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Sub's ... Asking / Begging - 2/6/2005 7:14:43 AM

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
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i'm finding quite a quandary in a sub's needs, wants and wishes.
understanding how necessary communication is within D/s, yet
from this sub's views asking for things, no matter what they are
seems out of line. which in turn brings me to begging.
begging to cum is one thing, (the sub wouldn't be there if the Dom
didn't put you there). but begging for say a spanking or another
but *singluar* need that wasn't initiated by a Dom just appears to
me (so very unsub like).
can anyone offer thoughts on asking/begging
to clear my confusion?

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

RE: Sub's ... Asking / Begging - 2/6/2005 7:17:11 AM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
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I see nothing wrong whit begging, or even asking for somthing. The Dom make the final desition but if your relationship is such that you can ask for things then by all means do. Offcourse if this is not the way you do things then your Dom might be rather suprised if you start begging for things. What aboute talking it over whit him?

(in reply to Quivver)

RE: Sub's ... Asking / Begging - 2/6/2005 9:21:04 AM

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
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Subs do have needs and wants. In most long term relationships, the sub is encouraged to communicate those to the Dominant. As to begging, each Dominant will have their own ideas if it is acceptable or not. To me, a sub stating that they need a spanking is not begging. It is a statement of fact. It doesn't become begging in my book till I've said no and the matter is pursued. Depending upon the circumstance, I'm ok with mild begging. (I have a parent /child dynamic set up with my submissive and what little one doesn't occasionally beg for something..) More than mild begging can drive me bonkers though. . .

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to Quivver)

RE: Sub's ... Asking / Begging - 2/6/2005 4:36:23 PM

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Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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These might help:

the act of begging

do you ever have to beg?

< Message edited by proudsub -- 2/6/2005 4:38:17 PM >

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to Quivver)

RE: Sub's ... Asking / Begging - 2/6/2005 4:55:32 PM

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Joined: 6/25/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Quivver

i'm finding quite a quandary in a sub's needs, wants and wishes.
understanding how necessary communication is within D/s, yet
from this sub's views asking for things, no matter what they are
seems out of line.
but begging for say a spanking or another
but *singluar* need that wasn't initiated by a Dom just appears to
me (so very unsub like).

I would love it if my sub expressed his likes/needs, though leaving when/if it happens with my discretion, and am a softie, that if a sub begs sincerely, he can probably get anything he needs/wants (unless I feel he's being selfish and manipulative...) M

(in reply to Quivver)

RE: Sub's ... Asking / Begging - 2/6/2005 5:53:27 PM

Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline

"begging" for something from a slave is a good thing. From a "sub" it is not.
Begging to cum. that is one thing that i disagree with however. For a girl to 'cum" is a good thing and it sould be encouraged that the cum LOTS and often.. One can however "train" a girl to "cum" by conditioning them in that they are required to ask permission to cum before they actually do. This reinforces the "Doms" position and after some time if a trigger word or touch is used as permission allows that trigger to instantly reproduce the "cum".

_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

RE: Sub's ... Asking / Begging - 2/7/2005 2:45:51 AM

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Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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If you have enough mutual attraction, trust and respect to begin a relationship, the next most important item on the checklist is communication. No relationship will last without communication so it's important that you can talk to your Master - he has obligations and responsibilities for your welfare and he's shirking them if you feel uncomfortable approaching him.... Most Doms are observant and learn to read a sub's moods and body language etc but the most accurate information comes through communication - it has to be a 2 way street!

Outside of an actual scene, my girl can ask me anything and she certainly doesn't have to wait for me to initiate something.... However, it's not what she wants that's important so much as she asks *properly*. Most times my answer will be yes, unless I didn't like how she asked. But it's also true that sometimes I will say no and she also learns to accept that as final, too!

Communication isn't easy for the sub, especially if the D/s dynamic is in play. But it is important that you be honest with anything you're asked.... If I ask a sub if something feels good when it really didn't, they're still tempted to say yes anyway, because of their need to please etc. Then I'm left thinking what I did can be a reward for her when it really isn't - *failure* to communicate!

Bottom line is that both of you need to communicate your needs and desires etc. He can't help you get past your problem of asking if he's not aware there's a problem! If you're not able to talk about such things for whatever reason, you're not gonna be together for long.... Make the effort - BOTH of you!

Focus50.

(in reply to Quivver)

RE: Sub's ... Asking / Begging - 2/7/2005 7:00:16 AM

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Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

i thank you all for the advice. at the moment there isnt one certain one that's prompted
the question. i'm still searching in reverse waiting to shift gears.

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to Quivver)

RE: Sub's ... Asking / Begging - 2/11/2005 7:26:02 PM

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I think that begging without provocation could be seen as exceeding the boundaries of decorum by a sub depending on the style of the relationship. I use begging to bring my sub closer to me. For example, I engage in an activity that she likes, i.e. nipple play. Once she gets really into it, I stop and make her beg for more. I don't give her what she wants until she REALLY convinces me she can't live without it. This is just our style but she really loves it and it doesn't hurt me either...

(in reply to Quivver)

RE: Sub's ... Asking / Begging - 2/12/2005 8:35:06 AM

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Babygirl (Quivver),

Look-- begging is something that can be enjoyed greatly by the Dom and the sub. To some degree it's humiliating... you are having to vocalize your 'secret cravings' or 'neediness' in rude and uncouth terms ("...please Master, may your sloppy-sexed fucktoy cum for you?..."). That sort of thing.

However, what you really need to be asking is-- Does he just like hearing you beg in ever more humiliating ways, as proof you really want "it", or Is he training you with denial?

If you don't like denial, tell him that, or talk to him about it. If he only intends to deny you a little while in order to build your need, that's one things. If he's trying to train you by only allowing you gratification when you succeed at something or please him, as a reward, that's somewhat different. If he just likes to hear you beg, and thinks that that is all there is to it, then that is entirely another thing.

---

I love to listen to a girl beg, while she kneels in front of me with her legs spread wide, thrusting her sex at me. To see her shiver, to see hear heat and need... mmmmmmmmm...... love it. Or on the phone, while she spanks her pussy hard so I can hear it.

But she and I both know it's leading somewhere, usually to great pleasure from her. The only pleasure *I* derive from this lifestyle, is in her pleasure. That's it. If she isn't getting everything she can dream of out of the relationship-- then I'm not doing my job.

I will *never* judge her.
I will *never* be upset with her.
I will *respect* her always.
I will *trust* her.
I will never truly *hurt* her.

And I am always willing to discuss. I have no ego to bruise. If I fail, I'm man enough to admit it and learn by it and correct it. You must be willing to communicate, and the key to true communication is to not get emotionally upset while talking.

Communications Rule #1-- Whoever realizes, during the course of a discussion that's becoming heated/upsetting, that things will be said that aren't meant, that our language is not a perfect facilitator of our thoughts, and that just getting the words out is important even if imperfect, immediately takes on the greater responsibility of stabilizing the communication.

If that means having someone holler and bitch and swear at you-- you take it. They don't necessarily mean it, but they need to unload enough emotion, that their logical brain starts to enter the conversation again.

----

Sugar, if you would like more personal discussion on this issue, you can YIM me at [email protected] any time. I appear invisible, but it's on. I'll respond when I can. What you tell me stays with me. I promise.

SoulReaver
"You are my Angel of Death, my SoulReaver."-- The Guardian

(in reply to Quivver)

RE: Sub's ... Asking / Begging - 2/14/2005 3:53:39 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

However, it's not what she wants that's important so much as she asks *properly*.

That brings another question to mind: What is considered the *proper* way to ask your Master for what you want?

onelittlegirl

(in reply to Focus50)

RE: Sub's ... Asking / Begging - 2/14/2005 8:33:25 PM

domtimothy46176

Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
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My girl is encouraged to come to me with all her concerns, questions and desires. She may ask for anything at anytime. I find this works for us, keeping me aware of what is on her mind.
Timothy

(in reply to onelittlegirl)

RE: Sub's ... Asking / Begging - 2/14/2005 10:00:04 PM

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Joined: 12/8/2004
From: my knees
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hello quivver...i understand your dilema completly...i have no idea when or wat to beg or ask for.as you say...it just doesnt seem rite some how...i have been asking on here for some time about this and have had no help as yet....

also im wanting to know..about..surprising Master and doing something different once and awhile....can you help me...and maybe we can help each other....................

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slut sub........x

(in reply to Quivver)

RE: Sub's ... Asking / Begging - 2/14/2005 11:05:11 PM

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Joined: 1/7/2005
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I try to have a great deal of understanding for Oothers and the way that they configure their relatioships. But I can only offer Myself as an example.

I am a Dom that strives to achieve total control. That of Myself and My slave. I won't get into all the complicated dynamics that statement alone will bring up, so much as to say this: "My will be done."

I can facilitate that control by making the games mutually enjoyable. So I have to understand the needs of the submissive. I'm not psychic, there's no way that I will truly know what's going on in My slave's mind. It is not wrong to ask, either physically or verbally. But I decide. I like to give a good spanking. But I'm not going to spank My submissive every time she sticks her rear in the air or says "pretty please." It won't work like that for Me. If she get's into a habbit of it...well, it will be a great long while before she gets spanked again.

If I am in complete control, to remain that way I need to make sure the relationship fulfills our mutual needs. Not just our wants.

Gideon

(in reply to Slutsub)

RE: Sub's ... Asking / Begging - 2/15/2005 3:54:45 AM

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Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

i have been asking on here for some time about this and have had no help as yet....

Were you asking under a different name because it indicates this is your very first post on here?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Slutsub)

RE: Sub's ... Asking / Begging - 2/17/2005 10:54:17 AM

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I love it when our girls are on their knees begging"please please sir ma'am" some thing about the sweet voices begging that gives me pleasure,however they get what they need for loyal devoted service....BOUNTY

(in reply to Quivver)

RE: Sub's ... Asking / Begging - 2/17/2005 1:28:58 PM

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Joined: 2/8/2005
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If you do have issues with asking or begging, you can turn it around, and view it as "informing" To me, a key part of being a submissive/slave is transparency, or letting your dom see everything about you. A part of that is letting him know when you have a desire, whether that desire is for a spanking, or ice cream, or whatever. Your dom can't read your mind, so you have to let him know what is going on inside It's best to discuss this with your dom, and find out how he prefers for you to let him know that you have a desire, this will probably vary depending on what the desire is:

asking:
please may I have a spanking Sir
begging:
*bending over in a very humiliating position* please will you spank my ass Sir, please...
informing:
Sir, I have been really craving a spanking lately

(in reply to Quivver)

RE: Sub's ... Asking / Begging - 2/17/2005 2:49:34 PM

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Joined: 2/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: onelittlegirl
That brings another question to mind: What is considered the *proper* way to ask your Master for what you want?

onelittlegirl

However your Master wishes you to. There are no Universal standards of protocol or etiquette. The only way to find out the proper way to ask your Master, is to ask him.

In my particular case, asking for something involves "please, may I, and Sir" in some form. begging on the other hand involves humiliating yourself in some way to show your desire, as well as frequently repeated asking.

(in reply to onelittlegirl)

RE: Sub's ... Asking / Begging - 2/17/2005 4:31:44 PM

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From: Tidewater, VA
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quote:

What is considered the *proper* way to ask your Master for what you want?

Orally

<g>

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to onelittlegirl)

RE: Sub's ... Asking / Begging - 2/18/2005 12:01:02 AM

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Joined: 2/8/2005
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If they are your dominant, it's part of your job to let them dominate.

They cannot effectively dominate what they do not know.

If you have needs and desires, they need to know about them. What they do about those needs and desires remains, of course, up to them.

Personally, I've always been a sucker for the "on the knees, kissing my feet, pleading sincerely for what is felt as a need" thang, but maybe that's just me.

(in reply to Quivver)

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