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Wanting to re-live sexual abuse? - 10/23/2006 6:38:38 PM   
dollparts85


Posts: 1233
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: NY
Status: offline 		I was sexually abused as a small child...I didn't enjoy it at all..hurt pretty bad...but I really get turned on by the idea of role playing as a little girl and being forced to do sexual things that I'm really not interested in and don't want to do...am I crazy or something? is this at all normal?
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RE: Wanting to re-live sexual abuse? - 10/23/2006 6:45:42 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		OOOOOOOOOOOhhhhhhh,You are a sick fuck..........one of a kind........so alone

Search rape and, forced, little girl play.........there must be thousands of these threads in the last couple weeks, lady.


LOLOL,

There has to be millions of you, love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry you are not unique, in that respect at least..........

If it blows your dress up, get it on!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are OK, I am OK...........OK?

Read up on it, it is so NOT  uncommon.  Although your kink will change over time, you are still pretty young yet, and it will process different in different times of your life.

Ron(no joke on that last part)


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to dollparts85)
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RE: Wanting to re-live sexual abuse? - 10/23/2006 6:46:54 PM   
dollparts85


Posts: 1233
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: NY
Status: offline 		oh sorry *embarrassed* I'm new...

(in reply to mnottertail)
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RE: Wanting to re-live sexual abuse? - 10/23/2006 6:54:05 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Not at all, and I do not wish you to be embarrassed.  I also don't wish you to feel that kinky thoughts, no matter where they have their seed are necessarily all bad.

And I do not want you to feel alone or tormented.........ask anyone here, I am a pretty sick fuck myself......

If you want to get it on with a pickle slicer attatched to a gameboy playing Tomb Raider you got some chance of slimming your kink to a few thousand in the world, but other than that, it has pretty much been thought of and no bad self-talk about it, OK?

That's what I want to get across......

This shit should be fun as well as fulfilling.............

Ron


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: Wanting to re-live sexual abuse? - 10/23/2006 7:02:26 PM   
shadevarr


Posts: 360
Joined: 7/2/2006
Status: offline 		My slave has the same thing and I am a bit creeped out when I get out of the headspace from those scenes but for the most part they are fun.  Dress, tone, and a complete innnocence is key to maintain it. Calling him something other than what you normally do is good for such scenes as well. Note that we usually do this as a whole afternoon thing. Starting from her "getting back to school" to a really raunchy interactive bedtime story.

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RE: Wanting to re-live sexual abuse? - 10/23/2006 7:17:06 PM   
r4l884slave


Posts: 27
Status: offline 		Yeah Im sure there are many who would help you fufill that-so once you find the right One for you-have fun!

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RE: Wanting to re-live sexual abuse? - 10/23/2006 7:29:41 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		There are many submissives just like you.  It is nothing to be ashamed about.

Good luck.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

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RE: Wanting to re-live sexual abuse? - 10/23/2006 7:36:34 PM   
babygumdrop


Posts: 7
Joined: 10/17/2006
Status: offline 		dollparts85,
 
Never feel ashamed.  There are many things that may drag you down but all in all as long as you are with someone you trust everything is pretty much a go !
 
gumdrop

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RE: Wanting to re-live sexual abuse? - 10/23/2006 7:37:57 PM   
SlaveAkasha


Posts: 726
Joined: 9/30/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I sort of know what you are talking about.  I was sexually abused as a child for a few years.  I have had a few fantasies about this, as a role play thing, but other than talk I haven't tried it.  If it's something you think you would enjoy, don't be ashamed of it.  I think I was at first, but then decided that if this is a way for me to get pleasure, then I shouldn't be.
 
Most of us have kinks, or things we are a bit shy about.  It's good that if you had the guts to admit and ask questions.  You will be surprised sometimes that another even has the same thoughts as you do, but chances are, they have. 
 
Just be open to things, and figure that if you have thought of it, someone else has probably already done it.
 
Akasha

_____________________________

Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please.
~ Tank Girl

www.peta.org
www.goveg.com

(in reply to dollparts85)
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RE: Wanting to re-live sexual abuse? - 10/23/2006 7:42:11 PM   
mystictryst


Posts: 125
Joined: 9/6/2005
Status: offline 		Thought I'd add, that although your fantasy is pretty common, make sure that you are healed prior to taking the plunge into abuse type play.

My concern lay not with your interest but your potential reaction to a scene acted out to recreate a traumatic time in your life... If you've not dealt effectively with the abuse, I would be concerned about flashbacks or other very negative and very real 'side effects' from recreating/playing a young abuse victim.

I would also suggest that the partner you attempt this with is some one you trust explicitly and someone who is fully aware of the abuse you suffered. (he/she needn't need the gritty details, but should no about the abuse and any potential triggers you may have that could flip you into a not-so-nice place). The other partner in this should also know how to bring you down/back to reality if things to turn. If the person isn't aware of your past, it could be very damaging to and to them.

If you've got all that stuff sorted out, then have fun... :)

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RE: Wanting to re-live sexual abuse? - 10/23/2006 7:46:18 PM   
dollparts85


Posts: 1233
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: NY
Status: offline 		I am scared of having a flash back...I've only actually had sex once...and I did have a flash back when it was happening...I didn't really want to do it anyways...

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RE: Wanting to re-live sexual abuse? - 10/23/2006 7:49:33 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		I think there is nothing wrong with you desires. After all, now you are submitting by choice. However, due to your past, it's wise to let your dom know before hand a little about yourself. This way, they will be prepared for any flash backs that may occur and stop the scene before either of you get hurt.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

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RE: Wanting to re-live sexual abuse? - 10/23/2006 7:57:12 PM   
mystictryst


Posts: 125
Joined: 9/6/2005
Status: offline 		Then that is what you need to get sorted out... Sometimes, even if you do want it, it can cause flashbacks... When your mind is in pieces, all the want in the world can't hold it together.

I also know that sometimes, when all you know is abuse, you can turn that into something you think you need - you can make yourself think that the only thing you are is a body to abuse. And this lifestyle can enable you to maintain the abuse (I am not saying this lifestyle is at all abusive... But to an abused person who has not dealt with their abuse can use this lifestyle to maintain a 'comfort' level of abuse (under the guise of BDSM) to fulfill the only life they know.)

So, dollparts85... Before you plunge into this, my first stop would be to get help... Professional help, if you can. Sometimes you may not know why or what will trigger you, but it's probably best to figure that out before you walk this road.

Just my thought on the matter.

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RE: Wanting to re-live sexual abuse? - 10/23/2006 8:05:05 PM   
dollparts85


Posts: 1233
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: NY
Status: offline 		I'm in therapy and on meds but I don't know if its helping...

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RE: Wanting to re-live sexual abuse? - 10/23/2006 8:06:03 PM   
darksdesire


Posts: 326
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		i am very much the same.  i was ashamed of it for years, and i can tell you there is nothing to be ashamed of!!!  In fact, the exploration and  enjoyment of the fantasy can actually reframe the  experience you had.  Some people in the psychological community call this "repitition compulsion".  Who knows, maybe it is, maybe it isn't, but the only thing that is important is the effect the acting out the fantasy has on you.  Personally, i find it takes power away from my originial abuser, and places that power into my Master's hands and transforms the experience.  Because my Master is the person i trust most in the world, i feel safe in acting it out.  i agree with a comment made previously that it would be best to make sure you've healed as much as possible from the original experience, and that the person who acts the fantasy with you knows and understands your history.   

Don't be ashamed.  In fact, enjoy and celebrate your pervisions!  They are your own unique fiingerprint!  

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RE: Wanting to re-live sexual abuse? - 10/23/2006 8:26:13 PM   
domseeker


Posts: 1
Joined: 6/27/2004
Status: offline 		You are definately not the only one who has flashbacks about their sexual abuse.  I am a bi male sub who almost always flashes back while serving a Master.  It's not something I can control.  Even though I am in my 50's now, when I am serving a Master, in my mind I sometimes feel like I am a boy again.  My situation is a little different I think from you, since I never had a Dom roleplay with me as a boy.  Also, I can't say I hated everything that happened to me then, in fact I did find pleasure in a lot of it (even though I wouldn't admit that then).  But, there were things that I absolutely hated, that now are exciting to me when I am "forced" to do them or even when I just think about them.   This is something that had always confused me, but I began to realize that being "forced" back then gave me an excuse to do those things.  Which is why I kept putting myself in that situation. Anyway, you aren't alone, in fact I suspect many submissives had similar experiences when they were young.  I have found my flashbacks somewhat theraputic and feel they have helped me work through some difficult times with the depression and guilt I felt as a result of my abuse.  Anyway, as long as it's between 2 consenting adults, just do what works for you and try to learn from it.

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RE: Wanting to re-live sexual abuse? - 10/23/2006 8:39:06 PM   
cabernet


Posts: 40
Joined: 4/10/2004
Status: offline 		Hi.  Like the other people here I agree, if it can give you pleasure, then you should go for it.  But, I also think that it should be done with someone you've known for a while and trust comlpletely.  It's probably not the best first date activity.  They should also be aware of your past so they can pay extra attention to your reactions.  It might also be best to have a safeword so that if it did turn out to be too much for you that you can stop it.  Someone yelling, "No!  Please stop!" in this situation is expected.  Good luck!

(in reply to domseeker)
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RE: Wanting to re-live sexual abuse? - 10/23/2006 8:45:21 PM   
SingleTail69


Posts: 24
Joined: 4/2/2006
Status: offline 		I have to agree with a lot, if not all, of what darksdesire said. At one time in your life you were victimized and there is no shame in that, you couldn't help it.

And not to try to get too analitical but the reason you are having the feelings you are having now is because one of your earliest sexual experiences, even though you didn't want it, is connected to a pleasure center in the mind. My suggestion would be to confront it, excersize it, and get tired of it. And hopefully you can either forget it or come to terms with it.

all the luck
ST

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RE: Wanting to re-live sexual abuse? - 10/23/2006 8:50:01 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dollparts85
I am scared of having a flash back...I've only actually had sex once...and I did have a flash back when it was happening...I didn't really want to do it anyways...


dollparts85,
I would first like to assure you that you are definitely not alone, as I am sure you have determined by the responses thus far. I worked for many years counseling victims of sexual abuse and I can tell you that the fantasies that you are having are quite common.

Now is where I am going to veer off from the trend of this thread. Fantasizing about and acting out are two entirely different things. I don't profess to know you but in reading some of the things you have said in this post I would suggest to you that you are not in the place you need to be to begin experiencing scenes designed at reliving your experiences.

You said that you have only actually had sexual intercourse once...and that event triggered flashbacks. I think that you need to take time to become comfortable with the simple act of intercourse....or not so simple in the case of many survivors....before you should be considering "reliving" your victimization. You also said that you are in therapy, which I am glad to hear, and on meds. I suggest to you that you discuss your fantasies and your desire to "act" this out with your therapist.

For some, yes it can be a freeing and fulfilling experience.....when given all of the proper consideration and when the time and circumstances are right. But I can not stress to you enough the great possibility of doing more harm than good if you are not as ready as you think....or if all possibilities have not been considered and planned for.....or if a million other variables don't fall perfectly in line.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to dollparts85)
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RE: Wanting to re-live sexual abuse? - 10/24/2006 3:14:33 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		greetings doll
 
no your not crazy in fact your very normal i was abuse also and the things that were done to me i crave and it was getting head to someone much older i do not know why but i love it, but would i want to relive it no. think of why you wish to do this before you do
 
take care
 
mons

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