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RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? - 10/25/2006 7:41:55 PM   
cuddleheart50


Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I have been thinking about leaving for awhile now. but some of my friends keep telling me to stay.  But if things keep going like they have been, and I hope they dont, I will be leaving.

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.


(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? - 10/25/2006 9:14:19 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Yeah.  The biggest mistake I made in my life was convincing myself that BDSM was a "phase."  I had no one to discuss it with at the time, and ended up marrying vanilla.  It's a bad idea, don't do it.

(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? - 10/25/2006 9:15:19 PM   
Dollbecky


Posts: 197
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		What disheartens you about the Lifestyle?...
hmmmm folks who bitch and moan about the local munches /playparties /events  but never ever get in there and try to make things "better"..thats always gets right up my nose..  strikes me as lazy and weak; a total copout.
Its not just a bdsm thing though ....


(in reply to cuddleheart50)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? - 10/25/2006 9:20:35 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		The thing that disheartens me the most about the lifestyle is the rampant generalizing and stereotyping that goes on internally.  I hate having to concern myself with lables and names and terminology to be understood, rather than just accepting that everyone is what they cal themselves and being done with it.DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Dollbecky)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? - 10/25/2006 9:48:25 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Yeah.  The biggest mistake I made in my life was convincing myself that BDSM was a "phase."  I had no one to discuss it with at the time, and ended up marrying vanilla.  It's a bad idea, don't do it.



Been there , done that. This is who I am. I tried to leave BDSM once I  lasted about a year. I was so depressed and empty I couldn't stand it anymore. Things get bad but once you decide to leave there will always be nagging desires and feelings that will haunt you. I can only speak for myself though.

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Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? - 10/25/2006 9:51:03 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I too did the vanilla marriage thing.  It didnt last long once he decided that after the ring was on my finger, I was supposed to be a stereotypical oldfashioned "yes sir" wife.
I need to be the one in control in the relationship, or at the very least an equal.  I cannot and will not be the submissive party, it just isnt in my makeup.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? - 10/25/2006 9:53:18 PM   
jdtallfem


Posts: 180
Joined: 10/8/2006
Status: offline 		Well I embraced it as a ProDomme in my teens and twenties and then "poof" left it and got married for 22 years, happily married in a vanilla marriage.  But I never left my dominant personality.  My ex was always resentfully saying "yes dear" when I ordered him around a bit too much and while he was alpha, he was also had enough "sub" characteristics to keep it going until the end when we butted heads, both became alpha and went into self destruct mode.  Suddenly it was like having two Masters brawling it out, lol.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? - 10/26/2006 1:07:46 AM   
Elegrea


Posts: 38
Joined: 9/20/2006
From: Obscurity
Status: offline 		 Yes, there's venues for them, and I use them...
but I have to hide that I like these things while I am looking for a live in BDSM slave here, because somehow these things don't fall into the category of 'fetish'? 

I see no reason to endure being insulted for these things by people who consider somehow that my presence makes things here on Collarme somehow less 'pure'...

I am not demanding that space on Collarme be specifically set aside for people who like what I do, or special treatment. I am simply asking to be respected while I seek what many people on here are seeking....a slave.


_____________________________

If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you.
If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? - 10/26/2006 5:24:59 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dollbecky

What disheartens you about the Lifestyle?...
hmmmm folks who bitch and moan about the local munches /playparties /events  but never ever get in there and try to make things "better"..thats always gets right up my nose..  strikes me as lazy and weak; a total copout.
Its not just a bdsm thing though ....




You sure have THAT right!

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to Dollbecky)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? - 10/26/2006 5:34:40 AM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

I too did the vanilla marriage thing.  It didnt last long once he decided that after the ring was on my finger, I was supposed to be a stereotypical oldfashioned "yes sir" wife.
I need to be the one in control in the relationship, or at the very least an equal.  I cannot and will not be the submissive party, it just isnt in my makeup.

DV

LOL I started out in what I THOUGHT was a vanilla relationship. It did not take him long to show me that there was soooooooooo much more on the other side. I could never go back to vanilla; I know what can be and will not settle for less.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? - 10/26/2006 7:03:36 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		I've never really believed in the idea of a 'lifestyle' and when I sort of thought there was a 'lifestyle' the people who were trying to convince me there was couldn't even adhere to it anyway which left me somewhat confused. If there was a 'lifestyle' I would have left it but there isn't so I can't. 

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? - 10/26/2006 8:00:40 AM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

If you are thinking about leaving the lifestyle..what was the last straw?  What irritates you?  What defeats your spirit?
 
I TRY to leave it all, for various reasons, but find myself drawn back again and again...


Some people would say that I've 'left' since I don't socialize to the level I used to, I don't go to functions and I don't entertain the notion of taking on more people.  I am not romantically involved and I have no desire to do pro sessions or even play at this time.  I haven't left, I'm burned out and overly busy with other facets of my life that currently take priority.  Since it's part of me I don't think I could leave, no matter how involved I am at the moment.

The major part of my burn out was because I wasn't more proactive about not interacting with people who see me as a life support system for a whip and haven't a clue who I am.  People who write strangers saying "Mistress may I serve you" when what they really mean is "stranger, please make me do exactly what I want to do and let me believe it's all about you."  People who write expecting me to be waiting with baited breath to know what gives every stranger a boner.  Doms who write looking to serve because they want to try the other side, or because they'd do it for "me" or because they want to serve but only if I'll keep it secret because the local femsubs wouldn't understand.  People who assume that because I'm in the life it must mean I'm looking.  Essentially I'm talking about people who only see the kink, usually their kink, and inundate me with BS in the hopes of getting my attention or getting lucky (reads getting what they want from me).  Now, I realize that a lot of dominant women use that very aspect of a man's nature to control them.  That sort of interaction doesn't do much for me.  I want someone to give it up because they want to serve me, not their fantasy of who I am.

For over three years my profiles have pretty much said "fuck off and leave me alone" albeit with a bit more diplomacy.  That, in combination with blocking anyone who emails me asking to serve, has been effective in reducing the amount of tire kickers I was presented with.

Nothing defeats my spirit or could cause me to leave, but some things can motivate me to make changes.


_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? - 10/26/2006 8:12:18 AM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

It is easier to live in a swamp, put up signs, and be a terrifying ogre.



Amen.


_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? - 10/26/2006 8:20:19 AM   
NINASHARP


Posts: 295
Joined: 4/23/2006
From: NJ/NYC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MizSuz

Some people would say that I've 'left' since I don't socialize to the level I used to, I don't go to functions and I don't entertain the notion of taking on more people.  I am not romantically involved and I have no desire to do pro sessions or even play at this time.  I haven't left, I'm burned out and overly busy with other facets of my life that currently take priority.  Since it's part of me I don't think I could leave, no matter how involved I am at the moment.

The major part of my burn out was because I wasn't more proactive about not interacting with people who see me as a life support system for a whip and haven't a clue who I am.  People who write strangers saying "Mistress may I serve you" when what they really mean is "stranger, please make me do exactly what I want to do and let me believe it's all about you."  People who write expecting me to be waiting with baited breath to know what gives every stranger a boner.  Doms who write looking to serve because they want to try the other side, or because they'd do it for "me" or because they want to serve but only if I'll keep it secret because the local femsubs wouldn't understand.  People who assume that because I'm in the life it must mean I'm looking.  Essentially I'm talking about people who only see the kink, usually their kink, and inundate me with BS in the hopes of getting my attention or getting lucky (reads getting what they want from me).  Now, I realize that a lot of dominant women use that very aspect of a man's nature to control them.  That sort of interaction doesn't do much for me.  I want someone to give it up because they want to serve me, not their fantasy of who I am.

For over three years my profiles have pretty much said "fuck off and leave me alone" albeit with a bit more diplomacy.  That, in combination with blocking anyone who emails me asking to serve, has been effective in reducing the amount of tire kickers I was presented with.

Nothing defeats my spirit or could cause me to leave, but some things can motivate me to make changes.



Wow MizSuz, I can really relate to what you wrote here!

(in reply to MizSuz)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? - 10/26/2006 8:25:13 AM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline
quote:

It is easier to live in a swamp, put up signs, and be a terrifying ogre.


lol, so THAT is what I have been doing!!!!

(in reply to NINASHARP)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? - 10/26/2006 8:29:14 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

quote:

It is easier to live in a swamp, put up signs, and be a terrifying ogre.


lol, so THAT is what I have been doing!!!!


CD, I had to laugh at that also. Reminded me of me, out on the farm.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? - 10/26/2006 8:33:49 AM   
ToGiveDivine


Posts: 650
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

If you are thinking about leaving the lifestyle..what was the last straw?  What irritates you?  What defeats your spirit?
 
I TRY to leave it all, for various reasons, but find myself drawn back again and again...


I was involved for a two years a bunch of years ago.  I had two submissivess, neither of which lasted longer than 3 months.  I went to a lot of parties.  I met a lot of people.  I had any number of offers.  But the offers I was getting tended to be from people who had 5-10 relationships a year.

I wanted long term.  I seldom met anybody capable of sustaining a long term relationship, so when life took away my free time, the Lifestyle was one of the things I gave up.

So what drove me away back then was the lack of sustainability in dynamics.  I really dislike the denouement of relationships.  It is easier to live in a swamp, put up signs, and be a terrifying ogre.

Sinergy


Do you have a Donkey too?

_____________________________

These are my opinions - which may differ from your opinions. They may be right and just as equally wrong.

Beware, author is often sarcastic in his replies - most often, no sincere offense is intended.

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? - 10/26/2006 8:34:55 AM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NINASHARP

Wow MizSuz, I can really relate to what you wrote here!



I suspect that most dominant women could.  Since I've never presented as a sub I can't say whether or not it's the same for femsubs.

I suppose its easy enough to call all people who approach this venue as a kink vending machine as 'wankers' and 'hng's' but I don't think that's always the case.  I think there are a lot of genuine people out there who either don't communicate well in the written medium or simply don't have enough r/t exposure and experience to have come through the illusion cloud of kink to get to the other side where human interaction takes place.  It's quite all right that they are where they are, but my compassion for them doesn't mean I must by default hold their hand while they're going through it.  There's not enough of me to go around, even if I were interested (and at this time I'm not).

There are people in my life who care about me and that is enough for me, whether it's D/s / power exchange/ S/m based or not.  Isn't it great the way someone caring about who you are as a person binds you to them and inspires you to care about them similarly?  It's something I value a great deal, am not willing to compromise on, and am fortunate enough to have in my life.  But if I didn't set limits with the other folks I wouldn't have enough time in my day for the relationships that are important to me.


_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to NINASHARP)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? - 10/26/2006 8:43:59 AM   
UnvailedPurpose


Posts: 61
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		Elegra:
I can find no reason you should not be politely and courteously accepter and respected. We all come to D/s with expectations and you have no less right to individualized your search the any one else.

(in reply to Elegrea)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? - 10/26/2006 8:58:34 AM   
subjected2006


Posts: 248
Joined: 1/20/2006
Status: offline 		The catch twenty two..
between a rock and a harder place..
As  a Top I see hear from these subs that are telling me right away what they need.
Before I even care.So it comes across as "me me me".
I have tried to work through that to no avail.
I figure I came in to this lifestyle late so if I can learn ..they can..
but then I discover that the submission they are after is actually mine.
And that can't happen.




_____________________________

a rose is a rose..

(in reply to MizSuz)
Profile   Post #: 80
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