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Positive vs. Negative - 4/28/2004 8:08:46 PM

amilyn

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Joined: 4/28/2004
From: South Carolina
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I'm hoping someone with more experience than I can help me with this. My dominant tends to use a training method that uses negativity to try to encourage me to do things right. I get praise for doing things right, but the negative side is more prevalent. Are there ways for me to deal with this? I understand why he does things the way he does, but sometimes it leaves me confused... I know, wierd. Should I say something about feeling he's too negative? He's very attentive and I get plenty of time with him so there's not alot to complain about, even if I could.. lol. Is it a good idea to talk to him about this or should I give myself some more time to adjust? This is my first relationship in the lifestyle and I only have a little experience with the mental aspects of BDSM so I'm very unsure of what would be the best route. Thanks.

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RE: Positive vs. Negative - 4/28/2004 8:31:55 PM

MistressDREAD

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you do not say if you are a sub or a slave but
show Him this post and talk to Him about it.
Patience is a virture and humiliation or what sum
call negitivity is a great turn on for sum folks sooo.
Talk talk and then talk sum more about it.

(in reply to amilyn)

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RE: Positive vs. Negative - 4/28/2004 8:47:25 PM

GoddessMarissa

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From: Las Vegas NV
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I think if you are having any negative feelings, discuss them sooner than later so there are no resentments in the relationship.

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RE: Positive vs. Negative - 4/29/2004 4:37:35 PM

topcat

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Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
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quote:

Should I say something about feeling he's too negative?

Midear Amilyn-

Yep. Definatly. Don't go in as though it's a given that he'll change much- the best answer maybe simply to stop doing so much wrong. I am assuming that you know what behaviors he is trying to encourge or eliminate. Perhaps you are merely on the sharp slope of the learning curve.

Do you feel he's being capricous? Is it possible that he feels he needs a reson to work you over- Do you feel he needs a reason?

Above all, do discuss it with him.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

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RE: Positive vs. Negative - 5/1/2004 5:53:14 AM

slaveofKat

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quote:

ORIGINAL: amilyn

I'm hoping someone with more experience than I can help me with this. My dominant tends to use a training method that uses negativity to try to encourage me to do things right. I get praise for doing things right, but the negative side is more prevalent.

Heh, I get the opposite, and sometimes it frustrates me a little. My Mistress gives me praise and affection far more than any negativity. I guess both are important, and I don't think it is possible for your Master/Mistress's basic personality to change, but it would be very discouraging to get a constant diet of negativity. Does your Master know that this is discouraging for you? Do you have an open line of Communication? If you can find a way to respectfully communicate your feelings in a manner that is positive, for example spend some time telling your Master about all of the things that you love about Him/Her, and how they make your life so complete, and how wonderful they are, and if there was just one thing you could change, this would be it. By the way, I know you were asking for answers from an Experienced sub/slave. I'm fairly Inexperienced, but do know some about life in general.

< Message edited by slaveofKat -- 5/1/2004 5:54:17 AM >

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RE: Positive vs. Negative - 5/1/2004 6:01:43 AM

ZenMaster

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quote:

ORIGINAL: amilyn

I'm hoping someone with more experience than I can help me with this. My dominant tends to use a training method that uses negativity to try to encourage me to do things right. I get praise for doing things right, but the negative side is more prevalent. Are there ways for me to deal with this? I understand why he does things the way he does, but sometimes it leaves me confused... I know, wierd. Should I say something about feeling he's too negative? He's very attentive and I get plenty of time with him so there's not alot to complain about, even if I could.. lol. Is it a good idea to talk to him about this or should I give myself some more time to adjust? This is my first relationship in the lifestyle and I only have a little experience with the mental aspects of BDSM so I'm very unsure of what would be the best route. Thanks.

It's early and I've only had one cup of coffee. Are you saying he uses negative reinforcement? Psychology has shown that both positive and negative reinforcement schedules only work for so long. It's the random ones (not sure which is coming next) that keep us on our toes. :-)
I sure hope whatever method he is employing is consensual for you or it's not BDSM, my dear.

Be happy,
ZM

(in reply to amilyn)

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RE: Positive vs. Negative - 5/2/2004 12:54:32 PM

lacesundone

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this is a timely bit of correspondence, to be sure. i am going through the same thing myself. i sometimes wonder if Master knows what the heck He is doing! how's that for a wayward sub? but then i read messages such as yours, and the thoughtful replies that come in from others, and i reconsider my original position.
the only thing that is clear to me, is that nothing is ever clear.
laces

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RE: Positive vs. Negative - 5/4/2004 7:54:58 PM

MstrMrW

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quote:

Psychology has shown that both positive and negative reinforcement schedules only work for so long. It's the random ones (not sure which is coming next) that keep us on our toes.

Unfortunately, psychology has also shown that the fastest way to drive an animal insane is to be arbitrary about handing out rewards (positive reinforcement) and punishments (negative reinforcement) - so one has to walk a very fine (almost razor's edge I would say) line when dealing with psychological events. I mean, the purpose here is not to have a sub/slave that you only see when you visit her mental institution.

Not that I am implying or inferring that you would do so ZM, just thought it needed to be pointed out

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RE: Positive vs. Negative - 5/5/2004 6:25:04 AM

elfinslave

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I know that this might sound mixed but think about it first.

You should discuss this with him but also allow yourself some time to adjust to His ways. The fact that you are new to this relationship most likely means that you just need be patient. Some use the negitivity as a way to reinforce a more positive attitude or behavior from yourself and I think that this is something you need to consider.

I hope that this will help you some.

elfinslave
happily owned by analytical master

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RE: Positive vs. Negative - 5/20/2004 10:11:44 PM

ShadeDiva

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Yanno, this will sound a bit odd (or not lol) but he ought to read a book on dog obedience training using positive reinforcement vrs negative reinforcement.

Chances are he simply isn't aware of the atmosphere and state of mind he is unconsciously creating.

~ShadeDiva

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