in my life I want to settle down with for always- but he's 30, so maybe it's age-appropriate, haha! I already see that life will end (mine almost did about two years ago, so maybe that's where I get the appreciation of this from), and have learned that relaxing and enjoying what I have each day is wonderful- I don't think I could live as happily as I do otherwise. Life is a gift for me, since it was nearly taken away, I do appreciate it very much, and want to live with as few distractions from that as possible.

Perhaps mental age says more than physical age in years. I can't really know, but to each their own. All I know is that I associate much less with people I meet that are my age and act it in day-to-day life.

Interesting thread, Lotus. It's enjoyable.
behindmirrors.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 21

RE: Aging and Changes - 10/14/2006 12:51:40 PM

zumala

Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
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As always, I'm apparently not typical. I had my first 'cute little boyfriend' in first grade, and that 'relationship' lasted until third grade, when girls develop "cooties" In high school I had one three year relationship. Had one very weird on-line LD relationship (if you can call that chaotic fiasco a relationship) with a nutcase that dragged on for about two very painful (and nearly suicidal) years. Learned a lot the hard way there. Had another on-line LD relationship that involved visits about every six months that lasted about a year and a half. Learned a lot there as well.

And then of course, there was that third on-line relationship that eventually evolved into a real-time relationship. That one's been going for about nine years now, been married for about four and a half of those.

Anyway, the idea of all that (sorry, slept late and no coffee yet = severe rambling) is that I've never been the flighty, "fluid" type. My relationships were never 'anything goes'. I didn't have sex until I married at age 24. Most of my relationships always lasted well beyond a year or two even before I hit my 20's. I guess I'd always just been waiting to find that stable and secure relationship before I invested myself fully.

I'm 29 now. We'll see what happens in those later decades, I suppose.

LotusSong - I had to laugh (and perhaps inwardly cry) at your comment about bodies. I don't like mine as it is, so I'm not looking forward to watching it deteriorate further. I still don't understand pup when he says he likes my body, because I know damn well it's not as good as it should/could be. Flaw of mine, I guess.

zuma

< Message edited by zumala -- 10/14/2006 12:54:27 PM >

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 22

RE: Aging and Changes - 10/14/2006 12:51:53 PM

swtsouthernsub

Posts: 477
Joined: 12/23/2004
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I'm 40 life does change through the years our wants and needs change I've been in several serious relationships
always wanting a serious one got that
never a fling ,never married no children except the one that was put up for adoption ..no regrets
I've learned from my mistakes and grew from them trying not to make the same ones twice
I say live life the best you can for it can be taken from us in an instant dance as if no one is watching run threw the rain stomp in a puddle enjoy life
edited because crazy country hick gurl can't type or spell

< Message edited by swtsouthernsub -- 10/14/2006 12:53:42 PM >

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Post #: 23

RE: Aging and Changes - 10/14/2006 1:08:12 PM

LotusSong

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I've discovered I'm pretty much the same person at 41 that I was at 21. I just have more knowledge.

That's the cruelness of aging.. we are perpetually 21 inside :)

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(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 24

RE: Aging and Changes - 10/14/2006 1:09:57 PM

LotusSong

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aine

But honestly, I resent your statement about the 20's.

Check back with me in 30 years.. we'll compare notes:)

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to Aine)

Post #: 25

RE: Aging and Changes - 10/14/2006 1:18:33 PM

Steelriven

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I've never acted my age so to speak. In my teen years I always seemed to have more maturity than others my age, but still possessed the egotistic I know what's good for me, and am going to do what I do, and there is nothing you can do or say to stop me thing.

What would I say about myself now? I'm not sure, I don't know many people my age. So, ah I can't really compare. After my teen years I've generally had friends that are older than me. I seem to fit better in that crowd. Oh, I still belive in having fun, and taking risks. But the dreaded "r," word (responsibility) always comes first.

I no longer hold the idea that I know everything, like I did when I was sixteen. I know what I know, but I am always learning. As far as relationships, I've never fit in a generally catigory. Didn't have much interest in them when I was younger, than I had a five year relationship. Learned alot, and moved on.

It's been two years since my previous realtionship, and I have fallen in love. My view now, I wish and hope we stay together forever, but the reality is things happen, people do change.

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(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 26

RE: Aging and Changes - 10/14/2006 1:44:40 PM

juliaoceania

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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Aine,

I agree with you, I was married at 21 and while that marriage was shortlived I did have a child with that person. I did not have another relationship of any import until I was almost 29 because I was in the stage she reserved for 40 yr olds.. waiting for shoes to drop and disillusionment, bitterness and anger.. because my marriage was not a long date, it was an emotional rollercoaster and disaster. Many people get married in their 20s and stay this way for the rest of their life, and I would not consider this one big fluid date

I suppose her timeline might be true for some, but it is not true of all, in fact I would say some people never hit the disillusionment stage because they got with their lifemate in their 20s... it happens a lot.

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(in reply to Aine)

Post #: 27

RE: Aging and Changes - 10/14/2006 3:30:23 PM

BuxomGoddess714

Posts: 91
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: So.California
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The Oprah Show on aging was fascinating and I, for one, am totally clueless enough to listen to those older women's wisdom. In youth, you do not truly understand your own mortality. I knew everything when I was 25, certainly more then my parents did (ha), and I know nothing now. I suspect I will know even less when I am 75. The longer you live life, you have more of your uniques lives experiences, regardless what they are. You are humbled. Kinda puts things into perspective of reality. This makes you more you. When getting nearer the end of life, it becomes more precious; its leaving you. Yeah yeah I got married and pregnant at 17. So what. I am more serious about who I have dinner with now then who I married then. Kids and marriages do not an adult make. I don't have as much time now and I tire easy. My time is valuable and precious now. I pay more attention to people I love because I lost my Son and I regret the moments I was cleaning house or yapping on the phone instead of playing with Him and I was a hyper attentive mother. Hard lesson to learn. Didn't know that before and don't wish it thrust upon you in that manner. I survived cancer and morphine addiction. I survived alot of things no 25 year old could have seen in her future that wont fit here, and I had already had quite a life. Life, years and experience cannot be replaced by anything else, protest as you will. You'll feel like you know nothing as they are praying last rites over you. Won't be rattling off how many subs you've had and I had many by then. The longer you live, the clearer that becomes. Life keeps throwing me curve balls. I don't think it can be segmented into decades that fit every life, every situation, every time. Fate tosses us different cards, we make choices. Someone with an IQ of 80 will figure it out different then one with an IQ of 160. We don't all have time to be bitter or Polly Anna, there are wonderful people and psycho killers out there. I've met both in my travels. Am not waiting for a shoe to drop, but I protect myself, assets and poly family because I'm a responsible grown up now. Be well advised to respect the words of anyone with more years behind them then you have, you might learn something. Especially people who have truly lived. Everyone must be left to their own devices and to have their own learning experiences, however painful it is to watch. It is painful to watch, but we survived it, we are still here. Maybe we know something you don't. There are no shortcuts to places worth going. Each part of life has its pleasures and pains. Savor each moment, it might be your last. Don't take your loved ones for granted, they may not be here tomorrow. But what do I know? I'm only 46.

_____________________________

The truth is that there is nothing noble in being Superior to somebody else. The only real nobility is in being Superior to your former self.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 28

RE: Aging and Changes - 10/14/2006 4:11:19 PM

meatcleaver

Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
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I left school at 15 in 1970 and it seemed like none stop dating and sex until I got married at 27. Major wobble in marriage around 35, marriage broke up at 47 but the four years before that my wife and I were leading separate lives. At 48 I was badly burnt and it still stings. I am now 50 and I'm lucky that I do a lot of socializing through my work and meet a lot of women. I'm back to being a teenager again and I've no intention of changing that status until they bury me. Serious relationships just don't seem worth the time and effort because there is so little reward and there is just so so much fun to be had. I just can't work people out who find themselves single at my age and want a serious relationship.

< Message edited by meatcleaver -- 10/14/2006 4:12:52 PM >

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 29

RE: Aging and Changes - 10/14/2006 5:11:16 PM

Morrigel

Posts: 492
Joined: 10/13/2006
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Not sure there are really hard and fast rules. The most beautiful d/s relationship I ever saw in my life was between a couple in their 60's...who had been together since their early 20's, if not younger. You could tell when he popped the whip on her ass that in his eyes, that woman--mother of three, grandmother of six--was still the same spirited blonde filly that she had been for forty years. And he still had real sensual hunger in his eyes when he buried his fist in her long, thick gray hair.

Watching them play was one of the most romantic things I ever saw in my life.

--M

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 30

RE: Aging and Changes - 10/14/2006 5:29:53 PM

sophia37

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Joined: 2/7/2006
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Im not waiting for the other shoe to drop, but theres been a lot of turmoil during my 40's so far. Its truly considered middle aged and the brain does recognoze that. And while it can also mean you have one more entire lifetime to live years wise, you also notice how people weaken with age. That damn gravity gets us all in the end.

So for lots of us, theres no time to lose. Its now or never to follow that dream, if the dream stills lives and goes unfulfilled. Its not a bad thng to have a wake up call every so often. Its nessasary in fact.

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 31

RE: Aging and Changes - 10/14/2006 6:16:21 PM

stockingluvr54

Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
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ain't the year , make , or model......just what kind of miles are on it..

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 32

RE: Aging and Changes - 10/14/2006 7:40:36 PM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

hehe I must age metiphysically fast. I'm 32 but other then wanting the committed relationship eventually, I fit more into what is stated as in the 50's *S*

I never really did hit the cynisism stage for more then a month or two tho.

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Post #: 33

RE: Aging and Changes - 10/14/2006 7:48:26 PM

Lordandmaster

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MESSAGE TO XQ3Z: THE EARTHLINGS SEEM TO BE ON THE VERGE OF CRACKING OUR CODE. THIS MESSAGE WAS INTERCEPTED ON OCTOBER 14, 2006, AT 10:47 P.M. EDT. MAYBE THEY WILL SOON DISCOVER THE PROGRAMMING SEQUENCE THAT WE HAVE INSTALLED IN THEIR BRAINS!

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

I have noticed something here:

In the 20's- anything goes. Relationships are treated as long dates and fluid.

In the 30's- it appears that everyone wants a secure relationship. Somebody even in a poly has to be THE one and only causing it to eventually erode into monogamy. The is a real focus on "honesty" to the extreme.

In the 40's: there is cynicism- bad experiences are overshadowing relationships and there is always a "waiting for the other shoe to drop" atmosphere.

In the 50's and up: I've noticed a relaxation in all the rules of society.. and yes D/s M/s has it's own rules that are just as confining as the outsiders'. They have learned to laugh at themselves and accept peoples flaws bit better. There is just a realization that we aren't going life forever and we are more able to chill-out and enjoy. Sad that we learned this so late in life.

Just my thoughts here.. on a drizzly Saturday morning in Arizona.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 34

RE: Aging and Changes - 10/14/2006 7:54:52 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
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All I can do is paraphrase Robert Burns "Oh what a gift that God would give us, to see ourselves as others see us".

Original writing here: http://quotations.about.com/cs/poemlyrics/a/To_A_Louse.htm

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

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Post #: 35

RE: Aging and Changes - 10/14/2006 7:55:20 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

I have noticed something here:

In the 20's- anything goes. Relationships are treated as long dates and fluid.

In the 30's- it appears that everyone wants a secure relationship. Somebody even in a poly has to be THE one and only causing it to eventually erode into monogamy. The is a real focus on "honesty" to the extreme.

In the 40's: there is cynicism- bad experiences are overshadowing relationships and there is always a "waiting for the other shoe to drop" atmosphere.

In the 50's and up: I've noticed a relaxation in all the rules of society.. and yes D/s M/s has it's own rules that are just as confining as the outsiders'. They have learned to laugh at themselves and accept peoples flaws bit better. There is just a realization that we aren't going life forever and we are more able to chill-out and enjoy. Sad that we learned this so late in life.

Just my thoughts here.. on a drizzly Saturday morning in Arizona.

Well, I'm fairly sure that it's finally clear in the 50's (which, by the way I'd like to point out, I'm not at {but I'm approaching} that all this other bullshit...is bullshit...and everyone else's bullshit is indeed....

Bullshit.

Ain't it grand to get old(er) and finally realize...their chaos ain't your chaos?

(And everyone else's bullshit...ain't yours).

Ya know?

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 36

RE: Aging and Changes - 10/14/2006 8:00:47 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I've discovered I'm pretty much the same person at 41 that I was at 21. I just have more knowledge.

Well said.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 37

RE: Aging and Changes - 10/14/2006 8:37:37 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
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quote:

The most beautiful d/s relationship I ever saw in my life was between a couple in their 60's...who had been together since their early 20's, if not younger.

We are in our 60's and together since early 20's. For us it has only gotten better through the years, especially with empty nest and menopause.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

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(in reply to Morrigel)

Post #: 38

RE: Aging and Changes - 10/14/2006 8:44:42 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

quote:

The most beautiful d/s relationship I ever saw in my life was between a couple in their 60's...who had been together since their early 20's, if not younger.

We are in our 60's and together since early 20's. For us it has only gotten better through the years, especially with empty nest and menopause.

I got married at 20... still going.. hubby is now 60 and I'm 53. It's possible :)

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

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Post #: 39

RE: Aging and Changes - 10/14/2006 8:49:57 PM

Morrigel

Posts: 492
Joined: 10/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

quote:

The most beautiful d/s relationship I ever saw in my life was between a couple in their 60's...who had been together since their early 20's, if not younger.

We are in our 60's and together since early 20's. For us it has only gotten better through the years, especially with empty nest and menopause.

Then you must know exactly what I mean!

And believe me, seeing this particular couple was a turning point in MY life. I was never so happy and grateful to have seen two any people out playing in public.

--M

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 40

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