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Safe Word: To Use or not to Use? - 11/13/2006 7:29:51 AM

damia

Posts: 190
Joined: 10/26/2006
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i'm not sure about this one, so i figured i'd ask. Is it all right to use a safe word to warn against other things besides physical/emotional/mental boundaries being pushed too much? Like to warn my Master that the action will cause something He doesn't want?

My Master does not want me to be loud at times, for various reasons that depend on the situation. i have warned Him that certain actions make me involuntarily yelp or cry out. He understands this. However, during a scene, He might do it anyway. We'll just use spanking as an example. It's not that i don't like being spanked; i do! It's just that i tend to get loud when i'm spanked hard or intensely. So would it be acceptable to say 'yellow' just to remind Him, or should we use another code instead. i've spoken with Him about this, and He said it's my call, but that He likes the idea of the warning because sometimes He just forgets. He does say that He -will- get me to stop being so loud, but that will come with training, so in the meantime, He likes to be reminded.

What would be the best way to go about this? i'm not sure 'yellow' (safe word, caution) is the best thing to use as a warning of this, since it's more of 'This is getting to be too much, please back off a little' thing, and i don't want it to be diminished by using it also as a warning of loudness. If not yellow, though, what would be better?

damia the Kat, aka jewel

Post #: 1

RE: Safe Word: To Use or not to Use? - 11/13/2006 8:09:28 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: damia
i'm not sure about this one, so i figured i'd ask. Is it all right to use a safe word to warn against other things besides physical/emotional/mental boundaries being pushed too much? Like to warn my Master that the action will cause something He doesn't want?

Use a safeword to mean whatever you want it to mean. As long as you and the others involved understand, agree, and hold themselves accountable to using it as they agreed to use it, it doesn't matter what you choose to use it for.

quote:

He does say that He -will- get me to stop being so loud, but that will come with training, so in the meantime, He likes to be reminded.

If he likes to be reminded at this point, then it makes perfect sense for you to remind him. Whether you want to remind him with a safeword or some other signal is completely up to you.

quote:

What would be the best way to go about this? i'm not sure 'yellow' (safe word, caution) is the best thing to use as a warning of this, since it's more of 'This is getting to be too much, please back off a little' thing, and i don't want it to be diminished by using it also as a warning of loudness. If not yellow, though, what would be better?

Why not just "Remember"?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to damia)

Post #: 2

RE: Safe Word: To Use or not to Use? - 11/13/2006 8:39:44 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

This is not the sort of thing I would use a safeword for personally speaking. You should really talk to your dom about it and see what he says. No one here can answer for him but him. We can only question his judgment about how he conducts his scenes with you.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to damia)

Post #: 3

RE: Safe Word: To Use or not to Use? - 11/13/2006 9:24:00 AM

ImABigGirlNow

Posts: 6
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline

Isn't that what gags are for? That's what my Dom uses them for, anyway, at times when the yelps and moans would be overheard, like outside play, etc.

Hello boards, this is my first post, i've learned so much here, and appreciate everyone's openness and sharing, thank you.

Girl

(in reply to damia)

Post #: 4

RE: Safe Word: To Use or not to Use? - 11/13/2006 11:00:53 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

Of course you don't need to use a codeword at all. You can just say, this is getting too intense for me not to yell in response to. Then it's his call. Or just shorten it to "too intense", whatever makes sense to both of you.

(in reply to ImABigGirlNow)

Post #: 5

RE: Safe Word: To Use or not to Use? - 11/13/2006 1:56:19 PM

Shalyn

Posts: 55
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: TN
Status: offline

quote:

Page: [1]

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

This is not the sort of thing I would use a safeword for personally speaking. You should really talk to your dom about it and see what he says. No one here can answer for him but him. We can only question his judgment about how he conducts his scenes with you.

I agree with julia. i have a safeword i can use but i would not use it for this. i would sugguest covering your mouth with your hand or burying your face in the pillows. Other than that, talk to your Dom about it all.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 6

RE: Safe Word: To Use or not to Use? - 11/13/2006 4:52:36 PM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
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Usually i use a pillow or bite my hand to keep quieter. LOL but then He wants me to let out who i am at that moment so quiet for Him is not a problem. For my own quiet soul it can be. If you need to be quiet and these ideas don't help then by all means agree on something to say or do that tells him it is too intense for you to be quiet. I would not use my safe words because that becomes confusing. LOL was playing the other day had a brain fart and couldn't remember the color i wanted to use so went through the rainbow. He of course understood what i meant but made me use the agreed upon term. Dang now that was noisy LOLOLOL.

_____________________________

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to Shalyn)

Post #: 7

RE: Safe Word: To Use or not to Use? - 11/13/2006 4:55:13 PM

medievalwench

Posts: 249
Joined: 10/31/2006
Status: offline

i don't use my safe word for this, i just tend to bury my face in the bed/couch/complete as applicable and go <gnrffff>, <g>,
wench

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)

Post #: 8

RE: Safe Word: To Use or not to Use? - 11/13/2006 5:31:26 PM

nikaa

Posts: 357
Joined: 10/13/2004
Status: offline

I don't use a safeword or signal for this. I will however, bury my head, bite a pillow, bite my Master(my favorite), and he may cover my mouth with his hand if he wants me quite for what ever reason.

_____________________________

Blessed Be,

Phoenix's Nika

The Cherokee legacy is that we are a people who face adversity, survive, adapt, prosper and excel.

Wakan Tankan Nici Un

(in reply to damia)

Post #: 9

RE: Safe Word: To Use or not to Use? - 11/13/2006 5:54:55 PM

StacyCat

Posts: 112
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

OKay, if he doesnt want you to be loud, then he should be the one to remember that. Punishing you, or insinuating that its your fault for being loud when he does something that makes you jump just doesnt sound right. Making it your fault is the "im the dom, I can do nothing wrong" attitude that I dislike.

So, either make sure that he remembers, talk to him about it before hand, or make a pillow or gag part of your toybag and play process.

(in reply to nikaa)

Post #: 10

RE: Safe Word: To Use or not to Use? - 11/13/2006 6:34:28 PM

adaddysgirl

Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: damia

i'm not sure about this one, so i figured i'd ask. Is it all right to use a safe word to warn against other things besides physical/emotional/mental boundaries being pushed too much? Like to warn my Master that the action will cause something He doesn't want?

My Master does not want me to be loud at times, for various reasons that depend on the situation. i have warned Him that certain actions make me involuntarily yelp or cry out. He understands this. However, during a scene, He might do it anyway. We'll just use spanking as an example. It's not that i don't like being spanked; i do! It's just that i tend to get loud when i'm spanked hard or intensely. So would it be acceptable to say 'yellow' just to remind Him, or should we use another code instead. i've spoken with Him about this, and He said it's my call, but that He likes the idea of the warning because sometimes He just forgets. He does say that He -will- get me to stop being so loud, but that will come with training, so in the meantime, He likes to be reminded.

What would be the best way to go about this? i'm not sure 'yellow' (safe word, caution) is the best thing to use as a warning of this, since it's more of 'This is getting to be too much, please back off a little' thing, and i don't want it to be diminished by using it also as a warning of loudness. If not yellow, though, what would be better?

damia the Kat, aka jewel

Wow....i really had to decipher this! So you are not using the safeword to inform him he is pushing a boundary.....but from what you say, you are trying to find something (other than yellow) for when you are going to get loud because he doesn't like it when you get loud...sometimes?

If this is the case, maybe just saying 'i'm going to get loud' will remind him (in lieu of a safeword). Or if he really doesn't want to hear all that noise, a gag of some sort or some duct tape might work. Of course, that may be something that you will need to experiment with but what the hey.....that's what it's about.

Now....if he wants to train you to make NO NOISE.....i can't speak on that. i always loudly begged and cried when discipline spanked and either it was ignored or gagged. Someone else may have ideas on how to put an end to all that but for me, the pain was just too great not to respond that way....and it didn't stop him anyway

Good luck with that

DG

< Message edited by adaddysgirl -- 11/13/2006 6:35:28 PM >

(in reply to damia)

Post #: 11

RE: Safe Word: To Use or not to Use? - 11/13/2006 6:44:48 PM

BDSM05478

Posts: 417
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline

why not just beg? <shrugs> I don't have safe words, i just use regular ones.

_____________________________

"It's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart" U.E. McGill

"Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present." - Marcus Aurelius

(in reply to adaddysgirl)

Post #: 12

RE: Safe Word: To Use or not to Use? - 11/13/2006 7:19:39 PM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: damia

i'm not sure about this one, so i figured i'd ask. Is it all right to use a safe word to warn against other things besides physical/emotional/mental boundaries being pushed too much? Like to warn my Master that the action will cause something He doesn't want?

My Master does not want me to be loud at times, for various reasons that depend on the situation. i have warned Him that certain actions make me involuntarily yelp or cry out. He understands this. However, during a scene, He might do it anyway. We'll just use spanking as an example. It's not that i don't like being spanked; i do! It's just that i tend to get loud when i'm spanked hard or intensely. So would it be acceptable to say 'yellow' just to remind Him, or should we use another code instead. i've spoken with Him about this, and He said it's my call, but that He likes the idea of the warning because sometimes He just forgets. He does say that He -will- get me to stop being so loud, but that will come with training, so in the meantime, He likes to be reminded.

What would be the best way to go about this? i'm not sure 'yellow' (safe word, caution) is the best thing to use as a warning of this, since it's more of 'This is getting to be too much, please back off a little' thing, and i don't want it to be diminished by using it also as a warning of loudness. If not yellow, though, what would be better?

damia the Kat, aka jewel

I am extremely vocal; Master tries first just telling me to quiet down, if that does not work...well, then, it's gag time

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to damia)

Post #: 13

RE: Safe Word: To Use or not to Use? - 11/13/2006 9:36:35 PM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline

I, too, am extremely vocal. I used to get "reminded" often at the beginning to pipe down. Now, I use the aforementioned pillows, blankets, towels, my own hand, etc. to help stifle myself. I have never been gagged, but was told tonight that for an upcoming intense scene that He will, indeed, gag me as I may not be able to keep focus on being quiet with the new elements that He will be introducing at that time.

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 14

RE: Safe Word: To Use or not to Use? - 11/13/2006 10:10:46 PM

Sissypinky

Posts: 52
Joined: 10/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BDSM05478

why not just beg? <shrugs> I don't have safe words, i just use regular ones.

I like regular words to.

(in reply to BDSM05478)

Post #: 15

RE: Safe Word: To Use or not to Use? - 11/13/2006 10:10:59 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

What about those who have a hard limit with gags?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Daddysredhead)

Post #: 16

RE: Safe Word: To Use or not to Use? - 11/13/2006 10:18:24 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

You dont want to confuse things so you dont want to use the same words you would use if you where in destress, Comunication is importent and that would hinder it a bit. What if you used something like blue thats a color not in with the safe words but simple enough to remeber as it is along the same lines. say blue to let him know "Hey if you do that again Im gunna get loud" he wants you to remind him so there is no reason not to. Hey you could just say "If you do that again i mauy get loud" But thats a mouth full!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 17

RE: Safe Word: To Use or not to Use? - 11/14/2006 6:49:28 AM

damia

Posts: 190
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

There are always times when volume can be a problem, whether it's because one is staying with vanilla friends or family, or even just someone who needs to not be woken up, or one doesn't want everyone around to call the cops because there's screaming or yelling. In this particular case, it was because we were visiting his sister, who is vanilla, and didn't want to wake her up and scare the heck out of her.

Good advice, but some of it is not possible. i'm often bound or mentally bound and so unable to cover my mouth, bury it into a pillow (pillow? what pillow?), etc. Also, i HATE gags, and even more so duct tape. i accept a cloth gag, because Master likes them, but that doesn't block any sounds, even when it's really tight. Magik's slave, i was thinking along those same lines myself. Just another signal to let Him know. i'm not so good at communication -during- a scene (before and after, i'm much better), so a quick signal is necessary.

adaddysgirl: i -do- use yellow to inform Him when he's coming up to a boundary. For example, He likes breath play, but i have a hard limit against breath -control-, so He will constrict, but not stop the flow of air, and i make sure He knows if it's too much, though if i can't get 'yellow' out, i also have a safe signal for -that-. Yes, only sometimes does He not want me loud, and like i said, there are various reasons, in this last case because we didn't want to wake His sister. He likes me to be vocal, but i can get very loud, and in certain situations, that's just not appropriate.

Hope that clarifies. i will discuss this further with Master and point out the responses in this thread, and will see from there.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 18

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