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willing2serve -> Failing Now (1/24/2005 8:45:06 PM)
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I am failing now at being a submissive,
my heart’s desire of how I want to live
I know no peace because I am not in my place.
There is a void in this inner core that I face
in first discovery as a bottom, I found bliss
maturing in the lifestyle; something was amiss
In my mind initially, I certainly did question,
This emptiness in my soul, what is this obsession?
A desire at all times to please, serve, and be lead
An insatiable hunger craving to be fed
From bottom to sub, I have to progress
frustration greets me, if at all I regress
A sexual submissive or bottom is so easy to be,
because behind closed doors I can truly be me.
When the door opens, my challenge begins
The selfish self in daily battle ultimately wins
In my struggle to reveal a submissive’s heart.
I find uncertainty of how to make old habits depart.
How do I break these molds, so I can be free?
My stubborn will locked, what is the key?
I am blinded in my own attempts,
held in contempt, a willful disobedience
What will make it clear, that path I should take
And rid the inner turmoil, this selfishness forsake
What will motivate? Is it for me to decide?
Rewards, discipline punishment, what is my guide?
This journey is more than fad, likes or wants
It is a deep seeded need which consistently haunts
I certainly can’t fall short of the mark and fail
The classy, slutty submissive needs to prevail
Me becoming beautiful porcelain from unmolded clay
When I reach true surrender, what a wonderful glorious day
I am failing now; tell me, how do I succeed?
For these precious answers I sincerely plead.
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