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STUPID SLAVE IMPULSES THAT GET US IN SO MUCH TROUBLE - 11/8/2006 12:11:44 AM   
unownedredhead


Posts: 498
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I am so stupid.  I had a Master giving me advise and guidance.  I lashed out at him because I wanted more from him than he had ever said he would give me.  He was honest and upfront with his intentions.  He helped me out of a semi-vanilla relationship that was turning abusive.  He helped me to stop shutting my slave side up inside me.  He was always honest with his intentions.  I was a stupid slave girl.  I don't know what to do.  I never should have swore at him.  He is a Master and does not have to put up with that kind of behavior.  I am so sorry and have emailed my sincere regrets to him.  Is there anything else I should do?    I am editing because I thought you should know he is not on this system. 

< Message edited by unownedredhead -- 11/8/2006 12:13:18 AM >

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RE: STUPID SLAVE IMPULSES THAT GET US IN SO MUCH TROUBLE - 11/8/2006 12:17:06 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		All you can do is learn from your mistake and don't carry any expectations that your apology will be accepted. If it is, be grateful. Hopefully, he will realize that you may be a slave, but you are human and humans are flawed.

It's up to you to prevent behavior that effects what you desire to be and how you desire to hold yourself as a slave.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to unownedredhead)
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RE: STUPID SLAVE IMPULSES THAT GET US IN SO MUCH TROUBLE - 11/8/2006 12:26:54 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I would say that you definitely owe him and apology for going off on him when he has been totally upfront and honest with you, but if your needs are not being met and this causes you unhappiness perhaps it is not a good situation. Being a slave does not mean you do not have needs, desires, and that they do not matter... good luck

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to unownedredhead)
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RE: STUPID SLAVE IMPULSES THAT GET US IN SO MUCH TROUBLE - 11/8/2006 12:33:46 AM   
unownedredhead


Posts: 498
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you.  I know you are right.  He in no way needs to accept my appology.  I just have been denying much of my true nature for so long that when I do have someone I can talk to honestly I am flooded with emotion and really baser childlike responses.  He kept guiding me and telling me to let my slave side out in little bits and get used things.  but I have a lot of trouble with control.  I am total slave or I turn it off and lash out at the world.  It is so wrong.  I want to fix it.  To say the things I said to him,   so unbelievaly wrong.  I am ashaimed and don't want to do it again to him or any other master.  Help.

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RE: STUPID SLAVE IMPULSES THAT GET US IN SO MUCH TROUBLE - 11/8/2006 12:38:28 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		unownedredhead,

You might do better with discussing things with another slave where there is no agenda on 'your' part or their's. You can still get advice, perspectives and feedback without the added pressure.

If you have questions, the ask a submissive forum can get you lots of diverse opinions and I'm sure there are several people who would also be happy to correspond in pm on the other side with you.

Don't give up hope. It's a misstep, but you can correct it and prevent it from happening in the future.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to unownedredhead)
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RE: STUPID SLAVE IMPULSES THAT GET US IN SO MUCH TROUBLE - 11/8/2006 12:51:04 AM   
unownedredhead


Posts: 498
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		thank you.  I really have no agenda other than to find away to make up for what I did and never do it again.  Lashing out is always anger and hurt.  He made it clear he was just there to help me.  As a slave girl I built a huge trust and unrealistic adoration.  It is what slaves do.  He helped me so much I built him up as the perfect Master.  I think in my mind he always will be.  I still trust him and always will. I would like to know from the Masters if there is anything they think I could do or say that would gain the old relationship back.  the one where he gave me advise andkept me true to myself.  I know there is no possibility for more.  Have I blown it forever the guidance part?

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RE: STUPID SLAVE IMPULSES THAT GET US IN SO MUCH TROUBLE - 11/8/2006 1:11:41 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: unownedredhead

I am so stupid.  I had a Master giving me advise and guidance.  I lashed out at him because I wanted more from him than he had ever said he would give me.  He was honest and upfront with his intentions.  He helped me out of a semi-vanilla relationship that was turning abusive.  He helped me to stop shutting my slave side up inside me.  He was always honest with his intentions.  I was a stupid slave girl.  I don't know what to do.  I never should have swore at him.  He is a Master and does not have to put up with that kind of behavior.  I am so sorry and have emailed my sincere regrets to him.  Is there anything else I should do?    I am editing because I thought you should know he is not on this system. 


Well, I wouldn't beat yourself up too badly over it.

It's understandable that, despite knowing and being told the limits of what he can offer, you developed feelings and an attachment to him.

There's the uncomfortable place of knowing there can't be more but still pining for that. That's a risk when someone helps rescue you, guides and gives support, master or not. If he helped you with aspects of your submissive leanings, even more so, because the likelihood would be that you'd direct that toward him.

I don't think being a master makes someone any more deserving of *decent* behaviour than any other chap that may have been there doing the same thing.

You obviously regret it and you've apologised. You've done all that you can.

agirl

(in reply to unownedredhead)
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RE: STUPID SLAVE IMPULSES THAT GET US IN SO MUCH TROUBLE - 11/8/2006 1:25:21 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: unownedredhead

thank you.  I really have no agenda other than to find away to make up for what I did and never do it again.  Lashing out is always anger and hurt.  He made it clear he was just there to help me.  As a slave girl I built a huge trust and unrealistic adoration.  It is what slaves do.  He helped me so much I built him up as the perfect Master.  I think in my mind he always will be.  I still trust him and always will. I would like to know from the Masters if there is anything they think I could do or say that would gain the old relationship back.  the one where he gave me advise andkept me true to myself.  I know there is no possibility for more.  Have I blown it forever the guidance part?


You can express your feelings and explain. That's all there is to do.

No-one can answer whether you've *blown it forever*.

It would be a little surprising if he wandered off completely after putting in that amount of effort and care but there's a chance, I suppose, that he'll put a little distance there to keep things in perspective for you, in the future.

No-one can possibly say really because no-one but you and he know the details of the situation.

agirl

(in reply to unownedredhead)
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RE: STUPID SLAVE IMPULSES THAT GET US IN SO MUCH TROUBLE - 11/8/2006 1:26:50 AM   
ChaOz


Posts: 98
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		Chances are he is stepping back because he doesnt want the relationship to go further and your feelings to be hurt more, as would happen if he lead you on. Its good he isnt taking advantage of your feelings but essentially you seemed to have lashed out because you want something more. You really should address the reason why you have anger, its the only way to prevent it from happening again. You might have to move on and keep looking for another Dom. Why do you need guidance? Obviously you cant 'just' be friends with him so you may have to look else where for that and trust yourself more to make the right decisions in your life. Or just restrict contact to emails and phone.

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: STUPID SLAVE IMPULSES THAT GET US IN SO MUCH TROUBLE - 11/8/2006 7:47:02 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		You were lucky to find a friend. However you have needs he can't fulfill so you can't commit to him. Did he do these kindnesses for you because you were friends, or did he expect you to pay him back by becoming his slave knowing you would not be happy so doing?

See, if he did this stuff just because he's a friend, then blasting him was wrong. None of us have enough friends in this world that we can afford to lose them. But if he had an ulterior motive, sometimes there is no win-win solution. You say that you need things he can't or won't give, a true friend should respect that and not seek to force you into a relationship where you will be unhappy.

(in reply to ChaOz)
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RE: STUPID SLAVE IMPULSES THAT GET US IN SO MUCH TROUBLE - 11/8/2006 7:52:05 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Until you get over this illusion that you have to treat someone differently because they consider themselves a master, I definitely think that Bita's advice about finding another slave to talk with might be best- even a male slave so that you might avoid some of the typical female solidarity crap and pressure.

Your bouncing around is very typical for a newbie, and yet still unacceptable, as you already know.  You need to calm yourself down on ALL sides and stop making this into such a big deal.  You're a big girl who should know how to act right- stop letting yourself forget this.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Celeste43)
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RE: STUPID SLAVE IMPULSES THAT GET US IN SO MUCH TROUBLE - 11/8/2006 2:04:53 PM   
OnlyHis


Posts: 137
Joined: 2/25/2004
Status: offline 		You said you wrote and apologized that is the first step . Now it is his decision whether he accepts that apology now or in a few days or a few weeks or more.  In the meanwhile this gives you time to reflect on what you said to him, why you said it and how it is now affecting  you.  You made a mistake , we all do. Try to learn from that mistake and move forward. Hopefully with this Master.

Good luck .

(in reply to unownedredhead)
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RE: STUPID SLAVE IMPULSES THAT GET US IN SO MUCH TROUBLE - 12/1/2006 9:43:12 AM   
AGORANTE


Posts: 30
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I am so stupid.


Don't criticize yourself so. Its not your fault you are Canadian.

(in reply to OnlyHis)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: STUPID SLAVE IMPULSES THAT GET US IN SO MUCH TROUBLE - 12/1/2006 12:43:48 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		Stupid????  How so?  Stupid for being a typically emotional and fallible human-being?
 
Still, I'm pondering what it is a slave could want that is more than her Master said he would give....  And I'm really hoping this isn't another of those messy online "relationships" where not only master & slave have never even met but they probably don't intend to - or at least one (the alleged master) doesn't....
 
If the core issue is just about one not wanting to go to the next level, esp if that level is real life, then I would think the relationship is doomed anyway - some might say mercifully doomed. 
 
More information required....
 
Focus.

(in reply to unownedredhead)
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RE: STUPID SLAVE IMPULSES THAT GET US IN SO MUCH TROUBLE - 12/1/2006 12:50:12 PM   
SirDiscipliner69


Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: unownedredhead
Is there anything else I should do?   

Communication is the key. If he set your expectations and folled up with them then perhaps you did hope for something that was not defined within the perameters. I remember years ag I defined the relationship from the begining and she later told Me that she thought she could change things by doing certain things. I held fast and the relationship was soon terminated by Me.

Bottom line communicate.

Emotions are not stupid...just the was We might display them.

Ross

Bon D' Age' : BDSM
http://tinyurl.com/ygblqt
Designermite :
http://tinyurl.com/ueov5
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http://tinyurl.com/ybg73a



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RE: STUPID SLAVE IMPULSES THAT GET US IN SO MUCH TROUBLE - 12/2/2006 7:26:34 PM   
midnightslave


Posts: 1
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline 		I'm a sub so can only give advice from that point of view, but i think maybe some good can come out of this bad situation. Because you realise you acted selfishly and immaturely you can learn from it and take the utmost care to never act in such a way. It sounds like that Master was a really great guy, i'm also glad to hear you are out of your abusive relationship. All you can really do is apologise and explain to him that you have learnt from your mistake. But you must resolve yourself to the possibility that he will not wish to be friends with you again. If this is so then use this as a check point for any future feelings, to keep yourself from lashing out again. As submissives we always strive to be the best we can be, and to act with dignity and grace. This is not always possible but as long as you are always trying and learning from your mistakes you are being the best sub you can be, whether owned or not. Don't beat yourself up about this, concentrate on the positive changes you can make to your behavior. 

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: STUPID SLAVE IMPULSES THAT GET US IN SO MUCH TROUBLE - 12/2/2006 8:36:45 PM   
emdoub


Posts: 223
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: Minnenipples, Minnesnowta
Status: offline 		-> Fast Reply <-
If nothing else, you can think about this the next time you feel like acting poorly on impulse - perhaps it'll be useful in helping you gain some impulse control.

Apologize, hope for the best, and learn from our mistakes - that's all that any of us can do afterward - sub, dom, or 'nilla.

Midnight Writer
No relation - really!


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Benevolent Dictator of TIES - Tremendously Intense Erotic Situations. If you're local to Mpls-St.Paul, MN, you may want to check us out. The web site is at http://www.ties-bdsm.org and the Munches are monthly.

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RE: STUPID SLAVE IMPULSES THAT GET US IN SO MUCH TROUBLE - 12/2/2006 9:42:15 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: unownedredhead

I am so stupid.  I had a Master giving me advise and guidance.  I lashed out at him because I wanted more from him than he had ever said he would give me.  He was honest and upfront with his intentions.  He helped me out of a semi-vanilla relationship that was turning abusive.  He helped me to stop shutting my slave side up inside me.  He was always honest with his intentions.  I was a stupid slave girl.  I don't know what to do.  I never should have swore at him.  He is a Master and does not have to put up with that kind of behavior.  I am so sorry and have emailed my sincere regrets to him.  Is there anything else I should do?    I am editing because I thought you should know he is not on this system. 


The reality is this is one of the major reasons that mentoring can be a problem. Trolls claiming to be masters rely on the fact that newbies especially those that identify as slaves imprint, kind of like baby birds. That master is all you know and the drive to be pleasing and move the relationship forward towards ownership can become consuming. When their intentions are honorable, or they've already sampled the goods, you can get pushed off. Basically they "train" you to imprint and once they get there will flee the responsibility. This can be confusing and feel like the rejection it is.
You've apologized for your actions. Beating yourself up and using self defeating language like stupid, that helped you find yourself in an abusive relationship in the first place, is a bad thing. Backsliding to self defeating behavior because master what's his nuts doesn't love you back means you weren't paying attention. For you to have imprinted you would have felt things like confidence, feeling that your emotions are valid and someone not only "gets you" but also cares about you. These are things that a smart person carries with them into new relationships. Taking a look at your local scene, attending a munch and finding someone local will help with this process. Just realize that anyone new you meet is not necessarily going to want everything done the same way that master what's his nuts did.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to unownedredhead)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: STUPID SLAVE IMPULSES THAT GET US IN SO MUCH TROUBLE - 12/3/2006 6:09:51 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Learn from your mistake and do not repeat it. Think about what you say before you say it. Definately apologize alot and hope he accepts it and forgives you.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: STUPID SLAVE IMPULSES THAT GET US IN SO MUCH TROUBLE - 12/3/2006 10:01:08 PM   
unownedredhead


Posts: 498
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I have appologized and he agreed to accept the appology on the condition I report for punishment.  No, it is not an online relationship.  I met him real time and then we were talking on line everyday and that is when I fessed up to what I was and he laughed and said he already knew.  He had recognized my sub/slave side when we met.  We don't live near each other so getting together takes a little more effort.  I was to go down for my punishment except we had a more snow than we have had in years made the roads unsafe for the trip.

I don't think in many ways I can take back the impulse.  The lashing out at him because he knows long distance relationships don't work.  The snow seems to have made him rather fatalistic. Like it was a second blow.  Like it was some kind of sign. If I had not lashed out .....  *sigh*  cannot go back in time.  Just learn from the past.

I would like to find a coping measure instead of lashing out.  What do the rest of you slave/subs do when your instincts are screaming at you to react to a given situation.  How do you hold it in? I know I can emotionally be pretty raw and genuine when it comes to Masters.  I laugh and scream and cry and beg and there does not seem to be a mute or pause button.  How do you find your mute and pause buttons?

dina


_____________________________

Kneeling trembling at your feet

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