Top Ten Signs the Person Answering the Butterball Turkey Hotline is Nuts

10. Starts out by asking, "What are you wearing?"

9. Keeps referring to product called "Vicks Vap-O-Gravy".

8. Recommends thawing the turkey in your pants.

7. Wants you to look inside the turkey for contact lens he lost at the processing plant.

6. When you ask, "How often should I baste it?" he says, "Are we still talking about the turkey?"

5. Tells you that when the timer pops up, you have ten seconds before the damn thing explodes.

4. Insists you cook turkey at six degrees for 450 hours.

3. Keeps interrupting to ask if you're planning to eat the bird or wear it as a hat.

2. Claims to have sailed from New York to the Bahamas in a gravy boat.

1. He tells you to go stuff yourself.

~candystripper~