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Being submissive and submitting?? - 4/27/2004 6:22:52 PM   
knees2you


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I have been submissive all my life. My whole family has tried to get me to switch, but not gonna happen~

So my Question is can You be submissive whithout having to submit??


Sincerely, knees2You

quote:

If a snake bites before it is charmed there is no profit for the Charmer~
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RE: Being submissive and submitting?? - 4/28/2004 3:08:49 PM   
sub4hire


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quote:

ORIGINAL: knees2you



So my Question is can You be submissive whithout having to submit??


Sincerely, knees2You

quote:



In my opinion you can.

(in reply to knees2you)
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RE: Being submissive and submitting?? - 4/28/2004 5:43:05 PM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: knees2you

So my Question is can You be submissive whithout having to submit??


Yup.

I know a couple of wonderful, submissive men who are married. They are fearful that their wives may not be receptive to their BDSM proclivities and therefore to do not share them overtly; some have shared and it was agreed that they'd just keep it separate. Some wives don't care if they don't have to know about it. Some wives do know, and are social and interact with the 'scene' peers of their partners but have little interest in partaking.

Anyway, the submissive men that I know that are happily married to vanilla women spend a good deal of time focusing on the acts of pleasing their wives. They are incredibly romantic (I'm thinking of one who commemorates anniversaries and important days quite lavishly and always touchingly), attentive in the day-to-day by being available to "do the lifting" and "cleaning up the dishes after dinner" and "making sure she doesn't have to ask me to take the garbage out" and the like. They run baths for their wives, they wash their hair, let them sleep in and they see every bit of it as manifesting their submission.

They all remind themselves on a regular basis that "service" and "pleasing" can be accomplished without the need of fetish enmeshed validation for said service. They genuinely derive their submissive pleasure from pleasing. Those that find their life lacking without benefit of some specific fetish often either go to a pro or develop intense, and often lasting, friendships (usually reads NO SEX) with dominants who have no interest in domesticity with them.

Yes, it's possible to be submissive without submitting.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

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RE: Being submissive and submitting?? - 4/28/2004 6:35:15 PM   
proudsub


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quote:

Anyway, the submissive men that I know that are happily married to vanilla women spend a good deal of time focusing on the acts of pleasing their wives. They are incredibly romantic (I'm thinking of one who commemorates anniversaries and important days quite lavishly and always touchingly), attentive in the day-to-day by being available to "do the lifting" and "cleaning up the dishes after dinner" and "making sure she doesn't have to ask me to take the garbage out" and the like. They run baths for their wives, they wash their hair, let them sleep in and they see every bit of it as manifesting their submission.


I had never heard of bdsm until 5 yrs ago. But for my 35 years of marriage i have done everything for hubby besides all the household and outdoor chores. (He has never even taken the garbage out LOL) Once i learned about my "submissive" nature it all made sense to me. After i finally told hubby about my interests he has been very understanding and is now my Master. I am wondering how many others out there who are afraid to discuss it with their spouses are missing out.




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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to MizSuz)
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RE: Being submissive and submitting?? - 4/29/2004 4:26:44 AM   
MizSuz


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quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

I am wondering how many others out there who are afraid to discuss it with their spouses are missing out.




I have actually had one spouse contact me with "she wouldn't understand" and subsequently the other spouse some measure of time later contacted me saying the very same thing. Neither knew of the other's interests.

There was no way for me to say "you think they wouldn't understand you but they've already contacted me seeking same...talk to them" without being indiscreet. I did encourage them to talk to each other without outting them to each other. It was very bizarre for me.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

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RE: Being submissive and submitting?? - 4/29/2004 7:03:42 PM   
iwillserveu


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That sounds like a very weird story. Can you tell us how you pulled it off?

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to MizSuz)
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RE: Being submissive and submitting?? - 5/6/2004 4:38:05 PM   
knees2you


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I still believe that we can be submissive and not have to submit~ But then if We where all slaves then we would have no choice but to Submit~

Sincerely, knees2You

quote:

No I'm not affraid of who's behind the door~





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RE: Being submissive and submitting?? - 5/7/2004 5:31:54 AM   
MizSuz


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quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillserveu

That sounds like a very weird story. Can you tell us how you pulled it off?



There really was nothing to pull off, iwill. All I can do in encourage someone to be forthright and not be ashamed of their desires. I am not one to try to manipulate situations and people nor am I willing to undertake to out someone to their spouse (no matter that I think it's the best possible thing they could do). The only time I've ever 'outted' someone was because they fucked with my life and tried to play games with my relationships; and they outed others just to prove they could do it. In that situation the person was trying to use the commonly understood edict of 'discretion' to hide behind. I will call that shit out in a new york second and discretion be damned. Otherwise, I try to let people decide for themselves how out they want to be, even if it's with their spouse.

I also know people who lost everything they had because they came out to their spouse. It's not for me to decide who should take that risk (even if I think it's a minimal risk). So there's really nothing much to tell.

I have lost one or two clients to their wives and was quite happy to do so.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to iwillserveu)
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RE: Being submissive and submitting?? - 5/20/2004 10:09:32 PM   
ShadeDiva


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I like your style Suz *smile*

~ShadeDiva

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My projects of love:
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(in reply to MizSuz)
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RE: Being submissive and submitting?? - 5/21/2004 4:49:07 PM   
sapphire600


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Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MizSuz


Anyway, the submissive men that I know that are happily married to vanilla women spend a good deal of time focusing on the acts of pleasing their wives. They are incredibly romantic (I'm thinking of one who commemorates anniversaries and important days quite lavishly and always touchingly), attentive in the day-to-day by being available to "do the lifting" and "cleaning up the dishes after dinner" and "making sure she doesn't have to ask me to take the garbage out" and the like. They run baths for their wives, they wash their hair, let them sleep in and they see every bit of it as manifesting their submission.

They all remind themselves on a regular basis that "service" and "pleasing" can be accomplished without the need of fetish enmeshed validation for said service. They genuinely derive their submissive pleasure from pleasing.


while i understand your thoughts quite clearly, i just thought i would say that thats not always the way.

my late husband was like that... the most wonderfully giving man.. he had a kind and romantic streak a mile wide... but... was most certainly a dominant. he felt that it was part of his master's duty in 'taking care of me' to be like that. if i had a hard day, he would run me a bubble bath and massage my stress away. his philosophy was that if he didn't look after me and make all the bad stuff disappear, then how could i be effective serving him

(in reply to MizSuz)
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RE: Being submissive and submitting?? - 6/6/2004 1:29:49 AM   
Womble


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From: East Anglia UK
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I agree with proudsub, my partner has always been gentle, giving and caring. I always knew she was a little sub, I guess thats why I unwittingly chose her, even though at the time I didn't realise what I was, or why I enjoyed the things I did.
Through the years we've been together the bsdm side of it has grown and although its nowhere near the 24/7 lifestyle that some want, its just about where we want it.
She's always been submissive (towards me anyway, but has not always in the past, or sometimes now, submitted to me.

In my opinion, you are submissive if you want to be or not. But you can choose who to submit and give this gift to......and although some will dissagree, when you want to submit.

< Message edited by Womble -- 6/6/2004 1:30:42 AM >

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RE: Being submissive and submitting?? - 6/6/2004 5:07:16 AM   
MistressKiss


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Wonderful answer, MizSuz...

Don't you just love the word "proclivity"? I wonder if there is a word "proclitity"...grins...

hhmmm, now what would THAT word mean?




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"I assure you, Your Honor, I don't have to practice...I'm very good at them..."
(The Marquis de Sade at one of his trials for the sexual perversities he practiced)

(in reply to MizSuz)
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RE: Being submissive and submitting?? - 6/6/2004 6:06:31 AM   
MizSuz


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Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressKiss

I wonder if there is a word "proclitity"...grins...

hhmmm, now what would THAT word mean?


More importantly, would enough people be able to FIND it?!?



_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to MistressKiss)
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RE: Being submissive and submitting?? - 6/6/2004 6:14:01 AM   
yeehaw


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Joined: 5/24/2004
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quote:

More importantly, would enough people be able to FIND it?!?


The ones who found it would have "proclitity"

The ones who couldn't would have "amateurclitity"

[WARNING] attempting to actually say the word "amateurclitity" may damage tongue tissue and a loss of oral sex may result, pwease be carefuw.

(in reply to MizSuz)
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RE: Being submissive and submitting?? - 6/6/2004 9:45:47 AM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: yeehaw

The ones who couldn't would have "amateurclitity"



Is that anything like prematureclitity?

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to yeehaw)
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RE: Being submissive and submitting?? - 6/6/2004 12:01:07 PM   
dixiedumpling


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From: southeast Mississippi
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quote:

[WARNING] attempting to actually say the word "amateurclitity" may damage tongue tissue and a loss of oral sex may result, pwease be carefuw.


Well, you're a hoot!

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Toodles,
dixiedumpling

My mind is no place to play alone. Anna Pigeon as written by Nevada Barr

(in reply to yeehaw)
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RE: Being submissive and submitting?? - 6/7/2004 4:08:28 AM   
yeehaw


Posts: 41
Joined: 5/24/2004
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quote:

Is that anything like prematureclitity?


I believe we have begun to cumjugate the English language.

For our new words, we should have D/sinitions.

Main Entry: pro·clit·i·ty (it's not really the main entry)
Pronunciation: prO-'kli-t&-tE (work the tongue and lips when pronouncing)
Function: noun, occupies male mind 40-60% of waking hours
Inflected Form(s): plural -ties
Etymology: Latin proclititas, from proclitis slurping, prone also to penetrate, from pro- forward + clitus slope -- more at PRO-, colloquial=DECLITITY (e.g. "I ain't eatin' declitity!") : an inclination or predisposition toward something clitical; especially : a strong inherent inclination toward screaming something objectionable or affirmative (e.g. calling out to deities or simple affirmative encouragements) (see also "faking")

synonyms see "mmmgphf" and "OH GAWD YES!"


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RE: Being submissive and submitting?? - 6/7/2004 9:30:39 AM   
Sinergy


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quote:

my late husband was like that... the most wonderfully giving man.. he had a kind and romantic streak a mile wide... but... was most certainly a dominant. he felt that it was part of his master's duty in 'taking care of me' to be like that. if i had a hard day, he would run me a bubble bath and massage my stress away. his philosophy was that if he didn't look after me and make all the bad stuff disappear, then how could i be effective serving him


I am the same way. I derive tremendous satisfaction caring for my pet, and since she takes care of me, I see no reason to modify my approach.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


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RE: Being submissive and submitting?? - 6/7/2004 10:27:54 AM   
MistressKiss


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DAMN...give ya'll an inch and you take thirteen inches....

LAUGHS




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_____________________________

"I assure you, Your Honor, I don't have to practice...I'm very good at them..."
(The Marquis de Sade at one of his trials for the sexual perversities he practiced)

(in reply to yeehaw)
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RE: Being submissive and submitting?? - 6/14/2004 10:58:40 AM   
Sundew02


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knees, On a serious note here. Yes, I believe people can be submissive without submitting. Think back to times when you, yourself met someone that was dominant. But you didn't have the desire to submit to them. Yes, you were polite and attentive, but nothing out of the ordinary. It also depends on your personal definition of "submit". I do so enjoy males, but some feel the urge to make sure I am safe and comfortable even if it isnt what I want, laughing. So they were submissive, eager to please, but did not want to submit to what I wanted, rather what they thought would be "good for me". Needless to say, they did not remain in my household. Sundew

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~~~~~Enjoy the ride, the landing could get painful~~~~

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