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Dom/switch? - 4/29/2004 11:32:27 AM

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I am curious, has anyone ever switched to gain more knowledge, experience, or whatever it might be? Has there been anyone who has not yet and why? I have had some Doms book sessions wanting to experience what is was like and to gain more knowledge. I have done it myself and it was a good to help me understand more. I'm just curious to know.

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RE: Dom/switch? - 4/29/2004 1:59:16 PM

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Yes, that is what I am in the process of doing right now. Actually, I have many dominant tendencies and I want to use them productively. That does not mean that I will always wish to express that dominance. It's a learning period for me that ends December 1st, or rather, that is one year past the date that I decided to begin to learn about what I fondly call "the dark side"...it doesn't mean my learning about the lifestyle will be over, just that my structured learning will come to an end. I think it can only enhance future relationships.

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RE: Dom/switch? - 4/29/2004 4:30:34 PM

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quote:

has anyone ever switched to gain more knowledge, experience, or whatever it might be?

M.Marissa-

Absolutely. I learned so much more than I ever could have from the top, I learned that I am on top becuase the Bottom doesn't work for me, and so much more.

I learned that the most important part of the beating is the casual hand laid on the small of the back, while the top catches their breath. I learned that the whisper means you _can_ take more- and makes you want to. I learned that singletails REALLY hurt, but a nice steady flogging can be a massage of sorts. I learned that even when I could stand OK, someone to learn on after the scene is yummy.

I recomend it highly.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

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RE: Dom/switch? - 4/29/2004 7:34:40 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessMarissa

I am curious, has anyone ever switched to gain more knowledge, experience, or whatever it might be? Has there been anyone who has not yet and why? I have had some Doms book sessions wanting to experience what is was like and to gain more knowledge. I have done it myself and it was a good to help me understand more. I'm just curious to know.

I never have. I am who I am down to the core. I learned who I was by doing much soul searching.
However, in the old days. Before there was the internet. Before Bill Gates was even born. Dominants used to sort of switch. That way they always knew the emotions and feelings going on within their submissives head. Of course they did not switch with their own submissive. However, they knew what a spanking felt like first hand. Crop...etc.
That's what I consider learning the good way. Reading a book. Or watching someone then trying it yourself just isn't the safe way usually.

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RE: Dom/switch? - 5/23/2004 4:21:53 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat
I learned that I am on top becuase the Bottom doesn't work for me, and so much more.

Shucks.

You got yourself a backside that just screams I'M PERFECT for bottom activities.

lol

Ah well.

~ShadeDiva

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RE: Dom/switch? - 6/14/2004 10:16:44 PM

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Personally, I think the best dominates are the ones that have experienced the sub side. They are more in tune with the big picture.

< Message edited by JadeLady -- 6/15/2004 12:17:09 AM >

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RE: Dom/switch? - 6/15/2004 1:01:08 AM

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I don't believe that switching to experience my "sub side" would benifit me at all. Since I am not a sub, I could never experience this in the manner that a sub would. All I would learn is that it hurts!
I have learned from the experiences I have had with subs or slaves through the years. You learn what works by how they react to you.

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RE: Dom/switch? - 6/15/2004 1:55:27 AM

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ORIGINAL: Estring

I don't believe that switching to experience my "sub side" would benifit me at all. Since I am not a sub, I could never experience this in the manner that a sub would.

quote:

All I would learn is that it hurts!

I have learned from the experiences I have had with subs or slaves through the years. You learn what works by how they react to you.

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RE: Dom/switch? - 6/15/2004 1:57:20 AM

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I'm sorry haven't quite figured out how the quotes work but if it just hurts how can you relate to your subs?

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RE: Dom/switch? - 6/15/2004 3:09:42 AM

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While I'm sure Estring can answer for himself, I would agree with him in his sentiment. I would liken being on the 'receiving' end of BDSM to be up there with childbirth - I just wasn't built for it. I've experimented enough in the submissive/bottom side to know that while I'm sure I would make a good slave if I wished to, it isn't my natural role. I receive about as much satisfaction from being submissive or being a bottom as I do from a good long visit in the dentist chair, and leave feeling just about as numb. Fortunately, I don't need to be thrashed for ten minutes with a flogger to relate to my slave. All I need to do is ask her, before, during, and/or after the session at appropriate times. It's like with a combustion engine - I don't need to know exactly how the darned thing works in order to drive a car - I just need to be sensible about taking care of it. Knowing as much as I can about the engine helps me to care for it - but the engine will do things I cannot hope to ever do.

Perhaps the best dominant isn't the Dom who has 'experianced' the other side, but rather has a healthy appreciation for what the other side goes through - again the childbirth example. I don't need to have three kids myself, to appreciate the pain and agony a woman goes through - I just need to be sympathetic to her condition, and care for her accordingly. I would agree there are Dominants who lose sight of that picture, who's vision becomes tunnelled, and view a submissive simply as an object for selfish indulgence - or perhaps that is exactly what they desire in the first place (no offense to the readers, but I do believe there are a large number of Female Dominants who meet this description.) And by the same token, there are many submissives who also lose the plot, and through their 'devotion' fail to even recognize the Dominant as human, but rather as a 'figure' to serve (or to simply be pleasured by i.e. with a whip, crop, etc.) If this is the arrangement that the Dom and sub desire - more power to them, it just isn't the stuff that 'love' is made of.

Stephan

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RE: Dom/switch? - 6/16/2004 12:47:03 AM

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Voltare, I can answer for myself, but you did such a good job of it, I'll just say, I agree completely.

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RE: Dom/switch? - 6/16/2004 12:54:47 AM

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I would like to add that I already know that pain hurts. To a sub or slave there is so much more to it than that. I will never be able to experience what they do. But when I see them growing and blossoming under my training, that teaches me much more than feeling the sting of a crop.
The same would apply to submitting. I could never know the joy they feel in that. There would be none for me. But looking in their eyes and seeing their happiness in serving me tells me all I need to know.

(in reply to Estring)

RE: Dom/switch? - 6/16/2004 2:14:28 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring
I don't believe that switching to experience my "sub side" would benifit me at all. Since I am not a sub, I could never experience this in the manner that a sub would. All I would learn is that it hurts! I don't believe that switching to experience my "sub side" would benifit me at all. Since I am not a sub, I could never experience this in the manner that a sub would. All I would learn is that it hurts!

and

quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring
I would like to add that I already know that pain hurts. To a sub or slave there is so much more to it than that. I will never be able to experience what they do. But when I see them growing and blossoming under my training, that teaches me much more than feeling the sting of a crop.

Just to be a devil's advocate here ... hehehe ... there is indeed something you could learn evidently - that switching or submitting/bottoming doesn't have to equate pain. (methinks you already knew that but I hadda just say it LOL!).

Pain doesn't have to hurt - masochist or not - and crops don't have to sting.

Again, it was begging me to say it LOL!

~ShadeDiva

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RE: Dom/switch? - 6/16/2004 7:45:48 AM

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quote:

I would like to add that I already know that pain hurts. To a sub or slave there is so much more to it than that. I will never be able to experience what they do. But when I see them growing and blossoming under my training, that teaches me much more than feeling the sting of a crop.
The same would apply to submitting. I could never know the joy they feel in that. There would be none for me. But looking in their eyes and seeing their happiness in serving me tells me all I need to know.

My sentiments exactly. Well put, Estring

Sinergy

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RE: Dom/switch? - 6/16/2004 9:01:22 AM

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quote:

... and view a submissive simply as an object for selfish indulgence - or perhaps that is exactly what they desire in the first place (no offense to the readers, but I do believe there are a large number of Female Dominants who meet this description.)

lol you say that like it is a bad thing!

... but to add, as a Fem Dom viewing Male Dom dynamics I'd say the object for selfish indulgence thing isnt exclusive to us women by a long shot.

Back on topic...I dont think a dominant needs to submit or bottom to become a better dominant...rather I think submissives should be made to dom to learn how to be better submissives.

(in reply to Voltare)

RE: Dom/switch? - 6/16/2004 9:18:47 AM

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Marissa,

I gave this topic more thought, and here's what spilled all over my keyboard. I don't know how it got there, or what to do with it, so I guess I will just press 'send.' If you don't like it, blame it on the damned army of monkies in my house trying to reproduce Shakespeare.

When I became more actively involved in the lifestyle, I was dating a vanilla woman who was supporting my interests at the time. She found that her tastes also leaned towards dominance, though poly relationships were not an option for us. So we ended up 'taking turns' as it were, with each other. Neither of us enjoyed the submissive role, but we both enjoyed the fact that the other enjoyed being dominant.. i.e. I knew she enjoyed being in control, and I loved her very much - thus I was happy to be making her happy. At the same time, it was a bit like washing the dishes or scrubbing the floors (activites I dislike) -something that we didnt enjoy, but needed to do. Eventually we went our seperate ways for non BDSM reasons.

Today, I have a VERY strong belief that BDSM and Ds should not define the relationship, but enhance the relationship. While I know that I will have a greater compatibility with a woman who wishes to be submissive to me, this is NOT the only aspect of my life with importance. I've been involved with Dommes in the past as well - very much on equal footing, with a healthy amount of mutual respect and understandings that our 'cravings' for control need an outlet somewhere other then on each other. So long as we can come to a mutual understanding on who and how we do this, everyone gets what they want and everyone is happy.

Having said that, I don't think I learned as much playing bottom as I have from being a Top - because that is precisely what I am doing: 'playing' bottom. I don't have the genuine heart of a slave, thus the motivations that drive a slave to be content with his/her role do not come naturally to my mind. This does not mean I cannot observe a slaves responses or use communication to find what she likes and does not like, and what works or does not. I don't believe I am less of a Dominant for experimenting, nor do I believe my skills as a Top suffer because I am not naturally submissive. I believe when the relationship hinges in greater part or wholly on roles, with the emotional element left out of the equation, then no amount of 'training' in either role will be adequate.

Having said all of this, I don't think there is anything wrong with someone who wishes to 'try' their hand at the other role. The worst kind of stupidity is willful ignorance! If I claim I am a Dom, because I refuse to acknowlege the possibility that I am submissive...that's the BDSM version of the guy who is homophobic because he doesn't wish to see his own laten homosexual tendencies.

And stuff. Damned monkies.

Stephan

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"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to GoddessMarissa)

RE: Dom/switch? - 6/16/2004 9:31:04 AM

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quote:

The worst kind of stupidity is willful ignorance! If I claim I am a Dom, because I refuse to acknowlege the possibility that I am submissive...that's the BDSM version of the guy who is homophobic because he doesn't wish to see his own laten homosexual tendencies.

Well said Stephan.

(in reply to Voltare)

RE: Dom/switch? - 6/17/2004 10:02:20 AM

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Even a stopped clock is right twice a day (grins.)

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RE: Dom/switch? - 6/17/2004 10:17:47 PM

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Very good post, I love an open minded person

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RE: Dom/switch? - 6/18/2004 2:16:38 AM

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Just as long as 'open minded' doesn't have anything to do with the type of 'fluid exchange' discussed over in the Health and Safety thread, there's very little I wouldn't try (grins.)

Stephan

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"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to GoddessMarissa)

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