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question about sessions - 2/5/2005 9:18:04 AM

Posts: 101
Joined: 10/20/2004
Status: offline

Last night, i was with my Dom, things were going well and the session too, but suddenly i started to cry and automatically He stopped, but i was asking Him to continue and He refused.

The thing is that i dunno why i cried since W/we were early in the session. Of course He asked me why and seemed troubled by my reaction, but i couldnt pin point why or tell Him.

I feel so bad that i want to hide for a few days.........

Can someone tell me why?

softysub

RE: question about sessions - 2/5/2005 9:33:25 AM

terah

Posts: 69
Joined: 12/17/2004
Status: offline

As you know a session can be overwhelming and bring out emotions that sometimes we don't validate. Our emotions run deeper then we allow ourselves to because there's so much that goes on in our lives. Not being able to articulate this is common too.

It is also scary for a dom to take you beyond his comfort level because he is learning all about your bodies reaction to each stimulant that he will sometimes forget the emotional. He's not alone , let me say this again.. HE IS NOT ALONE.. <smiles> He's not careless.

You may want to start using a signal such as holding something in your hand and dropping it if the scene becomes too intense.

I am not sure if this help..
Terah

(in reply to softysub)

RE: question about sessions - 2/6/2005 6:12:12 PM

Posts: 328
Joined: 11/18/2004
From: TX
Status: offline

This happened to me a short while ago as well. i was ridden with guilt thinking that i had caused a session to stop before it should have. Upon telling him my feelings, he assured me that a session is not about how much one can take, but about getting to a certain point. i think that a Dom wants honest reactions during a session, holding back what you are feeling would be denying him the pleasure of knowing that you are trusting him enough to push you to your limits. After thinking about it, i finllay came to the decison that crying is allowing yourself to be completely open with him and that itself is a gift. It's part of your submission to him. and i have to admit that the holding and kissing and reassuring to bring me back down strengthened the bond between us.

(in reply to softysub)

RE: question about sessions - 2/6/2005 6:39:03 PM

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

I agree with all said so far.

A lot of men can not deal with female tears. You need to talk about this before your next session. As long as you promise to use your safe word if needed, you should be able to continue the session. When this has happened to me (a sub crying) it has been due to an emotional trigger being reached. I've held them and soothed them through the tears, then talked with them about it. It can help the sub to learn about themselves. After a brief period of talking and cuddling, we've been able to resume the session, sometimes in the direction of the emotional outburst, sometimes away from it (that is always the sub's choice in my mind, as I do not go near emotional trauma without the sub's full co-operation) Good Luck!

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to softysub)

RE: question about sessions - 2/7/2005 2:26:13 AM

Posts: 142
Joined: 2/5/2005
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i have to agree with everything that has been said so far. i have found that when i go into primative space, i come out extremely vulnerable and the slightest thing can make me a whimpering mess. Crying, for me, has always been about a deeply hidden trauma being brought to the surface. i don't need to know what it is, i only know that its there, and when Master just holds me and validates my feelings and right to have them, then all is made better.

i think as a submissive, we want every scene to be awesome, every scene to be exactly what the Dom ordered. But the truth is we are people with a multitude of emotions and emotional responses. It could be as simple as you had been a little stressed that day, or a day or two previously, and your body was taken to a relaxed state, in which it could let go of the stress and chose to do so with tears. Don't stress too much over what happened. Just accept that for that time, that day, your body chose to respond that way. i think its wonderful that we can respond in so many different ways.

michelle (aka chaingedgirl)

(in reply to softysub)

RE: question about sessions - 2/7/2005 8:58:00 AM

Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline

hi..

As others have said, tears are fairly common during a session, especially for some of us. i'm sure there are just as many who don't cry, but that's probably another thread altogether.

Some of us, too, cry at the drop of a hat. It's not that i'm a crybaby, but my emotions are often at the surface. i've been known to cry over books, movies, tv shows, coffee and even toilet paper commercials for heaven sakes..lol. When i had a new partner i tried to let them know early on that i had this "problem." Crying during a session, and it doesn't have to be heavy or long, it's because something touched a trigger in me, usually one that needed exploring. A little cuddling wouldn't have been amiss at all, and even appreciated.

It sounds like you have a very wise Dom, one who is willing to stop, listen and take care of you... good luck to you both

cheers
jimini

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin

When your heart speaks take good notes.

(in reply to softysub)

RE: question about sessions - 2/7/2005 1:44:12 PM

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Joined: 10/20/2004
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Thank you all for your answers, but i wont need them now since my Dom has decided to leave me.

I got my answer there.

softysub

(in reply to softysub)

RE: question about sessions - 2/7/2005 2:40:36 PM

Posts: 1183
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From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline

huggles softysub..

i'm sorry for the pain you must be feeling right now. i can think of all kinds of catch phrases to say, but know all too well they're kinda worthless right now.

If you need to vent..please feel free to write.. i'll be happy to listen...

jimini

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin

When your heart speaks take good notes.

(in reply to softysub)

RE: question about sessions - 2/7/2005 2:44:15 PM

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

Thank you all for your answers, but i wont need them now since my Dom has decided to leave me.

Hugs ((((softy)))) i'm sorry to hear that.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to softysub)

RE: question about sessions - 2/10/2005 7:32:40 PM

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Joined: 7/12/2004
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-- Hugs softy --

sessions are always emotional for me -- a lot of times i don't know why...

isn't just you -- your normal -- as normal as any of us anyway *grins*

best of luck hun
~jenn

_____________________________

~Subspace is my perfect paradise vacation from busy-mind... blessed be to the Dominant who can stamp my ticket there.~

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"

(in reply to softysub)

RE: question about sessions - 2/10/2005 8:16:30 PM

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Joined: 2/8/2005
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Honey I'm sorry for your pain. You'll find the right someone who won't leave when things get a little tough.Good luck (hug)-Lady

(in reply to subbiejenn)

RE: question about sessions - 2/16/2005 1:43:36 PM

Posts: 1082
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Alberta, Canada
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I am so sorry, I hope you find the man who understands you, and realizes that above all you are a human with emotions and feelings. You deserve the best, I hope you find him.
*hugs*

(in reply to BlouLady)

RE: question about sessions - 2/16/2005 2:45:09 PM

Posts: 328
Joined: 11/18/2004
From: TX
Status: offline

<hugs> don't let one bad apple discourage you. there are plenty of Doms out there that understand we're human and have emotions. i'm even willing to bet there are some that like seeing a sub be so open and would be upset if you didn't feel.
You can msg me anytime, too. Sometimes just talking helps a lot.

_____________________________

I'm Japan and Godzilla has taken over.

Laugh with them, or let them laugh at you.

(in reply to softysub)

RE: question about sessions - 2/16/2005 6:17:43 PM

Posts: 140
Joined: 10/31/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Thank you all for your answers, but i wont need them now since my Dom has decided to leave me.

*hugs and cuddles*

quote:

I got my answer there

However......that is not the right answer, and please know that there are many like you, myself included that cry during a session, and there doesnt always have to be a reason for it!

dont blame yourself, or think that by you crying is what sent him away, i dont mean to sound/be disrespectful, but it seems he didnt want to put the time into you that you so rightly deserve.

take care and know that our thoughts are with you

n

(in reply to liltxsubby)

RE: question about sessions - 2/16/2005 8:15:45 PM

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Joined: 12/6/2004
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Blimey, i wasnt expecting that outcome! what a bastard.

Im sorry your going to be feeling awful, >insert platitude here< because i cant think of anything to say that does not sound like one, and i mean them all.

You will find someone who deserves your gift. This one was obviously not for you.
i wish you well

(in reply to conflicted)

RE: question about sessions - 2/17/2005 11:22:39 AM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: softysub

Last night, i was with my Dom, things were going well and the session too, but suddenly i started to cry and automatically He stopped, but i was asking Him to continue and He refused.

The thing is that i dunno why i cried since W/we were early in the session. Of course He asked me why and seemed troubled by my reaction, but i couldnt pin point why or tell Him.

I feel so bad that i want to hide for a few days.........

Can someone tell me why?

softysub

You hit an emotional hotspot. He was probably right to stop and let you calm down. Scenes cause a lot of things to happen- physically your body produces large amount of chemicals, both happy ones and "run and hide" ones. Emotionally you might be connected in a way you've never felt before. If you're dealing with stress it might be let loose at this time. Mentally you're releasing control because you can't reason your way out of flogging, you just have to deal with it.

All of this combined takes you to a very excited state, which is expressed in a lot of ways. Sometimes people scene specifically to GET that release of crying.

Just let yourself experience things, process why it maybe happened and decide where you want to go with it.

(in reply to softysub)

RE: question about sessions - 2/17/2005 9:25:49 PM

Posts: 248
Joined: 2/4/2005
Status: offline

I'm very sorry you were hurt when the relationship ended. I hope you had not invested too much time into it. Someone who will leave you because you cry in a scene, or need to stop and gather yourself probably isn't going to be a good partner in other aspects of life.

As far as crying, some folks on the bottom cry durring, before and/or after. That was one thing that I had to learn to deal with myself, because, in all honesty, seeing someone cry is distressing to me at a level. Couple that with knowing that I was the one that made them cry, it just makes it harder. On the other hand, I know better now that a lot of people get a huge emotional release when they cry, that it does them a lot of good to be able to shead tears and have someone there who won't judge them about it.

If you know you are prone to cry, you may want to let your Dom or top know. Let him know it's OK to keep pushing, or let him know that is a sign that you need to stop. And have a little consideration too, if it is something the Dom is having a hard time with. Tops and Dom/mes have limits and need to be reassured, too!

Be well, sweety.

(in reply to softysub)

RE: question about sessions - 3/9/2005 9:31:35 AM

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Joined: 3/7/2005
Status: offline

some people cry druing sex it is just a reaction. Your not the only one sweety. I happens some yell, moan, cry. So i hope he under stands that is your way of emotion.

(in reply to softysub)

RE: question about sessions - 3/9/2005 9:55:57 AM

ruffnecksbabygir

Posts: 412
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline

that's happened to me, a lot! and not just a few tears, i just cry uncontrollably....i don't normally cry easily, specially since i have been on paxil it is extremely hard for me to cry, yet in the real intense sessions i have just cried without being able to stop...it's actually felt very good, like a release, a cleansing of my soul, i actually enjoy that since it can get hard for me to actually let go and allow myself to just feel...it's good to let go that way and be able to just cry for no reason whatsoever.
It also tightens the bond between Master and i...the rollercoaster of emotions, the intensity of the pain He causes and then the after care which is essential ... it can be a very liberating and wonderful experience if you allow it to happen instead of fight it. Sorry to hear about you and your Master but quite honestly if he could not even figure out that your reactions were very normal to a scene then it's my guess he is not very experienced....i hope all has worked out for the best.

The trouble with putting armor on is that, while it protects you from pain,
it also protects you from pleasure.
-- Celeste Holm

_____________________________

~hugs~
Babygirl

:Disclaimer: The above is only this slave's opinion:

"And Those Who Danced Were Thought To Be Quite Insane By Those Who Could Not Hear The Music" -- Angela Monet

(in reply to subjolynn)

RE: question about sessions - 3/9/2005 11:34:41 AM

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Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: softysub
Last night, i was with my Dom, things were going well and the session too, but suddenly i started to cry and automatically He stopped, but i was asking Him to continue and He refused.

Believe it or not, we Dominants have some limits too and perhaps he wasn’t ready to push his own limits. I pride myself on reading body language and if someone's body language is saying no, even if they are saying go, I stop. I have come to realise that some submissives, when in subspace, want to take everything only to please and might have second thoughts, regret the next day. This of course will change based on how well I know a submissive.

That said, I'm sorry you went through the painful feelings you did. But also realise that some scenes will be more successful then others and that you don't always have to push everything to the limit all the time. Take this scene as a learning experience and discuss it with your Dom and build on it for the future.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to softysub)

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