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? about Trust. - 2/3/2005 11:49:45 AM

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As we all know, TRUST is a very important factor in this lifestyle. You trust your masters when they blind fold you, bound you, order you, and all types of other things to your mind and body.

So how many of you trust your Dom/Master with your money, accounts, pass words to your e-mails and Instant Messengers, and such? I haven't seen a thread on TRUST in a while and figured I'd just start a new one for all the new members we've been getting.

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I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

RE: ? about Trust. - 2/3/2005 11:59:25 AM

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I have no problem trusting Sir with any of the things you mentioned. I do manage my own bank accounts but if He wished access it certainly would not be an issue for me. When it comes time when we can be together under one roof permanently, He has already told me that He would like me to be in charge of finances as I am just good at it. Guess that comes from alot of experience making silk purses out of sow's ears.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

RE: ? about Trust. - 2/3/2005 12:01:53 PM

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Joined: 1/29/2005
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quote:

FangsNfeet

FangsNfeet, can I add some q, too ?

When such TRUST relationship do you sub/slave feel comfortable starting ?

If your Dom/Domme leave it to you to decide, when or how you submit?

Since I don't have a live-in slave, I'd never put that in contract nor have I ever asked...
So, I'm curious.....

... and I think I start a thread for this from Dom/Domme points of view....!!

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

RE: ? about Trust. - 2/3/2005 12:49:17 PM

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quote:

When such TRUST relationship do you sub/slave feel comfortable starting ?

Its starts before you meet, if you start your relationship as a result of a profile posted at a site such as CollarMe.

Is the picture you posted relatively current?
Is your marital/live in arrangement accurately disclosed?
Is your experience listed actual or cyber?
Is your relationship goal listed true?

Meet someone who in person discloses something in opposition to their post or says something like; "I know if I told you I was married we'd never meet - but my wife/husband/live in (pick one) doesn't understand this part of me." should send you away at high speed.

Then, it's really a series of 'tests' isn't it? Not formal tests - but just life tests. After familiarity wears down the newness varnish of a person. Most people can't 'act' like something they are not for extended periods. Observe, listen, are then honest routinely? Do they take advantage of others at every opportunity? How do they treat their family and other friends? Do they HAVE friends? Eventually YOU will be at the other end of his/her consistent behavior. Trust that most people are consistent.

You can come from the perspective of trusting everything until proven otherwise, or take my approach - doubt everything until proven otherwise. Either way, Ronald Regan had the best quote about trust - "Trust - But Verify!".

(in reply to MistressInNYC)

RE: ? about Trust. - 2/3/2005 1:45:22 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet
So how many of you trust your Dom/Master with your money, accounts, pass words to your e-mails and Instant Messengers, and such? I haven't seen a thread on TRUST in a while and figured I'd just start a new one for all the new members we've been getting.

I do.

We have seperate bank accounts now as we're not independant from our parents and it makes financial aid easier. However, he has access to all of my computer accounts, knows the passwords to all the things I do online, and aside from when I'm hinding birthday presents has complete access to anything/everything I known.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

RE: ? about Trust. - 2/3/2005 1:52:08 PM

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Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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quote:

So how many of you trust your Dom/Master with your money, accounts, pass words to your e-mails and Instant Messengers, and such? I haven't seen a thread on TRUST in a while and figured I'd just start a new one for all the new members we've been getting.

All of our accounts are joint ones; He knows my email pw but i don't think He has ever used it; He has no interest in IMs, except when He sees me chatting He often asks whom i am chatting with. We are still working on other trust issues since i betrayed Him once, before He was my Dom.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

RE: ? about Trust. - 2/3/2005 1:52:16 PM

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I trust my Master with pretty much everything - the caveat to that is we've also been living together in an M/s style relationship for the past 6 years, so to not have that kind of trust would be rather bad at this point!

Since my collaring he has had access to all my accounts both financial and personal. He knows my social, my beacon score, the balance in all the bank accounts, personal and business. He sets the passwords for all the accounts. I wouldn't have accepted the collar had I not had enough trust in him to allow full control. And on the flip side, I have access to all his information as well and handle all the mundane financial issues of our home . :)

christine

_____________________________

~ www.artofchristine.com ~

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

RE: ? about Trust. - 2/3/2005 1:55:33 PM

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Joined: 2/23/2004
From: CA
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quote:

So how many of you trust your Dom/Master with your money, accounts, pass words to your e-mails and Instant Messengers, and such?

Passwords - sure, why not? I have nothing to hide. I tell him everything any way. LOL We also have been talking for a while and the trust has been built up.

Money - I do have some issues with that, from the past. But I am confident that they can be worked out once we are together.

Take care,

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Variety is the soul of pleasure.
~Aphra Behn~

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

RE: ? about Trust. - 2/4/2005 7:39:17 PM

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From: Cheyenne, WY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet
So how many of you trust your Dom/Master with your money, accounts, pass words to your e-mails and Instant Messengers, and such?

What i find sad is there are subs who will consider a man her master, and trust that man enough to let him tied them up and make them completely vulerable and helpless....yet they wont trust them with their material things like money!!

I trust my Master with everything. Personally, for me, if i cant trust a man with literally everything, if i hold back with anything, then he isnt going to be my master.

lisa
*proud 24/7 slave to silksMaster

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

RE: ? about Trust. - 2/4/2005 8:33:03 PM

Posts: 168
Status: offline

quote:

So how many of you trust your Dom/Master with your money, accounts, pass words to your e-mails and Instant Messengers, and such? I haven't seen a thread on TRUST in a while and figured I'd just start a new one for all the new members we've been getting.

I would trust him. But the subject has only come up once. He needed directions from an email I had gotten and I offered to tell him my password. But he didn't want it.

~Ophelia

_____________________________

"And every one of them words rang true And glowed like burning coal Pouring off of every page Like it was written in my soul..."

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

RE: ? about Trust. - 2/4/2005 10:19:37 PM

lookingwithin04

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I personally trust Master with these things but if something were to ever happen between Him and i, email accounts, bank accounts exc....would be kept private because they are private and what is written for a business or just from one friend to another is something that i feel that should be kept private.

Again I trust Master, and that's because I have been given reason to, He's never done anything to betray my trust in Him, and sometimes I need Him to go in and do something for me when I'm out and cant get to a computer, or cant access an account..in those scenereo's it's convienent and I know I can trust Him with it....It's just nice...but this should only happen in serious relationships with the future in mind...to much can happen, and even though one thinks they can trust someone....your instincts may be wrong.

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

RE: ? about Trust. - 2/5/2005 12:43:44 AM

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From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
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My sub knows several of my passwords and has my PIN number for my ATM card. I don't know any of his since a reason for me to know hasn't come up yet. He knows mine because I'm lazy and would rather him pump the gas and check my mail. *smiles*

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Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

RE: ? about Trust. - 2/5/2005 8:44:25 AM

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I've, on occasion, had people during play who groaned or cried "MizSuz, PLEEEEEASE!!! I'll do ANYTHING!!!! My pin number is 856427....PLEASE MizSuz, PLEASE!!!!"

Does that count?

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

RE: ? about Trust. - 2/5/2005 12:01:26 PM

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ok... *laughs*...at the risk of Angel repeating myself... I am reposting a message which has been lost in the collarmetriangle. It will not be exactly the same as I do not keep trans.

My husband would have all my passwords, all my information, everything... if He wanted them. He has never asked. He has never asked because He doesnt wish them.
Because we have trust.

IMO... trust is something alot more than just passwords, bank accounts and checks. Its about trusting not to have to check everything out.

Trust should not have anything, IMO with Monies... passwords... email... accounts is a control issue. The sub slave gives over, the Dominant controls.

If a Dominat has to have these things 'because of trust', then there is something wrong with the relationship IMO.
If the submissive hands over in trust... to show she trusts Him, that is different however.

Just an Angels thoughts.

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

RE: ? about Trust. - 2/5/2005 12:07:05 PM

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Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

IMO... trust is something alot more than just passwords, bank accounts and checks. Its about trusting not to have to check everything out.

ooooooooooo I love that. Trust really is about two people building a relationship to the point where all of the questions and issues you have with not knowing someone well evaporate.

It really does take two hands to clap.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to darkinshadows)

RE: ? about Trust. - 2/5/2005 3:24:21 PM

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Joined: 1/11/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: silksoul4u

quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet
So how many of you trust your Dom/Master with your money, accounts, pass words to your e-mails and Instant Messengers, and such?

What i find sad is there are subs who will consider a man her master, and trust that man enough to let him tied them up and make them completely vulerable and helpless....yet they wont trust them with their material things like money!!

I trust my Master with everything. Personally, for me, if i cant trust a man with literally everything, if i hold back with anything, then he isnt going to be my master.

lisa
*proud 24/7 slave to silksMaster

Hey darlin!!!

you said it well, s usual.

(in reply to silksoul4u)

RE: ? about Trust. - 2/5/2005 4:18:33 PM

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Joined: 12/9/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I have no problem trusting Sir with any of the things you mentioned. I do manage my own bank accounts but if He wished access it certainly would not be an issue for me. When it comes time when we can be together under one roof permanently, He has already told me that He would like me to be in charge of finances as I am just good at it. Guess that comes from alot of experience making silk purses out of sow's ears.

i am with you, mistoferin, i *would* trust my Master with our finances, if He wished to deal with them, but he doesn't, so it falls to me. Obviously He has control over all the big decisions, but he does care about my opinion; it is just that i physically *carry out* the decisions.

He knows my passwords, PIN numbers, etc, but trust does go both ways, and he doesn;'t feel it necessary to read my email or IM's.

(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: ? about Trust. - 2/5/2005 5:35:55 PM

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Joined: 1/16/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: silksoul4u

What i find sad is there are subs who will consider a man her master, and trust that man enough to let him tied them up and make them completely vulerable and helpless....yet they wont trust them with their material things like money!!

I trust my Master with everything. Personally, for me, if i cant trust a man with literally everything, if i hold back with anything, then he isnt going to be my master.

lisa
*proud 24/7 slave to silksMaster

Money can do crazy things to people. I wonder how many subs have thrown themselves into D/S relationships, with delight and earnestness and stars in their eyes and a complete lack of basic good sense, and have found themselves wiped out financially afterwards? Many people who would never dream of striking/harming/damaging a person's body won't think twice before cleaning out their bank accounts.

Which is not to say that people aren't ever to be trusted. Just that the step of sharing financial information, personal passwords, etc. should not be taken lightly, and should only be considered in a long-term, committed, and time-tested relationship (ANY relationship, I don't care if it's the palest of vanilla or the kinkiest of kink). Even then it might be a mistake, but hell, you can't be cynical all the time. *grin* When I reach the point of permanent committment--and yes, I mean marriage, the point at which most people merge bank accounts and take official responsibility for each others' finances, etc.--then I will consider it. And frankly, if my dominant wants to know what I'm doing on line he's more than welcome to read my gay boy-on-boy erotic fiction. I'm not hiding anything. But I don't know that he'd be all that interested.

Also (and I'm speaking on supposition, here, since I've never been in a relationship with a dominant that even approached this level of trust), I don't know that I would ever give anyone my email passwords and such. Not because I'd have anything to hide, and in fact would happily SHOW him any email he was curious about. But because--and maybe here's a difference in those wacky sub/slave definitions--I value my identity as an individual very highly, and as such will maintain friendships and correspondences that are not in any way related to my master. And maybe my vanilla friends might not want my kinky dominant reading their latest adventures with that persistent yeast infection, or the like. It doesn't have anything to do with respect or trust, but DOES have to do with consideration of the sensibilities and feelings of others not in the relationship.

Basically, the upshot is, "trust in god, but keep your gunpowder dry." Don't let anyone convince you to be an idiot by shouting "YOU MUST TRUST BLINDLY OR YOU ARE A BAD SUB!" at you, and don't let that nice deerskin flogger knock the brains out of your head. But keep hope alive, because the good ones DO exist and are worth waiting for and trusting in. And if you're lucky enough to have already found one of those good trustworthy ones? That is truly and genuinely wonderful. :)

< Message edited by songbird26 -- 2/5/2005 6:20:04 PM >

(in reply to silksoul4u)

RE: ? about Trust. - 2/5/2005 6:18:15 PM

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Joined: 6/25/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet
TRUST is a very important factor in this lifestyle. You trust your masters when they blind fold you, bound you, order you, and all types of other things to your mind and body.

So how many of you trust your Dom/Master with your money, accounts, pass words to your e-mails and Instant Messengers, and such?

Great post, thanks Fangs,
I'm still holding my breath waiting for the male subs to speak on this... M

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

RE: ? about Trust. - 2/5/2005 6:38:28 PM

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Joined: 10/27/2004
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omg would a male sub please respond before M passes out!

Breathe!!!! Breathe!!!

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

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