HELP! i am getting cold feet

HELP! i am getting cold feet (Full Version)

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SlaveInTheMaking -> HELP! i am getting cold feet (10/25/2006 3:08:37 AM)
i looked in the past on some other sites for a female Dom and gave up. then i come here like a month ago and wrote a couple females with and without pics (i had no pic in my profile) and one without a pic wrote me back. we chatted for like 2 weeks and she recently meet me in person and we hung out for a few hours. now she want me to goto a BDSM community thingy or something with her and i gonna have to spend the night at her house cause is kinda far. i dont have any BDSM experience but i have thought about it for many many years but never did it. and she dont seem to be into anything that bad she like minor ass play, corperal punishment, and tickle tourture. i have done reading and take this whole collaring thing very seriously. i think she is a nice person and she is cool and she is beautiful but i feel like wow i am getting close to really getting into the 3 collar phases it seems, and now i am getting scared. this thing that i wanted for so long and now its happening and seems to be happening fast. its really scarey help me guys

ChaOz -> RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet (10/25/2006 3:46:37 AM)
Thats normal. You know what it means to lose power and fear it on some level. No problem. Just be honest and tell her that you'll stay but with whatever conditions you feel you need, and that if you doing 'feel it' your going to get a taxi back home etc.

MsKatHouston -> RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet (10/25/2006 5:51:18 AM)
Going to a play party does not mean you are getting collared. It means you are going to a social event that just so happens to have other people who are kinky there too. If you are nervous, ask her if you can just watch and serve her instead of actively play this first time. It's natural to be nervous the first time but you are probably building it up more in your mind. I bet you will have a great time. If this is what you want, you should do it sometime and you have a great opportunity.

Kalira -> RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet (10/25/2006 5:54:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston Going to a play party does not mean you are getting collared. It means you are going to a social event that just so happens to have other people who are kinky there too. If you are nervous, ask her if you can just watch and serve her instead of actively play this first time. It's natural to be nervous the first time but you are probably building it up more in your mind. I bet you will have a great time. If this is what you want, you should do it sometime and you have a great opportunity. I second this.

Aileen68 -> RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet (10/25/2006 7:02:33 AM)
If you're uncomfortable, then get a hotel room instead of staying at her house. And what is a 3 collar phase? I've never heard of that before.

MsKatHouston -> RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet (10/25/2006 7:07:43 AM)
I believe he is referring to consideration, training and formal collars. Though there is not one way to do it and not everyone uses those steps.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet (10/25/2006 8:12:15 AM)
Explain to HER that you're experiencing some fear over a perceived pressure of collaring too fast. That perception might all be in your head. If it's not and she insists she will push you, you know that she's not a match. Going to an event with someone doesn't mean you're collared to them. It's like a date. Show a little loyalty to her...dating rules 101 still apply (meaning you don't persue anyone else unless it's agreed that you can, go home with the person you came with unless there's safety issues, etc), but, it doesn't mean you're engaged. If you're feeling pressure about spending the night, stay in a hotel or in your own room if both of you are staying in the hotel together. Make sure she knows that you're reluctant because of your own fear, NOT because of her. It's ok to not want to move too fast. In fact, seeing it is a nice change from sub frenzy. Look at WHY you're feeling fear and try to work through it. Be patient with yourself...if you're not ready, you're not ready. Only, have the integrity to tell her that if you feel it's true...don't just disappear. Doing this will put you heads above most other male submissives. Master Fire

MasterNdorei -> RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet (10/25/2006 8:25:14 AM)
i would be agreeing with the above mentioned advice except that the OP's profile seems really paranoid to me. Master's dorei

SlaveInTheMaking -> RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet (10/25/2006 9:58:28 AM)
She has been into this for over 15 years and i dont mind letting her flog my back or something in private without bondage for a "reality check". but when i first went and hung out with her and when we was done hanging and about to head our own ways and i went to shake her hand but she made me kiss her a couple times [:)]. but now i think i more worried about what she will try to maybe make me do because i havent had sex since i was with my ex and that was a few years ago. i feel that if we was to have sex would be like a higher level of comittment from that point on and it seems a little fast for me. how can i tell a Dom no but not seem like i am still serious about this because i am and she is beautiful but i am just like wow. [sm=ofcourse.gif]

MsKatHouston -> RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet (10/25/2006 10:00:18 AM)
You talk to her. Express, respectfully, your concerns and need to take it slowly.

Siona -> RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet (10/25/2006 11:29:55 AM)
She can't "make" you do anything you don't want to do.

shadevarr -> RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet (10/25/2006 11:48:39 AM)
Talk to her or if you don't think you would be able to get everything out try a hand written letter. Communicate everything with her and you will find that you have been worrying your little head off over nothing.

jdtallfem -> RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet (10/25/2006 6:13:52 PM)
Definitely talk it out with her. You might be suprised. Especially on a first "play date" like that, she might just want to spank you, not have sex with you anyway, lol.

SlaveInTheMaking -> RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet (10/26/2006 3:41:45 AM)
heh

SlaveInTheMaking -> RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet (10/26/2006 7:44:17 PM)
yea well i tried talking to her i and i guess she got offended or somethign cause she said how i should be greatful that she choose me to talk to out of all the people that have contacted her and now she dont wanna talk to me no more [:(] guess its back to the old drawning thankyou for your replys

sissifytoserve -> RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet (10/26/2006 7:50:37 PM)
Don't feel bad bro. Domme females feel they have an "Edge" on males as there are less female dominants than male subs. You are better off alone if she can't relant at all or give you some time to think about things.

TxBlkMistress -> RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet (10/26/2006 7:53:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SlaveInTheMaking yea well i tried talking to her i and i guess she got offended or somethign cause she said how i should be greatful that she choose me to talk to out of all the people that have contacted her and now she dont wanna talk to me no more [:(] guess its back to the old drawning thankyou for your replys At first I thought you were making a mountain out of a mole hill....but if that is honestly what she said after you tried to honestly talk to her....you are the one coming out ahead....You don't need someone that won't give your feelings proper consideration. I know it's a bummer...I've been there, done that.....but trust me...it's best. good luck to you sweetie

MsKatHouston -> RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet (10/26/2006 8:01:25 PM)
quote: Domme females feel... Can you please stop lumping in all dommes into one category that is entirely negative? Pretty please with a cherry on top? To the OP: Keep plugging...if someone treats you like that for expressing an understandable mild case of the jitters for a brand new experience, you are better off without 'em.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet (10/26/2006 8:10:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sissifytoserve Don't feel bad bro. Domme females feel they have an "Edge" on males as there are less female dominants than male subs. You are better off alone if she can't relant at all or give you some time to think about things. Is this to be countered with sub males feel they have to bring this same arguemnt up every time some Domme rejects someone for whatever reason? Some Dominants think too much of themselves, and when someone voices an objection to how fast they have deicded to take things, they have a sour grapes response. I didnt really want you serving me anyway, you were lucky I gave you the time of day. This goes for Dom men as well as Domme women. Some subs do the same, they dont like what they hear and they say they didnt realy want to serve. All I can offer is that from the getgo you might want to specifically state that you wish to take things slowly. Maybe if that is on the table right off, there wont be a problem. And communication has to be from the very beginning. Good luck finding another person, this one didnt sound like much of a match. DV

sissifytoserve -> RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet (10/26/2006 8:18:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire Is this to be countered with sub males feel they have to bring this same arguemnt up every time some Domme rejects someone for whatever reason? DV Its the TRUTH. I brought it up. WHO else did..and if so..big deal. Would you like me to dig up every time a domme says a male isn't "sub enough"...or "complains too much"...etc..etc...... But never mind when the shoes on the other foot...right? [:'(][:'(][:'(][:'(]

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