RE: Orgasm Control

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Donnalee -> RE: Orgasm Control (10/15/2006 7:00:44 PM)
This has been a great thread. I've got something a little different to share, but along the same line: A few years back, I took a SSRI antidepressent medication for about 18 months that had the side effect of "inhibited orgasm"....except I wasn't told of that possibility. Well who would've thought my sex life tanked because I was on an antidepressent? Not me, and it was just terrible. I would get to the brink........and NOTHING.....build back up....and zip. I was so frustrated that I didn't want to have sex anymore because that was such a crappy place to be stuck at. So then I started sublimating any sexual urges that did come up, and just got number. Well all of the sudden the medical literature starts describing this side effect as happening to both women and men in high numbers. Bingo! I felt a HUGE relief, and switched meds immediately. The problem went away, but it did take some amount of time to get over my fear of getting stuck on the runway, and for my partner to feel normal again.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Orgasm Control (10/15/2006 7:15:45 PM)
Through many years and partners I too was unable to orgasm.However with much masturbation trying on my own to find what it is that will make me climax..finally..finally I did...yes it was with myself first ..but hey! there is no pressure to orgasm with yourself just pleasurable feelings,relaxation and experimentation...After that I was able to lead my partners to what gets me to that orgasmic place.....Tempting

Level -> RE: Orgasm Control (10/16/2006 3:33:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub Through many years and partners I too was unable to orgasm.However with much masturbation trying on my own to find what it is that will make me climax..finally..finally I did...yes it was with myself first ..but hey! there is no pressure to orgasm with yourself just pleasurable feelings,relaxation and experimentation...After that I was able to lead my partners to what gets me to that orgasmic place.....Tempting See, patience is a virtue. Good to see you, Tempting. [;)]

gypsylee -> RE: Orgasm Control (10/16/2006 5:00:55 AM)
i was pretty tired when i responded so i'd like to elaborate... up until fairly recently, the female orgasm was pretty much taboo ~ it was wrong for women to enjoy sex and the propaganda went so far as to suggest that the fem orgasm didn't even exist. then we discovered the clitoris. then we discovered the g-spot. then we discovered multiple orgasms... and all of a sudden women were supposed to be these nymphomaniac, insatiable orgasm machines. if we didn't have multiple orgasms within 5 minutes there was something wrong. and the latest 'fad' is female ejaculation. i know a guy who raves on about how his gf makes such a mess that they have to flip the mattress, as if it's a measure of how good he is. sure, she must enjoy herself. but i know for a fact that it's not cos he's fantastic in bed. so there's this whole pressure thing going on in the bedroom which revolves around women having an orgasm. girls ~ if you don't, it doesn't mean you are a freak or a failure. guys ~ if she doesn't, it does not make you a crap lover. gypsy-hardtoplease-lee

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Orgasm Control (10/16/2006 7:05:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gypsylee i was pretty tired when i responded so i'd like to elaborate... up until fairly recently, the female orgasm was pretty much taboo ~ it was wrong for women to enjoy sex and the propaganda went so far as to suggest that the fem orgasm didn't even exist. then we discovered the clitoris. then we discovered the g-spot. then we discovered multiple orgasms... and all of a sudden women were supposed to be these nymphomaniac, insatiable orgasm machines. if we didn't have multiple orgasms within 5 minutes there was something wrong. and the latest 'fad' is female ejaculation. i know a guy who raves on about how his gf makes such a mess that they have to flip the mattress, as if it's a measure of how good he is. sure, she must enjoy herself. but i know for a fact that it's not cos he's fantastic in bed. so there's this whole pressure thing going on in the bedroom which revolves around women having an orgasm. girls ~ if you don't, it doesn't mean you are a freak or a failure. guys ~ if she doesn't, it does not make you a crap lover. gypsy-hardtoplease-lee LOL....aint it true sistah aint it true!!!....[:D]..Tempting

ranja -> RE: Orgasm Control (9/11/2008 2:37:45 AM)
It is most comforting to know there are women left who do not orgasm easy, indeed after all the hype of late on multiple and anal ones, g-spots and squirting…I still have so much to achieve too. With bdsm more than in Vanilla there seems to be a pressure on people to perform that is really beyond reason…although no doubt some people thrive on this and actually need this pressure to get there…the forced orgasms and such, everybody really is different. For me the less pressure the better, but at the same time I like being pushed, I understand for a Dom to read me is not easy… I think a lot of egos maybe sometimes including your own might be saved by faking an orgasm…I have used this trick myself to prevent serious bad feelings for both me and my partner and think it is preferable and saver than a panic attack. The draw back of faking however for me at least was that I then knew the partner was really no good for me which i was reluctant to admit to and I hate lying, I could have come clean after the pressure was off…but that was so difficult too…But once over the fact we were wrong together there is the hope of finding one that it does click with orgasmicly…and yes they do exist…I found mine too. I had told him from the start that I was not easy and had a suspicion that it was more like impossible for me to orgasm with him and he did accept that and the pressure was off and soon I got there by him. I married him. Sometimes I wonder if it was me or him, but I hope I never have to find out. Anyway I suggest to stop focusing about clitoris and orgasm and think sexy. Be honest but if no choice…fake and look for a new partner. Never ever allow anyone to rub blisters on your clit, treat it delicately, it is such a special little thing. How would you feel at failing at not cumming? Orgasm control can in your case maybe used as denial…since it is unlikely that you cum anyway…your Dom can make you do very sexy things like dress up or expose yourself, He might take pictures maybe or He might have you serve Him or watch porn or He might arouse your body but stay off your sex and you are ordered NOT to cum, He might want to keep you feeling sexy so DO NOT CUM…Maybe He might allow you after you ask Him nicely to withdraw in private for some time to try and get there by yourself but if you don’t; no sweat. He might just continue to have you do sexy things and look sexy till you ask again. Obviously you will need a long(er) term partner for this and maybe a two hour play session will not do….try cyber maybe? Relax don’t do it when you wanna suck into it, you will get through that window sometime, really!!! All the best amanda

MAMandSlave -> RE: Orgasm Control (9/11/2008 8:30:06 AM)
Its interesting that the majority or responders are female. I am a male dominant, and conditioned my girl for orgasm control. She, fortunately for me, has never had difficulty with orgasm. In fact she has been trained to orgasm on verbal command. For many men there is a link to feeling like a competent lover to be able to cause their partner to orgasm. I will admit that I get great pleasure from allowing her to orgasm. So for the dominants who try to force you, there may be an aspect of needing to feel like competent lovers, as well as loss of control if they cant control your orgasm. There may be a bit of arrogance as well, sort of like men who think lesbians...."just haven't met the right guy". In regards to the level of panic you feel, I would highly recommend you speak to a sex therapist. The panic you feel may cause you to limit your ability to move past the orgasmic threshold, and a therapist may help you work through that. Try the Kink Aware Professionals listing for your area. I hope you have happiness with or without orgasm.

Missokyst -> RE: Orgasm Control (9/11/2008 10:01:04 AM)
There are a lot of women (particularly younger women) who are unable to orgasm with a partner. For many women it is a matter of learning our bodies and where the good spots exist. There is also the reluctance to tell your lover omg that hurts, that does nothing for me, is that where it is supposed to be?.. ect.. because you don't want to stop them. I was able to orgasm from the age of 11 but only on my own. The first time it happened I thought.. ohhhhhhh geeze am I dying? What if they find my body here with my hands down there.. LOL but by that time I though oh well.. let them. With a lover though.. I was unable to orgasm until I was 25. I don't know what he did that was different though it might have been the smoke (my first time with that too, and last) I had before. For men, orgasm is easier. Heck, you guys can do it in your sleep. But for women, our anatomy is not so evident. My clit is well retreated into the hood, so that even the infamous magic wand will only produce numbness. I have learned that buildup is more important for me if it is not focused on my clit and instead is concentrated on my brain. Oh.. and BTW... asking someone if they know why they do not orgasm can make someone feel like a freak. Kyst quote: ORIGINAL: Level Do you know why you're unable to orgasm?

candystripper -> RE: Orgasm Control (9/11/2008 11:08:37 AM)
Orgasm is to a degree an involuntary act. I was a bit younger than you when I first came -- from cunniliguis. Until that moment I had no idea I hadn't been cumming, and I wasn't even sure what cunniliguius was. You need time and sensitivity to learn what makes you cum...and your Dom should be as interested in helping you learn as you are. If he isn't a good lover (for you) little or nothing can be done, most times. If you feel betrayed; you are entitled to those feelings and to act on them. I wouldn't recommend you get involved in orgasm control until you and your body learn the pathways to cum. There are some great books out there...'The Joy of Sex' is just one. Getting your body to be fully responsive and achieving orgasm is part of being fulfilled as a woman...don't barter that away. Best wishes. candystripper [sm=pole.gif]

ranja -> RE: Orgasm Control (9/12/2008 3:54:42 AM)
In response to MAMandSlave...you have trained her to orgasm on verbal command you say...but surely you could not command her just anytime to cum and she would...would she? It seems to me that you two probably read eachother extremely well and you Sir know exactly when to allow her release...it must be a very sexy trick you have learned together, am i wrong? All this talk about orgasm control intrigues me so much...i have only little control over my own so for a Dom to order me and it would just happen to me sounds absolutely brilliant but probably unachievable. Also because the training methods seem to be secret, where can i find some pointers as to go about learning this? Does anyone know and is willing to shed some light on this? As for the mental high you get enjoying someone elses orgasm, us subs ride there too when we service mmmm. amanda

Mydnyte -> RE: Orgasm Control (9/12/2008 6:24:57 AM)
They say that when an action or situation causes anxiety , you should do the oppisite so why not try that in your relationships. instead of the control of your orgasm being having one, try the control being not having an orgasm. No matter what the scene is or how intense your control is not having an orgasm. it releives the anxiety of achieving it but still gives you the feeling of control , just a little bit of cruel reverse psychology. hope it helps, as it has for me in the past.

StormsSlave -> RE: Orgasm Control (9/12/2008 11:30:59 AM)
In this relationship, it has been a conditioning. It started with him stating his desire for it, and my blatant skepticism. It has progressed since then, with him "funishing" (still a cool word) me for failure, but eventually, I've learned a good deal of control. I also can cum on his command. Also took conditioning.

DesFIP -> RE: Orgasm Control (9/12/2008 7:38:29 PM)
The reason people arent told when a med will cause sexual dysfunction is that the worry about being one of those causes more of the people on the med to have dysfunction. I used to be able to orgasm very easily, multiple times, and he could get me to a point where he wouldn't have to keep touching me and I would still be unable to stop orgasming. He thought that was way cool. And then came the last couple of years. Performance anxiety, inability to orgasm, inability to orgasm more than once. Everything I knew about my body, and everything he had learned needed to be tossed out. Thankfully the hormones have settled down now that I'm fully in menopause and I have recovered a lot of my sexuality. But at 18, the hormones of puberty have not settled down. It is not uncommon for women not to be able to orgasm until their 30's. You might want to ask your gyn to do a full hormonal scan, I'm betting that they're off, probably low on testosterone. The good thing about having the scan done is that then it isn't a challenge to the lover, it's a medical condition. "My hormones are out of balance and therefore I am unable to orgasm". Just like a male diabetic who has ED and can tell his partner that it isn't her, it's the medical condition. Once you identify a medical cause you can choose to treat it or not, if on the pill, then go off. If off, you may want to go on. But it's a lot easier to get guys not to take it personally if there's a physiological reason.

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