RE: Whats love got to do with it. (Full Version)

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Celeste43 -> RE: Whats love got to do with it. (10/25/2006 11:20:14 AM)

Some people need it and others don't.

I do. Unless there is mutual love I can't ever let down my guard. I could serve and obey but it would be without heart. However since I'm neither service nor obedience wired it would be an empty experience where I would be left feeling used in a bad way. No thanks, I've had enough of that.

What he wants out of me, and what I want to give, is emotional transparency. And for me it's that simple, without love I cannot and will not begin to go there. I will not let down my walls, I will not trust.

Besides we didn't start as D/s, we started as play partners. The D/s came after the love and the trust, on both sides.



amayos -> RE: What's love got to do with it? (10/25/2006 11:25:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

amayos I agree with you about love in a slave relationship. But my post said submissive. 2 different dynamics


True, but I feel the answer covers both dynamics equally well. Love isn't such a bad thing to have in either of the two animals, even if it's a type of intimacy not typically pursued in the mainstream sense.





Dnomyar -> RE: Whats love got to do with it. (10/25/2006 11:40:14 AM)

What about the married person who is playing with their partners consent.  They are not looking for love and would prefer the same in a play partner.



MsKatHouston -> RE: Whats love got to do with it. (10/25/2006 11:42:30 AM)

Why wouldn't they be looking for love?



Dnomyar -> RE: Whats love got to do with it. (10/25/2006 11:51:41 AM)

The people are there just for play not a romatic envolvment.



MsKatHouston -> RE: Whats love got to do with it. (10/25/2006 11:56:39 AM)

Not necessarily.  Some are, some aren't.

As someone who is married and has the consent, knowledge and support of my spouse, I can say what I am not looking to do is to leave my husband and family.  If someone's idea of what love is includes monogamy and in order for that person the love me I would have to become that, then that person is not for me.  But I am perfectly capable of loving more than one person and am capable of accepting love from more than one person.  My husband is also and for both of us, we understand and can accept that and even embrace it.  I am definitely not looking for just play only.

I guess the point of that is to echo what most have said.  Love is not needed for a D/s relationship in general but there are those who seek it, those who do not and those who are ok with it if it comes or not.  Those feelings are present in all orientations and dynamics.  So, once again it's up to the individual or group dynamic and what works best for those involved.

(edited to add a whole slew of stuff)



sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Whats love got to do with it. (10/25/2006 12:19:49 PM)

I don't think love has to be a part of it. I submitted to Master before I loved him. Lots of people do not want love to be a part of it. We just happened to fall inlove with each other. It wasn't really planned that way.



tightlockup -> RE: Whats love got to do with it. (10/25/2006 1:01:13 PM)

Some people might actually be looking for a Jane Eyre unrequited love situation.



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Whats love got to do with it. (10/25/2006 1:05:46 PM)

Love has nothing to do with it (D/s or M/s) in my opinion... However, I want no part of D/s or M/s if love is not looming as a possibility for our relationship.   I have very little interest in dominating people with whom I'm not in a loving relationship, as it is my queue that I will not be entirely self serving in being the one to whom he defers ultimate word, but that is just me.    M



Arpig -> RE: Whats love got to do with it. (10/25/2006 1:28:32 PM)

Nothing or everything, it depends entirely on the needs/wants/desires of the parties involved.
I suppose an arguement could be made that BDSM in its purest form should have nothing to do with love, but BDSM is a human activity, and thus will never (or almost never) exist in the purest or theoretically purest form.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Whats love got to do with it. (10/25/2006 1:47:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

I'm getting ready to post something about Unconditional Love and Conditional Relationships, hopefully today, if anyone is actually interesting in ready me write to myself. LOL

Master Fire


i'm waiting



Unconditional Love and Conditional Relationships

Master Fire



SlaveAkasha -> RE: Whats love got to do with it. (10/25/2006 1:50:53 PM)

I had a love of serving and of submitting before I fell in love with Master.  What I feel for him has grown, and is still growing everyday. 
 
I know that I gave myself over to him, before I loved him, and the rest was just icing on the cake.  I have served those that I never fell in love with and those would have lasted also.  Maybe it would have grown, but maybe my love of serving and their love of Domming would have been enough.
 
It's pretty much like anything one does in life, it's only going to amount to what each person puts into it.  It takes time for a relationship to grow, it takes time to fall in love with someone. 
 
So, I guess my answer is, I can submit and serve without loving someone because my love of serving and submitting is enough to keep me there; but loving the person I serve just adds a different dimension to it, that doesn't make it better than someone elses, just different.
 
Masters Akasha



Daddysredhead -> RE: Whats love got to do with it. (10/25/2006 5:58:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

I did my relationship the other way around we were friends, fell in love and then came the kink we both enjoy. So far its worked very well.



This is the exact same way that my Master and I came to where we are now...  3 and a half years later.  [:)]



slavemaia -> RE: Whats love got to do with it. (10/25/2006 6:17:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Love came up in my last post. Why does a Dom/sub relationship have to be based on love. I think that is why you see a lot of velcro collars. One person expects the other to fall in love with them.


Don't know about anyone else. i honestly cannot submit completely without love - love is trust - it's care - it's desire - without these things, at best i can only go through the motions of submitting but my heart isn't there. Without my heart being devoted, i can't care enough to let go. i've played at M/s and am now in a real M/s relationship that is also very loving - for me it makes all the difference in the world.



adommeforu -> RE: Whats love got to do with it. (10/25/2006 6:21:53 PM)

It depends on the definition of love; Agape, and I am there, Eros or Cupid and I have neither time nor inclination.



thisishis -> RE: Whats love got to do with it. (10/25/2006 6:28:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Why does a Dom/sub relationship have to be based on love.
 For some they are. They are not always.
 
The relationship between my Master and i started out as being based on needs, and wants ... first, foremost and most importantly. Those being forfilled ... resulted in a whole lot of love (on many levels) felt and shared between the two of us.



ellecid -> RE: Whats love got to do with it. (10/26/2006 6:04:46 AM)

Another series of posts I read with great interest. But now... I am really confused!! First let me preface my statements by saying that I do not wish to offend anyone with what I say. Please understand that I am relatively new to this (as I have mentioned numerous times before), and I am in the tedious process of exploration and self discovery. If my banterings come across as stupid or offensive, I am truely sorry. That having been said, I am of the opinion that love and submission go hand in hand. I have read many times here that submission is the ultimate gift that one gives to another. If you arent in love with that person, why would you want to submit to them? I suppose some would say 'for the pure pleasure of submitting'. I just cant imagine giving that part of my body and soul to someone.... just because, and especially, on his whim. I would definately have to feel a profound 'something or other' for him. I am feeling that if a submissive does not love her Dom/Master, that the submission would just be another word for what is really sexual gratification for both partners??? Unless the person is a slave, and is expected to carry out other duties. Or, maybe the debate is about what that 'something' is called (trust, respect, sexual desire, love). Or, perhaps that's what separates me from a true submissive? There is sooo much to learn.



Kalira -> RE: Whats love got to do with it. (10/26/2006 6:10:19 AM)

quote:

If my banterings come across as stupid or offensive, I am truely sorry

A question asked in earnest never comes off as sounding stupid or offensive.
No apologies are needed [:)]
quote:

Or, perhaps that's what separates me from a true submissive 

Hmm lol, no. Nothing seperates you from what others would consider a 'true' submissive. There is no such thing. There is only YOU and YOUR partner, and only the two of you can define what your submission is and what it means.



angelic -> RE: Whats love got to do with it. (10/26/2006 6:10:30 AM)

i agree, juliaoceania.  For me personally, i am in this for the long-haul, i.e. i am searching for an M/s loving long-term, happy ever relationship and i won't settle for less.  Like you i have never been collared, i may never be collared, but love has everything to do with it.



gypsygrl -> RE: Whats love got to do with it. (10/26/2006 6:15:58 AM)

I don't think love has anything to do with it, at least not necessarily so.

I can submit to someone I don't love.  I don't even have to like them and can be vaguely repulsed by them and it doesn't interfere much with my submission.  It actually seems to make the experience more intense particularly in the short term. There's a close relationship between my masochism which is as much psychological as it is physical and my style of submission.

Over time I may come to love that which I am submitting to or the Dominant I am submitting to, but its neither necessary or a given.





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