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where do you go ? - 11/16/2006 8:55:34 AM   
canupleaseme


Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		Ive just read a post in ask a slave/submissive about who do you go to when you need to talk and you cant talk to your partner or vanilla friends  and i just wanted to ask other dommes the same thing.  I joined this site primarily to learn more about bdsm and hopefully make friends, and it has been really informative and helpful. But sometimes when i have a question that i cant ask my boy  or my vanilla friends for advice with for whatever reason i darent post it on here becasue sometimes the responses can be a bit funny.  I just wondered who do you talk to if you have a question that you know might sound silly to anyone else and you darent brave the boards response?

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RE: where do you go ? - 11/16/2006 9:22:21 AM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline 		Hi Ms canupleaseme,
Perhaps its time to make a friend or two that you can exchange private posts with here on CM?  You might want to seek out one or two members whose sage advice you've always respected who regularly post here and ask if they'd be willing to provide you with a personal response.  Somehow, I doubt you'd be turned away.

And as an FYI, what might seem silly to you (or someone else you don't even know, so who cares?), might in fact, be lurking in the minds of many who might also find benefit from your having asked your question on the boards here on CM.  Often, there are people who will be helped as well from reading the replies to your questions that you'll never hear about.   In helping yourself, you may in fact be helping many others as well!

- pixel

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RE: where do you go ? - 11/16/2006 9:22:34 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		That is where creating close real-time social circles comes in handy rather than depending on anonymous interjection on web based forums.

It is also what the original premise of having a mentor was all about... having someone to turn to when you have questions or just need an ear or shoulder.

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RE: where do you go ? - 11/16/2006 9:49:52 AM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		Granted, there are some rather... *ahem*... rude/nasty/over-the-top responders out there, but I think that you'll be fine posting a question. It's not like you have a history of flamming others or for asking the same question that a dozen others just asked...  Besides, you're cute. People like cute... so, you'll be fine .
 
I'm also with pixel... try writing to someone who's posts you like/respect. Of course, since you already started this thread, you could just pop your question here....
 
Good luck.

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RE: where do you go ? - 11/16/2006 10:03:24 AM   
MissyRane


Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline 		I'd just post the question here who cares what others think aboutcha, especially since it's online and the shitass comments would usually come from somebody you don't know that well anyway.

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RE: where do you go ? - 11/16/2006 10:17:58 AM   
canupleaseme


Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		lol thankyou  
And your quite right it could help others.  I dont know how to pick up quotes to reply to you individually so i will just combine it ha ha .
A mentor would be great i certainly need to be a bit more forward with other people about making friends, a mentor would be great i might advertise for one in myprofile
ok well seeing as your all friendly i may as well post it now becasue if not im sure people will wonder what it is i kind of set myself up there  lol

Ok i am quite happy doing a number of things bdsm wise i have no problem with cbt or anything a bit heavy but i have come to do something pretty standard with regards to bdsm and i keep paniking and feel quite nervous.  I know that my noy would love me to slap his face which is fine i would love to and i thought i would be ok . Its not that i havent done it many times before i have and i have been fine with it but i didnt feel anything for those slaves/subs and for this one i do and while i am quite happy to slap him about and do other crazy things i just seem to have lost my nerve when it comes to this and i cant work out why  its bothering me becasue there have been loads of situations where it would of been the perfect thing to do next.  I will be seeing him this weekend and i want to suprise him literally by doing it im just worrying i wont be able to and while it doesnt matter it worries me that i can be so weird about something so simple and im annoyed with myself for feeling like this its makin me feel less dominate that i cant just do it. Iknow there isnt really anything anyone could say to help me do it ijust wondered if i am alone in how i feel ? Does anyone else ever suddenly feel strange about doing something ? AM I NORMAL lol  
thanks guys


im hoping my cuteness will keep any unhelpful comments at bay thankyou mikal

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RE: where do you go ? - 11/16/2006 10:35:05 AM   
demistress


Posts: 391
Joined: 4/24/2006
From: Dela-where?
Status: offline 		I can totally understand where you're coming from.  Until this year I had not hit anyone except in defense of my life since I was 12 years old.  Even now, it's a little weird for me to slap someone accross the face for the first time.  The first time I face slap someone new, I'm always nervous they're going to react and hit me back.  Now the truth is, I can take a hit, so it's not that big a fear, but I don't WANT to get into a fight, I only engage in face slapping as a kink. 

The first time, took me 30 minutes to work up to it, and he looked as shocked that I did it as I felt that I had done it.  Was a total surreal experience, I hauled off and just HIT him.... Wow!  What an empowering moment.  It was a true punishment, for being tardy which is a huge issue for me.  He has not been late since. 

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RE: where do you go ? - 11/16/2006 10:48:57 AM   
canupleaseme


Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		 Thankyou demistress its comforting to know im not alone in what ive been feeling.  Its something that i know makes me feel empowered i just havent done it in ages, i think what bothers me most is i dont want him to look at me when i do it if that doesnt sound completely silly.  I have planned a session withhim for sunday night and i know it would be an ideal opportunity to try it then.
I am planning on havin him tied to a chair and havin duct tape over his mouth anyway  so i might blind fold him so i dont feel like he is watching my everymove and then just start soft and build upto what feels comfortable,  its something i want to do so much not all the time but as a do that again and this is what happens kinda way. Its been bothering me for ages im glad i asked now

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RE: where do you go ? - 11/16/2006 11:10:05 AM   
DiannaVesta


Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline 		I’m lucky that I’ve been around a long time and have built a supportive network of friends. This is very important. I also have a private forum with a select group of women with varied experience and interest. They are the most helpful to me. I can bitch, laugh, cry…. They listen and they are honest with me.

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RE: where do you go ? - 11/16/2006 11:11:51 AM   
DiannaVesta


Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline 		also I wanted to say that you "canyoupleaseme" look exactly like a slave I use to have & still friends today. When I first saw your picture I had to do a double take. I couldn't believe it. You're even the same age.

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RE: where do you go ? - 11/16/2006 11:14:15 AM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		I am not a face slapper, Myself, except as pure punishment.  And it is not the first thing that comes to My mind, although it can and does happen on occasion.
I have been at this for a fairly long time, and face slapping is just not My thing as part of a play scene.  Play is play and punishment is punishment for Me.  Since I also won't deal with a SAM, there is little point to maintaining a relationship wherein the boy is deliberately screwing up in the hopes of getting Me riled enough to haul off and give him a good slap in the face.
So I am just honest when a boy has a serious kink regarding face slapping.  It isn't going to happen with Me.  I don't have to be mad to spank, flog, perform CBT, get out the rope, shackle or use the strap on.  Those are all pleasures for Me.  Face slapping is not and it only works for Me as a true and instinctive punishment.
I am sure there are others who feel the same way about different forms of corporal.  Just be true to yourself, experiment and do what comes naturally.  You might enjoy it.  Your plan for the weekend scene sounds like a good one.  Have fun!

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 11/16/2006 11:15:23 AM >

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RE: where do you go ? - 11/16/2006 11:28:39 AM   
canupleaseme


Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		Hi dianavesta its not me lol  i would like to build that kind of network up its something i intend on tryiin to do from now on.
I cant explaimn the face slappin its def a punishment and when i see him he is expecting one as he was naughty which is why i want to try and do it
I cant wait till sunday i havent seen him in just over three weeks and i have loads planned

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RE: where do you go ? - 11/16/2006 3:32:36 PM   
mytarga


Posts: 2
Joined: 11/9/2006
Status: offline 		I am new here and live in the Palm Springs area. How can I find a Mistress?

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RE: where do you go ? - 11/16/2006 3:38:14 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear canupleaseme, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
On several occassions, when there was a need for a council of Masters (Mistresses also were included); it was formed.  It was like "Masters night out" leaving slaves to have their 'slaves night out' so we could be among peers to rattle around ideas, problems and such. 
 
Met at homes of others at some of them, some were held at a public dining area, in a dedicated area for privacy.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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RE: where do you go ? - 11/16/2006 5:13:33 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		I have two personal confidants who I've learned do not judge me, who help me laugh through the uncomfortable moments, and who I trust to give me honest feedback regardless of how heavy the subject matter is.

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Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

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RE: where do you go ? - 11/16/2006 5:15:12 PM   
nikaa


Posts: 357
Joined: 10/13/2004
Status: offline 		 
canupleaseme,
 
I consider myself very open with my lifestyle choices, however; there are not many who I consider close or that I feel confortable going to for advice. In the past few years I have been blessed to have meet several local Dom from this site who I can hit up for those ever so delicate or uneasy questions. I have also emailed a couple CollarMe members after reading various posts on various subjects that I had questions about. Both where more than willing to elaborate further and even direct me to other places for information(ie sites and books).
 
I know that having these people to turn to has made it easier to grow in many ways. I am thankful for their laughs and invaulable advice, even the advice I may not take or agree with. (laughs)
 
I also veiw a slap in the face as one of the greatest insults that I can physically bestow upon someone else. I place it in the humilation and degradation catagory of play and punishment and is an activity that I don't personally do often.

I have meet many people that LOVE,even crave the sound that is heard when a hand connects with delicate flesh. How their cheeks burn and insitanious adrenalian rush.
 
Face slapping is something I consider an art form. It says so manythings, it brings out so many emotions. It can also be dangerous physically and emotionally in my opinion if done incorrectly.
 
It is something I could NEVER use as a punishment or within a scene without first having a lengthy discussion with my submissive/slave prior. The reality is many people including myself react very negatively to a face slap.
 
I would suggest if your going to explore this activity for the first time to take it slow. Try adding it to a rather heated scene.I would also suggest watching other's who intergrate face slapping into their scenes so that you can see the emotions it triggered and feel what happens and prepare you in some degree. Though I realize since you are also having an issue with networking with others involved in the alternative lifestyle this may be hard or impossible.
 
Remember the things we do within a scene or as punishment does not/should not dictate weather or not we are more or less dominate. Perhaps it simply means it's not for you?
 
 
 
 



< Message edited by nikaa -- 11/16/2006 5:17:00 PM >

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The Cherokee legacy is that we are a people who face adversity, survive, adapt, prosper and excel.


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RE: where do you go ? - 11/17/2006 1:14:41 AM   
firefey


Posts: 144
Joined: 1/25/2005
Status: offline 		what you're describing, canupleaseme, is pretty common.  you go about your life as a dominant, playing here, domming there, and one day you meet a sub that you find yourself romantically involved with.  suddenly those things you loved to do with someone you weren't emotionally invested in become hurtles to your pleasure.  there seems to be a trigger that love pulls, that makes us second guess ourselves.  unfortunatly the only advice i have to give is...get over it.

you both entered into this relationship, eyes wide open (i hope) to the ramifications.  trust me, you loosing that sence of self he loves about you is only going to confuse him.  and a confused sub is a bratty sub.  not that all bratty subs are confused mind you, just that a sub without their sence of place in the hierarchy of your life is going to act out.  give yourself permission to engage in whatever activity your mind can fathom.  he already has.

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