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When things slow down - 11/11/2006 9:10:11 PM

Aine

Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
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I know that there are a -lot- of things that can lend to kink slowing itself down in relationships.

And I know that despite feeling not very intimate as of late and the completely opposite schedules that we have at the moment, I'm getting home and then he goes to work overnight, somewhere deep I've been getting this little nag, something tugging on me on the inside.

Cravings, I guess one could say. I'm not sure what it is that I'm wanting.

What are the things that some of you out there do to help yourself deal with these things? Emotionally, mentally, physically?

My moods have been average, not overly happy, not depressed or anything, just kinda....here. I think part of it has to do with work wearing me out and dealing with my back problems, physical therapy and the meds. As much as I try to fight it, I've just been kinda floating along.

I hate to think what this must seem like to the boy. Though our cuddlieness hasn't really been lacking in the time we have been able to spend together. We still get all ooey gooey kissy, and all that kinda stuff.

Meh.

I just don't know right now.

I guess I feel like I've fallen off the horse and can't seem to get my clumsy ass back up on it.

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

RE: When things slow down - 11/11/2006 10:07:49 PM

Posts: 1110
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

Well, you can't make time, you can only spend it. And how you spend it is much more a choice than most people realize.

Sounds like you and he need some q-time ... and you may need to take a day off for it. Call it a 'mental health' day. Meds, the complexities of life, they can all make you feel a little 'blah' and a relationship takes work.

Real work.

Maybe you and he need to find some real time together and 'fake it til you make it'. At least to 'kick start' things.

fergus

(in reply to Aine)

RE: When things slow down - 11/11/2006 10:12:05 PM

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Joined: 11/3/2004
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I think you are missing contentment Aine, had the gusy that hunt on my land come here tonight and ask me how much the cattle guy is paying cause they were thinking about renting the land to put food plots in it to score bigger deer... They hunt for free, and when the land was open, they made no offer to rent it, and in renting it for cattle a side benefit is I have about a 100 wild turkeys on the land cause they are picking seed out of the cow shit, and the grass is down due to rumination, and therefore the thistles are held back, and so I asked, what does it profit you to rent my land and put food plots for deer on it when you guys shot 4 deer off it without any real effort? Bigger Horns they say--------

So, while you may not understand a crazy old motherfucker like me, I don't understand your youthish angst, things aren't going any place good or bad, there will be days like this, why set your teeth on edge about it?

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Aine)

RE: When things slow down - 11/11/2006 10:31:35 PM

Aine

Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
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I don't see where I am setting my teeth on edge about it and I certainly don't want to come off as I've got delayed teen angst.

I'm simply feeling a little lost, yet hopeful and am just asking for some kind advice. That's fine if you don't understand me, or why I am posting this.

The least you could do is not put meaning behind words you did not write. I'm not being combative, I'm not angry. I'm actually quite calm and serene at the moment, because I've found that writing that post was a little cathartic. I'm actually thinking a bit clearer about the situation and at the very least hoping to find a few kind words that I'm not feeling in a way that is out of the norm.

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to mnottertail)

RE: When things slow down - 11/11/2006 10:59:01 PM

Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

Aine, maintaining a relationship sometimes takes planning and work. Take some time together and make it ONLY about your D/s dynamic. Not about work, or the bills, or other relationship issues or even cuddly kissy time. If you are in to role play, its a perfect time to make sure both of you are acting in that scene. If it takes a trip to the garage, the backyard, a kink club, a playground, just do it. You need to reenergize. We all go through this -- the keys are understanding that its a natural temporary lull, and wanting to do something about it.

Good luck.

E.

(Oh, and don't mind Ron too much. He's a big old buck who hates this time of year -- open season, you know.)

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to Aine)

RE: When things slow down - 11/11/2006 11:08:38 PM

Aine

Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline

I'm well aware that relationships are about working on them/working for them. I may be young, but I'm not new to love. *smiles*

I guess I wasn't clear in my OP.

I know I need to do some work. I know I need to communicate this with him, but I only came to this realization this evening after he had already headed to work for the night.

And I was hoping to get some advice on how to go about this. This being the first relationship of mine that has involved any level of D/s. And on that note, we're both switches. We don't really have any kind of set dynamic, which is why I referred to IT as kink. Rather than "our dynamic" like most everyone else points out.

And honestly, there's no relationship issues at all. We're quite happy, there's no huge problems we're facing right now. I guess the extent of it would be my back problems and what we're going to do about seeing both our families for the holidays. *smiles and shrugs*

I definitely acknowledge that it's natural, I was just looking for some ideas on how I might go about getting back to the intimacy level we've had. And I certainly know about lulls. We spent 6 months apart during the first part of our relationship and while phone sex is great.....yeah, it gets kinda old hat after a few months.

And I thought that I had made it clear that I realized that we needed to re-energize. I thought that was the whole point of my post, in my normally rambling, wayward way of getting things out.

But perhaps I could have been clearer.

(Disclaimer: I'm not being snarky. So don't take it that way.)

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to Emperor1956)

RE: When things slow down - 11/11/2006 11:20:00 PM

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Personally, I would say a little alone time might help kickstart the intimacy again. Take a few days away from one another, completely. Not just opposite schedules, but away. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, and sometimes a short hiatus can remind you what you were mssing in the first place.
It has worked for my relationships in the past

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Aine)

RE: When things slow down - 11/11/2006 11:24:41 PM

Aine

Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline

That's pretty much out of the question.

I think over the time in our relationship, I've spent enough farking time away from him.

Besides the fact that he's the -only- person I know here. I moved here to be with him. I'm a two day's drive from my family and at least 8-10 hrs from his family.

What I guess I came to realize is that despite seeing him even for a very limited amount of time recently because of our schedules, I miss him. We've not really had any extended amount of time to spend together lately. Lately it;s been opposite work schedules and one working on the other's day off and such.

I appreciate the idea though. Just the idea of spending more time away from him right now almost makes me upset.

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

RE: When things slow down - 11/11/2006 11:35:43 PM

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aine

I know that there are a -lot- of things that can lend to kink slowing itself down in relationships.

And I know that despite feeling not very intimate as of late and the completely opposite schedules that we have at the moment, I'm getting home and then he goes to work overnight, somewhere deep I've been getting this little nag, something tugging on me on the inside.

Cravings, I guess one could say. I'm not sure what it is that I'm wanting.

What are the things that some of you out there do to help yourself deal with these things? Emotionally, mentally, physically?

My moods have been average, not overly happy, not depressed or anything, just kinda....here. I think part of it has to do with work wearing me out and dealing with my back problems, physical therapy and the meds. As much as I try to fight it, I've just been kinda floating along.

I hate to think what this must seem like to the boy. Though our cuddlieness hasn't really been lacking in the time we have been able to spend together. We still get all ooey gooey kissy, and all that kinda stuff.

Meh.

I just don't know right now.

I guess I feel like I've fallen off the horse and can't seem to get my clumsy ass back up on it.

It's ok to just survive sometimes. Sure it's better when you're thriving, but peaks and valleys and all that preclude it from being a constant in any event. You'll get through and back to thriving. Just hang in there and do the best you can with what you've got.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Aine)

RE: When things slow down - 11/11/2006 11:42:30 PM

Aine

Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline

Yeah. And it doesn't help being "moody"....eh, just a couple more days, I keep telling myself lol

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

RE: When things slow down - 11/12/2006 7:38:00 AM

Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline

It's a frustrating thing when the schedules don't match, Aine. My wife and I have been dealing with this for several months now, and there isn't much hope for a change soon. I start work at disgustingly early hours and frequently find myself going to bed shortly after she gets home. Even finding time for the ooey-gooey stuff is hard sometimes.

Hang in there, and make the most of what you can get.

(in reply to Aine)

RE: When things slow down - 11/12/2006 6:09:46 PM

Posts: 1066
Joined: 4/4/2006
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I agree it is very fustrating when schedules don't match. There isn't anytime for play let alone vanilla sex.

As far as the ooey-gooey stuff WyrdRich...please define.

~poe

_____________________________

~poe

I'm mad, you're mad, we're all mad here, it's the fad for many a year, if you think we're crazy my dear, you're right cause I'M mad, YOU'RE mad, we're ALL mad here! - Mad Hatter

(in reply to WyrdRich)

RE: When things slow down - 11/12/2006 6:13:47 PM

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Joined: 4/4/2006
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Ok I read the first post over and saw the ooey-gooey.

~poe

_____________________________

~poe

I'm mad, you're mad, we're all mad here, it's the fad for many a year, if you think we're crazy my dear, you're right cause I'M mad, YOU'RE mad, we're ALL mad here! - Mad Hatter

(in reply to MsPoetress)

RE: When things slow down - 11/12/2006 6:14:29 PM

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Joined: 1/3/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsPoetress

As far as the ooey-gooey stuff WyrdRich...please define.

~poe

It comes in all varieties Poe, but my favorite is the kind when I get to work and somebody tells me I have dandruff in my goatee.

(in reply to MsPoetress)

RE: When things slow down - 11/12/2006 6:17:02 PM

Posts: 1066
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline

quote:

It comes in all varieties Poe, but my favorite is the kind when I get to work and somebody tells me I have dandruff in my goatee.

ROTFLMAO

~poe

_____________________________

~poe

I'm mad, you're mad, we're all mad here, it's the fad for many a year, if you think we're crazy my dear, you're right cause I'M mad, YOU'RE mad, we're ALL mad here! - Mad Hatter

(in reply to WyrdRich)

RE: When things slow down - 11/12/2006 7:01:56 PM

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Up the traditional sticky romance bit- leave little love notes for eachother in surprising places. Snail Mail eachother pics and letters to read. Make lunches for eachother. Do little things that say you're thinking about them and that they can cherish when you aren't together. Form a connection when you can't be together.

Next- take advantage of the time. Dinner really CAN wait five minutes and dropping straight to the carpet and nestling together as SOON as you walk in the door can be great (trust me, I've done it a few times). Five minute snuggle fests can help- think of it as power snuggling.

And make a long term plan- plan a weekend/trip for a few weeks out. You'll have something to look forward to, a trip to plan together and a long term focus that will help ride you through the short term separation.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MsPoetress)

RE: When things slow down - 11/12/2006 7:50:19 PM

Posts: 1110
Joined: 6/22/2005
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I agree with Lucky Albatross.

Most importantly, it is within your power to do something about it.

fergus

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: When things slow down - 11/12/2006 8:11:31 PM

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Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
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When we can't play or even spend much time together for whatever reason what helps the most is having a conversation, usually by phone at these times, wherein we tell each other how much we miss and what it. I hate thinking I'm the only one who's needing this and it helps enormously just hearing that he wants it too.

(in reply to fergus)

RE: When things slow down - 11/12/2006 10:09:32 PM

Aine

Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline

Oooohh I like the little notes idea. As for when we are both at work, I don't get many chances to send a little hello like I used to via phone text...that and he has to turn his phone off while he's at work. *grumbles about stupid navy rules* lol

Cuddlefests are the BEST. We had one just the other day after I had gotten home and he was heading to work. Let me tell you, as much as I love those cuddle fests, it just sucks to have to be left hangin with a squirmy set of hips after his nuzzling my neck. Just sucks that I was out farkin cold in bed when he came home. For some reason I was dead to the world and unable to ravage him like my original plan was. Nothing like a morning screw to start the day. :D

And you're right. At the moment our time away from everything is going to have to wait until just after Christmas when he gets leave. It's going to be interesting, going from SC to CT and back then to FL to see our respective families. Maybe we can squeeze in a couple days to ourselves in there.

I just hate that when I'm feeling all bummed about not being able to spend more time with him, I have the damnedest time trying to think of these little things by myself.

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to Celeste43)

RE: When things slow down - 11/13/2006 5:11:03 PM

Level

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Joined: 3/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aine

Oooohh I like the little notes idea. As for when we are both at work, I don't get many chances to send a little hello like I used to via phone text...that and he has to turn his phone off while he's at work. *grumbles about stupid navy rules* lol

Cuddlefests are the BEST. We had one just the other day after I had gotten home and he was heading to work. Let me tell you, as much as I love those cuddle fests, it just sucks to have to be left hangin with a squirmy set of hips after his nuzzling my neck. Just sucks that I was out farkin cold in bed when he came home. For some reason I was dead to the world and unable to ravage him like my original plan was. Nothing like a morning screw to start the day. :D

And you're right. At the moment our time away from everything is going to have to wait until just after Christmas when he gets leave. It's going to be interesting, going from SC to CT and back then to FL to see our respective families. Maybe we can squeeze in a couple days to ourselves in there.

I just hate that when I'm feeling all bummed about not being able to spend more time with him, I have the damnedest time trying to think of these little things by myself.

If it's ideas you're looking for, I've emailed you a list of them I found on another site. If it isn't ideas you want, sorry .

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to Aine)

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