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RE: Unable to communicate - 11/7/2006 2:09:53 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterKalif

interesting, Ive never thought of this....maybe that is why I would get short replies from sub women who would contact me initially? who knows....all I can say is, if you have issues expressing yourself directly or even indirectly after getting past the "getting to know you stage" simply tell the potential Dom that you have this problem, so they can expect it, and know that it wasn't because you lost interest....many will understand, I am sure.

Yes, totally agree!

I have four rules based on personal life experience and one is that I don't waste my time talking to people who aren't listening. And if it isn't made clear up front that the sub in question has a genuine communication problem, I'm left thinking she's not really interested or just another time-waster etc and I react accordingly.

Learning to read anyone's mind, esp a stranger, just isn't a viable alternative.

Focus.

(in reply to MasterKalif)

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RE: Unable to communicate - 11/7/2006 6:52:52 AM

ExtremeOwnerIL

Posts: 197
Joined: 10/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterKalif

Learning to read anyone's mind, esp a stranger, just isn't a viable alternative.

Focus.

Agreed. However, using empathy and listening to the inner voice (no, not those voices, the other ones...) can be extremely helpful, especially in person.

To the OP - that feeling can go both ways, believe it or not. There have been some situations where I've felt the pressure of ensuring a good approach, and also feeling like a bundle of live wires inside.

I've experienced some of what you describe with my girl - it took patience, a lot of empathy/noverbal communication before she could open up and really talk to me without it being a fishing expedition. I will say it helped when she told me this was how she was - it enabled me to understand that she needed my help.

It may be useful for you, or not - but something I've learned from martial arts for nerves is to close my eyes, take seven breaths, deep, while feeling my "center" (usually around the stomach) and imagine what I want to happen. The calming effect while supplying oxygen to the brain is usually quite good for me to clear and calm myself.

Regards,
EO

(in reply to Focus50)

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Post #: 22