RE: Can you be happy alone? (Full Version)

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LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Can you be happy alone? (11/6/2006 8:41:49 PM)

Given the high rate of cheating, all the complaints on True Wife Confessions and what I know of people, the number of people who are truly content and fulfilled being alone are very much in the minority.

The majority of people choose to be in relationships which do not work for them, or continue to be in relationships long after they fail to serve them for the sake of being "with someone."



mistoferin -> RE: Can you be happy alone? (11/6/2006 8:45:33 PM)

Having someone in my life to share my days, my joys and my sorrows with is surely something that I hope to once again have at some point in the future. But, if it never happens again I am also very capable of living a full and fulfilling life alone. I understand myself very well and I understand what I want out of life and in a partner. While there are things that I would certainly compromise on there are many things, such as core values, that I just won't. I am unwilling to settle. Now that unwillingness may result in never finding one who is right....or it may lead me to the best years of my life. It's a risk I'm willing to take.



NeedToUseYou -> RE: Can you be happy alone? (11/6/2006 10:07:04 PM)

I'd prefer to have the right person with me and not be alone. I'm content though even if I died alone. Especially, when my sister just got a divorce, and my friend fights with his wife literally everyday. It seems everyone I know (well, enough for me to know what is actually happening), argues more than get along well. I'd rather be alone than argue and fight constantly.







SDFemDom4cuck -> RE: Can you be happy alone? (11/6/2006 10:17:13 PM)

I was just discussing this with someone recently. I've never depended on others to make Me happy nor have I ever desired to be with someone who was not capable of being happy within themselves already. Someone can share in or add to My happiness but to depend on another for happiness is futile.

There is a huge gulf between being alone and being lonely. I am capable of being alone without being lonely. Personally I enjoy My time alone. Of course, I would prefer to share My life with someone. However, recently, I've come to the conclusion that I would rather spend the rest of My life alone than to compromise what I want. In other words, I would rather be happy and alone than to settle, be with the wrong person, and be unhappy.



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Can you be happy alone? (11/6/2006 10:21:34 PM)

I have been happy alone, I have been happy with someone. I CAN be perfectly hapy on my own, I just usualy choose not to stay that way.

DV



michaelOfGeorgia -> RE: Can you be happy alone? (11/6/2006 10:35:23 PM)

i'm always miserable when i'm alone...but that's just me



LadyEllen -> RE: Can you be happy alone? (11/7/2006 2:22:46 AM)

I've had five years' practice of being alone. Its made me more self reliant ouf of necessity, but no I'm not happy alone; I need someone to love and I miss the emotional/spiritual partnership of being with someone, not to mention the physical stuff.

Life alone is more about distracting onesself from loneliness for me. Kids, work and an alcoholic neighbour distract me enough most of the time, but there are more nights and mornings in tears than I care to think about.

E



Dnomyar -> RE: Can you be happy alone? (11/7/2006 6:02:26 AM)

One day someone will smile at you and say Hello. You attitude will change about wanting to be alone.



slavegirl1969 -> RE: Can you be happy alone? (11/7/2006 6:14:57 AM)

After being pretty crap at choosing good men to have a relationship with I decided 6 years ago to stop altogether.  Partly to break the cycle of bad relationships (they became habit) and partly to get to know and understand myself and what I really wanted from me and for me.
 
I spent 6 years not dating, spending time doing what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it - in fact became quite selfish with my time.  Occasionally (especially during winter when it was cold and yuk outside) I remember thinking it would nice to have someone to snuggle with or if I had a bad day at work, someone to talk to about it but never, in all this time, did I feel lonely.  
 
Being alone is not a bad thing unless you are lonely when you are with yourself. 



crouchingtigress -> RE: Can you be happy alone? (11/7/2006 6:32:51 AM)

thanks for writing that. right now i am loving the time by myself and not really opening the door to much more then that....any one who i play with is a dear friend and i love him, but its not the sort of move-into-my-house-and-heres -the-remote type of love....
 
but i also know intuitively that there will be a time that i will feel lonely, and then things will change.
 
i used to be in the cycle of relationships, i never imagined myself without some one. and now, out of the cycle,  i have a hard time imagining myself with some one. thats why it was great to read your post, it was sort of a nod from the universe that this to shall pass.
 
i am excited to meet him, i know he is going to be amazing, i base that on how every partner of mine has been amazing and better then the last, and the fact that i have been doing some incredible work on myself, i have an aw some life, and i am only attracted to partners that are also living amazing lives.
 
but the key for me which is different then it has ever been, is that i dont need to meet him, i am not incomplete with out him, he will be there as soon as i am ready, and not a minute sooner.
 
there is a thread on compromise right now, and ill say what i said there, again, "i wont compromise ever, if anything the higher i raise the bar for myself the higher i raise it for him too"[:)]
 



daddysprop247 -> RE: Can you be happy alone? (11/7/2006 7:37:11 AM)

i would rather be alone than be with the wrong person, but i also cannot be happy alone. i need that Other Half to make life worth living to me.



desiremaker -> RE: Can you be happy alone? (11/7/2006 7:41:28 AM)

One thing about the alcoholic neighbor; at least it gives you somebody to drink with!!  With schizophrenia i am never alone, and both of me like each other!!



mistoferin -> RE: Can you be happy alone? (11/7/2006 7:43:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

i would rather be alone than be with the wrong person, but i also cannot be happy alone. i need that Other Half to make life worth living to me.


See now, I have heard that same sentiment from so many different people and I just can't get my head wrapped around it. The Other Half. I just can't see myself as being half of a whole. I am whole. Having a partner compliments my life...like condiments compliment a good burger....but I don't need them to complete me. Or maybe I am just misunderstanding what people mean when they say this???



daddysprop247 -> RE: Can you be happy alone? (11/7/2006 7:52:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

i would rather be alone than be with the wrong person, but i also cannot be happy alone. i need that Other Half to make life worth living to me.


See now, I have heard that same sentiment from so many different people and I just can't get my head wrapped around it. The Other Half. I just can't see myself as being half of a whole. I am whole. Having a partner compliments my life...like condiments compliment a good burger....but I don't need them to complete me. Or maybe I am just misunderstanding what people mean when they say this???


nope, you're not misunderstanding. people are just different. you are the type who is whole/complete/possibly happy on your own, and that special someone is your complement. nice, wonderful even, but not necessary for your survival or happiness. i'm the type who is incomplete on my own...like there's a huge gaping hole within me, and that hole makes life just seem pointless and worthless. i need that special someone to fill that hole and give my life purpose, meaning, color, LIFE. no, that's not the "healthy" or PC way to be, but there it is. despite being this way, i've never been the type to just be with anyone so i wouldn't be alone. i'll just be alone and miserable until the right one comes along, and hope that i last until that day comes.

(fortunately i did! :) )



onestandingstill -> RE: Can you be happy alone? (11/7/2006 8:04:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I was just sitting here thinking about a thread in the Mistress section called "Presenting a Challenge". One poster wrote a comment regarding several choices, none of which was acceptable to several. We were told we were avoiding the question.

The truth was that, no, we would choose to be alone rather than settle for any of the choices provided.

My question is this. Are we the majority or the minority? I have strong feelings on this and will share later, just curious about other's responses.


I too will wait till I think it's right rather than mess up my peaceful home on the chance someone might be right.
So many people seem desperate for a mate when they are alone.
Being alone only means I have tremendous potential to have a path that fulfills me if I make good choices for myself.
Often in relationships they hinder your growth and development due to your partners issues or insecurities.
I'd definitely prefer to be alone to being mismatched.
suzanne



RosaB -> RE: Can you be happy alone? (11/7/2006 8:04:32 AM)

Couldn't have said it better myself.    So my answer would be yes, I can and I am.  That's not to say, I couldn't be happy with a significant other in my life, its just not a must for me to have a happy life.  Only thing that makes me unhappy is not having the love of friends and family, now that's a whole nother story.............Rosa


quote:

ORIGINAL: subfever

People tend to confuse being lonely with being unhappy.

I am of the belief that happiness comes from within, and those who seek happiness from without are doomed to chasing the wind.

It seems to me that too few of us seek romantic relationships to share our happiness. Instead, we tend to seek others to fill some void within us that we haven't figured out how to fill ourselves. And we wonder why relationships tend to be so difficult and frustrating?  

To directly answer the OP's question... Yes, I can be happy alone!



jesskitty -> RE: Can you be happy alone? (11/7/2006 9:28:06 PM)

i belive that before being in a relationship one should feel happy with themselves. of course being humans we will feel negative about ourselves from time to time but we have to realize that is situational and overall we take care and love ourselves and are not getting into a relationship to feel whole, but instead are two(or more) complete wholes forming as one. therefore even though being alone can be lonley i belive one should be able to feel comfortable with themselves.



ChaOz -> RE: Can you be happy alone? (11/7/2006 9:59:50 PM)

Yes you can be. I know a girl who was alone 10 years after a traumatic event. She worked on herself, went to counciling, saved money to buy her dream home and choose to be alone even when approached by others for a relationship. Did buddhism, gym, just became a reflection of the person she wanted to marry and is now expecting her first baby... happy story.



wandersalone -> RE: Can you be happy alone? (11/8/2006 3:42:36 AM)

I also prefer to be single rather than be with the wrong person.  While I would love to be in a long-term relationship, hell thats the reason I joined CM, I am lucky enough to feel fulfilled in all other aspects of my life.  I have definitely become more open to compromising over things as I have got older but I think this is about becoming more comfortable with myself and letting go of my own unrealistic expectations. 



victoriana -> RE: Can you be happy alone? (11/8/2006 3:44:25 AM)

I think you can be content alone. I have been alone for more of my life than not.  It's not by design but it's just the way it is.  I want to be with someone and share time and passion with them.  But I've always said that I will not settle to just be with "anyone". So I wait for the one to come along who touches me.  I never know who will do it or what walk of life he'll be in or when it will happen...but I wait for those magical feelings.

So I lie alone.

I actually enjoy my own company :) and can amuse myself most days, without the interaction.  However my life feels fuller and richer and I do feel happier when I'm with someone I love...and I will wait for that.
victoriana



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