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switch looking for love in all the wrong places? - 11/9/2006 2:19:56 AM

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Joined: 5/17/2006
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Ok I have a question, can someone tell me what i am doing wrong. I have been a member of collarme.com and alt.com for quite awhile. Why is it hard to get people to chat to switches? Is it due to the fact most females on the websites are submissives, or slaves. Or because the amount of men on the websites. I know most females are scared to chat to most males due to the fact of the high potitual of stalkers and goofy perverts that like to sexually abuse women. Or is it my profile? I know many folks dont like switches, or say we are untrue to the bdsm lifestyle. Do any other switches men or women have this problem of no-one to talk to? http/www.collarme.com/bdsm/v/287822/rzub/52991/details.htm <<profile

< Message edited by georgiasub1 -- 11/9/2006 2:22:43 AM >

RE: switch looking for love in all the wrong places? - 11/9/2006 7:26:38 AM

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
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You can always talk to other switches. I agree a lot of peole are turned off by switches but then there are a lot of switches out there. A lot of sub/slaves are insecure and need a Master. A switch dose'nt. A Master need ssomeone to control. A switch just needs someone with their own interest to play with.

(in reply to georgiasub1)

RE: switch looking for love in all the wrong places? - 11/9/2006 7:42:45 AM

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

1) Switches, like bi people, have the stigma of being undecided at best, manipulative sluts at worst.
2) You need to work on your profile:
   Add a picture; no matter what you look like (almost), there's someone out there who would find you attractive.
   Change the text colors; black text on a blue background is appalling and impossible to read without highlighting the text. You're asking me to make an effort to get to know you when you haven't enticed me in any way.
   You say that you are mainly into fetishes, then say you're looking for more that BDSM and sex, THEN you say you're not looking for anyone 24/7. Which is it? You're not helping the "undecided" stereotype here. Be clearer about what you want. It sounds like you want a kinky girlfriend (which is fine). Make sure you say that.
   Honestly, finding a woman who mudbogs is a rarity, which you already know since you find it necessary to put it in your profile. Which is more important? The relationship or the activities?
   You say very little about yourself...After reading your profile, I get the impression that, indeed, you are indecisive and haven't a real clue what you want. I also really don't know anything about you other than you like to fish and mudbog (yawn) and are in the military. A checklist, which you filled out, is nice, but I want to know about you. What you've stated and the lack of picture makes it unlikely that I'd consider a relationship with you.

So, there you have it. Mostly, I feel, you lack of responce is due to the quality of your profile, not the lack of potential partners.

Master Fire

_____________________________

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(in reply to georgiasub1)

RE: switch looking for love in all the wrong places? - 11/9/2006 3:03:35 PM

Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
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Get yourself out to a munch or other community event. CM, alt etc. are great places to learn and understand more about WIITWD and the incredible diversity of the people who do it, but R/T is where the action is.

(in reply to georgiasub1)

RE: switch looking for love in all the wrong places? - 11/9/2006 8:02:11 PM

Posts: 25
Joined: 8/3/2006
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Drop the black text on blue background and build your profile. If you want to be taken serious you need to put forth something of yourself.

(in reply to WyrdRich)

RE: switch looking for love in all the wrong places? - 11/10/2006 6:51:56 PM

bignipples2share

Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
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Fast Reply:
Okay, I've been stumped. What the heck is mudbog? The only thing I can think it has to do with is something in the mud and tadpoles.

(in reply to Legman1)

RE: switch looking for love in all the wrong places? - 11/13/2006 9:53:52 PM

Posts: 99
Joined: 10/18/2006
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It is when you drive a vehicle with abnormally large tires (you have jacked it up so the tires "fit") and then you drive like a crazy person offroad. It is somewhat equivalent to bike motocross, except with big cars, tiny penises, and egos.

(in reply to bignipples2share)

RE: switch looking for love in all the wrong places? - 11/14/2006 1:10:22 PM

Posts: 28
Joined: 11/13/2006
Status: offline

I have no idea what label to attach to myself; I just know that there are a broad range of activities which appeal to me. Do I choose Dom/Sub and thereby lose the pleasure of those activities designated specifically for one or the other i.e. Dom or Sub. I would rather take the eclectic approach and harvest the fruits of all the actvities that please me and my partner(s).

It seems that we who have staked out the right to walk our own path have accepted hook, line, and sinker the vanilla world's missionary position as the natural order of things. Ergo, one is a Dom or a Sub, and to mix the two is a sort of BDSM miscegination. Vernon4

(in reply to jthorne)

RE: switch looking for love in all the wrong places? - 11/14/2006 5:20:16 PM

bignipples2share

Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
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lol thanks, I'd have never gotten that one.

(in reply to jthorne)

RE: switch looking for love in all the wrong places? - 11/14/2006 5:34:00 PM

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

Honestly, finding a woman who mudbogs is a rarity

I used to date a guy who promised to take me mudbogging. He never did. I still want to go so bad...

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

RE: switch looking for love in all the wrong places? - 11/14/2006 6:34:47 PM

Posts: 80
Joined: 5/21/2005
From: Austin
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

1) Switches, like bi people, have the stigma of being undecided at best, ........

i like the way that you put that....ls

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(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

RE: switch looking for love in all the wrong places? - 11/15/2006 8:05:19 AM

Posts: 17
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

Here's my take on the Switch thing from a switch ladies point of view. Most of the male switches I have met personally are really looking to sub and say they are willing to dom just to get a foot in the door - also inherently the question is raised "How can you top me if you really want to be on the bottom?" Then it is a game, scene, or play - where many are looking for "real" submission and domination. Also, switch is generally associated with newbies - someone confused about what they want. "I really want to serve someone but I am too scared so I will top." I am not saying above at all what I think is "the truth" just what the opinions are that I have run into or have had myself.

So as a switch you would think that I would be looking for a switch too. Not true.

I am a submissive. Yes, I know I called myself a switch above but the truth is I am a submissive who likes to top too. I started my life in BDSM with public play in NYC and you could be collared, leashed and kneeling at your Master's feet at a club and guys would ask if you would spank or whip them (and for my Master sometimes I did!). Also, when trolling alone or meeting new people I felt less vunerable. Hence I am now called a "switch." I had a partner in NYC that I switched with - we were both new and trying to discover as much as we could about the whole world of BDSM. That didn't work well. There is something in the mental dynamic of serving or being served that becomes tainted by changing roles. Leaving a LOT of room for topping from the bottom. Manipulating, not taking the partner seriously.

I personally recommend looking for a domme and a sub. That way your role remains clear with both individually. Or find a kinky girlfriend who wants to lightly "play" the roles.

Truthfully, you are looking for a very elusive unicorn. It is near impossible for all of us to find the perfect mix of kinky needs and should be celebrated when found. Make sure that YOU are clear in what you really want. Usually (and I'd LOVE to hear examples otherwise) a switch will discover at some point that they really "belong" on one side or the other. The best Masters I have meet spent time at the bottom early on and learned an appreciation for the submissive that courses through their blood. By living it you understand it better.

So keep your eyes open and DEFINATELY tailor a VERY specific and easy to read profile. Just like fishing for the 70lb bass you've only ever heard about in the lake, patience rules the day.

_____________________________

Don't forget to smile while you're chasing down your dream!

(in reply to littlespike)

RE: switch looking for love in all the wrong places? - 11/18/2006 3:47:40 PM

Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

Well, for me, the way i looked, was what the person posted, not the profile. Profiles are adds basically, but do their posts substantiate their adverts claims? that's what;'s important for me. So unless they post (and i note, this is your 1st post) how could i tell?

You've put Collars, Expert. Er, id drop that, implies you give them out in a party bag. And for the subs, domme's who take their collars seriously, it a put off you dont need to add.

Black writing on a blue background is a nightmare to read.

Chat rooms are a great place to talk to people. (personally, i dont do chat rooms and dislike them) As are clubs and munches.

How many events have you attended? Its easier in real life, far less confusing, less subtefuge than online.

There are many closet switches, due to the negative press they get. Keep your senses tuned to pick that up on that.

Get off line, and get to a local group, you say your looking for friendship only also, it would feed that need whilst you search at least?
good luck
littleone

(in reply to georgiasub1)

RE: switch looking for love in all the wrong places? - 11/19/2006 1:04:23 PM

Posts: 154
Joined: 3/18/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: georgiasub1

Ok I have a question, can someone tell me what i am doing wrong. I have been a member of collarme.com and alt.com for quite awhile. Why is it hard to get people to chat to switches? Is it due to the fact most females on the websites are submissives, or slaves. Or because the amount of men on the websites. I know most females are scared to chat to most males due to the fact of the high potitual of stalkers and goofy perverts that like to sexually abuse women. Or is it my profile? I know many folks dont like switches, or say we are untrue to the bdsm lifestyle. Do any other switches men or women have this problem of no-one to talk to? http/www.collarme.com/bdsm/v/287822/rzub/52991/details.htm <<profile

Lose the blue back ground with black text. I had to squint to read the profile.

Also you just have to accept that because you have such specific interests it will be that much more difficult to find the right woman.

Take heart though. There are those of us who are switch in a sense where we can experience both roles with equal intensity, and also enjoy fetishes (like latex and PVC)+BDSM.

< Message edited by DigitBox -- 11/19/2006 1:05:39 PM >

(in reply to georgiasub1)

RE: switch looking for love in all the wrong places? - 11/19/2006 1:20:27 PM

Posts: 29
Joined: 11/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vernon4

I have no idea what label to attach to myself; I just know that there are a broad range of activities which appeal to me. Do I choose Dom/Sub and thereby lose the pleasure of those activities designated specifically for one or the other i.e. Dom or Sub. I would rather take the eclectic approach and harvest the fruits of all the actvities that please me and my partner(s).

It seems that we who have staked out the right to walk our own path have accepted hook, line, and sinker the vanilla world's missionary position as the natural order of things. Ergo, one is a Dom or a Sub, and to mix the two is a sort of BDSM miscegination. Vernon4

Wise words indeed :)

(in reply to Vernon4)

RE: switch looking for love in all the wrong places? - 11/19/2006 1:28:11 PM

Posts: 29
Joined: 11/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DigitBox

Take heart though. There are those of us who are switch in a sense where we can experience both roles with equal intensity, and also enjoy fetishes (like latex and PVC)+BDSM.

That would be a pretty damned good description of me, although my fetishes are different. The problem with radio boxes on a form is that they only fit people who fit neatly in the category of one of the choices, and Switch carries enough baggage to scare a lot of people off from checking it. Not me, though

I'm a Switch and proud of it!

(in reply to DigitBox)

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